162. Where are you stagnant in your life? | Breakthrough: No More Settling

I'm your host, Travia Steward, of The Breakthrough Podcast, and this is the place where you come when you're ready to stop settling in all areas of your life. I believe that you are one breakthrough away from a completely different life. Let's go! Yo, yo, what's up, my peeps? Happy Podcast Thursday, and you know what? Happy Leap Year Thursday! Today, when this podcast drops, it's February 29th, and this only comes along, comes around every 4 years. So happy February 29th, happy leap year. And so for a few weeks I've been talking about, you know, my birthday was on the 27th, which was 2 days ago, and so on Tuesday, and I am someone who loves their birthday, because I really look at it like this. What's the opposite of having a birthday? Not having a birthday, because you're dead, right? Because you're 6 feet under. And so I love having a birthday. I love celebrating another trip around the Earth, another trip around the sun, another trip, and getting older. I love, you know, and it's taken quite a bit of time to reframe, to figure out the perspective of aging and loving it. And so I am grateful for this last birthday in which I turned 54. Nowhere in my life would I have imagined feeling the way I do right now at 54, because I feel more alive today than I felt in decades. I think I feel more alive today than I felt like when I was in my 20s, when I felt like I had, you know, so much to look forward to. The world was my oyster. And then realism and practicality and reality set in in my 30s and 40s. And I'm like, oh my goodness, this is impossible. And so many things, you know, flip that switch to what I thought was possible. And then I became stagnant, stagnant in my relationships, stagnant in my career, just kind of doing the same thing over and over again, right? And not even expecting different results. So I, for, for, you know, at least half of my life, I was living a life that was stagnant. And so that's what I want to talk about today, because we've been talking about settling in all these different places. What does it look like when you continue to settle? And then what happens when you continue to settle is you get stagnant. And this is what I want you to visualize when we talk about stagnation. I want you to think about a pond. You know, sometimes like when you are, you know, in the country, maybe you're looking for a place to, you know, those of you who fish or those of you who, you know, maybe want to take a swim in, uh, you you know, alive, you know, body of water in a lake or something. But instead of it being, you know, full of, you know, the bubbles and the water moving, you actually pull up or walk up to this pond that has a bunch of algae and, you know, it's got that sludge on top. And who wants to get in that and take a swim? Who wants to throw a line in there and and, and fish for something that, you know, you may plan to eat. And so I want you to think of stagnation like that pond full of algae, full of things that are dying, instead of a pond that's thriving, that has a vibrant life source, that's moving and growing and evolving. So today when I talk about stagnation, that's what I talk about, that's what I'm referring to. And the definition is the state of not flowing or moving. You know, it's a lack of activity, growth, or development. It's a situation in which something stays the same and does not grow and develop. And what I think about when it comes down to this, you know, stays the same, I, I think about when my mother was still alive and she would, you know, sit down on her couch, and the couch was real, real low and the cushions were soft, but you needed good legs to sit down on that couch and get back up. And so my mom would take a seat on the couch and then she'd go, "Fabula! Fabula! Help me up. I need you to help me up 'cause I'm a cow. I'm a cow right now and I can't get up." So she'd be like, "Look at me, pull me up." And I'd have to use both hands to pull her up off of that couch. Because in life, that is like a metaphor for you getting stuck, getting comfortable on a couch. And when we get comfortable and we begin to settle in a recliner, we get, we settle in that couch and we wear out that seat, right? We're not trying different furniture. We sitting, we're sitting back and then we, we sit back in the chair, we sit back on the couch and we relax. And before long, we don't wanna sit on any other couches. We don't want to sit in any other chairs. We want that same couch because it's comfortable. It's what we know, it's what we're used to. We don't want to bring in something new. Well, that's the same thing that I'm talking about with life. That's what— when we settle in our relationships and our careers and our active lives, that's what happens. We get comfortable and those things become the new norm because we don't want to step outside of our comfort zone. And so, like, feeling like you, you know, there's nothing wrong with quietly settling in these areas of life, you know, from personal growth, relationships, careers, physical activities. Right now we're going to talk about identifying what the stagnation looks like in these main areas of your life and understanding the deeper implications of it. And so when we talk about stagnation in life, right, this is, this is a big deal because stagnation, like, to me is like, I watch so many people, and I'm not saying, you know, and I'm not saying that I'm not guilty of this because again, I just admitted to you that for 2 decades or so I settled in my life. I, you