Breaking Free from the Thought Spiral of Negativity | Breakthrough: The Gen X Podcast for...

If you are someone who feels like you're stuck in what I call a thought spiral, a thought spiral of negativity, then this episode is for you. I'm Travia Steward, and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. Are you someone who feels stifled and stuck in your life, and you know that this is not as good as it gets, then I want to connect with you for a free 20-minute connect call. And in this free call, I will help you identify an area of your life that you want to improve so that you can actually begin living the life you really want to live. I want to be a catalyst for helping you get what you want. So if you're someone who is tired of trying to figure it out on your own this Connect Call is for you. Grab a spot on my calendar today by clicking the link in the show notes. All right, let's get into it. What's up, my peeps? Happy Podcast Tuesday. I am recording this podcast actually today on the day it's released. You know, I just spent a week in Puerto Vallarta, And it was so relaxing. And as a matter of fact, I thought, you know, and it's completely my fault, I thought I had an episode banked for today. And then when I went to look and go, oh, let's make sure the podcast was actually posted. And I was like, oh crap. Okay. You didn't have one in the tank. And so that's why today's podcast episode is just a hair late. If any of you like are looking forward to when it comes out, you know, when it drops at 8 AM. But that vacation in Puerto Vallarta, this is a place that, that Shelly and I go to probably at least once a year. And we went to the resort and this was the slowest ever. And because it was the month of September and this is their slowest month, so it had the lowest amount of people that we had ever seen, that we had ever experienced at the resort. But you know what? We had a good time. It was relaxing. It was rejuvenating. It was exactly what we needed. And guys, the level of humidity there was off the charts. And because I live in Arizona, I'm used to, you know, a dry heat. We don't have a high level of humidity in Arizona. So it was like you stepped outside and immediately began sweating. But you know what? We played pickleball 3 times in that heat, in that humidity. And so the reason why I want to start with that is the old Trey would have been someone who complained about, "Oh my goodness, the resort isn't, you know, it's not happening enough. It's too hot to get out here and do these things. You know, there's not enough people out here. You know, why are we coming in, blah, blah, blah, blah." because I am someone who used to identify as— what I learned from Positive Intelligence was a hypervigilant. So I would always look for the negative, the most dramatic things, and ruminate on those things. And that would put me in a thought spiral of negativity to where I couldn't even open my eyes to see the benefit of playing pickleball even in this, this humidity, the benefit of being at that resort even though the, the, the the capacity, the occupancy was at 30%. And so being someone who does this work on her thoughts regularly, I have noticed, you know, over the years, a substantial change in how I direct my thinking and how I direct my thoughts without allowing my thoughts to run off and direct me like a runaway train. So that's where I want to start with today, because I know that this is something that that a lot of people find themselves in. You know, one of my closest friends, you know, is, is dealing with, you know, a really, really hard time in her life right now. And, you know, I'm doing my best to balance, you know, being a friend, being a coach, because I really want to help her through this. As we jump right into it, I want to share some things that you may have heard me say already on this podcast, but it warrants repeating, that our thoughts and our actions are largely dictated by our identity, our self-image, how we see ourselves, what we think we're worth, what we think we deserve. And the way we see ourselves shapes how we perceive the world around us, how we take in comments and, and, and things that happen to us or for us. And this in turn actually influences our behavior. 'Cause what's happening is our thoughts create our feelings, which drive our actions, which produce the results in our lives. And I spoke a little bit about this on the self-image episode, the last one. And what I really want you to remember is our mind, your mind's number one job is to listen to what you tell it and then act on it. So if it's being fed you know, a, a thought spiral of negativity, a negativity, if it's being fed something that happens, you know, yesterday, last week. And then what we're doing is ruminating on it, you know, ruminating. By ruminating, I mean like we chew on it, we replay it. What could I have done differently? How could I have made a different choice, taken different action? We ponder it, we relive it and relive it and relive it And to me, that's like, you know, that's when we begin to get into that thought spiral. And then if you actually were aware of the amount of time that you spend ruminating on a very specific issue, or, you know, just all of the negativity that, that knocks you out of homeostasis, that, you know, that contributes to you not feeling the way you actually want to feel. If you actually took the culmination of the times that you spend each day and then you figure that out, how much time have you wasted for your, you know, in a year, in a week? How much time have you taken away from the actions