Ep: 53 Rising from the ashes of your life with Julie Paulston

You are listening to episode number 53 with Julie Paulston.

If you're someone who wants to make major changes in their life, someone who wants to achieve their goals, or maybe you're someone who knows this is not as good as it gets but you have no idea where to start, on the Reinvent You podcast we explore different types of people, their successes and failures, and how they reinvented themselves to create the life they love. It's our hope that from hearing their stories that you you may have more insight into what it takes to build the life that you envision for yourselves. Here to help you do that is performance and life coach Travia Steward.

Today on the podcast, my guest is a transformational life coach who brings humor, passion, and compassion in her journey to help women rise from the ashes of their lives to rediscover their divine inner phoenix. She has over 30 years in recovery. She brings multiple personal experiences and strategies to rediscover who you were before the world told you who you should be. This last year has been so pivotal in her journey to rediscovering her own purpose and her passion to serve others. She is a contributing author for the Women's Health and Wellness Network, and she has appeared on Ladies of Light with Melanie Colton and Ask the Expert with Leticia Johnson. She has her own podcast called Be the Phoenix of Your Own Life where no subject is off the table. I had such a great conversation with Julie today. We discussed a various array of things. I did love that we— I felt like our energy fed off of one another. She you know, even though we weren't in the physical room together, I felt like the energy that she brought to the Zoom was as if we were in the same room together. And so today on the podcast, we discuss, you know, how Julie was working through adversity and how she came out on the other side. We also talked about her journey going through sobriety starting at the age of 12 and finding her true self. And then we also talked about the importance of what? Chucking it in the fuck it bucket. That was Julie's challenge that she did on Facebook that she is going to run again sometime. And I just love the name of it. And so we discussed so many other things and I think you're going to find so much value from this podcast on how to move through adversity and connect with others. So welcome to episode number 53 with Julie. Julie, thank you so much for joining the Reinvent You Podcast today. I feel so very honored, and I think our energy will match each other. So there may be some times where we have to tone each other down or whatever, because we don't want people to have to go get, you know, Ritalin to listen to our episode, you know. But, you know, I love that because I think that's what life is about. It's about sharing these conversations. It's about this energy. That's engaging. And, and, and, you know, my top values are love and connection. So I'm so excited to share love and connection with you today, Julie. So welcome to the Reinvent You Podcast.

Thank you. Thank you. I'm like beyond excited to be here. I was like, I saw the Reinvent You and I was like, huh, gee, the Phoenix is my brand. I think I'm all about reinvention.

Absolutely, guys. And, and yeah, like there will be some people who only listen to this episode, you know, just the audio, but there will be some people, because it'll be on my YouTube channel, who see that beautiful phoenix behind you. And I was just so drawn to it. I love that. So, you know, let's just dive right into it. What is Julie Paulson's Cliff Notes story? Who is Julie?

So, uh, Cliff Notes story. I've been an educator for a Fortune 500 company. I was with them for 8 and a half years. COVID hit. I got stuck in my house. I don't do well being isolated. I don't know if you can gather that I have a little bit of a big personality. I like being out with people and being stuck in my house and becoming a paper pusher and a conference call for a conference call to discuss the conference call that we need to have the conference call about. Right. So my attitude went to crap. And July 11th, I went out with some friends of mine on a boat and I broke my wrist in 3 places. So then my attitude got even worse. And so August 27th, they decided to part ways with me. And that's a polite way of saying you're fired. And then September 15th, Hurricane Sally came to Pensacola, and I ended up with 3.5 feet of water in my house, and I lost everything that I owned. So I was broke, busted, and disgusted, and sitting in a pit of shit. I'm like, this is ridiculous, why is all this happening to me? And I determined that it wasn't happening to me, it was happening for me, because I was finally able to stop and slow down enough to hear the universe saying, we got something better for you if you would just shut your pie hole and let us speak. We got something for you.

I love that. Thank you so much. You know, so Julie, you know, we don't just wake up on the right side of the bed and go, this is happening for me instead of to me. You know, most people— yeah. How did you become that person who could see the lessons through that and to know that I'm going to be better for it on the other side?

I think that I had a little bit of a benefit because I also have over 30 years of sobriety. So this is not the first time that the shit has hit the fan in my life. Wow.

Okay.

