Are your expectations helping or hurting your relationships?

Are your expectations in relationships setting you up for success or for disappointment? Today we're going to uncover how your expectations can shape every one of your interactions, and we're also going to explore the role that confidence plays in this dynamic. So stick around and learn how to transform your expectations into powerful agreements that will actually enhance your relationships. This is Lead with Confidence Now, the podcast that helps you grow your confidence I'm Travia Steward, and I've spent 27 years transforming lives. My mission is to help you grow your confidence by improving your self-image so that you perform better in all areas of your life. Today we're gonna talk about the impact of expectations on relationships and friendships, the critical role of confidence, and how shifting from expectations to agreements can lead to stronger more fulfilling connections without so much disappointment. You will leave this episode with actionable insights to enhance your relationships and personal growth that helps you in all areas of your life. So have you ever wondered why so many relationships seem to thrive while others just fall apart and fail? The secret lies in how we manage our expectations and agreements. All right, let's get into it, my peeps. Happy Podcast Thursday, my peeps. So first of all, we've been talking about embracing your authentic self and how— what it really means to be comfortable with who you are in your skin. Again, this is something that I am constantly working on every single day as well. And so getting comfortable with who you are is really about you fully accepting yourself, everything about it, and loving everything about it. Whether it's your arms, you know, it's your thighs, it's the way you talk, it's your voice. It's falling in love with every part of you, you know. I'm not perfect, you're not perfect, we're not perfect, and that's okay. But we can perfectly love ourselves And confidence in this situation isn't about being perfect or flawless. It's about really leaning into your qualities and your strengths, and, you know, and even loving your weaknesses. Because when we accept ourselves, we stop needing constant validation from other people and other things. And with With better confidence— this is what we're getting into in this episode— with better confidence, we communicate better with our friends, with our partners, in all of our relationships. Why? Because we all know our needs and desires, and confident people believe in themselves so much to where they aren't afraid of expressing those needs, expressing those desires. And this openness and being committed to not hiding anything, but being committed to going, this is what I want in this relationship, and can we be in agreement of doing that? You know, and the openness and the honesty of direct communication is crucial in every relationship, whether it's a friendship, whether it's a romantic relationship, whether it's a relationship at work. Open and honest and direct communication is crucial, and you having the confidence to speak up and be open about what need is also crucial because it helps you to build the found— the foundation of what you want in this relationship. So let's break it down real quickly. Let's think about how expectations work, right? Expectations come from our own experiences and desires. Like, we have a way that we were socialized, we have a way that we grew up, we have a way that we experience the world, whether it's like in dating, whether it's friendships, whether it's at work. So an example of something like that, like, let's talk about like when you're dating someone, you know, let's say it's not your first time and you have dated several people in your life, and now you're dating this one person who doesn't necessarily follow the dictionary version of how dating should go, meaning, oh, we go and date, you send me a text, you call me, that kind of thing. We go out and have a good time. And then we communicate the next couple of days, right? Because we have the expectations— I know I have— that if I've had a good time with someone, then I should hear from that person. And when I don't, then I'm setting myself up for disappointment because I have these expectations that I haven't clearly communicated to the other person. I have these expectations of, well, they should know that they should call me after we've had a good time. They should know that I want them to text me after we've been hanging out. Well, people are not, um, are not mind readers. I know I'm not a mind reader, and I don't think anybody's ever been able to read my mind. And so we want to get better at being confident enough to communicate our actual desires and needs and what we need in relationships and friendships. And so when we talk about expectations, expectations are For me, I feel like expectations are things that you expect other people to do without you saying, hey, you know, I need you to do this thing, I expect you to do this thing. Expectations don't work because people are not mind readers, and we have all grown up in different households. Every single person is different, even if There's two siblings who grew up in the same household with the same two parents. They're different. They have different expectations of each other, of people outside of the household. So expectations, I believe, just sets us up for disappointment. Like, for instance, when we go to work and the boss goes, you