that you really want to do, the time that you'd really like to spend with your loved ones, with your kids, with your friends? Doing something, you know, proactive that's getting you closer to the person that you are becoming. And so what I want you to think about is whatever you fill your brain with each morning and each moment of the day, your brain actually looks for evidence to make sure you know that these things are true. And so if you're looking like, you know, I don't feel good about myself, I don't feel like I deserve this, well, we're gonna find— your brain is gonna find so many different examples to misconstrue why those things are true. And then we look at it and say, "You see, that's exactly why. You see, I don't deserve it because that girl looks better than I do, because she's thinner than I am. That's exactly why, you know, I am in this predicament, why I'm feeling the way I actually feel." And so what I want you to think about is one of the things I learned from my training with Tony Robbins is we are always doing one of three things. We're always deciding what to focus on. So like when we hear a comment, when we, you know, receive some input, some information, we're deciding what to focus on. Sometimes it's focusing on, oh, the one word. Oh, we're focusing on the sound that we heard in the background. Oh, we're focusing on that person's tone of voice. Oh, we're focusing on the negativity that came through. And then number 2, we're always concluding what it means. It's a story that we're making up about it. Because whatever meanings we create about that comment, about that experience, instantly changes how you feel about it because of the story you're telling yourself. And this is what fuels our feelings. And so based on the meaning, the story that we told about what happened, we take action according to that. And so if we were able to just stick with the facts of this thing was said fact. We don't add a story, we don't add a meaning to it. Then we can be able to step back and look at it objectively and go, oh, I see. If I just stuck with the facts of the situation, I 100% believe that our actions would be different. So let's talk about what happens when you actually are in that thought spiral. And so Again, this is when I think it's so important to realize and know exactly how you work. What happens when you— what happens within your body when you're knocked out of homeostasis? What happens? You know, is your chest tight? Is you have a knot in your stomach? You know, are you feeling sad and depressed? How do you know that you're feeling sad and depressed? Because what shows up in your mind as a thought has already shown up in your body. So your body is communicating with you in a way that it's telling you that I'm not, you know, if you were like a car going, you know, I'm in tip-top shape and I'm able to get you from point A to point B, there are no check engine lights on. That's what I want you to think about when we talk about what are the signals that your body is sending you. And so the 3 things that I want you to do so that you can now begin to break the habit of being in and ruminating and being in these thought spirals is acknowledge it. We don't beat ourselves up because of something that happened. We want to have grace for what we're going through. Have grace for what you're going through. And I'm not trying to minimize any type of experience, whether it be traumatic, whether it be life-altering. I don't want to minimize any of that. So acknowledge it, but really have some grace for yourself. And then the second thing I want you to do is, is categorize it. Are these useful thoughts or are they unuseful thoughts? And if they are unuseful because it's helping you feel shitty, it's helping you feel, you know, in a negative way that you don't want to feel? Who would you be without these unuseful thoughts? What would be different in your life without these unuseful thoughts? And then the most important part of this is interrupting it. So sometimes it's a matter of being so aware of your thinking that you just go, not today, not today, Satan, I'm not hearing it. Not today, brain, laugh at it, interrupt it, cut it off, whatever that thing is. And then immediately Choose a thought that you would rather think instead, instead of that weed that's growing in your garden, instead of the unuseful one. Because where there is one weed, many more will populate from there. And we all know that you don't even have to water the weeds in the yard for those suckers to keep growing. Well, that's what those negative thoughts are like. You don't have to water it, it just keeps going and growing and growing. And so what you want to do is choose a thought that you'd rather think instead of the unuseful one. And then we begin to establish and build new patterns, new paradigms, new habits, because our words and our listening and our actions create our world. It creates how we walk through the world. It creates how we view things. And we're constantly creating in every moment. We can never not be creating. And so I don't want you to think about like, oh, it's only when I take action that I'm creating. No, no, it's when you're laying in bed that you're creating. It's when you are, you know, not being the person you want to be, not taking the actions that you want to take, that you're still creating. We are always creating. And so in every moment, we have to pay attention to the thoughts. We have to be so self-aware Because our thoughts fuel our feelings, which motivate the actions we take, which produces our results in life. And by taking