And I also have been— I, if I told you that, seriously, Trey, if I told you that I was happy when this happened and I was just finding the gratitude in that, I would be a huge liar. Because I wasn't. It really took me slowing down, and I entered this contest, and I won this contest about building your brand and all that stuff. And I'm sitting here still trying to find a job, like, I'm, I'm like putting out resumes and doing all this stuff because I had a really cush corporate job. And to have that ripped away from you, it's terrifying. I mean, and then to lose my house, I'm like, how the hell am I gonna even pay rent? And when I won that contest and got introduced to a couple of really powerful coaches, they said, why are you fighting so hard? What do you want to do? And I've always said, I want to motivate, inspire, I want to be, I want to motivate, educate, and inspire people to live their best lives. And they're like, can you do that with the trajectory you're on? And I'm like, well, no. And they're like, okay. So it just, I was at the beach, I live in Pensacola, Florida, don't hate, but I was on the beach watching the sunrise and I was having a moment where I was sobbing and just pissed at life, at Gus— God, Universe, Spirit is what I call him— just pissed. And then I sat there and I'm like, listen, girl, you could either be bitter or you could be better. If you get bitter, everybody who has been hating on you and everybody who has been rooting for you to fail. And all those people that were in your boat that were drilling holes when you thought they were rowing— yeah, they're gonna win. So you can be bitter, or you can get better and live your truth and live your life and stand in your power and stand in everything that you hold dear and let the chips fall where they may. Wow.

Okay, I love that. I love everything that you said, but I still want to dive a little deeper. Because that sounds like you get to that point after you've had coaching, after you've been around people. What if Julie is somebody who only knows from her environment that friends who are like, I'm giving up on this shit. You know, the hurricane came. I'm just going on like public assistance. I'm doing all this stuff. What if you're not surrounded in the coaching world? What if you don't have people inspiring you? How do, how do you crawl out of that? Without these other tools?

So I remember when, when I was in my sobriety and I lost my house, lost my job, once again another reinvention, another rebirth of me. I didn't have coaches, I didn't have shit around me, right? All I knew is The only thing that I knew is that I didn't want to be where I was. Okay, that's all I knew is that I was like, I looked in the mirror one day and I was like, listen, do you want to be here? And I've attempted suicide in my past. I mean, there's my story could be like 5 episodes.

Holy smokes.

Yeah, in that moment I was like, okay, number 1, I know I don't want to die. I don't want to drink. I just don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to be sitting in the swirling vortex of doom anymore. So I thought, okay, I don't need to know where I'm going. I just need to do what's going to feel better now. And so I just went and literally went on to YouTube and typed in how to get out of depression because I'd lost my job. I didn't have insurance. So I couldn't go and get a counselor, right? You know, I'm struggling trying to find someplace to live. I didn't have the money to go and pay for a counselor. And so I literally went on YouTube because, you know, YouTube has a video for everything. I went on there and I was like, how do I battle depression? I don't even remember what I typed in there, but a video popped up and I listened to it and, and I was like, oh, okay. And then I listened to another one, and I listened to another one, and I listened to another one. And then I started looking for people who were where I wanted to be.

Yes.

And I started to reach out, even though they were so far ahead of me that I'm like, they're not going to want to talk to me. It's just, you know, I'm sitting in the shit, they don't want to talk to me. But I reached out to some people and they were like This is what I did. And they answered me, and I was blown away. I was like, whoa, wait, this person actually talked to me.

Yeah.

And in the grand scheme of life, they weren't that huge media big person, but they were a person that was at a place that I wanted to be, and I wanted what they had so badly, right, that I was willing to risk my ego. I was willing to risk my feelings. I was willing to risk whatever it took because I didn't want, I was so devastated, I didn't wanna hurt anymore. And I knew that if I didn't do something that I would start drinking again. And if I know me well enough to know that if I start drinking again, you might as well just call a hearse.

Wow, wow, I love that. And so I love how you define, I just don't wanna be here anymore, you know? And so, yeah, that's one step better. That's one day at a time. Oh, I totally love that. So you've touched on a couple of things that I'm very curious about. You said you've been sober for 30 years. You touched on a lot of things I'm curious about. You've been sober for 30 years, and I—

yes.

So when did you get sober?

So I'm 53. Um, I, I started drinking and using when I— well, I started drinking when I was 12. Um, my journey with drugs started when I was about 17. Wow. And I got sober when I was almost 22.

I'm just— my mouth is on the floor because you said you started drinking at 12 and doing drugs at 17. More, more about the drinking at 12. How are you a 12-year-old and you start drinking? Are you sneaking into your parents' liquor cabinet? Are you hanging out in the middle? How do you start drinking at 12?

So it was funny because I, I did an interview this morning with someone. He does a recovery podcast and he was— he said the same thing. Dude, what happened? Why did you start drinking at 12? I said, it's funny because everybody that asked me, like all the counselors I went through, they're all like, so Julie, how was your family life? What went wrong to cause you to start drinking at 12? I had a badass family life. Like, my dad was an airline pilot, my mom was a nurse. I have great brothers and sisters. I had a great childhood. For whatever reason, at 12 years old, I drank half a bottle of wine and discovered in that that I could be somebody completely different.

