Enneagram Unleashed: Exploring the Depths of Personality with Tracy O’Malley

Welcome back, you guys, to the Butterfly Season podcast. I have, honestly, somebody that is so dear to me and so close to my heart and a lot of the reason why we even have the Butterfly Season podcast, and her name is Tracy o'. Malley. We talk about the Enneagram, but not, like, surface level bullshit. We get into, like, traumas. We get into, like, what the core fears are behind the different Enneagram types and how by understanding those, you don't repeat those cycles, just you and your personal life. But even generationally, for your family lineage, you might cry. I cried in the beginning. We have some people listening and watching right now that have also cried as we're recording. So, like, buckle up, because this one's wild.

Tracy, Aisha, this is a special moment because this is the Butterfly season podcast where we celebrate the beauty and the transformation and. And the transformation is cocoon season. Right. Like, happens in that time. And you were one of the biggest catalysts in my, like, most recent.

Earth shattering cocoon season. Yeah, you put such a lovely bow on what I was experiencing, what was happening. I had Lizzie on the podcast and we talked about codependency and all the things, and she just, like, in a nutshell, if you haven't listened to that podcast, one of the first ones listen to it. But she was just like, you're codependent. And I was, like, cute that you think that, but I was.

You were.

And you were able to pick up on how resistant I was to, like, Lizzie trying to tell me that I was codependent and getting me to, like, sign up for that. I was.

Yeah.

And it wasn't until you explained it that I realized, oh, shit, yeah, this is, like, this is me. And the reason why I'm telling you that this is such a special moment is because you. You, like, you, like, held all of that emotion in me so gently and, like, allowed me to. Wow, I'm getting emotional. Allowed me to, like, you know what I mean? Feeling it's in it. And, like, guide me through and not.

Be shamed by it.

And not be shamed by it. I'm, like, about to cry.

Let it rip.

So thank you for that.

My absolute freaking honor.

You. Yeah. So anyways, you are, like, Enneagram personality expert. I'm just gonna let the tears roll, let them go, because they're, like, getting caught up in here. So that's fine. So, side note, I was watching this TikTok about a therapist, was, like, I can tell, like, personality types, like, when they're in my office, and. And she was like, rifting on, like, astrology signs. And she was like, yeah, Pisces. Like, the tears just fall. They just keep talking. They never, like, say, like, oh, I'm crying.

I'm like, that's me. But back to you and personalities. You are, like, a wizard.

I am. I will own that.

You are a wizard at personalities.

Yeah.

Like, when I first figured out Enneagram stuff, I was like, okay, like, yeah, that's cool. Know about myself. But, like, you understand how personality types and how you might show up as a husband or wife and, like, how you can unpack and remove layers and, like, be your best self, but allowing this tool to, like, help you be your best self.

Yeah, you know, I. I've always kind of been a wizard in understanding personalities, and I didn't come by that from a good place. You know, I grew up in an alcoholic home where I had to kind of scan the scene and understand exactly what was about to happen based on an energy, a foot movement, a breath pattern, you know, and so I.

Can you unpack that? Because you've told me that several times on occasion in different scenarios. But I do think that for a lot of us, some of our big t. Trauma or, like, bigger traumas end up being what we're, like, absolutely skilled at as an adult.

Right. You know, it was life or death a lot of the time. And because I was the token kind of codependent in the house that was making sure dad was okay and happy, mom could at least get up out of bed, sister wasn't, like, causing shows everywhere she. She went, I needed to kind of play chess with all these players, and it is the thing I'm good at. But, you know, it was coming from this place of dysfunction and fight or flight. And why I fell in love with the Enneagram, though, is it kind of gave me framework to attach to it. Now, like, obviously, those are behaviors I saw. And the gift and the beauty of the Enneagram is it's rooted in psychology and motives and fears. But then, like, how we are dropped into the world and the experiences we have can shape how that gets expressed.

Right.

Right. And really, when I. When I found the Enneagram, I came into it kicking and screaming in my own cocoon season, and I was very resistant to it because I was like, I don't need freaking labels, and this is silly. Like, these are my problems. I need you to help me fix this. In my therapist. To my therapist in rehab, you know, like, it was not a shining moment in my life, and she was like, this might help you get out of the box that not only you've put yourself in, but the world has put you in. And your best thinking has gotten you here. So how about we, like, strip it down and take it to the foundation? And I was 40 at the time, so it's like, oh, okay, okay. But, like, that combination of being able to read, energy, a room, body language, combined now with the tool and doing it from integrity and with the proper intent, that's when I was able to leverage, you know, everything that I'd experienced. And I'm not somebody who believes that everything happens for a reason, because some heinous happens to really good people. And it's hard to make sense and. And even justify, even when you've seen goodness on the other side. Nobody wants to hear that when they're in cocoon season or in a shit storm. They don't. You're like, shut the up. Like, you're an asshole. Like, really. But I believe that anything that does happen, even the heinous, you can make something beautiful out of it. And so, you know, the perfect storm of the traumas, the experiences, the codependency, the alcoholism, the addiction, my own stuff with this tool, at the right time, with the right integrity and the right intent, now I can leverage all that. That I wanted to matter for something, for something good with people like you. And when I saw you and I saw Lizzie going in hot. You call us the one, two punch all the time. And I could sense that, like, she's not. Like, no matter how well intended Lizzie was in that moment, like, it wasn't landing for you, and you were resistant to it. And me picking up on that because we're a lot more alike than you may even know. Sometimes, like, in that vulnerability and the kind of public arena where it was happening, I could sense what was going on. So using those things that I've experienced, plus the leverage of a beautiful gift with a beautiful intent. And here we are. Yeah, in butterfly season, baby, I know.

