Embracing Change: Rediscovering Yourself After 35

I am Travia Steward, and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. Yo, what's up, my peeps? Happy Podcast Thursday. Today, when this episode drops, it's March 28th, and One thing I want to do is— this is March 28th and this is almost the end of the first quarter. How fast time flies, right? So on April 1st, I am starting a different, a new social media journey with my, with my friend Charles. And so my peeps, I want you to look for all of the things that will be happening on the interwebs, on IG, a little bit of LinkedIn, YouTube. So I'm putting it out there because when you say these things in a public place, you are more committed to it. So I'm sharing with you that I'm about to embark on a journey which also increases my accountability of it. Now, I already have a high level of integrity, but with my individual integrity, sometimes we can push those things off and go, I'm still being integral to my word, but, you know, I'm not going to start till June. I'm not going to start till whenever. But I'm putting it out there for you today that there is going to be a different type of strategy, I guess, as I want to say, because In the last few months, I've kind of been taking a break from social media because first of all, I needed it because I'd gotten wrapped up in, you know, like the metrics, how many likes, how many comments, all those things. And then I was making those likes and comments mean things that they shouldn't mean. So because I'm such a self-aware person, I was able to recognize what was happening and said, okay, Trey, you need to take a little bit of a break from Instagram, from the interwebs, from the socials, right? And so I will be back starting next week. So just to give you a little bit of, a little bit of a heads up, I guess. So one thing that I want to talk about today is I have people in my life. You know, last year— last year, shit— last week I shared with you that I've started driving for Lyft. And I tell you, I have been meeting the most fascinating and interesting people. You know, some people I meet and they always, you know, generally one out of two riders will ask, is this your full-time job? And like, they're, you know, because they're— and they always want to know, and I always say, no, this is, you know, it's a little bit of a side hustle, and but my full-time job is a life coach. And I've been so surprised that some people are like, what's a life coach? What's that? And so then I explain what a life coach is, and I love being able to introduce so many people who don't even have a clue what life coaching is to this wonderful gift of coaching that can help you unleash and tap into your possibility, into your potential. And one of the things that one of the riders asked, and we were talking about it, and this was one of the times, you know, some of the rides are very short. Some of them are like, you know, 30 minutes or so. So we have some time to sit and have, you know, really good conversations. And I find that Whenever I'm in conversation with other people, I just love it. It makes the ride so much more fulfilling. And so, because I don't want to be someone who just goes and takes people from point A to point B and it's like, okay, this is just a job, it's a way to bring in money, but I want it, I want it to be more than that. And so I had this rider and, uh, I don't think she's gonna mind. It's not like I'm gonna say her last name anyway, but we were having a conversation and, and Bianca shared with me that she knew that she was capable of so much more, but she just kept feeling frustrated and limited by— and she didn't really know how to get off of that path and start a new track as far as how do I find that more? Because I talked to her about, you know, I'm a reinvention coach. I help people to reinvent themselves to become the person that their goals require. Because you can't just say you want to do something and keep doing the same things you've always done and expect different results. And so what happens is, especially the older we get, we lose track of our own identities. We lose track of who we were created to be. We lose track of who we want to be. And the reason why we do these things is because— and this is what I was sharing with Bianca— is that I feel like we focus so much on others that we neglect our own needs and desires and our dreams. We put those on the back burner, you know. And I find that it happens so much more between 35 and 60 because, you know, life begins to happen. And you're like, I got bills to pay, I got kids, you know, all these people want these things of me. And then we get to a point to where we are allowing other people to dictate how we show up. We're allowing other people to guide how our days go without really taking back the reins of the control that you really want to have, that you really want to have in your life. And so How does this happen? Well, I believe that we get stuck. I believe that we lose track of our own identity and we don't know what steps to take because we get— we get bogged down by the shoulds. What should I have at this time in my life? And then we get bogged down in the things of the shoulds because of what we think. Other people think we should be. And then we look at, you know, again, one of the reasons why I took a break from social media was because we get into this comparison trap. Well, this is what society has said you are supposed to be doing in your life as far as, you know, what's the norm, you know. Like, one of the things that people are, you