Yes.

Okay. And then as I— when I— and I didn't drink all the time at 12, but I, I started doing more. And yeah, I got in my parents' liquor cabinet. I remember one time my dad had friends over and he's like pouring them drinks. They're like, Don, you need to put some booze in here. He's like, well, I put like 2 shots. And they're like, this tastes like water. And he's like, well, I don't know what you're talking about. And he tasted it. I have a brother and a sister. I happen to be the oldest, but the first thing out of his mouth was, Julie Yvonne Paulston. And I'm like, oh shit, I'm so busted right now, because I would pour water into their— into the bottles of liquor because they didn't drink.

Yeah, after, after you had just disposed of it, guzzled it down.

Yeah, I didn't know how to drink back then. I was just like, okay, well, I'm just gonna— and most of it tasted like shit, and I didn't do it a whole lot. But then I got to high school and understood that MD 2020 and Kool-Aid tasted good.

Oh, I see. Wow.

And it allowed me, Trey, to become somebody. Because even though I had a great childhood, and I will fight somebody and throat punch you if you say that my, my childhood was anything but idyllic— I mean, it was amazing.

Yeah.

People who fight addiction have a predisposition to the disease, and it is a dis-ease. There's a dis-ease, a disconnection mentally with people who fight addiction. And so it allowed me— even though I was cool and I was, you know, I have great personality and I tended to be popular, I never felt like I fit in. So that gave me the avenue to fit in. It gave me the avenue to become this different person, to be this larger-than-life person that I felt was going to be more accepted than who I was at my core.

Right. Wow. And so when you got— when you got sober at what, almost 22?

Almost 22.

Okay. So what was the catalyst? What was that light that went off that said, I need to get my shit together or I'm going to end up where?

So when people are in AA, they have this thing, it's called being 13-stepped, and that's when you like meet somebody and they're they drag you to a meeting and you date them. And so it's— that's what happened is I met this guy at a bar and he happened to take— he's like, I asked him what he did and he told me that he was a cook at a treatment facility. And so me not knowing anything about it, I thought he was talking about sewage. And I was like, so people cook shit for a living? I mean, that's disgusting, right? I'm like, what the hell would be that? That's a job? Okay, buddy, if that—

okay.

But anyways, we ended up dating and he kept inviting me to these AA meetings and I would drop him off at the meeting and I would go to the bar. Well, finally one day he said, listen, I really, really care about you. I want you to come to this, this, um, candlelight meeting. People won't even be able to really see who you are. I was like, if this will get you off my back, I'll go to the damn meeting. Fine, I'll go. And I'm sitting in the meeting and I'm listening to all these people, and I was like, oh, I am not like them. I haven't been homeless in years. Oh, I do— nope, that's not me. Of course. Nope, that's not me. And then all of a sudden, this is the last woman who spoke. I'm sitting there and I'm like watching my watch, like, can we go now? The bar is going to close pretty soon. Can we please go? And she started talking and it was like I got Polacks because Travia Steward told my story. Like, it was like listening to myself and I just lost it. I like started bawling and I just had this panic attack because I realized that what I thought was fun and what I thought was how I was going to be better at living my life, I realized that all of the demons that I was battling were because I had a problem. And in that moment, that was, that was the last— that was August 29th, 1989.

Wow, that's And so I'm sure that date is somewhere on a coin, you know.

Yeah, yeah, it is. And it's burned into my brain. And it's funny because every year around July I experience upleveling. Something happens, something changes, something shifts. Last year we had the trifecta of unfortunate events, that's what I call it.

Yeah.

And now it's like, now I'm so excited to be able to just serve and share and lead and just I developed— discovered this side of me that I was like, oh my God, this is, this is so much fun. I mean, people, people get to do this, right?

So how do you show up? Like, and what is that thing? You know, because like, like, I drink alcohol, I love beer. And one of the things that I look forward to when I'm hanging out with friends is trying different beer, you know?

Right.

What is it outside of connection, outside of great conversation? What do you reach for in those, in those times when those social outings to like propel Julie to the social gathering, the person, you know what I'm saying? Cause everybody has their thing. What is your thing that gets you up to your 10?

