Ep 75: Dealing with stress before it kills you with Susi Vine

You are listening to episode number 75 with Suzy Vine. If you're someone who wants to make major changes in their life, someone who wants to achieve their goals, or maybe you're someone who knows this is not as good as it gets but you have no idea where to start, on the Reinvent You Podcast, we explore different types of people, their successes and failures, and how they reinvented themselves to create the life they love. It's our hope that from hearing their stories, that you too may have more insight into what it takes to build a life that you envision for yourself. Here to help you do that is performance and life coach Travia Steward. My guest today on the Reinvent You podcast is on a mission to restore the balance of health and happiness in our world, where the scales have tipped to burnout, anxiety, and chronic disease. And as the host of the Happified Podcast, she spotlights healthy living and lifestyle experts. She also shares tools to help her audience live with maximum resilience. With the scientific insights and positive psychology, her programs help high achievers discover how happiness paves the way to greatest success by what? Flipping that script on stress. She also helps her clients discover how they can unlock optimal focus and greater success by making space for what lights them up, which is more fun, creativity, and play. Welcome to the Re-Admit You podcast, my guest, Happified podcast host Susie Vine. I have gotten to know this great lady who just had a birthday 2 days ago. And I tell you what, she has already become a positive circle of influence for me. And I'm so excited for our conversation today. And if you missed it on her podcast, you have to go and check that out. But my guest today is Happified podcast host Susie Vine. Susie, welcome to the Re-InvitU podcast.

Thank you. I am overjoyed to be here with you. This is the best way to celebrate.

Yes, it is. And we're recording this on Friday. And Friday is still, Susie, my favorite day of the week, even though I'm an entrepreneur, because it used to be my favorite day of the week because I was a high school teacher. So I was like, Friday, baby, it's the weekend. And so it's still my favorite day of the week because of the level of anticipation. And you know what? I find that I'm so much less stressed on Fridays than any other day of the week. Fascinating, right? Isn't that so crazy?

I definitely, I definitely still do the TGIF, happy Friday party, and I'm probably going to be here in front of the computer this weekend. I'm not going to lie. You know, there's— oh, I got an idea. Let's take action. Let's get that up. Oh, I forgot to put that email out this week. So weekends are, you know, it's the spirit of the thing, right?

It is the spirit of the thing. And I'm in the middle of a launch, so I'm going to be in front of the computer as well. So Susie, before we dive into it, you know, because we can just get good and juicy right now, but let's give the audience a little bit of context as to who Susie is, her journey to becoming all things Happify.

It's been kind of a winding path. It's always hard to know where to begin. I'm not a very linear person. So forgive me if this comes out, out of order. Um, Travia and I discovered early on that we share some theater roots. I was a backstage girl. Um, I auditioned for things in high school. I did not get cast. I was like, that's fine, I'm not really up for this rejection. I'm just gonna do stage makeup, paint the sets, work on props.

I got this.

And then that was my major. I studied it in undergrad. I worked in regional theaters and opera companies for 10 years painting sets, building props, making the theater magic happen. And, um, ultimately the chemicals in the scene shop started to affect my health. Which I knew was coming as an intern my junior year in college. I could see— this was in the '90s, like food sensitivities weren't really a thing yet, but I could see the scenic artists I was working with had dairy insensitivity, wheat insensitivity. Nobody was even talking about this yet. But a lot of, especially scenic paint, is, um, casein paint is milk-based. People don't know that.

Trivia—

trivia for you on Travia's podcast. So, so, um, I knew I had to figure out something else to be when I grew up, but I had trouble with that. I have never been one for 5-year plans, for having like this big clear vision to move forward to. I just, I've been really blessed and moved through a lot of different things and landed in exactly the right places. And now in retrospect, I can see how they all shaped what I do and where I am. Mm-hmm. And so most recently I was working with senior clients, helping them move from their permanent home, their family home, 40 or 50 years in one residence. They raised their families and then as they aged, they started to have health issues and start to lose their independence and they needed to move. So I brought my theater magic and I helped them downsize, move into a smaller place. And at the end of move-in day, it was like dressing the set, the cabinets were stocked, the closets had their clothes in them, the bed was made. They went to bed in the same bed they woke up that morning. And we are members of Generation X. We do not like to be told what to do. I got super clear. I do not want to end up in that space. I don't want anybody telling me I don't get to live at home and do my own thing anymore. I want to be active and vibrant and do adventures. I want to be the 90-year-old, you know, on the wine tasting tour through Europe. Like, set me up on a river cruise. That might be my happy place. So I'll find you there. And so that was really what lit a fire and gave me the clarity, because this message I couldn't just sit on. I couldn't just save myself. I was like, we all need to recognize that if we don't start making changes now upstream of the problem, we're all going to end up there.