know, that's, that's, that's basically come into attention recently. Like, a lot of the millennials are like, who's— you know, I don't want to work a 9 to 5, I don't want to work all the time, blah blah blah. And see, the older generation is like, what do you mean? You need to work. You know, it's a 9 to 5, it's called a job. You know, that's what you do because that's how it's always been done. And so the shoulds in life are are really based on things that were started eons ago, decades ago. And honestly, it's— it— and I'm not going to say it's hard, but there's— it's being aware and breaking the patterns of seeing what am I being guided by, who is guiding it. Am I being— is my life being guided and driven by old stories old ways that our parents and grandparents did things, which means that's how we're supposed to keep doing them in 2024. And so the shoulds and the wants— you should have a perfect family, you should have a good job, you should work a 9 to 5— and once we get wrapped up into that should, that begins to drive and direct our lives. We also get stuck and frustrated and trapped because so many of us are people pleasers. You know, we are wired caregivers, we are wired nurturers, and so many of us, including myself, we get satisfaction from, from helping other people, from putting their needs first. And then sometimes when we do that, we believe that it's a badge of honor. But look, you know, I'd lay down, you know, so so-and-so can happy. In the meantime, you're miserable. One of my, my, you know, some of the, the, the assessments I would do is called Finding Your Saboteurs. And I used to be someone who identified as a hypervigilant, but I also identified as a people pleaser because it was really, really hard. Again, I don't want to keep saying hard, but I recognize in my life that I was saying yes to things I really didn't want to do. And that was several years ago. I am not that person anymore. But I find that there's so many people who are still stuck in people pleasing. Like, I was just on a coaching call with one of my clients this morning, and she was sharing with me that her mother's coming to visit, and her mother's coming to visit her for about 2 weeks. And the last time her mother visited It was 2 weeks of putting her life on hold instead of continuing and allowing her mother to integrate into what she had already established. And so 2 years ago, she would have been someone who was like, oh my God, I'm gonna be stressed out all day because my mom is here. My mom gets up much earlier than I do. I don't want to get up at 6 o'clock because I work late. I have this whole routine that I love, and I don't want to start my day stressed out. I want to start my day being very energetic. And so recognizing that for most of her life she was people pleasing, when people came to visit her at her house, she was still people pleasing even though she was the decision maker because it's her house. It's her and her husband's house, right? And so, so many times we get caught up in people pleasing that we put our needs on hold and we forget about what we need to begin with. And then this selflessness comes at a cost because we're exhausted. We look up one day and go, where did the time go? Where did any of this go? And I haven't a clue as to what I'm supposed to be doing right now. And then we just know we get up and we go to work. It's Groundhog Day. It's, you know, It's like just time flies by so fast. Like, again, we're already almost in April. And then other things that could, you know, keep us stuck and stalled are that we have a fear of failure. It's a fear of disappointment because we want to think that we have it all worked out. We don't want to take that action until we are 100% ready. I've been guilty of that as well. And so we have this fear of disappointment and fear of failure because it's scary, you know, when, when we're talking about doing things that we've never done, doing things that you're not certain how the outcome would— how it's going to turn out in the end, that can be a little fearful. So which means we are being guided by fear. We're being guided by other people's needs. We're being guided by society, the shoulds and the wants. And so today I want to talk about— let's, let's begin to look at what is that identity that you are walking through the world as right now. Are you walking through the world as a people pleaser? Are you walking through the world as a, a person who's shoulding? All over themselves? Are you walking through the world allowing fear to be your guiding star and not taking action on some of the things you really want to take action on? You know, because these things, when we stay stuck, when we stay in this place, we just feel unfulfilled, we feel disconnected, we feel uninspired, and In some of the conversations that I've been having with people, you know, they get in my car and they go, hey, how's your day going? And generally I say fantastic, great, amazing, and they are immediately sucked into my positive energy. And then some— and then I return and go, how's your day going? Uh, so-so. Why come? Why is it going so-so, right? And so what's the reason for that? I mean, sometimes it's early in the morning, sometimes it's 5:30 in the morning and they've just gotten up to get ready to go to work and they go, uh, it's okay, it's so-so. And I was like, it's 5:30, what time did you get up? 4:45 or 5 o'clock. It's already just so-so, it's already, you know, negative. And so, so much of this has to do with how we're viewing the world. What is the perspective? Can