155. Why we settle for less than we deserve | Breakthrough: The Gen X Podcast for Becoming the...

Have you ever found yourself settling in a situation in life? Have you ever noticed how other people settle and ask yourself, why is she putting up with that? Well, today on the podcast, we're going to talk about why people settle in life, the purpose of this podcast, some factors that contribute to settling, and the consequences of it. 2024, let's go! I'm Travia Steward, and this year on the podcast, you are about to experience ways to stop settling in your relationships, career, and lifestyle. No more settling for the bare minimum. This is Breakthrough. Yo yo, my peeps, as you will notice, we're back to Podcast Thursday because remember I shared with you that I was doing an experiment. I started releasing podcast episodes on Tuesday and you know what, I saw no difference. And to be honest, putting them out on Thursday is a little easier for me to stay, honestly, to stay ahead of the game. And so we're back to Podcast Thursday. And so this, you know, as you've noticed, I have been consistent with the name of the podcast as Breakthrough. I love that name because there's such an insight around breakthroughs. And this year I am focusing on a theme. And this theme has always been within me. It's always been a part of my why. If you recall my mission statement, to empower and inspire as many people as possible to live the highest vision for their lives without settling. So this year we're focusing on how and why people settle and what does settling look like in the different buckets, in the different avenues, in the different areas of your life, because I watch so many people. I myself have settled before I had the proverbial moment of, is this as good as it gets? So before we jump into the settling, I want to talk about what— and, and I guess just kind of sort of remind you of why the name Breakthrough is important for me, because, you know, there have been times when I have said, you know, I don't think, you know, I should continue the podcast. Am I wasting my time? Who's really listening? But you guys have confirmed with me that, you know, there are, you know, people listening. And so just because I want my ego to be stroked a little bit by having, you know, thousands and thousands of downloads, I just really need to know that one person is listening, 10 people are listening, whatever that thing is, because I wanna always know that I am providing value and I'm helping as many people as possible improve their lives. So it is my goal to continue this podcast as long as, you know, it keeps people listening. So there you go. So let's talk about what a breakthrough is. And a breakthrough is seeing possibilities, or it's like a light bulb moment, you know, that aha, oh, that thing, you know, like their ideas, their opportunities that you did not see before. And then, you know, because of the breakthrough, because of the insight, you begin to take actions that you would not have taken before had you not had that breakthrough. Had, you know, sometimes this can look like an emotional breakthrough where you free yourself of carrying some of that metaphorical baggage. It can look like, you know, an idea like that you were stuck on at work and you're like, oh, I finally figured this out and now I can produce the results that I really wanna produce that I haven't been able to do before. And again, it's like a light bulb moment in your brain when you suddenly understand or see something in a new And so many times a breakthrough or an insight for me has led to significant changes that, you know, I made in my life, significant changes that I made in my relationships with others. And so it's kind of like having that moment where you're like, "Oh, I get it." A sudden realization, you know, that makes everything like it clears out the dust, makes things clearer. Like you switch on, you know, a light bulb. And this breakthrough, a breakthrough that you can have in your life, creates new possibilities and opportunities that may not have existed before. And then, you know, it's an opportunity to, to really move, really thrive forward with that breakthrough, because we all get breakthroughs in certain ways in our lives, but sometimes we don't take the action. We ignore the breakthrough. But I'm encouraging you, especially in, you know, right now, because everything is about right now in the present. What are you ignoring? What are the breakthroughs in your life that you have not taken action on? So that's a food for thought. Now I wanna talk about this podcast this year, the theme of settling, you know, because what I wanna do is help as many people as possible to stop settling. Stop settling in your relationships. Stop settling in your careers. Stop settling in your overall life. And so before we dive into it on future episodes, let's talk about why people settle in the first place and, you know, what it could possibly look like. Well, everybody has their own reason for settling. And you know, it varies from person to person and it can manifest in so many different ways because what's settling to one person may not be settling to another person. It has so much to do with your experiences in life, how you grew up, like your relationship with your family. It has a lot to do with your financial stability, you know, whether or not you're, you're settling. It has a lot to do with your upbringing. You know, your ambitions in life. It has a lot to do with personal development. Some people don't really believe or have never been, you know, have never experienced any kind of personal development where they poured into themselves. And so there, that could be an example of settling, especially from one person to the next. One person who, you know, invests in themselves in personal development, and next person who doesn't. Now, this isn't about judging you know, people and the ways that they settle or not. It's, I'm asking you to do a self-reflection. You know, some people have been introduced to different things in life that for them, it's like, I have been introduced to, you know, not working after 5 o'clock. I've been introduced to making a lot of money. I've been introduced to traveling around the world. And so that's what I know. You know, there may be some other people who have been introduced to, you know, living in a small town where, you know, you have a two-parent household and that's what they know. And so a lot of people, we settle for things that we are familiar with. We settle for things that are common to us, things that we've seen before. We also settle because We wanna stay in our comfort zone. It is so difficult for so many people to step outside and take a risk, to step outside of what is familiar, stepping into this unknown. Like, for me, that's like jumping into the Caribbean, where I don't know how deep it is. And I'm gonna admit to you that is totally outside of my comfort zone and something that I'm actively working on. And so some of us, you know, we