So for me, it's, I thrive in environments where there's really good energy. So when I go, I, and it's funny because people tell you, oh, don't go in. I go out to the club. Oh, well, be, you know, pre-COVID, you know, I would go out dancing. I would get— to me, I, I love— I feed off other people's energy. And when I go to the bar, I always get a Sprite with 2 limes. That's my thing. And it was when I first started doing it, it was because I didn't want people to realize that I was sober and I wasn't drinking. But now I don't give a shit. I don't— I drink water too. So my thing is really is, is a it is that connection. It is that who are you and how can— number one, are we an energetic match? Right. You're not, bye. Um, I have no patience, no patience whatsoever if you are not an energetic match. And if you are not— if I can't serve you and create my dream then you've got to go. Because if we're not matching on an energetic level, then you're not going to understand what I'm saying. I'm not going to understand what you're saying. It'd be like you're speaking French and I'm speaking German, and we're not going to understand each other. Right. But it's that connection with people that really feeds my soul, is to be able to watch people laugh and watch people be happy and to have grace and gratitude and ease in their lives. You know, I surround myself now with people who trigger me. Like, I surround myself— yes, I surround myself with women who trigger me.

Okay, when I, when I hear the word trigger, I always think I have negative connotations when I hear the word trigger, and I think they're pissing me off, they're saying something, they're hurting my feelings.

Yep.

Oh, you like that? Oh, you like that, I see.

So it's the women who are where I want to be And it pisses me off that they, they're like, oh, I did this, and oh, I did this, and they made it look so fucking easy, right? That it triggers me into— and not in a negative sense of, oh, I hate them, she's such a bitch because she did that. It triggers me in the sense of, what are they doing? How did they get there? And if they can do it, I can do it.

Wow.

That's what I like.

I'm so curious that you use the word trigger rather than something like, then these women who inspire me, who motivate me, Why trigger you?

Oh no, no, they, they— because here's the thing is they're doing it with such ease that it, it triggers a, a area in my life that I know I need to heal.

Okay.

Because if you're healed in that point in your life, then they won't trigger you. They won't— you— they won't give you that urge to, to move forward. You're like, oh, okay, well, that's cool. For me, when I get triggered, it, it it sparks something inside of me that goes, why? Number one, why are you pissed off, right? So it creates self-reflection. So why are you pissed off that they're making $100 grand a month? What about them making $100 grand a month pisses you off? Oh, it's because it's— you're not making that. Okay, so why aren't you making that, right? So it creates that need and that thirst for knowledge and to find out What are they doing that I'm not? Because you got two arms, two legs, two eyeballs and a mouth and two ears. I should be able to do the same thing you do. You got 24 hours, I got 24 hours.

We all have the same amount, right?

So why are you making 100 G's a month and I'm not? And how do I get there?

Okay. Okay. So that's your, your gas on the bonfire fuels you. Okay. I get that. So, you know, Julie, I, you know, I, I suspect that you're so multi multifaceted, multidimensional. And it's pretty clear that your mess, your story, your mess has become your message, right? What's another work that out story? The original name of my podcast was Work That Out. And I love hearing stories of, you know, my back was up against the wall, which I know Hurricane Sally did that for you. What's another time where you're like, I had to figure shit out, I got to work that out, and you did?

So I'm like, well, now my love— my little internal Rolodex is going, um, pull a card, pull a card, any card. Let me see, what age would you like it to be from? Um, you know, it's— I was a, I was a single mom for a long time, so I— my oldest son I gave up for adoption, um, and it was just before I had him, when I— just before I turned 21, and I kept him for 2 months, and then I released him, relinquished him for adoption. He and I are best friends now, so that's cool.

Yeah, that's so cool.

But that kicked me into that final stretch of my disease and before I got sober. Um, and for me, that was one of the times where I really found myself up against a wall, is because even though I was deep in, into my disease, and even though I was deep into despair, I knew that I couldn't take care of him. And I knew that even though I kept him for 2 months, and I really wanted to be a mom, and I, and I really wanted to, you know, not fail, because to me, when I gave him up for adoption, to me that was failing. Um, it was realizing that somebody else's life is so much more important than mine and understanding that his life was more important. And from that, yeah, I dove off the deep end and spent almost a year really, really testing the boundaries of my life. Um, and through that, it has gotten to the point where now when I get my back up against the wall, um, You know, one of the biggest things for me is I ended up having a heart procedure in 2010. And at that point in time, 2010, 2011, I sat about 280 lbs. And my doctor told me, if you don't do something, you are going to die.

Right. Wow.

Yeah. And I still was like, I will be fine. I will be fine. I will be fine. And then the realization comes in that you have it once again. You have a choice. You can either choose life or you can keep going down the path that you're going to go down. And if you choose life, it's not that it's just going to be sunshine and rainbows and unicorns are going to be shitting out, you know, glitter and all that. It's not— some days it's barely being able to get out of bed.

Right.

And it's in those moments where you can't even get out of bed that you make those small choices.

