Are You Lying to Yourself? 5 Hidden Signs to Watch For

Every single day you make decisions based on how you want to show up in your life, how you want to dress, how you want to talk, how you interact with people. And most people think those choices are what they actually honestly want, but what most people don't realize is that those decisions are based on who they think they should be instead of who they actually are. So in this video, I want to share with you 5 signs you are being who you think you need to be instead of who you actually want to be, and then how to start making those decisions that actually feel more honest and true to you. I'm Travia Steward, I'm an identity and performance coach. If you want more content like this, hit that like and follow button. So the first sign, you make decisions based on what you think you should do. Should being the operative word in that sentence. You often think, like, you start things, well, well, if I want to do that, I should do this. If I want to feel this way, I should do that. And then we ignore what we really want in certain situations, especially around certain people. You do what feels expected instead of what you actually to do. So instead of doing things that you think you should do, I want you to ask yourself, what would I actually choose if no one expected anything from me and I could actually do what I wanted to do? The second sign is that when you actually do what you want to do, you feel guilty because sometimes there are repercussions, sometimes there's consequences, sometimes people treat you differently for actually having an opinion. You think about their opinion first The next time you even try to do something that you actually want to do, you worry about being judged and criticized. You basically change yourself to fit in. I know I did that for years and years and years, wearing things that I didn't want to wear, that didn't feel natural to me, like feminine clothes did not feel natural to me, but I did it because I thought it was something that was expected of me. I wanted to make other people happy. I did it because I considered their feelings and expectations more than I did my own opinion. Number 3, you take care of everyone else's needs before your own, which means you put yourself last. If you were standing in line to get something like at a water fountain, everyone else is in front of you, whether it's your kids, your friends, your loved ones, your congregation, whoever it is, but everyone else is in front of you. And by the time you get that drink to fill your cup, you're pouring from an empty cup. You're always putting yourself last, which means it's people pleasing. You find it hard to actually say no to something, you know, because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Basically what that looks like is you feel responsible for how other people feel, especially the ones closest to you. So instead of that, I want you to ask yourself, what do I need right now in this moment to fill my cup so that I can pour from a full cup instead of this leaky glass or cup? And then sign number 4, you worry too much about what other people think. And this goes hand in hand with the top 3. Because you worry so much about what other people think, choosing yourself, your opinion, what really feels true to you feels wrong. You feel guilty for choosing yourself over doing something with loved ones, over doing something with friends, over resting when people want to go out and hang out and you want to do these things. You question your own decisions. So instead of doing those things, I want you to ask yourself, what do I really want to do? And what would I do if I didn't care about what other people think? Number 5, the fifth sign is you don't really know what you want. You know what you should want based on what your family, society, your kids, your friends, all these people You know what you should want, but you don't know what you actually want. So when someone asks you, what do you want to do with the rest of your life? What do you want to eat? What do you want to— what do you want to do this weekend? You don't really know because you allow other people to make those decisions for you. You allow other people to choose so that you don't have to. Simple choices, simple everyday choices feel difficult to you because you don't know what you want. So instead of these things, I want you to start asking yourself, throughout the day. What do I really want? So when someone asks you something, when it's time to take a next— the next step, it's time to make a decision, whether it's what clothes you're putting on, what you want to eat for dinner, where you want to go this weekend, what activity you want to do, I want you to ask yourself, what do I actually want purely based on my interests and needs and what I actually want to do? Not what my kids want to do, not what my husband or wife wants to do, What do I want to do? And there you have it, the 5 signs. If you recognize yourself in some of these signs, maybe all 5, maybe 1 or 2 of them, that's a great place to start. Because most of us in our life become who we think we need to be without even realizing it and stopping to think, because we've been practicing this and perfecting this identity for decades. But the good news is, is once you can see it, once you become aware of it, you can start choosing differently. All it takes is one new decision every time it's time to make one. So the next time you catch yourself asking, "What should I do?" I want you to ask instead, "What do I want to do? What is true for me?"