know, I, I, it wasn't until I had that conversation with my mother who lit a fire under me that I didn't wanna take my last last breath with regret. I didn't want to continue settling. I didn't want to continue living a stagnation-style life. And what I'm referring to is, is being stuck in a loop where your days blend in with each other without like any sense of like achievement, any sense of what you've done and, and gotten done that day. And you know, would you go back and, and live that day over again. You know, it's like you're— you know, sometimes it feels like you're on a treadmill. You're moving but you're not going anywhere, right? You're doing all these busy things. You're going to work, you're coming home, you're eating, you're going to sleep, you're going to work, coming home, you're eating, you're going to sleep. The same thing over and over again. You know, it feels like Groundhog Day, and every day is just a repeat of the last with no real progress towards any goal or dream that you really have for yourself. And overall in life, this can be a signal that what you're doing daily may not be aligning with your deeper desires, or even the person that you aim to become, if you even remember who that person is, if you even remember those goals and dreams that you had and hopefully still have. And it's waking up and, and it's like going through the motions and feeling disconnected to a purpose, you don't have any type of momentum, right? And so this is when we need to look at the larger vision that we have for our lives and look at the daily actions that's either going towards what we want to accomplish and create or pulling us further away. And so that's what it looks like overall in life. Now let's talk about what it looks like in relationships. Now there's so many times when in relationships like, oh, well, that's just, you know, that's just how it is. That's, you know, we've been together for 25, for 30 years, and I'm not gonna change now, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then relationships reach a plateau, you know? And so there's no emotional connection and growth. You're just kind of doing things the way you've always done it. And you might find that even conversations with your partner have become predictable, sometimes even superficial. And the excitement for them coming home, for you coming home, it just, it, you know, it's like a light that, that may have dimmed on the relationship. And it doesn't mean you don't love each other. It just means that maybe you're in a phase where the relationships isn't evolving and the individuals within the relationships are not evolving. And right now I just want to give you an invitation to look at how both you and your partner are changing or not changing, and maybe exploring finding new ways to grow together, you know. And so it may also appear as a lack of excitement that, you know, not necessarily just coming home, but not being excited to spend time, to do things with the other person. Like, that, that spark of joy has like faded, right? And so that's one of the things that, you know, I've been with my partner for— it's been 17 years now, and we work, you know, we, we work continuously to keep it fresh, to keep our Conversations, you know, like really, I love our conversation. I love talking to Shelley. She is my best friend. She is the funniest person I know. Um, you know, she would say that she's not the funniest person I know. She would say our friend Kathy Luke is the funniest person I know. And so, but she is right up there. I mean, I would say It's a coin toss. And so there's so many times that she just makes me laugh out of the blue. And so keeping that laughter as part of the evolution is important in a growing relationship. And so now let's move on to your careers. So, so many times in life we take a job because the job has good benefits. We take a job because, you know, we gotta have a job so we can pay our rent, so we can put food on the table and provide for our families. And then one day you look up and you're disconnected from that work. You hate, you know, going to work. Monday is a challenge. You can't wait till Friday gets here so you can have the weekend. And then that thing starts all over again because you may be in a career where there's a lack of challenge. There's no recognition. Fulfillment is at an all-time low. And you're just not passionate about that thing. And maybe you weren't even passionate about it to begin with. And so that leads to stagnation as well, because all you're doing now is just collecting a paycheck. And we spend so much time in a 9 to 5. We spend so much time at work because even when you come home after work, most people, right, you get home about 5:30, 6 o'clock, and then you have a few hours with your significant other or your family, and then you go to sleep for 8 or 9 hours. Then you get up and you go spend all this time with people at work that hopefully you enjoy. And then some people just don't enjoy. And then there is a misalignment between, you know, your skills, your values, the job, that industry that you're in. All of this is a great recipe for settling. It's a great recipe for stagnation in your career as well, because now you're not motivated, you're not excited about what you're doing. And career-wise, you're just feeling stuck, like there's a lack of motivation and you're not enthusiastic about your job. And so this stagnation in your career, in your job, is a cue that professional environment may not be something that's conducive to your growth. Or maybe your career