Right.

Of, okay, I can't function today, so today I'm going to move from the bed to the couch.

Small steps.

And I'm gonna be on the couch and that's okay.

Yeah.

And then the next day, okay, well maybe today I'm going to take a shower and I'm going to sit on the couch again, but this day I took a shower. And okay, well maybe this day I'm actually going to go outside and go to the mailbox. And it's those little tiny steps. And, and when I say those things, it's because I've been there. I've, I've had to make those steps of where I just wanted to lay in bed and I didn't want to get out of bed. Yeah, because I thought I'm too chicken shit to commit suicide because I'd already tried it and it didn't work for me. Obviously I'm sitting here, but it was too chicken shit to commit suicide. I was too chicken shit to relapse and start drinking again. And so it was battling the demons, and I'm finding that when I stand in front of the wall of my demons We have to do this. You stand in the front of the wall of your demons and they will laugh at you, they will make fun of you, they're going to tell you you're not worthy, they're going to tell you you're not enough, they're going to tell you your ideas are stupid, you shouldn't do this, who are you to think you can do that? And it's literally plucking them out one by one and saying, you don't serve me anymore, you've got to go. And just throwing them. I, I think of like the, um, The Little Mermaid, the movie The Little Mermaid, Ursula, when she like plucks the souls out and uses them as lipstick. That's what I think of my demons as. Like, I think of this wall of these little demon faces and I just pluck them out, use it as lipstick. Yeah, toss them and keep it moving. Because every elevation you get to there's going to be a brand new wall. And until you empty the wall that you're in front of, you can't go to the next level.

I love that. You know, it's always, it's so interesting to me how, like, even though, you know, we're both Coaches, how our methodology is different. You know, I love that. And I love just, you know, conversing with others and learning. So Julie, now I know quite a bit about you now. Who did the world tell you you needed to be before you figured out who Julie wanted to be?

The world told me that I was too active. The world told me that I was too loud. The world told me that I was, you know, I was too loud, I was too active, my ideas were too big, that, you know, that I needed to calm down and to focus. And to, you know, you need to calm down, Julie, you need to focus, and you need to get a real job. Or, Julie, you know, you shouldn't be out there like that. People are gonna say stuff about you, and you, you need to fit into the societal norms. And through my lifetime, it's Being 53, Trey, I can tell you that it's only been probably in the last 4 years that I've really started stepping into who I want to be. Yeah, because it's so ingrained in us. And it's— I, I told somebody the other day, I said, when we as, as women, and even as men, but as women, when you're 2 years old your parents are doing the best they have with what they have, right? And at that point in time in their life, most of the time, as a little girl, they hand you a dolly and they say, okay, Trey, here's your baby, take care of her, don't let anything happen to your baby, right? So what happens when we're 2 years old is we think, okay, I have to take care of the baby. And as we get older, I have to take care of my siblings, I have to take care of my friends, I have to take care of my parents, I have to take care of this, I have to take care of this. And everything is taking care of everything outside of you. Never in our lives, for the most part— I won't say never because there are some people that do, but for the most part, we're never taught how to take care of ourselves, right? We're not taught how to take care of our mental health. We're taught how to spend all of our energy on everybody else, but then when it comes to putting the oxygen mask on, we're still looking for other people to put it on instead of putting it on ourselves. Yeah, so it really took me going through, you know, all of the things that I went through to finally get to the point where my give a shit button broke. And going through what happened this last year, the trifecta of unfortunate events, not only did my give a shit button broke, I stepped on it, I squished it, I tore it apart, and I threw it in the garbage. And I speak who I am. I say what I feel. I love hard, and I match the energy of what's in the room. And if you are not meant for me, I love you, but you gotta go.

You gotta go.

You gotta go. You cannot— you cannot be an energy vampire in my life.

Why does it take—

I've got to go.

Why does it take us so long to get there? Because, you know, I'm only— I'm only 2 years younger than you. I just had my 51st birthday in February, and I have been Yeah, thank you. It's been a couple of months, but you know, it's probably been less than, less than 10 years that I've been creeping and creeping and creeping. Now from coaching, I've been like sprinting to be my true self. Why does it take us so long? You know, like, don't you wish you were that person? You could identify those things at 22.

You know what, here's the thing. So my mom— it's so funny that you say that. So my mom— I love my mother. My mom is— she's a badass chick. So, um, my mom asked me one time, she's like, Julie, everything that you've been through, wouldn't you want to go back and like know what you know now back at 22? And I said no. And she said, wait, what? I said no because Here's why, Trey. If you didn't go through every single solitary thing you went through, you wouldn't be the woman who's sitting here now.

Very true.

So true.

