Embracing your authentic self

If you're someone who wants to make major changes in their life, someone who wants to achieve their goals, or maybe you're someone who knows this is not as good as it gets but you have no idea where to start, on the Reinvent You podcast we explore different types of people, their successes and failures, and how they reinvented themselves to create the life they love. It's our hope that from hearing their stories that you too may have more insight into what it takes to build a life that you envision for yourself. Here to help you do that is performance and life coach Travia Steward. Happy New Year!

I know it's Thursday, it's days after we rang in the new year, but it still feels so fresh, you know. I hope that everybody was, was able to spend some special time over Christmas, over the holidays, with their families and with their friends. There's just something so motivating, inspiring, and uplifting about turning the page on the previous year because it's almost like you're like you just completely get to wipe the slate clean and then being excited about the possibilities of what's to come. That's how I'm motivated. I'm motivated going towards something rather than thinking about all the things that I missed and how I'm going to do that better. I'm motivated by visualization and the possibility of experiencing that and how it will make me feel to experience this. So thank you guys for tuning in today and welcome again 2021. So guys, I hope you're getting value from this podcast. I would love it if you haven't had time to leave a review, if you will be so kind to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. I've set a goal for myself that this year I would like to have 50 reviews. So I would love it if you would take some time and review the podcast. And also I would like to grow my YouTube channel to 200 subs. So, but I would love it if you would subscribe, subscribe to this podcast, leave a review, and subscribe to my YouTube channel. All right, so we're diving into today's topic: embracing your authentic self. Brené Brown has a quote that I absolutely love: owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do. So it's like kind of like owning all your shit. And loving yourself despite all the shit that you've been through, all the scars that you've had, loving yourself regardless. In your life, have you ever hid your true identity from someone for one reason or another? Have you ever hid your values, the things that you believe in? Have you ever hid how you viewed something to please another person? You know, we've all gone through some political upheaval here of late. You know, we probably were like, oh, that's an elephant in the room, let's not talk politics, let's not talk religion. Many people hide who they really are at their core for fear of not being accepted, for fear of running and scaring people off. One of the buzzwords of the last couple of years is authenticity. Well, Merriam-Dictionary defines authenticity as being real or genuine, being true and accurate. It means not changing a single thing about yourself to please others. It means knowing what's important to you and what you stand for no matter who is around. Being authentic means you appreciate and accept everything about yourself, from your style of clothing to your broad shoulders to your masculinity or your femininity. It's knowing that you're not perfect— none of us are— and being okay with that and loving yourself despite your characteristics, what you view as flaws, and loving yourself through all of those things. And to be yourself when there's so much social comparison, you know, I know that's a daunting task. It's a daunting task for me as well, you know. And many of us, including myself, go through life wearing a mask or several different masks. You know, I have been guilty of that, all, you know, types of fear, of not being fully accepted, fear of being judged, and fear of being criticized, how we go through life putting on armor and mask, becoming whoever we feel we need to be for whoever we're with. We do those things and we don't feel authentic. And those things probably don't feel natural to who we really are. And so in this episode, I'm going to dive into the 3-part system to help you embrace your true authentic self no matter who you're with. In this episode, we're going to dive into the 3-part system that will help you embrace your authentic self no matter who you're with by analyzing the present, by embracing who you really are, and then we're going to talk about how to attract the right people in your life so you don't have to hide. To begin with, when we talk about analyzing the present, basically, does your life represent who you are, or do you feel like a hypocrite? The things that represent who you are, things like your home, the car you drive, the food you eat, the, you know, your overall lifestyle. If you're someone who believes in saving the environment, then you're probably someone who recycles, who doesn't pollute the environment, who uses environmentally safe products. But not being fully aligned, being a hypocrite, would mean that none of those things matter to you, even though you say that they matter. And you probably throw things out of your window going down the interstate. You probably litter. You use things that are harmful to the environment. You know, just as a couple of examples, you know. And maybe you're someone who doesn't need things, material things, to fill you up, but you have to have the latest new car or the— a new pair of shoes or that new Gucci purse because it's important to keep up with the Garcias down the street or your girlfriend or whatever it is, or just keeping up with social media. So do you hide things about who you really are. For most of my life, I didn't embrace who I was and what I stood for. I wanted to be the person I thought all of my friends wanted me to be. So I was making assumptions. I first started paying attention to, you know, what didn't feel right to me and the times when I felt like I wasn't being true to myself. Maybe I was dimming my light for others. I had an urge to hide something. You know, because for most of my life, I, I didn't really love myself. I didn't really feel like I belonged except with sports on the court, on the field. And I went through the same process that I'm taking you guys through with accepting and embracing who I really was. So to begin with, getting aligned with Am I walking the walk that I want to walk? Or am I talking one thing and I'm doing another? I want my life to be a reflection of who I am at my core. And I don't want to constantly worry about what other people are thinking about me, because frankly, what other people think about me is none of my business. And I need to try to mind my own business and not worry about what other people are thinking of me. That way, I could stay in my lane, living in unison with my values, with my core beliefs, with who I am. At my core? And then the second part, in embracing yourself, do you appreciate who you are and the contribution that you make to this world? You know, after my surgery earlier this year, I found myself feeling ashamed of my scars from my double mastectomy. Shit, I had beaten cancer, and here I was worried about something as trivial as what, what other people would think of me. I've always had broad shoulders. I've always been someone who has had, you know, male tendencies. I