129. When life throws you lemons, how do you respond? | Breakthrough

I'm Travia Steward and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. Happy Podcast Tuesday, my peeps. As I am sitting and recording this podcast episode, I'm recognizing that I am feeling refreshed, reinvigorated, rejuvenated, because I've spent a little time within the past week or so getting more rest, like really focusing on my energy level. And sometimes, you know, you gotta, you gotta take a step back, you gotta recalibrate so that you can be at your best. And one of the things that I always know about myself is I will go and go and go and go and just keep going on that adrenaline and not give myself the adequate rest. So I am feeling so refreshed, so energized today. And the topic that's on my mind that I would love to talk about is navigating life's unexpected changes, because This, a little bit of what's on my mind with this episode still lingers a little bit from last week's episode, "Are You an Energy Drainer?" And so when we're talking about navigating life's unexpected changes, that can also go hand in hand with, are you an energy drainer because you're always stuck in reliving some of these past events? And, you know, people are like, move on already, right? So, you know, overall, life has a funny way of, you know, surprising us, keeping us on our toes. And just when we think, you know, we figured it out, we've gotten comfortable with the familiar, something unexpected comes along, knocks us, you know, sometimes on our butts, sometimes, you know, off our plan. But you know what? We all know that life is an ever-changing journey, which is filled with moments that will always catch us off guard. Now again, I don't pretend to be the know-it-all guru who has all of these answers. In this episode, I want to just challenge you to look at a different perspective. Let's look at a different angle. So even if we're talking about whether it's a sudden career shift or it's the end of a relationship, or maybe it's even a major health challenge, Unexpected changes, you know, has a tendency to leave us lost and, and scared and uncertain about the future and what's to come. But sometimes we end up staying there and not really moving out of that space. So today I just want to introduce another perspective because these unexpected twists and turns are like sometimes being on a roller coaster. And you know what? It's okay when we're on a roller coaster to scream and throw our hands up in the air sometimes. Well, in life we can do that too, but we don't want to throw our hands in the air and scream for the rest of our lives on that roller coaster, you know, because change often gets a bad rap because we tend to get comfortable with, you know, the routine, the familiar things in life. We want to keep doing what we've always done, but we all know that life is not a, a straight line. It's not, you know, let's go here to get there. I mean, there's going to be some things that are thrown all all of our ways. There's going to be ups and downs, and so it's natural for us to feel scared. It's natural for us to feel, you know, a huge amount of resistance to change. But it's also important to remember that change can lead to some incredible personal growth, and new opportunities can come out of that change if we are willing to embrace it. And so that's where I want to focus our time today is talking about the moment when change actually knocks on your door and it's probably uninvited. It could be a new job. You know, if we remember, you know, the last time you stepped foot into a new job, was there nerves? You know, was it excitement? Was it a huge level of uncertainty? You know, again, because we are uncertain about how that thing is going to go, so there usually is, you know, the anticipation sometimes gets a negative rap, sometimes gets a bad rap because we have no idea what to expect. But I want to challenge you when you're stepping into that new area, especially a job, I want you to go in it with a huge level of courage. Like you're at, you know, Six Flags, you're at, you know, um, Disney World for the very first time, and taking that leap of faith with a positive attitude, with, and you know, the, the attitude of, you know what, I'm just gonna go with the flow. I'm gonna take these loops and turns and twists of the job, and I'm gonna learn I'm going to adapt and I'm going to be able to grow from it. Because after all, you probably, if you were leaving one job for another, we don't want to take a, we don't want to always take all that baggage from that last job. Now bring it to the new job and you have the same similar problems. So we want to leave that packed bag at that old job so that we can ride the roller coaster while gaining confidence with each turn. That's going to help us in our present role, right? So now when we talk about even relationships, right now, we know relationship is not just a straight line from A to Z. Here we are, we find, you know, the girl or the boy that we like, and we get married, we have kids, we have the, the house with the picket fence and 2.5 kids and a 3-car garage, all the things, right? And that just happened so perfectly. And by the time it happens and you're done, life is over and I've had a perfect life. Well, I don't know anyone that that's actually happened for, right? And so when we're talking about especially relationships, this is probably the best one, the best experience that we could have in life, because life is about connecting with other people. Life is about relationships, and it's about the impact, and it's how can we ride that relationship roller coaster even when we feel like we've been thrown from the cart, even when we feel like we've been kicked off of, you know, the ride. But how can we go, you know what, I'm going to, I'm going to get back up on my feet, I'm going to get back on that ride, or you know what, I'm going to create my own ride, a new ride, because I don't have to keep riding those same tracks of that relationship. And so many of us, you know, are blindsided by things that happen in relationships. You know, maybe it's the guy isn't who he— you thought he was. You fell in love with this guy. Now, for instance, he's cheated on you. And so that can leave you feeling some kind of way about, am I good enough? Is this what I deserve? And so how can we use that example of Maybe that's one door closing so that— maybe that person wasn't your perfect partner. That door closing so that another door can open. Because oftentimes we have to get rid of— we have to make space for the things that are coming and evolving in our lives. And that's embracing change. That's navigating the change of a relationship and going, you know what, maybe this past relationship was good when it was good. It was, this is as good as that relationship is going to get. And then, you know, we, we mourn the relationship. We celebrate the good parts of the relationship and we mourn, you know, for a short time that this relationship is coming to an end so that we can pack it away and go, okay, that's now a part of my past. How can I use what I've learned from that relationship that will now help me going into my new relationship. That's this new door that's been opened where I am going to be a better version of myself in this relationship. And so when we also think about, you know, maybe health, health problems and challenges that unexpectedly, you know, are thrown our way, which can be tough, no