Every single thing, no matter how horrible it was, every single thing that I went through— it's like I always reference The Butterfly Effect with Ashton Kutcher. If you've never seen that movie, I highly suggest you see it because it makes so much sense now when I see it. If you go back and say, okay, well, I want to go back to that point in time where I got raped and not let that happen, okay, so I go back to that, but then what are the events that happen after that? It's not going to keep you on a linear path because now that you've made that choice, everything else around you changes, right? And I would not give up No matter all the things that I've been through, I wouldn't give them up because I probably wouldn't have my kids, I wouldn't have my life, right? And no matter how rough it gets, every day I get to wake up and decide, yeah, who am I gonna be today? Am I gonna be on the bitch train or am I gonna be the conductor on the bliss train? Some days I wake up and I'm on the bitch train. I'm like, oh, this is stupid. Yeah, yeah. And then I have to think, I'm like, whoa, whoa. Check, brake check. Are you on the bitch train or the bliss train? Oh, I'm on the bitch train. Let's, let's just pull into this station and change trains and go on over here. It happens. I don't know a coach out there that does that, is rainbow and sparkles every single day.

Oh, absolutely.

There isn't one.

Yeah, yeah. Now we all have our own shit to deal with.

Exactly.

Wow, that's incredible. So I love how you have all these little rhymey phrases. You know, I love that.

It's like I'm the queen of analogies. When I was teaching, that's what they're like, Julie, you're like the queen of analogies. I'm like, well, it makes sense to me.

Yeah, yeah.

I have a Dory brain sometimes. I gotta have it to where I teach to the 5-year-old in the room. And some people get offended by that, and I'm like, no, because, right, I have to be able to explain it in a way that makes sense. If I start talking on a level, you know, where with hair stuff for hair color, oh, well, you need to have a natural level and da da da da, your eyes are gonna roll in the back of your head, you're gonna check out, and all the lessons that you could have learned are gonna be gone.

Absolutely. I did see on Facebook that you did a challenge recently called Chuck It in the Fuck It Bucket.

Oh, you saw that, huh? That's the funniest shit ever.

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket. Tell me, what was the premise behind that? And I know, and I have a feeling like you're gonna do that challenge again. So we can just introduce—

hell yeah. Oh my God. So I was talking to a friend of mine who's also a Coach, and we were talking about like the different programs. And I have like my big, my flagship program. And then I had some other stuff. And, and I said, I saw this little meme that said, some days you just want to chuck it in the fuck it bucket. And I went— and we were talking and I said, girl, I said, I can't tell you how many days I just want How to just let it go and chuck in the fucking bucket and move on. And it was this, this little voice went, Julie, that's a course, that's a challenge. And I said, Heather, what, what do you think? What would happen? And I said, should I name it that? She's like, hell yes, you should name it that. So it was How to Chuck It in the Fucking Bucket and Move On with Grace and Ease. And the premise was We all have something that we need to chuck in the bucket bucket, whether it's those gold jeans. You know, you have those jeans in the closet that you're like, I'm going to wear those again someday, right?

Right.

No, you're not. And even if you get to that weight, you're going to want to buy a new pair of jeans. I'm not going to want my Jabo jeans from 1989. I'm going to want some new jeans.

Oh, I'm totally—

yeah, I said Jabo jeans.

I'm totally loving you.

Yeah, I said Jabo jeans.

Oh, I had every color. There's nobody else Someone here who's gonna know what Javoe jeans were. They're the best fitting jeans ever.

I just threw those jeans away 4 years ago.

Wow, I can't believe they haven't come back.

And yeah, I would love it if they made a comeback because those were— girl, those were the most comfortable jeans in the world. I know, but that was like the premise is, is that everybody has something that you really want to let go of. And I did it on the premise of being fun and light and happy and doing that. And, you know, and we did an un-vision board. Oh, so we did this. We did a board and you put everything on the board that you wanted to let go of.

Yeah.

And so through— it was a 5-day challenge and through the week we worked through stuff. And it was funny because the very first night I was thinking, you know, it's all getting rid of all the Tupperware containers without lids, you know, those kind of things.

Yeah.

Oh no, those women dropped, I want to get rid of my abandonment issues. Yeah, I want to get rid of this. I want to get rid of my self-loathing. I want to get— and I'm sitting there thinking, this was supposed to be about jeans. This was not this Tupperware. This was like, this was about that necklace that your boyfriend gave you that you don't even wear anymore, but you hold on to it because of whatever reason, it's time to let it go. And so I was a little worried, but I thought, you know what, Julie, we're going to follow the room. We're going to follow and see what happens. And I had 21, 21 people, 22 people in the challenge. And I have had people reaching out to this day that said, when are you running it again?