settle because we have a fear of failure. We don't wanna try these new things because we are afraid we're gonna fail. We're afraid we're not good enough. You know, we also, you know, settle because of external expectations, because we are influenced every day by the, you know, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, where we're influenced by how we believe other people are seeing us. And so external expectations can sometimes stop us from stepping outside of our comfort zone, you know, and that ultimately leads to we have a lack of confidence in who we are. We don't believe in our abilities, or, you know, maybe we're underestimating what it is that we think we can achieve. And the lack of confidence, I know I have experienced that can lead to settle for less than what you're capable of. So we never get a chance to unleash that full potential. And then, you know, some people settle because they believe, like, I remember there was a few years ago and my brother said, you know, oh, you know, I just, I just want my life to be content. And I looked at him and said, "Oh yeah, that's all you want in life is to be content?" Which in actuality, I was judging him like that wasn't good enough. And I recognized the judgment in that question that I turned back to him. And who am I to judge that he wants his life to be content? In my eyes, I felt like he was settling. But you know, in his eyes, he's like, contentment means, you know, I don't have to worry about where my next meal is going to come from. I don't have to worry about, you know, the members of the church. I don't have to worry about my wife. Is she going to come home at night? I don't have to worry about my kids because I know that I raised them well. That's his idea of contentment. My idea of the word contentment is like, I want to be invigorated. I want to be excited. So for me, contentment has negative connotations. Like, I want to be content. Like, I want my heart to be on fire and love. I want to be excited about the next day. And to me, that's the opposite of being content. I don't want to just be content. But again, that's an example of how things vary. You know, people also settle because they're financially stable. You know, just imagine that you're in a good job, you have the house that you want, even though you don't really love going to work. But you know what? You're bringing in those dollars, you're bringing in the money. And so why rock the boat? I'm just gonna just keep doing this thing and retire, then start living. Right. And so I'm just touching the tip of the iceberg because there's gonna be a lot of that, of this talk, this season on the podcast, because I believe when people settle in life, it, it, I believe that it, it, it's them accepting a situation or an outcome that is less than what they really want or desire or deserve, you know? And so that can show up, you know, as I'm gonna talk about it in future, future episodes, in relationships with yourself, with others, with family members, shows up settling in your career. It shows up when we're not pouring into ourselves. It shows up with our fun and experiences in life. It shows up in how we show up every single day. And you know what? The reason why this is a huge part of my mission statement is because I had a conversation with my mother. My mother lived to be 85, and 6 months before she died, I asked her, you know, I said, "Mom, you know, girl, you've lived to be 85 years. You know, what are you proud of?" And my mother didn't have anything to celebrate in that moment. She had a list of regret and resentment. And so that's why I'm dedicating this podcast, this season, to help you, help me, help us all to stop living a life of settling, to stop settling in our relationships, to stop settling in our health, to stop settling in our careers. So that we can have and create the life that we really wanna have. Because at the end of life, you know, at the end of this year, not even just at the end of life, at the end of this month, we don't wanna be filled. You don't wanna be filled with a bunch of regret and resentment about the time and what you could have done with it, about the talents and the passions and what you could have done with it and what you could have accomplished. But instead, the time that was absolutely wasted. So settling can manifest in so many different ways. And on the podcast this season, I am going to help you by shining a light on what settling looks like in all these different buckets, all these different areas of life, so that we can stop settling, so that we can have better relationships, so that we can have better careers, and so that we can have active lives because that's what we were born to do. We were born to have active lives. And as I wrap up this episode, I want to leave you with one of the things that's had a profound impact on me, and it's a book called The Five Regrets of the Dying, and it's by Bronnie Ware. And Bronnie has, you know, she was— worked with people in hospice and interviewed them in the last, you know, days and weeks and hours of their life. And the 5 things that came up was: number 1, they wish they had had the courage to live a life true to themselves, not the life others expected of them. The number 2 regret, they wish they hadn't worked so hard. Number 3, they wish they had the courage to truly express their feelings. Number 4, they wish they had stayed in touch with friends. And number 5, they wish they had just let themselves be happier. And from Bronnie's website, you know, this is an excerpt from her, her website. Regret-free living results from honoring your heart over its constant evolution. And this book serves as a reminder that you don't need anyone's permission to live according to your own heart. You must only choose it for yourself. And so The Five Regrets of the Dying has helped over a million people to forgive their past and courageously create a life more aligned with what makes them truly happy. People have left disempowering careers, started creative endeavors, traveled, healed relationships, fostered self-kindness, compassion, and realized the sacredness of time. So I'm asking you, why are you settling for less right now? And would you have any of these regrets if you ran out of time? All right, my peeps, this is not meant to be a morbid episode. This is meant to light a fire, to get you in action, to create the life that you want in 2024. And let's let this year be your best year so far. All right, my peeps, that's all I have for you this week. I'm so excited about 24, 2024. 24 is my favorite number. And if I can ask a favor of you, if you're finding value from this podcast, please share it with someone. And then more importantly, I would love for you to leave a review of it because it helps more people find the podcast and it helps it, you know, come up more in the search engines. And so rate and review the podcast, share it with someone else that you think could find value. All right, my peeps, happy New Year 2024. We're here.