the actions that we take, we constantly teach ourselves who we are. We teach ourselves if we're someone who can bounce back from this. We teach ourselves who, you know, if we're stronger because of that experience we went through. Or do we teach ourselves that we're someone who just lays out in the middle of the road and I am 'You know, this is something that's happening to me and I can't ever get through this.' And again, I'm not minimizing it, but if you get to a point to where you are tired of being in a thought spiral and you actually want to take action, give yourself time to grieve, give yourself time to process these feelings. But the moment you recognize that, 'Okay, I've had enough, it's time for me to get out of it,' begin to teach yourself who you are and who you want to be without these unuseful thoughts. Because the opportunities to declare who we are lies in every actions we do or don't take. And so I want you to think about the world that you're creating, what input you're actually letting in that's helping to create that world. Like, if you're in a thought spiral and it's something that you're going through, maybe we need to clean up conversations with others. Maybe we need to teach others, hey, you know what, I know I talked about that thing all week, but you know what, I would really like to clean that up with you, and I would really like to move forward so that I'm not continually stifled and living and held back by the past of this thing that happened last year, last month, last week. And then you want to clean up your environment. If there are things that are in your house, in your office, in your car surrounding you that's reminding you of that shitty thing that happened, that's helping to keep you in that thought spiral, Clean it up, get rid of it. And then clean up all the input channels. Watching shows on Netflix that make you feel shitty, you know, listening to music that keeps you sad, you know, all of the things that you're using to input, going on social media, looking, you know, purposely at something that you know, you know, helps you to feel shittier. We wanna clean up those input channels. And in cleaning them up and directing our thinking, we want to have some intentional thought creation and practice that on purpose. What is it that you can believe that gets you a step closer to coming out of this thought spiral, coming out of this traumatic experience? One step at a time. What is the one thought that you can believe that this experience is you are stronger for it, you are stronger because of it, you are better because of it, whatever that thing is. But talk to yourself, direct your thinking more than you allow your thinking to direct you, because we all have the power to choose whatever thoughts we want. And so I want you to ask yourself, are you choosing thoughts that are in harmony with who you want to be and who you're becoming? And ultimately, the goal is to say no to the thoughts and things that are not in sync with those goals, with who you want to be. And one of the most productive ways to do this is start your day every day with gratitude. Start your day, get yourself, fill that cup as close to a 10 as you possibly can do. Start your day with actions that fill that cup and help you feel the way you actually want to feel. And then you may have to revisit and continue to refill that cup during the day, because sometimes just doing it one time in the morning and something knocks you out of homeostasis, you gotta go back and refill it. So sometimes that one day at the gas station is that, that one time in the morning at the gas station is not good enough. So just as a reminder, breaking out of the habit of those thought spirals, you wanna acknowledge it. Don't beat yourself up about it. Have grace for what you're going through. Is this thought unuseful or is it a useful thought? And we wanna direct our thoughts to something else. Interrupt it, cut it off, laugh at it, laugh at it, and then choose a thought that you'd rather think instead of that unuseful one. And then this becomes the evidence that the brain then begins to look for. So as I conclude, I want you to think about this whole resetting, recalibrating, like a thermostat in your house. If, you know, right now I'm in Arizona, and we're still like at 104, 105 degrees. Well, so if my house is, you know, 105 degrees, that's miserable here. And so if I don't want anything to change, then I don't change my thoughts. I don't go over there and change the dial and the setting on the thermostat. I just keep experiencing the heat, period. But if I want to change something and do something about it, I go over there and I move the dial. I set the thermostat lower so that I can feel the way I wanna feel. Changing your thermostat, taking action on creating the thoughts intentionally so that you can recalibrate how you're feeling during the day is something I want you to take from this episode because we can control how we think and how we feel. More than we, we actually recognize that we can. So I want to thank you for joining and listening to this episode. I hope you've gained some valuable insights into breaking free from the thought spiral of negativity. And I want you to remember that your thoughts have the power to shape your reality. So choose wisely. Create thoughts that are happening for you in the way that helping you feel the way you wanna feel. And if you found this episode helpful, please share it with friends and family, and don't forget to subscribe for more episodes. Until next time, grab that free 20-minute connect call, and we'll talk soon.