Your mind creates your future | Video 2

In the last video, we named something. What you're dealing with isn't just a random situation, and it's not bad luck. It's not, you know, your personality. It's not some very specific situation. It's a pattern. We all know that it's been running much longer than any of us realize. What I want to talk about in this video is why changing the situation, the environment, the people, it doesn't fix it. We all know that we've started over, right? You've started over, right? A new set of friends, a different city, different country, clean slate. And I bet somewhere around month like 4, 5, something like that, you felt it again. That same feeling, those same default actions, that same pattern that followed you. So today I want to show you exactly what followed you. One of my clients that I worked with, high achiever, you know, executive in her company, smart, You know, I mean, climbing that ladder, making a lot of money, doing, I think, what she thought was all the right things. But what I recognized and what she knew was that she was exhausted. The kind of exhaustion that comes from you're working on the weekends and you're justifying to everyone, your family, your friends, why you need to keep working on the weekends. And you're taking on more because you think it's what your immediate boss or the company really needs from you, because after all, you're You were paid a huge salary to come here and take this job. Now, of course, it just means more work for you. At least that's what the survival rule says. That's what the default pattern teaches you. So before you even realize, once this catches up in like month, maybe even 3, before you can even think about it, you go home on the weekends and you'd keep it all up. You would say yes to these things. Pile more on your own plate and then justify it. Tell yourself, this is just what I have to do when I'm at this level. In that moment, I asked her something and I said, okay, let's dig into this. Let's uncover what's really happening. Because I've done this work, because this is the work I do with all my clients, I knew automatically that it was a pattern. I knew it was one of her default sentences, if not the absolute main default sentence, I knew that it was something we needed to dig into, that it was a rule, a survival rule that she was evidently operating from. We use this tool in my coaching that I call a default sentence identifier. So when I use the default sentence identifier with her, we looked at situations where she kept saying yes, where she kept agreeing to things. We looked at the action she was taking that was on autopilot.. We looked at how she was justifying these things, and through a series or a process, we boiled it down to one sentence, one rule, one pattern: that no matter how much I do, it's never enough. That was her rule. And the second she said it out loud, she looked at me, she said, oh my God, holy shit. That's why I keep agreeing to all this stuff. That's why I keep taking on my team members' work when I don't feel like it's good enough. That's why I keep working on the weekends, justifying how much I need to keep working on the weekends because No matter how much I do, it's never enough. So I said, okay, this rule is running your work life, but I'm curious, where else do you think it's showing up? She thought about it because generally the rule doesn't just stay at work. In her life, it was at home too. She said, yes, no matter how much I do for my family, it just never seems to be enough. Making my kids lunches, doing all these things for my husband. We go on dates. We do all the things. I, you know, watch things while he plays golf with his buddies, and then I'm exhausted and it's 2 in the morning and I'm finishing up sending and responding to emails because no matter how much I do, it just never seems like it's enough. So it's the same rule, different situation. Here's why this actually matters. This is why starting over doesn't work, because you don't bring that choice into a new situation on, on purpose, you bring that pattern, you bring that survival rule. And again, it doesn't care where you are, doesn't care who you're talking to, it doesn't care how much money you make, doesn't care that you started fresh, doesn't care that you promised yourself next time would be different, because it lives inside of how you operate, how you show up. Not in the situation, not in who you're talking to, but inside of you. So again, we can change the job, but we'll bring the rule with us. We can change the relationship, but the rule comes with us. We can change the new city, the new country, start over, begin again, begin new— the rule comes with us. That same pattern plays out in different ways because it's always running in the background, and that's why it follows you. It's always running. And that's why it doesn't matter how many times you change something until you see the pattern clearly. It just keeps operating in every situation, every different context, every new beginning. So think about this. What if the rule you've been operating from is one that you're not aware of yet? And it's not something that you even decided. It may be something you learned a long time ago about, you know, who you had to be, what you needed to do. Because when we look at it, there are things that we all did growing up that we thought we learned we needed to do to make friends and keep friends. There were things that we all did when we wanted to stay out of trouble. We wanted to impress someone. There were things that we all do— did when we wanted to be rewarded. By something. And so that's just one— a couple of the places that you can look, because your rules, your survival rules, form somewhere in that equation. So even in— so then it becomes, even in a new job, different relationship, fresh start, the rule always surfaces. So it's a different situation playing out, but same rule, because that's what you learned as a kid. That's what you learn how to make and keep friends. That's what you learn on how to get rewarded. That's how you learn to stay out of trouble. Does this land for you? I mean, does any of this seem familiar? Like, is it bringing up thoughts? I know that when I first recognized this pattern in myself, it changed so much about how I show— how I showed up in every area of my life. So the fact that you're recognizing this again is evidence. It's evidence that something inside of how you operate needs to shift. Not the situation, not the people, not the environment, not the job. Something inside of you in your operating system needs to shift. But that's only if you wanna change this thing. And I am someone who can help you spot this pattern. Shift this pattern, create a different response from that trigger to behavior so that it's a different type of reward. So here's what we know now. The pattern isn't just with a situation. It's not just with certain people. It's not in a place. It's a survival rule. And the rule moves and goes with you in all situations. It moves with you. It shows up in different areas of your life. The rule sometimes changes a little bit of how it looks. At work, it may look like I am overdelivering, I am overfunctioning in all ways. In relationships, it may look like maybe you are silently, secretly resenting something that you wish you would have spoken up for in your marriage. Maybe it, it's looking like, you know, silence in conversations that you're having with your friends. Different situations, but same rule. No matter how much I do, it's never enough. How is this thing showing up for you? Drop your answer down in the comments. Again, I read every single one. Be on the lookout for the next video. It's called The Situation Isn't the problem. This is. And once you see how the rule disguises itself across different situations that, that, you know, motivates us to justify why we keep doing this, I, I think things will begin to make sense for you because I know it made sense for me and for my clients. All right, catch video 3 when it drops.