153. Burning your limiting stories | Breakthrough: The Gen X Podcast for Becoming the best YOU

I'm Travia Steward and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. Sup, my peeps? Happy Podcast Tuesday. Today, when this video— when this episode drops, it's December 19th.. And we are just under a week away from Christmas. And I think I've shared with you before that Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year. And it, you know, because it's a time when it seems like the majority of the people are happier, you know, this time of the year. So what I'm diving into today is we're gonna look at the stories that we, you have been carrying maybe just in 2023, maybe your entire life, so that we can set ourselves up, so you can set yourself up for success in 2024. And, you know, we talked about what, you know, if you were happy with your 2023, doing a little reflection, you know, tracking your growth. Did you achieve your goals? What was it that you could celebrate? What are you grateful for? And if you missed that episode, go back and listen to the previous episode so that you can get the foundation before we go into 2024, because there will be yet another episode after today for next week, the day after Christmas, about your goals. And so we really want that to lay a foundation for 2024 so that we're not carrying anything into 2024 that we don't want. So Today's episode is about, you know, the enormous power of leaving the past behind to create a brighter future. We're thinking about 2024 because we all have, we all have stories, we all have challenges, we all have struggles and experiences and moments, you know, maybe from this past year, maybe from, you know, years ago that continue to weigh heavy on our minds. And today I'm going to talk about, this is something that I do with my clients that, and I actually do, do it myself. This is a ritual. I do it, you know, generally once a year, but every now and then something I recognize I'm carrying around, and I do it, you know, when I recognize this thing is holding me back. So today we're going to explore how to release those stories, those burdens, and move forward to have a better 2024. So I want you to imagine for a moment that these stories are like weights that you're carrying around in a suitcase. Like, there are weights that, you know, this past experience, this money story, this bad relationship— I want you to metaphorically think of it as every time I have a story, it's 5 pounds, it's 10 pounds of weight into a suitcase. And then these suitcases become baggage. They become backpacks that we carry around and around from one relationship to the next, from one job to the next. And so carrying around these stories in this way can shape our present, and it has a tendency to hinder our future. And so I want to help you get liberated and let go, and let go of these things that we're carrying that, you know, maybe some of us have not even been aware that we're carrying. Because we can't change, you know, our lives until we change our stories because our stories stop us from trying new things. Our stories stop us from being open-minded about new things. So we have to change our stories so that we can embrace new strategies. And so, because what you have in your life, what I have in my life or don't have, is a reflection of your stories, you know. And so we want to stop carrying around a suitcase full of stories that are no longer serving us. And so just focusing on what this really means, because your stories help to produce thoughts, and thoughts become things, and how you're thinking motivates how you're feeling, how you're feeling motivates you to take the action or not take the action, and based on that, we have the results that we have in our life. One more way I want you to think about your past and the stories, in addition to carrying them around like a suitcase, like a backpack, I want you to think of the past like your rearview mirror in the car. You know, every now and then we have to glance back so that we can learn from the journey. But what we have to do is we want to be fixated on what's ahead of us. You know, because if you keep looking back, you know, in your rearview mirror, you're not going to see what's in front of you. You are going to miss all the wonderful things that are in front of you. So right now it's crucial to stop looking back. It's crucial to stop carrying that suitcase full of stories and experiences that no longer serve you. So we're gonna start by acknowledging that everything we tell ourselves, it is a story. Whether it's, you know, a strained relationship, whether it's why we didn't achieve a goal in 2023, whether it's, you know, how we interact with our family members, everything that we think up in our mind, we tell ourselves as a story that we carry around. And so I want you to think about the circumstances in your life right now, the challenges, the joys, the happy times, the sad times, the challenges you face, You know, it's a result of your own creation. You know, the challenges that I face are a result of my own creation, and I have them because of what I've done and haven't done. You have them because of what you've done or haven't done. And so no matter how challenging, having this time of reflection on our experiences, we can find valuable lessons from it. You know, but what we want to do is not continue to define ourself by our past mistakes or grievances, right? Because this stops us from evolving into our best selves. And so what we want to do is we want to think about the times when, you know, we recognize we're carrying such a powerful story, you know, that is influencing our actions. I want you to think about What is something that you wanted to do, but there was a thought that came in your mind that said, "Oh, the last time I did this thing, this happened. The last time I did that thing, it didn't go well. The last time I did that thing, you know, this blew up in my face." That's a story. And so because of past experiences, we find ourselves going, "I'm not going to take this new action because of what happened in the past." And so What I want you to do is go, let's leave the past in the past, because we find ourselves getting caught up in the narrative, you know, of why it didn't happen, why it won't happen again. And what I'm asking you to do is hit a reset button. We want to acknowledge the story, but now we want to choose to let it just be something that we learn from. We want to choose to not let it dictate, you know, give it energy or, you know, motivate or demotivate our actions. And so we all have the power to rewrite that narrative and to create a new script for ourselves. I'm all about writing a new story in a new script. And so what happens is when we continue to relive that, we continue to feel the stress and anxiety, constantly replaying these past events, worrying about what might happen based on what happened in the past. So right now I want you to think about what are the major stories that you're carrying. And I want you to think of maybe your top 3 stories that you grew up hearing, you know, maybe even prior to the age of 18. You know, what did you learn about these stories growing up? And so what I want you to think about, like, like what a story for me that's still huge is money. I still carry around, and I'm aware of them, of my money stories. I didn't grow up in a family that had a lot of