Right, right.

When are you running it again? And people, the testimonies that I got And some— there was a couple of people that that's what it was, is they were like, I want to get rid of my ex, I want to get rid of all the shit that he gave me, why am I holding on to it? And there's, there's a reason why we hold on to things. There's, there's an emotional connection to why we hold on to them. And that was— that whole course is really about how to chuck it in the fuck bucket and move on.

I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's—

it was fun. Yeah, it was really fun. It was really— I, I'm really— I think that's going to be a quarterly thing that I do because it was super, super fun, right?

Oh my God, I totally love that. So Julie, what is the work outside of that challenge, chucking it in a fucking bucket? What is the work that you do with your clients?

So for me, I do a lot of group coaching. So I work with my, my quote unquote demographic is, is women. In fact, the best way I can describe it— so I just put my, my highest intention is up on my wall. I'm doing my goals and all stuff. And so my highest intention, this is, this is who I am. I wrote up there, I said, my highest intention is to spark a global movement that empowers women to rise from the ashes of their lives, to reclaim their divine inner phoenix, and to discover who they were before the world told them who they should be.

Oh, that's so great. That's a powerful thing.

Yes, that's what I do. And it's not— and the reason why I have the phoenix is because I've had people come to me and they're like, well, Julie, my life is good. I don't want to change everything in my life. And I'm— and but your course is talking about rebirth and redoing, and it's discovery because we get on autopilot. I have a lot of corporate women that I work with that are just burnt out because they're working so hard, right?, and they just don't see an end to it. Or the women who are maybe empty nesters who have given everything to their children and their husbands, and all of a sudden their kids go away and they're like, what the hell do I do now? What do I like to do?

Yeah.

I mean, I, I work with women who don't even know how to have fun. I told a woman, I'm like, well, let's, let's figure out what you like to do for fun.

Yeah.

And they forgot. And she could not come up was something that she liked to do for fun. And so we made little baby steps. I said, okay, so what's the weather like? She goes, oh, it's pouring down rain. I said, okay, I want you to go out. I said, do you have a pair of flip-flops? She said, yep. I said, okay, put me on speakerphone. I said, I want you to go out and I want you to jump in a mud puddle.

Boom.

She's like, what? It's gonna get all dirty and wet and yucky. And I'm like, do you have a washing machine? Do you have a shower? Come on, although I— it's not raining where I'm at, but let's go outside, let's play in a mud puddle. When's the last time you made a mud sandwich? When's the last time you colored?

Yeah.

So now I've got her coloring, and now it's all of a sudden she remembered that she wanted to do art. Yeah, but she started in this corporate job and she got married and had kids and and did all that stuff. And now she colors, and now she's, she's like, Julie, I bought a paint set. That's what it's about, is just discovering you're happy, just discovering something that is going to help you rediscover that inner goddess and divine inner being that you are at your core, that you just, yeah, have stuffed down for so long. It's it's playing with that child within. It's playing with that. And some people listening might be like, oh, that inner child bullshit. It's true though. If you allow yourself to be a 5-year-old, even if it's only for 5 minutes, go lay outside, look at the clouds going over and see if you can pick out a shape. Do the little things. Go to a park. Me, I go to the beach when shit hits the fan. First thing I do is I go to the beach. Because that's my place. That's, that's my happy place. But that's, that's who I work with. I work with women who just really want to rediscover that inner beauty that they just have lost.

Yeah, I love that. I think it sounds— that sounds incredible. So if you— you're 53 now, you know. Yep. Let's say you're gonna live another 47 years. Yes. What is the biggest, most audacious thing you want to accomplish in that time?

Oh, well, to begin with, number one, I'm going to be on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday. She doesn't know it yet, but I'm going to be on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday. I love that. Ellen is going to be on my podcast.

Ellen DeGeneres?

She doesn't know it yet. Yes. Perfect. She's like, hi. We even look the same. Well, okay, she's a lot prettier than me, but we resemble each other. She's my spirit sister. Ellen's going to be on my podcast. I'm going to have Brené Brown on my podcast. My biggest goal, though, that I have wanted to do ever since I was— when I first heard of motivational speaking and the very first time it crossed my path, I want to be on a stage with Tony Robbins and Lisa Nichols.

Wow. Yeah. Big, big ballers, baby.

That's what I want to do. I want to be able to spark that global movement.

Yeah.

To be able to stand on that stage and be able to show all of my bumps and bruises and wounds and all of that. Like, I'm, I'm doing a podcast and it's still, it's hard for me to say it. I'm doing a podcast all about my experience of having an abortion.