goals have shifted. Maybe you've forgotten your career goals. All together. So this episode is about asking you to look at these different areas of your life and ask yourself, are you like that stagnant pond full of algae on top? And then the last thing that I want to talk about is addressing the stagnation in our active lives, right? The physical activity. Because I heard this, this quote from, from a guy who was listening to a podcast the other day, and he was like, do the things today that will buy you more time tomorrow. And I would like to think that for a large part, that's, you know, really involves physical activity, you know, because when you're stagnant and you no longer want to do these things, when you lose the drive, you don't want to engage in activities that you once loved. You know, it could be due to a routine where you go to work every day and you're too tired to do anything. By the time the weekend gets here, all you want to do is like watch Netflix. You don't want to go outside and go to the gym. You don't want to go play pickleball. You don't want to do these things. I do remember sharing with you in November about, you know, something my orthopedic surgeon said. If you want to stay active, he's like, change your knee for your lifestyle. Don't change your lifestyle for your knee. And some of us, you know, we begin to age, we get older and we're like, my knees don't feel like they used to feel, you know, I just can't do what I used to be able to do. Well, you don't have to do what you used to be able to do. Who can do that? But maybe now it's time to reinvent something else that you might, you know, trying something different. And so this is like thinking about all the ways that you can continue to be physically active so that we can all buy more time because your health is your wealth. And I tell you, one of the things that I really love about, you know, our really, really close friends, Nat and Kat, they taught us how to play pickleball. And I think it was 2021. And we're getting better every time we play. We were terrible. We were so terrible. And I tell you, it's playing with the two of them and they're so patient with us and they coach us and they help us and give us reminders. Back here with me. Okay. Come up top. You know, come up I'm up front. I'm a teacher, you know, all the things. And so I attribute my love of pickleball now to Nat and Kat because they introduced us to that. And as we're getting older, as I've had 2 knee replacements, this is how I get the most physical activity. I go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, but pickleball is where I feel alive. Pickleball is where I still feel like the athlete that I once was in college. In high school. And so surrounding yourself or just being in the environment and in relationship with other people who bring that out in you— Nat and Kat bring that out in me, you know. They're still playing tennis at a high level. They're still, you know, doing all of these physical things because one of the things that they love doing is traveling, and they don't want to be two people who go to travel Like, they're going to Germany in May and they want to be able to walk and see the land. They don't want to be like, you know, I, you know, I'm too overweight to go walk, I'm too tired to do this, I just want to stay in my room. And so that's motivating for me as a friend. That's motivating for both Shelly and me as friends. They're two of our closest friends and they motivate us so much. So the key here is, you know, with active lives, surrounding yourself with people who are going to inspire and encourage you to continue being active. Surround yourself with people who are going to help you, you know, motivate you to continue to strive for that position at work. Surrounding yourself with people who have growing and evolving relationships. And so at the core This is not just about being stuck, being stuck. It's just a moment and a chance for you to have a reevaluation. And so looking at ways that you can evolve and continue to grow. And so listening to what your heart and minds truly want, going back to those dreams that you had as a kid in your early 20s maybe, and going, am I living the life that I really thought I'd be living, and how can we begin to change that right now? And so I want you to think about questioning your happiness, if you're truly happy, questioning your level of fulfillment, you know, questioning alignment of your life with your deepest desires. That's what I want you to do. And so recognizing these things is the first step to understanding ourselves better and what we want. And so today I want to thank you for listening to this whole episode and continuing to explore with me and continuing to listen to the podcast. And right now there is no better time to start creating the career, the relationship, and the active life that you actually want. And so what I want to offer to you is a free strategy call, and on the call, I will help you get get started with a plan, start realizing your goals and dreams while removing some obstacles that stand in your way. The, I will also help you determine the best next steps for you to take based on these goals that you have. And if you're ready to stop settling and being stagnant in these major areas of your life, click the link in the show notes and let's get on a call and start the process by getting on a call with me and letting me help you create the life you really want to live. I look forward to hearing from so many of you, and let's go! We'll talk next week. All right, peeps.