131. No more thinking you’re not enough | Breakthrough

I'm Travia Steward and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. My peeps, happy Fourth of July, happy Independence Day! I hope you have started your day off to a great a great start and you know, you're spending time with the people that you most wanna spend time with. And if you're listening to this episode later in the week, I hope you are having a most fantastic week. So today I wanna get into something that again is on my mind. And so this is a conversation that if I were talking to one person, this conversation is for a friend of mine. And so we've had this conversation before, but it's almost like I want it to be a reminder so that when she's in this thought spiral, I want her to have a reference to go to so that it helps her to get out of it. So let's go ahead and dive deep into this topic of Feeling enough. And how do we feel enough in a world that is full of comparisons? You know, I know that there's so many times I compare myself to other people. You know, I go to the gym regularly. I go to the gym several times a week, and I look around in the gym, and I look at other people's bodies. I look at their physique, and it's always, you know, a semblance of comparing myself to what I could have and what I could be. And because I'm aware of my thinking, the majority of the time I'm able to catch it to make sure this comparison that I'm doing, is it helping me or is it hindering me and keeping me in a spiral, right? Of not feeling good enough. So we all know that it's common, like it's human tendency to to compare ourselves to others. We look around and we can't help but notice the things that other people have achieved, how much money other people have, what kind of cars they're driving, how they look, how they dress, their level of success, you know, even their bodies, like at the gym. We might also catch ourselves reminiscing about our younger and, dare I say, more thin selves right back in the day. We're like, oh my goodness, when I was in my 20s, it was perfect. When I was still playing sports, my body was perfect. How can I get back to that? And so it's always a state of constant comparison that sets us up for a never-ending cycle of feeling not good enough, of feeling inadequate. And so here's the thing, even when I'm at the gym and I'm looking at other bodies, comparing ourselves to other people rarely brings us any kind of happiness or fulfillment, right? It leaves us just feeling bad about ourselves, feeling bad about any progress that we've made. And it helps to increase the level of self-doubt, increase our insecurities. And then we look around and find evidence of how we're still not good enough. So if we're gonna take a step back, I want us to remind ourselves of a powerful truth that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. You are exactly where you're supposed to be in the body, in the job, in the relationship. And so when we constantly measure ourselves up against other people, we forget to even appreciate our own unique journey. We forget that we're on a path with our own set of challenges and our own set of victories. So I want to ask you, what are you measuring yourself to? Is it someone else's success? Their body, how they're raising their kids, how they're not raising their kids, that they have kids, that they don't have kids. Are you measuring yourself to societal expectations that are imposed upon you, that are imposed upon all of us? So it's important to recognize that this comparison can be a positive force in your life, you know, if we're comparing ourselves to other people in a way that inspires us, in a way that motivates us, in a way that helps us to appreciate our achievements, well then that's a vote for the future you want to create. That's a vote for these are positive thoughts that's going to help me feel better about myself. It's not going into the dump tank of not good enough, of unworthiness, of insecurity. And we can use this to encourage ourselves and be a source of inspiration and motivation and drive to continue going down a path in which we really want to No. So here's the key. I want you to really think about the next time you're comparing yourself, if it genuinely inspires you, if it's something that you can appreciate and really feel good about. And if the answer is no, this is an opportunity for you to understand your own mind and how those thoughts are working against you. And dive deeper into the reasons why you continue to, to compare yourself and to purposely choose thoughts that are not helping you to feel empowered, to feel inspired. And so what about the example of when our significant other chooses someone else? What if, you know, you're in a relationship and the relationship doesn't work out and you feel like you were not their choice. And it may, and you know, and, and then you're motivated to feel like I'm not good enough because I wasn't chosen in this situation. And so in the situation, it's understandable that it can lead to questioning our worth, questioning, you know, that we feel inadequate. But we have to remind ourselves that we are valuable and that we are not defined by someone else's choices, because we cannot, as much as we try to, we cannot control other people and their choices and their actions and the things that they do. And so feeling good enough, feeling worthy and enough starts with full self-acceptance. Embracing our own uniqueness, remembering first of all that we are all— you are, I am— extraordinary individuals with our own sets of great talents, with our own sets of experiences, with our own sets of dreams, with our own unique stories that no one else has. And it's essential to recognize and celebrate all of our strengths, no matter how big or small they may be. And in, in activating this level of self-acceptance, we pat— we practice some self-compassion with ourselves. We treat ourselves with kindness, understanding that we're human and we're bound to make mistakes. We're bound to compare ourselves, but it's getting yourself out of that situation, out of that thought spiral, that puts you back on a path, puts you back on the track that you really want to go, because the train will always go where the tracks are laid. I love that saying. So your thinking will take you down the track that you're laying for yourself. And if it's a track of inadequacy, if it's a track of not feeling good enough, that's the way that train will run. And so when you think about negative self-talk that creeps up into your mind, we want to notice it and then replace it with compassion and encouraging words. Remind yourself that you deserve love and respect, both from others but more importantly from yourself. It's important to not believe that negative self-talk in your mind because if you actually Listen to those thoughts. And let's say you wrote those thoughts down. Are they true? This is Byron Katie work. Is it true? Is it true