know, John is late all the time. Cindy is late all the time. Well, they should know what I expect of them. Because they're mind readers, because they signed on the dotted line saying this is what they knew you expected of them. So having expectations is like having this, this book, this manual, this group of rules in your own mind, and you don't share it with the other person. And even if you shared it with the other person, that other person is expected to automatically take on what your socialized beliefs are in the expectations, let's say, for dating or getting to work on time. And then there's all of these misunderstandings and disagreements, and again, it just really leads to disappointment. And so when we have unrealistic expectations of another one— of, of each other, we just open the door for more and more and more hostility, animosity, because people expect different things of themselves, of each other. But this is where I want you to now shift to. Instead of having expectations that lead to disappointment, that lead to miscommunication, because people are not mind reader— mind readers, I want you to think about implementing agreements in your life. This was a lesson that I learned early on in my coaching. Agreements are mutual understandings that both people, both parties consent to. So instead of going, I'm going to go on a date and I'm going to have a good time with this person, and I'm just, you know what, I expect that, I expect that they're going to call me. Instead, go, hey, I know my desires, I know my needs, I'm confident enough to share my needs and desires with this person that I've had a good time with. And instead of having expectations, we set an agreement and go, hey, you know, I had a good time with you tonight, today, yesterday, the last— whatever it is. And then maybe have an agreement with the other person Can we make an agreement that, you know, you know, if you're sending me a text, I'm gonna respond within, you know, a couple of hours? I'm not just gonna let it go. You know, if I'm busy doing something else, then I will hypothetically, you know, I'm just gonna do— send a single letter back to let you know that I got your text, but I can't really fully text right now, and I'm going to get back with you. But we expect people to read our minds and know that that's what we want. So instead, we want to make agreements and go, hey, can we agree that we're going to communicate? It doesn't have to be like every hour or whatever, but I would love to communicate further with you. And, you know, because some of the times when those types of things happen and then people feel like they've been ghosted You know, because we've had a good time, we've hung out, we've done the thing, and now we haven't heard from the person and there was no agreement made. We just have all these expectations that end up turning into, oh, they must not like me. Oh, they didn't have a good enough time that I— they didn't have as good of a time as I thought they had. And now they're thinking all these things, and then it's a runaway train of what we're making that disappointment now mean. Instead of going, let's make an agreement on how we're going to interact with each other the next few days, you know. And so we also expect, especially in friendships, that, you know what, like hypothetically, if I, you know, I'm always the person who's listening to other people's problems, and then when it's time for me to go and share my situation with someone If I just expect that they're gonna listen, I'm setting myself up for disappointment. We expect our friends to be the same type of friend that we were to them, and we can't expect those things. Reciprocity through agreements. We make agreements. When you make agreements from a confident place, we set ourselves up for success. We set ourselves up for open and honest communication. And so again, expectations are most of the time, they're just unrealistic. But with confident communication, we can agree on something like, I really value our talks, but I know we both have busy lives. Maybe we can set aside an hour on Friday. What time can we agree on that we're gonna set aside to catch up. That's an agreement. It can be just as simple as that. And here's what agreements do that expectations don't: agreements build trust, agreements reduce resentment. Because when you have expectations and you now begin to communicate those expectations and you haven't agreed on anything, people begin to resent you because Who are you to put your expectations on me? I'm different from you and I wasn't raised like that and I don't wanna be expected to do anything, right? Because unmet expectations can lead to feeling let down. But again, clear agreements, you avoid that. Clear agreements also encourage mutual responsibility. We both take responsibility for the contribution in which we are bringing to this relationship and this friendship. Okay, and so as I begin to wrap up this episode, I want you to think about expectations in your life just really lead to misfortunes, misunderstanding. If you are a boss at work and you expect people to get there on time, it's not going to work. Make an agreement with your co-workers, make an agreement with your team, and say, we— can we agree that we're all going to be here by 8:15 Monday, Wednesday, Friday, whatever that is? On Tuesday and Thursday, you can get here whenever as long as you put your time in. But can we make this agreement? And then there needs to be a consequence if the, the