In this solo Breakthrough podcast episode, host Travia Steward reflects on a recent graduation ceremony of her great‑niece at New Orleans’ NOCCA performing‑arts high school, where a former graduate, Hakeem Latham Holmes, delivered a commencement speech that resonated with the episode’s title: “Do not change who you are for what you want.” Travia uses this moment as a springboard to explore how people often feel pressured to alter their authentic selves—personality, values, or even core aspects like sexual identity—to gain acceptance, achieve goals, or please others. She shares a personal anecdote about disguising her femininity while teaching to be liked, illustrating the hidden cost of such compromises. Travia argues that lasting success, fulfillment, and happiness stem from embracing one’s unique, authentic identity, which is a strength rather than a liability. She differentiates healthy growth (expanding habits and skills) from a full‑scale transformation that replaces core identity, introducing the concept of “identity shifting” where habits change while the core self remains intact. To operationalize authenticity, she offers three practical prompts: (1) identify core values and what you stand for, (2) engage in regular self‑reflection to check alignment with your true self, and (3) feel empowered to say no to opportunities that conflict with your authentic self. The episode concludes with a reaffirmation that listeners are “enough” as they are, and that goals should reflect, not replace, their core identity.
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I'm Travia Steward, and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. Yo, what's up, my peeps? Happy Podcast Tuesday. So today is one of those days where I am feeling the inspiration coming from all different directions. So whenever I sit down to record a podcast episode, Sometimes it's just the one. I'm like, eh, yep, I, I'm only feeling this one today. Today is an example of me feeling several, and I'm, you know, focusing on and receiving these intuitive hits that I'm getting. Do a podcast on this, do a podcast on that, that kind of thing. So today, this episode, I just finished watching on Zoom, of course, because this took place in New Orleans I just finished watching my great niece, and they graduated from NOCCA, which is a performing arts high school in New Orleans. And so they're graduating a year early at the age of just turning 17, as a matter of fact. And this is someone who is so naturally gifted, you know, taught themselves how to play the ukulele, taught themselves how to play the piano, Wintonoka, um, in graphic design, is a, you know, brilliant artist. And so all the things— so I was encouraged and just so inspired by their, their achievement and how focused and quick they were able to get there and do it. So I just want to shout out congratulations to Miles. And so as I dive into the core part of this episode, during the graduation they had a speaker. His name is— he's a graduate of NOCA, and his name is Hakeem Latham Holmes, and he came back to deliver the commencement speech. And one thing that he said stuck with me, which is the title of this episode: do not change who you are for what you want. And so when we think about life, we think about the choices that are put before us, we think about our ambitions, and most importantly, our identities. Have you ever found yourself at, you know, a crossroads where you felt the need to alter your true self, your true identity, to achieve a particular goal or desire? You know, how many times have you tried to change yourself or even just your personality in order to achieve something or to please someone else. You see, I believe that it's a natural instinct to want to fit in, right, to be accepted. But when we focus on that, we sacrifice our true selves in the process, and then we may end up losing more than we gain in this process. And so today I'm talking about a very specific type of change, the kind of change that contradicts your core beliefs, values and your core identity. Now, my work as a coach is all about shifting an identity, but I don't mean shifting who you are. I mean shifting your habits, your behaviors. Who do you need to become in a sense of how you're showing up? But if you're someone who has a core value in your, you know, sexual identity, we don't sacrifice that. Now it's easier for me to sit here and record this episode and, and say this, you know, hindsight is 20/20, because I'm definitely someone who for most of, of her life changed for what I wanted. I changed who I was, how I dressed when I was a high school teacher, because I wanted to be accepted and I wanted my students and my coworkers to view me as someone, you know, who was probably more feminine. And that was, you know, not who I was. And so there were lots of times when I withheld some things. I hid my truth, you know, for, you know, when I felt a lot of shame and I allowed circumstances in society to dim who I was, to dim my light. And so life has a funny way of presenting us with opportunities, right? Sometimes they come with a price. You know, there are times when we're asked to compromise our values, to alter our personality, or pretend to be someone you're not, which exactly— which is exactly what I'm talking about from my point of view. No one was asking me to pretend to be someone I'm not, that I wasn't, but I was concluding that in order to be loved, in order to be accepted, in order to feel enough, I needed to pretend to be someone I wasn't. And so here's the truth. Today I can say with clarity that lasting success, happiness, fulfillment never ever comes from denying our true selves, because it's our uniqueness, our individuality, it's