146. Is this as good as it gets? | Breakthrough: The Gen X Podcast for Becoming the best YOU

I'm Travia Steward. I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. Yo, what's up, my peeps? We are back with Podcast Tuesday, and today I really want to talk about something that is so near and dear to my heart, that this is the reason why I do what I do today. This is the reason why after a 24-year teaching career of empowering and inspiring high school students to be the best performer they can be, to be all they can be, that I decided to make a huge change because there was one moment when I looked up and said, you know what, this is not as good as it gets. Is this all there is? And so that's what I want to talk to you about today, is I want you to do like an inventory of your life and how you feel about it day to day. And at the end, ask yourself, is this the life that I'm living right now? Is this as good as it gets? So as we dive into it, we're gonna talk about how to recognize if you are unsatisfied, if you're looking for more in life. And some of you are already like, yeah, I know I'm unsatisfied. Yes, I already know. I don't need to hear this. I know this is not as good as it gets. You might already be there, but some of you, you may be in a situation where you go, I'm making good money and I got a good job and those children have grown up and they're out of the house and I'm, I'm good, I'm good. But you may have some unresolved dreams that never came to fruition. So as we jump into this episode, I really want you to think and turn the magnifying glass inward on yourself, right? So you see, there's a common narrative in our life today in society that tells us— I know it told me that— if you work hard enough, if you go to college, if you get married, if you have some kids— I don't have any kids, I have a dog and a cat, and sometimes that cat is like, I'm like, that's a step cat because Those of you who really know me, I don't even like cats, but last week I talked about conflicting values and this was some of the things that I compromised. This was one of the things, that cat, that I compromised because Shelley loves cats. And so I'm like, okay, so I get allergy shots for the cats and actually because of my dog too. So I'm allergic to all these things, but anyway, I digress. Back to it. So the, the narrative of you go to college, you get that education, you get that piece of paper, you work hard, you get a good job. Now you have some kids, you— well, you get married and have some kids. And some people do it the opposite way, they have kids and then they get married. You know, I'm not judging anybody, but we climb the ladder of success and achieve our goals, and we're at the pinnacle, at the top of the mountain. And man, because we've done all this stuff, we find happiness and filma. It's waiting for us at the top, right? Nah, that shit ain't true. That is not true because we are still— most of us, I know I was still missing something huge in what I wanted to do and the legacy that I wanted to leave, the impact I wanted to have on this earth. And so there's so many of us who, who actually go through life and we do all of this stuff and we never get to that actualization at the top. We never get to At the end of life, I wish I would've done such and such. At the end of life, I wish I would've had the courage to pursue the things I really wanted to do. I wish I would've had the courage to spend the time with the people I really wanted to spend the time with. I wish I would've had the courage to be the person that I always knew I was. And so I believe that this is not true. If you do all those things, I know so many people who have achieved all they ever wanted in life. In careers. They have a marriage of, you know, 30 years. There are personal accomplishments. They've run lots of marathons and Ironmans, and they still find themselves standing in the mirror at the pinnacle of that mountain and going, is this it? Is this as good as it gets? Because one day we're like, it's just supposed to land in our laps. You know, it's just supposed to just happen after we've done these things. And so this is something that's unsettling for a lot of people. I know it was unsettling for me. And so when we talk about, is this as good as it gets? We talk about wanting more. And usually when I say MORE, it's in all caps, M-O-R-E, all caps. I am in the pursuit of my more in my life. And I feel like I've had a very, very successful life. But I feel like I'm just in the second chapter of it because I've, I've achieved some success. I've been driven. I've made a difference. I've impacted, but I also recognize that I have an innate human nature and a drive within me to continue to grow and improve because I believe we're like flowers. If we're not growing, we're dying. So I want to be someone who is always growing and learning. I didn't realize until I was after 50 that I loved learning. The problem was that I was learning all this bullshit when I was in high school and college that didn't mean anything that I didn't want to learn about. You know, the Pythagorean theorem, like, what, who needs that bullshit? You know, like Shelley and I were talking about, you know, we, we play Trivia Crack and on the map it said, uh, like the question was, you know, which, which country is highlighted, is colored right now. And I looked over at her, I go, and I'm playing her, right? And so I go, I don't know which country that is. And she goes, you don't know? I said, no, it doesn't have any words on the map because I wasn't good at geography. Now she thrived in geography. And so we laugh, you know? And so that was something I never took a geography class, but clearly I should have. And so when I look at these things and go, Boom. What is my more? I wish I would've known then what I know now because I loved learning the things that I felt like were critical and important to me. Like I should've taken that geography class. I love now seeking new challenges because it makes me feel alive. I love learning. And so I have the, we all have that innate that innate human nature to keep growing and developing. Because when you stop having that, you get complacent. You're in that recliner that you can't get up. You get down deep. Now you need help getting out of the recliner, which is a metaphor for your life. How comfortable are you? And so then we also look at, we have cultural and societal expectations because society places a strong emphasis on success and who are you, you know, what have you done in your life. And sometimes there's just this pressure, this external