158. What future are your habits creating? | Breakthrough: No More Settling

We become what we repeatedly do. That's a quote by Sean Covey. And what we believe at our core is what manifests in our lives through our habits. On today's episode, we're going to dive into the simple yet profound quote from Sean Covey that has the potential to transform the way we approach everything in our lives, because we become what we repeatedly do. I'm Travia Steward, and this year on the podcast, you are about to experience ways to stop settling in your relationships, careers, and lifestyle. No more settling for the bare minimum. This is Breakthrough. Yo, what's up, my peeps? Happy Podcast Thursday. Today is February 1st. This is my birthday month, and so I get so excited for my birthday coming up. My birthday is February 27th. And you know, the older I get, you know, before when, you know, when I was turning 50, I was like, oh my goodness, I, you know, I'm embarrassed that, but you know, I don't want to say how old I am, but you know what, what's the opposite of that? If you don't have a birthday to celebrate, that probably means you're 6 feet under. And so I'm thankful for the years that I've been on this earth. I'm thankful to still be able to do what I am able to do and make an impact in lives. And so I love it. I love my birthday month, and I will probably celebrate for weeks and weeks and weeks. So really quick, on the episode today, we are continuing to talk about that quote from Gandhi: your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values Become Your Destiny. And so what we're diving into today is the habit part, because I opened up the episode with, we become what we repeatedly do. And that quote is from Sean Covey from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And really quick, you know, I'm just gonna list off the habits real quick, but that's not the, the important focus of this episode today, but According to his book, habit number 1 is to be proactive. Habit number 2, begin with the end in mind. Habit number 3, put first things first. Habit number 4, think win-win. Habit number 5, seek first to understand, then to be understood. Habit number 6, synergize. Habit number 7, sharpen the saw. And based on this book, which is an excellent book, there are some quotes that I really want to dive into on today's episode because this is a lot of the work that I do. So we already talked about what we do, what we repeatedly do is who we become. Now I want to talk about every action you take is a vote for the person, the person you wish to become. And so this really just says that every little thing you do, we're like casting a vote for the kind of person we want to be. We're always creating results, whether it's intentional or unintentional, whether we are, you know, laying in our bed for days and days, we're still creating results because our daily habits are the building blocks of our identity, of our character. And whether it's, you know, having the discipline to wake up early in the morning, you know, exercise regularly, You know, doing your journaling, you know, every habit that you do contributes to the person that you are becoming. And as we begin to analyze these habits, I want you to begin to ask yourself, are these actions, habits, behaviors aligning with the person that you actually want to be? And so looking at it, whether it's a big decision, a small decision, a big habit, a small habit, They all add up and shape how you're showing up, how people are experiencing you. And it's like, again, it's like you're voting for your future self with every action you take. And are you voting to remain the same, or are you voting to change some things significantly so that you can get something that you've never gotten? And so what one of the, one of the ways this could look like is if you believe that there's a stigma to people having a lot of money, Like I used to be someone who believed that it's like, not necessarily as I didn't believe that people who had money were bad, but I believed that only like rich white men had money to be perfectly honest. Right. And so every time I was faced with the situation of, well, who has money? It never seemed like money was something like a lot of money, like wealth was something that I could really aspire to have. And so I was formulating that thought that became a habit. So anytime I saw, you know, rich white men with money, it was like the same triggered thought in my mind. And so I've had to do a lot of thought work over the years to stop thinking that way, you know, because we are a product of our environment. We're a product of the people we spend the most time with.. And I wasn't someone who was spending a lot of time with rich white men, honestly, until now. And so I have some very good friends who are rich white men, you know, like my friend Charles listens to this podcast. Now I don't know if Charles is like rich or wealthy, but I think Charles does okay. And I value my friendship with Charles and I don't believe Charles is someone like, I don't think he's an asshole. I think he's a good guy. And so who brings value to my life. And so when I think about the action that I'm casting in my thoughts about these people, I'm still casting votes for the identity and the person that I'm becoming, the person that I'm doing. So I want you to think about your thoughts. I want you to think about your actions that you're continually repeating, because our actions shape our identity and our identity shape our action. So if you're someone who believes that money is evil, if you're someone who is like, I can't get up and can't get to the gym, if you're someone who, who, you know, you can't even— like, your alarm goes off and you hit snooze like 5, 8 times, and then you still don't get up, that's your identity. And so because there's a two-way relationship between our habits and our identity, like, on one hand, the habits that we consistently engage in influence and shape us as a person, right? That's what I'm reiterating over and over and over again. And then on the other hand, your