That's bold, Susie.

Thank you. And stress is the common denominator. Stress lies the found— lays the foundation for so many types of disease, very clearly related to heart disease. Obviously we know that diabetes, kind of a surprise, but very simple biological connection there. Many types of cancer are now being clearly connected to stress, childhood stress. Over time, night shift work is being recognized as a carcinogen by the WHO, like them or love them, they've got some numbers behind this stuff. So, wow. So this is where I'm coming from.

Whoa, Susie, girl. You know, I had another lady on my podcast and she was talking about, you know, about how the body responds to things. And, you know, because I am a cancer thriver, breast cancer in 2020, you know, And so when you talk to things like that, my ears immediately perk up. You know, it's like the stress. And I— oh my goodness, just the amount, the role that it plays in your life, right? Can you dive a little deeper? Because like, I want to hone in on that. Like, we're talking about— like, I never even thought like diabetes. I thought that was like, girl, I ate too many pecan pies. I ate too many suckers as a kid, Tootsie Roll pops. I didn't think stress was— Diabetes connected.

And it's, it's part of this oversimplification that, that public health messaging or groups tend to fall into, you know, like we can't pick up on nuance, you know, like the, the ultimate rule of weight loss is calories in, calories out. That's BS. There's chemicals in our environment that make our bodies hold onto fat cells differently. That's for another soapbox, another day. Um, when we're in stress, um, our body shifts biologically to respond to that legendary tiger in the bush. It shuts down our digestion and it forces quick energy to our muscles. So stress and the cortisol hormone that's released spikes the sugar in our bloodstream, which when you live in constant stress, we become insulin resistant because we are always having that high blood sugar reaction. So it's not just the food that we're eating that is probably spiking our sugar because we got so many simple carbohydrates in our diet. It's also that cortisol effect, right? So, you know, we, we never moved our biology forward, um, to match the fact that we don't have to respond to absolutely everything, like there's a tiger hiding in the bush. So the email notifications, the call from the boss, The kid's gotta get picked up early from school. Who's gonna handle that? Right. We respond to everything with that same biological reaction. And if we don't find opportunities to recover, we, we just reach burnout, which after the last year and a half, a lot of us are really operating at maximum capacity.

Well, so how do you differentiate between, okay, I'm gonna allow myself to get stressed right here. I'm going to attend baby, but to pick up the kids because my husband doesn't is not going to be a 10. How do you balance that and how are you able to be present enough to regulate it?

Yes, present is all of it, right? Um, the first thing that I really like to bring people's attention to is what is, you know, take a look, take a closer look at what is within our control and outside of our control. So if work is not run in a smart way and we're not in a position of management that we can do anything about it, We can stay there and keep subscribing to it, or we can look for ways to make change happen. Right. But if you're gonna stay there and subscribe to it, you can't always get that triggered by it. Some things you have to learn how to let go. The kids getting picked up from school and oh my gosh, I have to cancel this meeting for a minute. Right. That's stressful. That's legitimately stressful. This is not expected. Yeah. Um, and then to be present, you know, the breath, the power of breath is amazing. If you tune into your breath, you can start to shift yourself out of that. Sympathetic stress, that fight or flight, back into rest and digest. So give yourself that moment. I'm never one to say, um, avoid or stuff emotions because those are the ones that come back and are triggered in other moments of stress that make us overreact. Right. So acknowledge it and look for ways and solutions to, to give yourself, to bring yourself back to balance. So breath is really powerful.

I love that. You know, I have a couple of clients that I'm working with right now who are all about the money. I've got to do this. I don't have time for a relationship right now. I'm all about the money. And they're stressed to the get-to-the-wazoo, you know. And so it's kind of like, it's easier said than done to be like, you know, kind of let that go. What do you tell those people, you know, the CEOs, executive directors who are just like, yeah, I meditate in the morning, but by the time I leave the house, that's gone?

Right. And I think it's, um, some people feed on that, right? It makes me think of those adrenaline junkies, like free climbers and people that love to jump off of planes or bungee jumping. Like some people, and I've heard it might be related to low testosterone. I, that's not my area of expertise, but if that's what gets you up, then, you know, you're cultivating that, right?

Yeah.