doubt, you know, I'm not sitting here trying to put a Band-Aid on things. But I know I'm a firm believer that life happens for us. And there's sometimes, you know, things happen that are really, really shitty. And I get that. But as long as I have breath in my lungs, I want to always be the person who can make lemonade out of lemons. I want to always be the person who can see the gratitude in a situation. I remember when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and immediately when you hear the C word, it's like, oh my God, this thing happened to me and my life is over, blah, blah, blah, blah, all the things. And you guys have heard me talk about this before, that I feel like breast cancer, once I was able to process it, happened for me. And that was a tough moment in my life. That I believe shaped me, helped to shape me even more into who I am today and how I show up than so many of the other past experiences. And so that experience, that journey, taught me so many important lessons, taught me to look for the silver lining in situations, taught me to appreciate you know, brighter days ahead. Taught me to appreciate the strength and the wisdom that I had gained from that experience, you know, and taught me to show up in a way that I didn't give two shits about what other people were thinking of me, are thinking of me, but show up as my proud, powerful, and fully expressed version of myself. And ultimately what I had done was I had shifted my mindset from one of victimhood to one of empowerment. And recognizing that every experience, even if it's a bad experience, you know, it's a very challenging experience, it's an unexpected experience, it holds within us an opportunity for personal evolution and personal transformation. And so going through these situations, we want to start acknowledging that change is an inevitable part of life, and we resist it because of the fear of the unknown. And we believe that because this thing changed, our plans are being derailed. I can no longer accomplish what I set out to accomplish. But again, I'm challenging you to shift your perspective, to understand that, you know, there are lots of times when life changes can teach us valuable lessons and we open ourselves up to new possibilities. And we can do this by cultivating gratitude, because sometimes when we actually step outside of that situation and look at it, things are not as bad as we seem because we can't read the label on the outside of the box, on the outside of the bottle. And so gratitude helps us shift our focus away from what we've lost, away from what has changed. You know, when I think about gratitude, when I think about energy drainers or, you know, energy invigorators, I just spent some time with, you know, this, this, uh, you know, lady, you know, her name is, you know, she's Aunt Georgia and, um, She's 87 years old, and I tell you what, she has more zest for life than some 32-year-olds, some of my friends. Like, she laughs, she wants to talk, she wants to hang out. You know, we will have beers, we will drink, you know, some wine. You know, we even do a little, a few gummies here and there. But you know what? She is so full of life even after she's lost her husband, even after, you know, all these things that are thrown her way. She is an example of someone who is continuing to live her best life at 87, you guys, you know. And on the other hand, you know, we look at people who are, you know, like my mother who passed when she was 85, and oh, she was focused on was the regret of she, you know, didn't live the life that she wanted to live. And sometimes, you know, we have these health challenges that are thrown our way. You know, maybe we're not as mobile, maybe we're not moving as much as we want to move. But you know what? I want to always have this, this attitude about life and be positive and go, when I'm 80, when I'm 87, I don't want to focus on that I can't go play pickleball anymore. I don't want to focus on that I can't go jump up and down and get on the bike and go to the gym and throw up, you know, heavy weight. I hope that when I'm 87, I am the life of the party like Aunt Georgia. I hope that I am spirited. I hope that I am full of life and energy and still living each day to the absolute fullest. And so what I want to leave you with is it's okay when these things happen that we feel those emotions and that we mourn the loss of who we used to be. But it's even more important to go, how can I now learn from what has happened? How can I now go into this next chapter, whether that's tomorrow, whether that's next week? Being a better, bigger version who can now— who has now adapted to life's changes, unexpected twists and turns of that roller coaster ride. How can I now take that into my future in exploring uncharted territory, forging even new connections, even discovering maybe new passions? Because sometimes we're forced to pivot. How can we embrace the unknown with curiosity, with a willingness to learn from what we've been through? By finding that unexpected, that unexpected change is now becoming a catalyst for professional and personal growth. And so last, just remembering the present moment. Remembering that when we go back and think about what was, we're living in the past. Living in the past often causes us to feel sad and depressed. We can do our best by going, let's bring it to the present and go, what can I be thankful for? What can I have a strong sense of gratitude for? No one knows, you know, the exact amount of time that we have on this earth, but we do know that the moment that you have right now is worth living to its fullest. The moment that you have right now is worth not going back to the past with regret. The moment that you have right now is priceless, and we can't ever get those moments back. And so we want to focus on the present moment. We want to focus on gratitude. As we face unexpected changes, we don't want to get caught up in the worries and the regrets about the past, but we do want to get caught up on the exhilaration of what is possible in an hour, tomorrow, next week. So true transformation happens when we anchor ourselves in the present moment, not when we're looking back in the past. We want to engage in activities that, that fill us up, that fill us up and bring joy to our lives, to other people's lives, rather than being the victim of past and of what life used to be and what was. So today I am challenging you to leave the past in the past and to go out there with a newfound sense of love, a sense of connection, a sense of vitality for what you have today, for what you can have tomorrow. And I challenge you to find that better, that best version of who you're being today so that you can become the person you really wanna be and the person you were created to be. All right, my peeps. So my peeps, if you are receiving value from this podcast, I would love for you to go to Apple iTunes and leave a review, because again, it helps more people find the podcast so I can help more people, help and impact more people on this earth, so that we're not the only ones living our best life, but we can help our family, our friends, our coworkers all find that best version of themselves so that we can all improve this world that we're living in, so that we can all begin to live and unleash our potential that so many of us are still holding back, tamping down. All right, my peeps, have a most fantastic, beautiful rest of your week. Talk next week.