identity, your sense of self, your self-image plays a role in determining the habits you develop. And so if you're someone who, like, you know, we talked about confidence and self-efficacy a few episodes ago, you know, if you're someone who has a low belief in yourself, you have a lot of self-doubt and you don't believe that you can accomplish things. Then you're gonna live in doubt and lack that confidence, which is the perfect scenario for settling. And so what happens is we form the habit of, I'm not good at this. I'm not, you know, I, I'm not gonna try anything. You know, failure is a bad thing for me to attempt because I don't want to feel the way it feels. And so I believe that when we live in doubt and we lack the confidence, We formulate these habits again, that present the perfect scenario for settling, settling in our relationships, in our careers, in our overall lifestyle. And so we all have patterns of behavior. We all have these habits that if we were to able, if we were able to step outside of ourselves and witness all the things that we're doing, all the thoughts we're thinking and all the actions we're taking based on those thoughts that have now become habits. What are those patterns? And are those patterns in alignment with the goals that you say you want? You know, I'm talking about patterns of focus, patterns of meaning, because nothing has any kind of meaning except the meanings that we give it. Everybody gives a different meaning to different— to the same exact factual situation that's happened. Everybody gives a different meaning to it. We have patterns of language, whether we speak negatively or positively, whether we, you know, we did— we just have this way of language. Because I view language as above the water, like the iceberg is below the water, and the trauma and what we believe at our core, the experiences that, you know, that motivate who we are, I believe that the evidence comes out in our language and how we talk. And so there could be, you know, negative self-talk focus. There could be a fear of failure focus. That's all we focus on. Because in life we're always doing one of three things. We're always doing actually these three things. We're always deciding on what to focus on. You know, some of us focus on the past, some of us focus on the future, some of us just focus on negativity all the time. But what I'm asking you to do is focusing on the person that you're becoming as if it's true today. And then we're always concluding what it means, because we are meaning-making machines. And whatever meaning we create about an experience will instantly change and create how you feel about it, because this is what fuels the meaning. It's our, you know, it fuels our feelings. And so based on the meanings that we give things, the meanings that we create, we take actions according to it. So we have this belief, we have this, you know, not even the belief, we're gonna, you know, thinking about a thought model, we have this thing that heard. You know, it's a fact. Everybody on a jury trial can agree that this thing happened. 10 out of 10 people, 100 people can agree to this. But based on the meaning that was created according to the different people, now we have different reactions. Now we have different actions based on the meanings that we create. But if we all were to sit back and go, let's just stay at What is the fact of the situation? We're not gonna make it mean that, oh, because so-and-so, because they did this thing, that means they don't like us. Because they took this action, that means they think I'm less than. Because they took this action, it means, you know, I'm not good enough. I can't get what I want. And so we're always doing these three things, deciding on what to focus on. We're deciding and concluding what it means, and then we take action based on the meaning that was created. And so while habits can shape our lives, we also have the power to shape our habits, and we have the power to change our habits right now. Breaking free from any kind of pattern and forming new ones, any kind of pattern that's going against the person, your future you, the person that you are becoming, the person that you wanna become. We all have the power to break free from those patterns. And so as I conclude this episode, I want to encourage you to look for ways and strategies for you to break some unwanted habits that are keeping you from becoming the person you really want to be. Breaking things like fear of— the patterns of focus. What is it that you're focusing on? Are you focusing on the present? Are you focusing on the future? What are you making things mean in your life? And are these patterns that you want to keep doing? And then I want you to think about the patterns of language. How is it that you're talking? What are the words that are coming out of your mouth? And then patterns of action. Are your patterns of action vote for the person you're becoming? So who— so as I wrap up this episode, and you know, I tried to make this a quick one. I just want to reiterate that we become what we repeatedly do. So I want you to think about your habits every single day, because a lot of these habits are automated. We have, uh, you know, we have a cue, we were triggered to do those things in a moment, then we respond. And that's based on habit. What are the habits that you are doing unintentionally? What are the habits that you're doing that are completely automated? All right, my peeps, that's all I have for you this week. I hope you're enjoying this podcast. And again, I ask that you share it. If you're finding value from this podcast, share it with someone else that you also think could find value and leave me a review on Apple Podcasts. And in the notes, I explain to you exactly how to do that. And to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, you actually have to have an Apple account, which I know some people don't like that, but that's, and I feel like that's where, uh, the holdup is. With reviews. So I would really love it if you leave a review. All right, my peeps, we'll talk next week.