that you're not good enough? Is it true that you're inadequate? Is it true that you're not skinny enough? Is it true? And all of these things are comparisons based on other people's measurements, and it still keeps us measuring ourself against other people. And so one of the most important things to remember in this situation is that we have the power to write our own story. We have the power to shape our own narrative. We have the power to make those— these comparisons mean anything because we don't have to share in our inner thoughts with everybody. We don't have to write down the diary and then put it on the social, right? On Instagram, on Facebook, on the, the tick of the tock. We don't have to do that. This is your narrative that you can shape for your benefit. You know, a narrative that's gonna help inspire you to be a better version of yourself. So instead of dwelling on the thoughts of not being enough, instead of dwelling on the inadequacies, maybe we can use these comparisons as opportunities for growth and self-reflection by asking ourselves, what can we learn from this experience? How can we become a better version of ourselves? And you know, when it comes down to a relationship, if the relationship is built on shallow looks and shallow things like this, then, you know, does that truly matter? Is that the relationship that you actually want to be in? And above all else, reminding yourself that you are whole, you are complete just as you are, regardless of who chooses you or not. A couple of weeks ago, I was hanging out with some friends and we were talking about this thing like, who would you be if you could be anybody? And my Shelly said, you know, I would be Megan Thee Stallion. And then because she said Megan Thee Stallion, I thought I had to say like a rapper, you know? And I was like, oh, Nicki Minaj. And I love Nicki Minaj. And so my friend Kathy was like, I don't really have anybody. I don't know. And so for a moment it was, why can't I think of anybody? And then shortly after that, Kathy says, well, maybe there's someone out there who wants to be like me. Whoa! Mind blown, right? It blew my mind that night because she flipped it in such a positive, such a positive reframing kind of way. To where she was shaping her own narrative. And so, as I begin to wrap up, I want us to all release the burden of comparison and embrace the beauty of our own independent and individual journeys. I want us to all focus on appreciating our unique qualities, celebrating all of the achievements that we've made, so that it can help nurture and form positive thoughts in our minds. Because one of my— the things that I love to remind myself about is that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, and life is happening for me, and my journey is unfolding exactly as it should. So remind yourself that you are exactly where you're supposed to be. And your journey is unfolding exactly as it should. Now, what also helps is surrounding yourself with a supportive and uplifting community that's going to echo those sentiments right back to you. We want to seek out relationships with people who value and appreciate us for who we are, not that we have to become, you know, someone that we don't want to become in that relationship, someone that we are not proud of. We want to surround ourselves with positive influences that help us, you know, to foster a sense of belonging and people that reinforce the belief that we're good enough, that we're loved, we're appreciated just as we are. And so taking care of your physical and mental well-being, we want that to be of importance. We want to engage in activities that bring you joy, activities that, you know, nourish your soul, that just make you laugh and feel good, and practicing self-care rituals that will recharge your energy. And so, because, you know, mental health is, is huge, it's 2023, and if you turn on the TV, you turn on the news, within the first 5 minutes there will be some story, some segment about our mental health because it's that important. And so when you think about what you prioritize in your life, remember to prioritize you. And then you deserve the time and the effort that you invest and give yourself to feel good every day. And when you can't get there, we always go to gratitude. So when you can't find the ways to be, you know, I can be positive about myself, you can always find something to be grateful for. You can be grateful for your health. You can be grateful for the home you're living in. You can be grateful for that. You know, some of my friends in Texas, they were out of, you know, electricity. So they didn't have air. They didn't have running water, those things. There's always something that we can be grateful for. So even if you had to take smaller steps and go, I can't really believe I'm worthy or enough right off the bat. But I can be grateful for something. What can you be grateful for? And then we start putting our attention on all the things that we're grateful for, and then you'll start being shown more evidence of things that you can be grateful for, which also helps to increase your level of enoughness, your level of worthiness. And so take a moment each day and reflect on the blessings in your life, no matter how small they may seem. Appreciate all of your unique qualities, your experiences, your stories, and then use that gratitude to shift your focus from what you're lacking to what you already have in abundance. And remember that feeling good enough is not about comparing yourself to other people or meeting society's expectations. It's embracing yourself fully your unique journey, accepting yourself with love and compassion. And you know what? Defining your own success. How about that? Writing your narrative, defining what you— what it means for you to be successful, and not having it depend on other people's opinion. As I wrap up this episode, I would love for you to take a deep breath right now and affirm to yourself I am enough just as I am. And then go out in your world, in your day, and find the evidence that that statement is 100% true. Repeat this, make it your mantra daily, and let it really sink into who you're being and how you're walking and showing up in the world. Believe in your worth and embrace your journey with confidence. You are enough. I am enough. We are enough, just as we are. All right, my peeps, that's all I have for you this week. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe to it so you don't miss any episodes, and also share with someone else you think would find some value in it. And if you are ready to get your more, to go out there and create your best life, down in the show notes. Connect with me. Let's jump on a call and let's see how we can take your life to the next level, to where you don't even recognize the life because it's exactly what you've dreamed about, but you never thought about it until today. All right, my peeps, let's talk next week.