agreement's broken, because again, when you have clear agreements, you Expectations have no place in that situation because now we have clear agreements and we can agree that this thing was broken and what's the consequence of it. And so we want to cut down on miscommunications and misunderstandings because we don't want how we're showing up every day and how we're interacting with another person to be based on what we assume people should know about us because it's the right thing to do. You know, it just, it's just all the things, just agreements make agreements. And so when you think about having the confidence to share your desires, share your needs, maybe one of the first things that come up, because we all, you know, we all dabble in the playground of limiting beliefs, we all dabble in 'Oh, if I tell this person this is what I need, that I want to make an agreement on this thing, is it a sign of me being selfish? Who am I to be selfish because I'm going to express openly what I need and desire from them?' This belief, this limiting belief, can prevent us from setting those clear agreements, from really voicing, 'This is what I want in this relationship.' And then we get frustrated when our needs aren't met because we haven't even communicated what our needs are. Agreement. And then the next part, in shifting from expectations to agreements, we build trust and clarity in relationships. There is no guesswork. There is trust because the agreements are built on mutual understanding. We're openly discussing, and both parties are agreeing on the thing that's being discussed, ensuring that we're both on the same page. Which reduces the likelihood of disappointment. So as I wrap up, I want you to really remember that confidence plays a crucial role. You have to be confident. You want to be confident in setting these clear agreements, because when you're confident, you're more likely to express your needs and desires, and you're more likely to really want people to listen to you. And you listen to others. Clear communication transforms expectations into agreements. Cancel out expectations. We want agreements because this fosters healthier, more successful relationships with friends, with significant others, all the people in your life. And then when you embrace your full authentic voice, this is what I need and this is what I desire, we now have even more meaningful connections. Because that's what I believe we were put on this earth to do, is to meaningful— meaningfully connect with each other. So the final thought I have for you today is embracing that authentic voice, and that confidence will help you to turn vague, unspoken, read-my-mind kind of expectations into clear mutual agreement, which not only makes relationships stronger, but it also creates more supportive and understanding environments where both sides can, can grow and foster and develop. And we cancel out Disappointment. And I'm not saying that you're never going to be disappointed about something someone does, but disappointment shouldn't come from expectations. Confidence, being able to fully speak this truth, is the glue that holds these agreements together. Because we don't want to just be silent on those things. We don't want to, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna keep it to myself because I don't want them to think I'm selfish. I don't want them to think, you know, that I'm needy. Clear communication, shared understandings, mutual respect. So expectations out, agreements in. If you have agreements in all of your relationships, whether it's at work, at home, your friendships, watch how your relationships begin to thrive And you know what, if you're asking for people to set agreements with you in your life and these people are like, I don't do agreements, I don't know what that— that just sounds stupid, maybe those people are not part of your tribe. Maybe those are the people that you're like, okay, she doesn't want to set an agreement, then okay, I'm going to be confident enough to know that person is not for me. So you decide, you choose, and step 100% fully into it. I want us to get away from allowing other people to tell us how to behave and how to act and how to react. And because we want something, and then so many times, and myself included, so many times we just keep it to ourselves and we, we roll over and go, okay, they must not want it, then I'm not going to say anything about it. If you want agreements and you're believing in this thing like I do, 100%, agreements will enhance your relationships. Agreements will enhance your communication with your significant other, your partner, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your friends, your family, everybody, if you make agreements and stop having expectations of other people, because they don't even know what those expectations are. So as I close, my peeps, confidence in speaking your truth, confidence in knowing what you want in a friendship, in a relationship, confidence to speak up for the things that you desire and the things that are important to you. All right, my peeps, if you are looking for one-to-one coaching where I can personally help you boost your confidence and I can help you navigate some of these things about how do we set agreements and, and set up expectations, I want you to click the connect link in the show notes and let's get, let's get on a call and let's see how my coaching can help you take your life to the next level. All right, my peeps, we'll talk next week.