money. You know, Every, you know, most of the people in my life right now are blue-collar type people. You know, me knowing people who have made a lot of money, you know, they're, they're not in my family. And so I still have these stories that I continue to be aware of that I'm like, ooh, I need to reset that. Ooh, I need to let go of that. You know, because I watched my mother struggle my entire life, you know, living paycheck to paycheck, but She always kept a roof over our head. We always had clothes, you know, we always had food. But through me watching my mother struggle, I, you know, learned that, well, that's how life is. Money's hard to earn. You know, I'm not meant to make a lot of money. Well, I've been carrying that story, you know, guys, I'm 53. I've been carrying that story probably for 53 years, and I'm aware of it now, so it hinders me. And so I don't want that to be a, you know, like a 50-pound weight in my suitcase, in my backpack, because it stops me from taking the actions that I want to take. So I want you to think, do you have a money story? Do you have a career story? You know, I can never be like, you know, an astronaut because, you know, I'm not made to— we're not those type of people. Do you have a relationship story? You know, this is all I deserve. I don't deserve anything better than that. This is all the money I can earn. So I want you to think right now, take a moment and even hit pause on what are the 3 main stories that you're carrying. And the way to come up with those stories, I want you to think about maybe 1 to 3 main things that you wanted to do in 2023, but you didn't. Something stopped you. And I want you to think about and figure out what was the story? What were the thoughts? What were you telling yourself? That stopped you from taking that action, that, you know, that desire that you had, that's something that you really wanted to do. And so get all of these stories out, down on paper. Like, don't type it, like write it down. Get a pencil, get a pen on a piece of paper and write it. And so what's going to happen is I want you to pause this episode right now while you can get the pen and paper out. Okay, I hope you did it, and I hope you're looking at a nice fresh piece of paper with stories on it that no longer serve you. And so as a ritual, what we want to do is we want to burn these stories, we want to release these stories so that they no longer hold us back. This is kind of like, once you write it down, it's almost like, you know, back in the day when it was like, I'ma tell— give that person a piece of my mind. Well, all all you had to do was write the letter and then most of the time not mail it, write the email, you wouldn't send it, you know, it's like, I feel better now because you were able to get it off your chest and release it. That's what I'm asking to do right now. But we're going to use a little fire, we're going to use, you know, something, and this is a ritual that is, you know, ages and ages and ages old about burning your stories. And so what I want you to do is like maybe even go out and go outside in your backyard, you know, or if you're inside, you know, you You have this sheet of paper. Maybe you have a bowl that, you know, where you burn a candle. You have— and, you know, I would suggest to keep a little bit of water next to it just because, you know, we don't want to set anybody's house afire. But I want you to safely look at the stories that you've written down on that sheet of paper and then take a match, take a lighter, and I want you to light it and then repeat: I fully release this story, these stories that are no longer serving me. I fully release these stories that no longer have power over me. They no longer affect me and my decisions. I forgive. I love. I accept. And I fully appreciate myself just as I am. So, that's what I want you to do. Burn these stories. Fully release. I fully release these stories that no longer have power over me. They no longer affect me. And so take a moment and do that right now. And pause this episode if you need to. Okay, again, I hope you did it. And if you are driving while you're listening to this episode, replay this episode, maybe go towards the end where we're doing— this is called a flame ceremony that's helping you to release things like, you know, it's too late, I'm too young, I'm not educated enough, you know, I can't make money. And we want to replace them with empowering beliefs, you know, that drive towards the results that you want. And so you're now more in a more powerful space than when you started this episode, if you did the work. You know, we— in the next episode, I'm going to talk about how we want to start to discover how to replace these stories with new ones, and so, so that we can actually get what we want in life. Because remember, your life becomes whatever you choose to tell yourself. That it is. And so letting go again of the past doesn't mean dismissing its significance, but it's making a conscious choice to use the past as a stepping stone rather than like a stumbling block. It's all about reclaiming the power to shape and, and our present today and our future. We are shifting our perspective by adopting a different mindset. We want to focus on what's working in life, no matter how small, you know, no matter how big. We want to watch how that energy transforms you. And so as I wrap up today's episode, again, we want to remember that the past can be a teacher. The past is a teacher, but the past is not a prison. The past is not extra weight we want to carry around. We have the power to leave behind what no longer serves us and step into the future of our own design. So take a deep breath. You've done the work. We've released the weight of the past. And in the next episode, I want to help you step confidently into the journey of creating 2024 that you deserve. All right, my peeps, thank you so much for joining me on this episode. I appreciate you so much for listening. It gives me, you know, some motivation to keep doing this because you're listening. And, you know, I'm hoping that it's providing some value for your life. I'm hoping that, you know, these episodes are helping you because that's what I believe I am on this earth to do. This is my step. And even though time, you know, things are difficult, even though, you know, there are some times when I go, why am I doing this? You know, but every day I am reassured, no matter the challenges, no matter how much money I do or don't make, This is my path and this is what I'm supposed to be doing. So if you're getting value, please share this episode with someone else. Share this podcast with someone else that you also think could get value from these episodes. And it's the end of the year. It's December 19th. I have opened up, as a matter of fact, 5 spaces for one-on-one coaching. And if you have been getting value and you're like, I want Trey to help me, one-on-one. There's a special price right now because it's Christmas, right? And we're going into the new year, and I want as many people to have this work in their lives as possible. So if you're interested in working with me one-on-one, shoot me an email. There's a, you know, in the show notes I will have a link where you can contact me. There's a contact sheet. And we can get started on this before 2024 so that we can do your plan one-on-one. All right, my peeps, take care and we'll talk next week.