So with respect to, like, help me help the listeners, watchers, wherever you're streaming, watching this, understand, like, what was it that you picked up on based off of my enneagram type?

Yeah, like, I knew you were three significance driven. Nothing wrong with that. Everybody in the heart triad, the twos, threes and fours, like, hate that. I don't want to be driven by significance. It's one of the human needs. You said heart triad, heart center of intelligence. So there's three different centers of intelligence. I would love to explain, like, why people need to understand the enneagram. And this will go in the way that I explain it. If you follow any other Enneagram people, you'll never hear it like this. It's why I'm different for sure. You know, we're gifted with this intuition and nervous system in the body, the ultimate vessel, Right. And ideally, that is the ultimate compass from a divine source, Right?

Yeah.

But so often we bypass out of that because of modeling, culture, upbringing, traumas. Right? And so when we get the hit from our intuition or our body's trying to tell us something, for most of us, we fight or flight out of it. We go to numb it, we go to pacify it, whatever. And that's where these parts of our personality come into play in default, Right? We can use our personality and all the sparkly parts of it while we're in our intuition, in our nervous system. But for most of us, we default into those coping mechanisms and behaviors to protect the biggest fear of our Enneagram type. And so, you know, with you being in the heart center of intelligence, I know you're motivated by significance. And as a three, you know, your biggest fear is not being the very best. And you're a social three, which means prestige. And where you fit in, in the collective is very, very important for you.

You know, when I hear that it's true, I know it doesn't feel like, great.

It's not a bad thing. You're. You're a world changer.

I'm about to cry again.

You're a world fucking changer.

But that doesn't feel great. Like, it feels like a vanity metric.

It's not.

You know what I mean?

A lot of threes. That's. That's default, which.

Okay, so it is the default. But I feel like. And we can, like, reconcile this, but I feel like it's those motivations that got me into a cocoon season in the first place.

Well, you're gonna have different stages of that, for sure.

Totally.

Yeah.

But I'm like, how do you not get the toxic.

Awareness? Yeah. And understanding that that's always going to be your blind spot. Just like my blind spot is my superpower. Like, I flex and I am a rock for people, and I'm. Why, like, you feel safe with me and protected and I've got your fucking back. Like, you feel that all the time.

That's probably why I'm crying.

That is also my kryptonite.

And it's.

I always have to be mindful. Am I doing what I do best for the Flex to prove to myself in the world that I'm strong, or am I doing it because I'm a rock for Aisha? Yeah. Where you. Am I doing this for the flex of significance, or am I doing this to show what's possible?

Yeah.

And you, my love, are showing what's possible. It's not a vanity metrics, but you're always gonna have to check it, and you have to take your own inventory. And there are times like, I'm like, yeah, you know, this is the beautiful thing to do for even my own children. And I'm like, honey, that's for the flex. And so when you meet that part of yourself, instead of hitting ourselves with guilt or shame or unworthiness, ego, we're human. And your environment, a lot of time reinforced the dysfunctional part of that.

Totally.

So meet that little girl inside of you with compassion. Of course you're going to do that. Of course. That feels really good to the ego. And, you know, if you do what you do, like, you're going to get that prestige and significance. But is that really what the motive I want that to come from?

Yeah.

So, like, it's your superpower and also your kryptonite, and it will always be your blind spot.

Yeah.

And so when you catch it where it's in the ego or whatever it is. Compassion.

Yeah.

And I. I know this, and I still catch myself in it because we're human.

Right?

Right.

I. You closed. You closed a loop for me. So I was introduced to the Enneagram, and I, you know, accolades and all of the things. Yes, that's a driving force. But when I realized I got the root of that was self worth, and I realized, okay, like, I have a low self worth. But I was like. I had, had. I was like, but I'm very confident. How does that even make sense? But they're two separate lanes. And so then I started to become resentful over the enneagram. 3. Personality type, accolade, driven. All of the things. Prestige, like, the appearance matters because I felt like it was just like a shell. Like, there was nothing on the inside. It was just, you know, on the outside. And then I started to think, I wonder if I'm a three. From, like, upbringing. And maybe I'm not actually a three. Maybe I'm something else. I'm just like a conditioned three. Because I'm trying to reconcile. You know what I mean?