pressure to be someone you don't want to be, to go and pursue things you don't really want to pursue. And then we're continually striving and striving for more, but we don't really want the more we're striving for. And then there's the external validation. And I tell you what, I am guilty of all the things, external validation. I was doing all the things that I thought everybody else wanted me to do, expected me to do. And so external validation plays a role. You know, we also have, you know, I know this is so true for me, a fear of complacency, because I feel like when I get complacent again, I'm like a flower who is in the middle. I'm not growing, but I'm certainly probably about to start dying. Because I'm complacent. So for me to come alive with and find that more, that this is not as good as it gets. I don't want to be stagnant and complacent in my life. I always want to be seeking the next thing until I take my last breath. And then another thing that drives us is comparison and competition, right? Because we look at other people on social media where everybody is showing the best highlight reel of their life. And, you know, and I find that sometimes it's just one extreme to the other. It can be the highlight reel. And then on the opposite end of the spectrum, it's like, oh my God, I'm going through such trauma and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, nobody needs to see that shit on social media. That's your diary for your journaling time in the morning at home. Let some of that stuff be personal. And so the constant exposure and achievement of other people of what they're doing, and it, motivates other people to go, "I want to do what so-and-so is doing because look at the cars they're driving, look at the house they're living in." But that is not what I'm talking about when I say, "Is this as good as it gets?" So what I want you to think about is everybody's more looks different. You know, Peter's more looks different from Paul's more. My more looks different than Shelley's more. Your more looks different from your partner, from your children, from your parents' more. And how to know if you are actually looking for more? Is there a bit of restlessness within you? You know, like you are uneasy, you're wondering, you know, is there something more that I should be doing? Am I actually content? With my accomplishments? You know, if, if, if, you know, are you finding yourself wondering what's next despite having achieved— maybe you're, you know, VP of Human Resources, maybe you're the president of Human Resources, maybe the president of the company— but do you find yourself going, you know what, this is all good, but I still feel like something's missing? Or are you someone who Success really feels hollow because sometimes our values weren't aligned. Sometimes we did it for our parents. We did it for our father because he did it. This is what was expected of us. Sometimes your success feels hollow. You have a house here in Arizona, then you got a house in Mexico, then you got a house in Costa Rica. And even those things could feel hollow if we've done them for the wrong reasons. And then so many of us are in search for our purpose. What is the purpose that we were put on this earth to live into? The impact that we were meant to have. And then we begin to question, what is the meaning of life? I know I have, right? What is the meaning of life? What am I supposed to be doing here? I didn't start doing this deep thinking, though, until, until after age 40 when I was like— and that was when it began happening, but I didn't have the courage to take action before the cancer said, you better do that shit now, girl. And that's when I did it. And so I want you guys to think about right now and go, let me analyze, is this as good as it gets? And if it's not, then take some action way sooner than I took action, way sooner than your friend took action. And then another way to know if you're looking for more is, are you constantly seeking new experiences? Like you have a strong urge to explore and do new things, you know, whether it be, you know, personal development, whether it be physical feats, you know, maybe it's traveling and doing, you know, uh, you know, hiking and scaling, you know, Gibraltar, whatever that thing is. But I want you to know that it's important to remember that feeling this way is not a problem, right? It's a natural part of the human experience to seek out growth, meaning and fulfillment. But the challenge lies in how you navigate these feelings and what choices you make in response to those feelings. Like, are you going to always feel like you're next, like, like you're left behind? Are you going to feel like, you know, I'm not good enough because I'm now comparing myself to someone else? I want you to think about If you— when you look yourself in the mirror and you analyze your life and go, am I genuinely happy? Am I fulfilled? If I took my last breath an hour from now, would I be satisfied with how I live my life? And so as you begin to do that assessment. And if you find yourself wondering, yeah, is— I think, you know, I want more, and I know I've achieved a lot, but this can put you on a path for more self-discovery about who you really are. Maybe there are some parts of you where you feel like, I've been tamping those down, I haven't been exploring my creative side, when I know This makes me come alive. Maybe you're an artist, you're a painter, you're a singer, you're a dancer, and these things make you come alive, but you just have put them on a shelf. And so when you think about your life right now, and are you completely satisfied with you? I want to ask you this one question and leave this question with you. And the question is, do I 100% love the life that I'm living? And if that answer is not a hell yes, then do your due diligence to figure out what's missing and what you can do, the action you can take to help you to fall in love with your life again. All right, my peeps, that's the episode that I have for you today, and I want you to really take some time and ask yourself that very important question, because I don't know how many lives we get. As far as I know, we get one, but I am reading books that say we get several, but we don't know that, right? And some of that might really throw some of you guys off. But anyway, we'll talk about that one day way down the line. So I hope you are finding value in this podcast. I would love to hear how it resonated with you and share it with someone else that you think could find value from this podcast. All right, my peeps, we'll talk next week.