used to be so ashamed of that. To overcome those things, I began, I, you know, I took a look at my scars. I took a look at the things that made me who I am. I started appreciating these characteristics one by one, and I started being grateful. That I have scars and that these scars have made me stronger. So overall, when we don't love ourselves first, we end up attracting the wrong type of people. We generally seek people to meet the needs that, that aren't being met inside of us. We accept things like being used by the other person. You know, we give and we give and we give, and the other person never gives back. Never reciprocates anything that makes you feel special. When we learn to meet those things and those needs ourselves, we lessen the dependence on others to do it for us. We begin to take care of ourselves, our emotions, our mental health, our physical health, being in touch with our feelings and our thoughts on every level. And as a child, I got really, really good at learning to fit the molds that other people wanted for me. Right. So good. And so now I've learned how to not be dependent on those things anymore, because no matter what it is that you're doing, you're getting something in return from that, whether it's acceptance, whether it's love. Well, I figured out I have a list of about 24 things that absolutely fill every one of those voids that I was trying to get from not being truthful, hiding things, trying to be accepted. So I figured out that I have about 24 things that absolutely fill those voids, that bring me joy, that I can just kind of pull out anytime I want to meet any of those needs at the moment. And so take some time maybe and figure out what is your list of things. It can be 50 things, it can be 6 things, but when you're feeling like you just want to be accepted by someone, start with accepting yourself. Start with looking at yourself in the mirror and going, I completely love who I am. I love what I see in the mirror. Because you know what? Coming from a place of gratitude, it can always be worse. And maybe there's a moment where you're like, I want to dress and feel confident today. So you go put on that favorite outfit. You go put on that thing that makes you feel like a badass. You know, maybe it's getting a massage. Maybe it's wearing a certain kind of makeup that you want to wear. It's a certain kind of lipstick, but it's whatever that brings you the joy that's similar to the feeling that you got from doing these other things. And then number 3, attracting positive people in our lives so we don't have to hide. So we don't feel like we don't belong. I believe if we all had a great circle of friends and family that completely supported us, we wouldn't feel the need to be something we're not. And so in trying to be more authentic in social interactions, we want to seek out positive people, people who are aligned with our values, people that we can share our beliefs with and be able to respect other people's beliefs, people who uplift us and fully accept us. Are you a person that other people want to be around? Do you bring joy to your partner's life, to your friends' lives, your family's life? What kind of people are you attracting in your life based on your vibe, your energy, and your attitude? You know, and looking at your circle of friends, maybe you have people who in your life are negative. They're negative Nancys and negative Neds, and they might criticize you. And you just accept that. Are there people who always laugh at you, where you always feel like you're the butt of the joke? Or there are people who ignore that you're even there, and then sometimes you feel like, why did I even bother coming tonight? You know, we're all influenced by those, you know, the type of people who we associate with, whether it's our friends, our parents, our coworkers, our partners. And if we associate with negative people, you become more like those negative people. You pick up those habits and behaviors. And then once you realize that's happened, if that's not the person that you want to be, it's time to cut those people loose. And as you reflect on your social circles, do the analysis and figure out who is worth you giving your time to, because time is so precious. We cannot get time back. And so it's very special how you spend your time. While reflecting on my social circles, I started making a rule that I was no longer going to lie about who I was and who I loved. And if I couldn't be completely honest with people, then I shouldn't have those people in my life. Now, it took me a long time to get there. It did. It took me, you know, developing some strength and some grit and some tenacity and embracing myself and not being ashamed of who I was. And I stand before you here today, not ashamed at all. I'm proud of the person I am. So I began distancing myself from the people who I didn't think jive with who I was or who I wanted to be, because, you know, I no longer wanted to spend my time trying to impress those people and lying about believing in things that I didn't really believe in. I want to be the kind of friend that others seek out. I want you to be the kind of friend that you seek in others. Becoming so aware of your needs, your motivations, what drives you, what makes you feel incredible. You know, sometimes we tend to hide out and not put ourselves in situations where we have to interact with others socially because we fear, you know, not being accepted. Life is about connection, so you want to be open to more opportunities to connect with others. Think about a person who you recently met, who you instantly felt comfortable with. We've all had those experiences, right? Somebody that you clicked with, that you jive with right off the bat. What was it about that person that made it feel comfortable and inviting? And if you were drawn to things that that person was doing, odds are there are things that we strive to be in ourselves. Some of the characteristics that we love about other people, we have those things in ourselves, but sometimes we just don't allow those lights to shine. So there you have it, the 3 ways that I believe that you can start embracing your authentic self. Analyzing right now, your present, embracing who you really are, and attracting the positive people, the kind of people in your life that you need and want to have that never make you feel like you have to hide who you are. Every day I focus on how I want to show up. Am I living in alignment with who I am at my core? I ask that question. Does my life represent who I really am? It didn't for a long time. But today it does. Today I fully know, accept, and love this is the best version of me. Every day— it's a process, I'm not gonna lie, it's a process— but every day I start with a fresh slate, and every day I choose, because we can all choose. Every day I choose to be the person that I'm proud of. Every day I choose to look myself in the mirror and be proud of what I see reflecting back at me. So I want you, I encourage you to fill your circles with people who make you feel proud of who you are, and you will be well on your way to being your authentic and genuine self. If you would like to explore what coaching could do for you, how working with a performance and life coach like myself could do for for you, I would love to have a free consultation with you. Click the link in the bottom of the show notes and let's schedule a consultation.