Like, no, it's. It's a combination of, like, how it gets expressed in the world. I mean, eights, which is what I am. I mean, we're the biggest assholes on the Enneagram. And there are times like, absolutely. Like, we're domineering in a aggressive and mean and bullies. And like, those are some of the things that are said about an 8. And those can be very true if I'm not coming from love, compassion, empathy, service, grace and fun and innocence. Yeah, Right. But we can flip the script and. And looking at like, I think this is how I believe about the Enneagram. I do believe. And I've carried two babies in my belly and they were very, very different. Very different energetically. And I could feel their. Their spirit. And now, like, out in the world, they are very true to what they were. And I do believe we have this divine wiring and then we are Dr. Into a circumstance and how that gets expressed based on the conditioning or the reinforcements, like, can make it. I was wondering the same thing. I'm like, am I really still an 8? Yes, absolutely. And I think I came out of the womb fighting. I mean, I was almost born at seven months when my mom was pregnant. So I'm a fighter. Oh, you really know my gritty. And I'm going to show the world how strong I am, like, even in utero. So take that for what it's worth. Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with being a significance driven, prestige, loving enneagram3. Because you do. Like, I don't idolize many people and I don't put many people up on a pedestal. But seriously, you're one of the few that really, like, you inspire the fuck out of me. Not just in your soul and in your spirit and your work ethic and in what you do and how you do it so beautifully. But, like, I need you to. To dress me as well, so. So we'll just put that on the.

Yeah, yeah. We definitely have some like, fashion muse stuff. Like when I see you and like, I'm like, Tracy, pass the link. Pass the link to the outfit, please.

Really?

Yes. Especially when you do, like, baggy girl stuff. I'm, like, into that. Okay.

I'm very flattered.

I'm into that. So another thing, when you. This is just a little bit of affirmation, but. Affirmation. But I want to unpack. This morning in yoga, I had like, a download about, like, I've been having, like, dreams back to back. This is like, really weird, but I've been having dreams back to back about, like.

High school, like, childhood boyfriends, that I would be, like, competing for the guy with a random girl. But I would, like, look at the guy and be like, I don't even like you.

It's the win.

It's the win.

The end zone. It's the goal line.

I had two dreams back to back every night, and I'm like, why am I dreaming about past guys? Like, this feels, like, really weird. And then in yoga, I was like, okay, just gonna just sit with whatever's happening. And then I realized, like, how many things are we doing in life? That your desire to lose is stronger than your desire to be in alignment.

Yeah.

Your desire to win is stronger than your desire to be in alignment. And so you're just doing things to win, but you don't even. You don't even want the award.

No. And like, for threes, this will always be something you have to watch for. Is like, am I doing this for the goal line or am I doing this to honor the soul line? Right. Like, always kind of discerning that. And threes typically will do things they know they can win, like wanting the boyfriend, knowing, like, I can. I can take that guy from that girl. And like, you don't even want it, but it's just knowing you can and you can. Can do it well, right? Goal line, not the soul line. Right. So like I said, always going to be your thing. But it's what makes you amazing. Because when you do say, ah, that's about the goal line. And I'm going to, like, take a. Take a seat. And instead you say yes to the things that honor the soul line. Like, that's when we have change makers. Like, you really make their mark in the world. And you're going to recognize, like, would you do it if it wasn't measured? That's another question I tell threes, like, or if nobody saw you do it, would you still want to do it? You know, so you can kind of start asking your questions if your bullshit meter isn't, like, on point and you're justifying why you're yes ing this. Because I can justify why I'm gonna flex all day long. I can. And you know, for you, like, asking yourself all the time, if this wasn't measured or if nobody witnessed it, would I still want to do it? And if it's a no, then probably that's the goal line, not the soul line.

So I want to talk about fear for a little bit because I feel like it's at the root of a lot of things.

Fear.

Yes. And there are distractions that, like, masks fear, like, anger, whatever, you name it. There's just distractions, but really at the root of it is fear. How is understanding your Enneagram type not a restrictive. It's not restricting, it's actually empowering for you to like, peel back the layer of whatever the distraction is, but to address the fear. And then what does. What would integration even look like?

This is the beauty of the Enneagram, because we're more than just that type. There's, you know, just like, you know, our food and nutrition, we in the world we live in today, we got to supplement because our food isn't giving us everything we need.

Not giving what it's supposed to give.

No, it certainly is not. And. And your core Enneagram type isn't giving you everything you need either. So you need these supplements. And that's why the fruits framework, we're more than just the three for you. You've got wings, you've got an instinct, you've got lines that are growth and stress. We have a tri type, we've got all sorts of cool that can help us supplement when the three part of you is not the right.