we get up in the morning and reclaim that energy I've been doing so much energy work that I want to be the difference maker in someone's day. I want to be the positive, you know, light in their day, you know, even if they don't have, you know, the capacity to do it themselves. I want to be that person. So people who, who interact with me, I want to be a guiding light. I want to be like a breath of fresh air for them. And so what I want to ask you today to do is I want you to begin— if you are feeling like this, like you're like, I have no idea what to do, I know that I'm capable of so much more, but I just can't seem to unlock it, I don't know what the deal is with me, you know, I, I just lose track of, of who I am and who I'm supposed to be. And that's exactly what Bianca shared with me. And so what I'm going to ask you to do right now is to begin taking back the reins and the control of your life. You want to reclaim your time first. Schedule some me time, even if it's just 15 minutes a day, you know, for things that fill your cup. You know, I have a list of, of like 16 things that immediately fill my cup. Rediscover what, you know, you're interested in. Rediscover like a, a hobby of some sort. But schedule some me time so that you can begin your day, or even if it's in the middle of the day, immediately go, what am I grateful for? Are you grateful for all the things that happened yesterday? Would you want those things to happen today? And if not, Then maybe begin reflecting on that and how can you take control of how your day unfolds? You know, there, yes, there are a lot of things that we don't have control over, but there are a lot of things that we do. We always are able to control how we react to things. And then the next thing I want you to do is revisit your values. What's important to you? You know, the things that are important to me are number one, My health is important after having, you know, after experiencing breast cancer. My health is important. And so my health guides me. As a matter of fact, you know, I'm in, you know, because I, you know, one of my identities is that I'm an athlete. And so when I'm finished recording this episode, I'm going to go to the gym and get a good workout in because I haven't done it today. So health is one of my values. Loving connection is another one. My business success is a value, right? Integrity. And so just begin with reclaiming your time and then revisit your values. And if you integrate these self-reflection exercises like journaling in the morning throughout, you know, begin setting a goal of doing it one time during the day, a goal of doing it one time this week. And then if you can increase that and implement it into being a standard in your life that you would do no matter what, you're going to start watching so many things happen in your life because you're being aware of it. You'll start being present to who you're walking through the world as. And so that's what I want to leave you with today, is just remembering that we're all worthy of creating the life that we really want to live. We're all worthy of fulfillment. And reclaiming what it is that you want in your life, what brings you joy, is not selfish. It's actually essential for your happiness. It's essential for you tapping into that potential and unleashing it, right? When you reclaim who you are and who you were created to be, it allows you to show up more authentically. I know I have been someone who has been showing up more authentically in every area of my life. And so, because I've shared with you before that my first declaration is, I, Travia Steward, am proud, powerful, and fully expressed in all areas of my life. And I don't ever want to have to hide who I am. I did that for the bulk of my life, and it's been so freeing. So what I want you to ask of yourself right now is Where are you feeling constrained? Where are you feeling like you can't be free to do something or be something or show up in a way that you really want to show up? Not because it's a should, or someone said you should do it. Not because of a relationship. Not because of old stories, antiquated ways of doing things. Not because your grandparents did it, your parents did it. And so I want you to think of How can you now flip that and be free to be who you really are? Be free to show up the way you want to. And once you begin peeling back that onion, you'll soon realize that it's becoming easier and easier to do what you want, to unleash that potential, even if it's one small thing at a time. Okay, my peeps, happy Podcast Thursday! I look forward to this time because I love it when I feel like I am talking to one specific person. And today, Bianca, I hope you're listening to this because you were the inspiration for this podcast episode. And so, my peeps, if you have something, shoot me an email shoot me an email, share a question in there, share, you know, maybe something that you're going through, and I can, you know, answer that question on the next podcast episode. So I'm looking forward to it, and I'm looking forward to having as direct of a conversation as I feel like I can have on the podcast right now by answering your questions. So in the show notes, I will leave it go to travia@traviasteward.com, shoot me an email. And actually, that is my email, but you can go to Travia Steward Coaching if you want to learn more about me. But to submit that question, travia@traviasteward.com, and I would love to answer your question on the next episode. All right, my peeps, happy Podcast Thursday, and we'll talk next week.