Because—

and when I told my mom that, she was like, oh, you're, you're going to talk about that? Like, yeah, I am. Yeah, it's part of my journey, right? And if people don't like me and hate me because of the fact that that happened to me in my life, bye, number one. Number two, I would invite you though to set aside what your beliefs are, because a belief is only a thought you keep thinking. So if you start a different thought, you can change your beliefs. But understand what happened, because there's so many women that have walked in those shoes that feel that they're the only ones. They feel guilt, shame, desperation, anger. I mean, I can't even begin to tell you, but that's why I'm doing what I'm doing, and that's why I want to get to that stage, because I want to be able to let everybody know that no matter what it is that you think you've done wrong in your life, it's never wrong.

Oh, I love that.

It's never wrong.

Yeah, we have so much in common.

You, you made a decision at a point in time in your life that was the best decision that you could make with the information that you had, right? So why is it wrong? You're never gonna get it done. Because the minute you get to what you think your goal is, it's going to spark something else, and you're like, oh, but yes, I want to do that too, and I want to do that too. So you're never going to get it done. So that means you're never going to get anything wrong. Oh, that's good.

That's a good perspective.

I love that. There's no such thing as failure because we can learn from everything. Yeah, you learn. You either— it's a lesson or a blessing, and in the moment it's a lesson, but some of my biggest lessons are now my biggest blessing.

I get that. I totally get that. Wow. We have so much in common, you and me, you know, because my thing is you want to be on Tony Robbins and Lisa Nichols' stage, which I've done some training with both of them. I want to be on Brendon Burchard's stage.

Oh, I love him. The Motivation Manifesto is my favorite book in the whole entire world. I could just go grab it right out of my closet.

Yeah. Yeah. He was the one that sparked it for me.

Yeah.

Yeah. So if I could, I had, I had a friend on the podcast and she said, she said, how, she said, what is your big goal? And I said, it all started with Brendon Burchard. It will be a full evolution if I can, exactly what you just said. I want to be impactful. I want to, my mission is to change the lives of a million people. I want to be that catalyst that helps people realize that there is more, right. And I want to do it with Brendon Burchard because he did that for me. And you know what she said? When that happens, will you invite me?

You're like, why, yes, yes, I will.

Oh yes.

Yeah. But you know what? She validated for me that it's possible when she said, will you invite me? And I was like, like, I almost cried during the pod. I'm so— I wear my feelings on my sleeve. So I feel, I feel all of my emotions all the time.

I mean, it's so funny because when I, when I sat here for And Trey, I'm not even kidding. I sat here for a second and I thought, do I say that word or don't I? And my whole chest and my whole shoulders and everything were up in my ears. And I thought, say it, say it, because if you can't say it now, you're not going to be able to lead someone through the fire.

Absolutely.

And so I'm like, fuck it, I'm going to say it. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Hopefully nobody decided, oh, I don't want to listen to Trey's podcast anymore.

Right, right. You know what, I just, you know, I've come to the realization that there are people who are already destined to listen to the podcast, to be my people, to work with me. And so I don't get my panties in a wad about that anymore. Nah, you know, because there will be so many people who find value from everything that you shared with us today, and I 100% believe that. So wow. So thank you so much, Julie. So just one last thing, where can people people connect with you? How can they get a little bit of this energy and be in your vortex? How can they connect with Julie Paulston?

So the easiest way is to find— I'm— I wish I could— I— for my people that are younger, I'm strong. I struggle with Instagram, but I'm on there. Um, and for anybody that's listening to the podcast, please, please, please, for the love of Peter, Paul, and Mary and everything that's holy, would you please read the show notes? Because that's where you're going to find me. My links are going to be in the show notes, because if you're driving or if you're out walking and you happen to be listening to this, you're not going to write this shit down. Come on, let's just be honest. You can find me on Facebook, Julie Paulston. It's P-A-U-L-S-T-O-N. Um, and then I'm on Instagram, and my link for Instagram is, is interesting. It's G-R, the number 8, yeah, F-U-L, the number 4, life. Grateful for life. And then my other Instagram, my, my business one if you want to call it that, is, is Divine Phoenix Rising. Uh, that's my other Instagram. And then my podcast is Be the Phoenix of Your Own Life.

Got it. Yeah, right. All right, well, Julie, thank you so much. This was incredible. It really was.

Thank you. I'm so excited. This was so much fun.

It was, it was. Oh my God. If you like what you're hearing and perhaps you're interested in having a complimentary conversation with me, click the link at the bottom of the show notes. Thank you so much for listening. If you even want to know more about what I'm up to, head over to traviestewart.com. And if you like seeing the videos of the podcast, every episode is on my YouTube channel. Take care, guys.