our authentic selves. And these are our strengths, they're not liabilities, they're our greatest assets. And when we try to squeeze ourselves into a mold that doesn't fit, we're not only doing ourselves a disservice, but we're robbing the world of our unique contribution. You know, our unique strengths. And so I believe that every person's core, who they are at their core, is a gift. You know, it took me a long time to realize that who I was at my core was a gift because I didn't want to be someone who turned people off, who, who wasn't okay with, with my sexuality, who wasn't okay with how I lived my life. But you know what? I know who I am in my heart. I know the value that I bring to relationships. I know the value that I bring to this world. And so I'm never going to lose sight of that ever again. And I want you to think about those moments in your life when maybe you have lost sight of who you are and what you want in order to get something that was outside of your control, outside of your grasp, in order to chase a goal or a dream. You know, because at what point of achieving that goal do we allow ourselves to continue to lose ourselves along the way? And journeys and goals are supposed to bring us closer to our true selves, not farther away. You see, with our identity, with our core values, these are the things that absolutely make us unique. They are You know, when we stay true to ourselves, we, we find a more full sense of fulfillment in our achievements because it's like we didn't pretend that we were someone else. We didn't pretend to be something else in order to get it. But we also bring a unique value to the world that no one else can. No one else has my story. No one else has my exact strength. No one else shows up exactly the way I show up. And so who I am at my core has become my greatest strength. And so that doesn't mean we don't ever evolve and grow, because we absolutely should, because if we're not growing, we're dying. And growth is an integral part in human nature. But you see, it's crucial to know the difference between growth and a complete transformation of your core self to attain a goal. Growth should be an expansion or an evolution of who you are, not a full replacement. And so we want to become better versions of our— we want to become better versions of ourselves, but we don't want to evolve, you know, in a sense to where we're morphing into something else entirely. Because true growth is about building on who you are, not abandoning yourself for that ambition. It's about finding a way to achieve your goals while staying true to your core, your core values, your core beliefs. It's about alignment, not just your dreams and goals, but with your authentic self. Now, you guys hear me talk a lot about identity shifting. What I mean and how I'm differentiating is I can still be who I am but I'm gonna shift the part of my identity. If I wanted to go and become an Olympic athlete, well, my habits and my goals and how I show up and the things that I'm doing every single day do not align with an Olympic athlete. So I will shift that part of my identity, but I will always be who I am at my core. And so the first thing I want you to do is think about What are your core values? What are the things that are most important to you? What do you stand for? What matters the most to you? These are your guiding lights in the world. And then I want you to— I want to encourage you to always engage in self-reflection. Check in with yourself frequently and ask, am I staying true to who I am? And do I like who I am? And am I able to fully express who I am in all situations? And that is part of my— you guys have heard me say it before— that's my first declaration. I, Travia Steward, am proud, powerful, and fully expressed in all areas of my life. So when those moments come up where I feel like I can't be fully expressed, I know that I'm in the wrong place. I know that these are not my people. And then third, I want you to understand that it's okay to say no to opportunities that do not align with your true self. And saying no doesn't mean you're losing out. It just means that you are staying true to your path. You are following your intuitive hits. So your unique qualities, as a reminder, are your strengths. They're my strengths, because we all have unique strengths and talents that make us who we are. And when we try to change ourselves to fit in or to please other people, we often suppress those strengths, which in turn can hinder our growth and evidently, and eventually, our success. So by embracing our true selves, we can, you know, harness our unique gifts, and we want to use those and integrate them to help us become successful, propel us forward. So just as a last reminder, that your value is not determined by your achievements, but, but by the authenticity that you bring to your life, into the world. What is it that you're leaving? What is a legacy? Not in material things, but in the lives that you impacted, in the lives that you touch, in the lives that you connected with. So you, me, we don't need to alter who we are at our core for what we want. Rather, we want to align what we want with who we are. So as I wrap up today's episode, I want to leave you with this one thought: you are enough. Just as you are, your dreams and goals should be a reflection of you at your core. All right, my peeps, thank you so much for tuning in. Don't forget to subscribe, review and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, and please share this. If you're finding value, share this, this link to the podcast so that more people can find the podcast and it can continue to grow. So, all right, my peeps, happy Podcast Tuesday. Until next week.