Um, but what that makes me think of when you're talking about the people who are all about the money, um, there's some really amazing people doing research in the field of positive psychology, which is what really inspires me. And a woman named Sonja Lyubomirsky wrote a book, The How of Happiness. And they break it down. She got really famous for this pie that kind of oversimplifies it. So she wrote a whole book to say there's a little bit more to the subject, but 50% of our baseline happiness is genetic. If we come from happy parents, we're pretty likely to be happy people. If you've got some that are at different ends of the scale, it's interesting to see how that settles out among siblings, right?

Yeah.

10% of our happiness is based on our external situation. So when we get the money and it makes us happy, how long does it make us happy? We get acclimated to our situation really quickly, which is why it's easier to see when you travel outside the US, when you're in developing countries, you see how people can live very simply and very happy.

Mm-hmm.

And here we get really caught up in our situation. And then to finish out her pie, the other 40% is based on the practices that we do, what we do to, to boost or maintain our level of positivity. And so there are some practices that you can cultivate, like the gratitude practice and some other things that you can implement daily that help to kind of raise your set point. But I just find it fascinating that only 10% comes down to getting the job promotion, getting the car, getting the money, right?

Right.

Because then we've got our eyes on a new finish line as soon as we get there. Right.

And so it's just taking everything in that you're, that you're saying right now. And I go, you know, 10%, just 10%. We keep chasing this thing like a dog after a bone. Right.

Right.

That is not going to be sustaining. I didn't know it was as low as 10%. I really didn't. Wow.

Oh, it's amazing.

It is. And I love that you talked about it being genetic. You know, like, I came from a family— I mean, we were a happy family, you know, um, probably stressed about finances mostly. Like, you know, my mom, you know, where in the hell do you want me to get that money? Money don't grow on trees. The whole shebang, right?

Well, that story that we take in as kids Yeah.

And so again, yeah, I carry that with me, and I'm still doing money work, you know. And so I recognized probably in my 20s, I was like, oh, there's some things that I thought was natural, and it was because of my environment, my family. They said this, they, you know. And I was like, oh, I gotta break that, you know. Like, we were a family who didn't initially say I love you. We hugged, but it was just kind of like standoffish, kind of a little. And so I recognized that that's not how I want to be with other people. I want people to know that I love them, that they mean something to me. So wow. So that was like so profound that you said that's genetics.

And propensity towards experiencing depression can be too. Definitely is. There's definitely correlations between depression, and I'm sure anxiety. I haven't looked as deeply into that. And, and so I, I try to be very careful because Happified, the podcast, you know, positivity practices, if it's less triggering, we can say, you know, better wellbeing brings you everything that you want, but you know, whatever, however you frame happiness, you know, when you don't pin it on external circumstances and you recognize it's an inside job, right. It paves the way to everything else falling into place. And I never say that to minimize what some people have to work through to start from that position of depression or overcoming anxiety. Yeah. That requires a different toolbox than what I bring to the table. And these practices can help start to support, right. Help that recovery along the way. So it can be an adjunct. It's not at all meant to replace. And I don't want anybody to hear me talking and say, oh, she says all you have to do is, cuz I worked in theater. When they come at you with, "All you have to do is," you know there's a lot of trouble behind that statement.

Yeah, really, right? So, wow, that's, that's so true. Susie, I have a case study for you, okay? Being my wife, okay, stress, I mean, to the limit, to the max. I know I'm a life coach, I know I'm her partner, doesn't meditate, doesn't do all those things, thinks she's a scientist, so she just doesn't mix those two things. So Susie, you're coaching her, you know, what is it that, you know, because I tried to get her to meditate and she was like, it just makes me sleepy in the morning, I don't want to do those things because then I'm just too— I'm just— how can I go through my day being sleepy. So I was like, let's do it at bedtime. You know, we put the iPod— we put the AirPods in, and she's like— and so she's mocking the guy, the guided meditation. And like, I could hear it going, you know, bright white light. Yeah, bright white light, right? But am I supposed to take this seriously? And somebody like that—

Susie, story of my life. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. No, I'm, I'm teasing. My husband is a ruminator. When I say worry is not constructive, he's is like, well, somebody's gotta keep a handle on things around here. I know we need the yin to our yang, right?

We do.

We do. There's science. And that's what's so amazing about positive psychology. So that gratitude practice that everybody keeps talking about literally rewires our brain to put more importance on gratitude and happy experiences, right? Because our brains are wired to respond to stress. So if we recognize You know, that experience that brought me joy today is your before bed, right? And your 3 gratitudes in your journal, or once a week, spending a little more time with it. And you look back, your brain, because it's a regular thing, you're strengthening that connection. Ooh, these memories are important. We need to file these a little more differently. And then as over time, as we experience those situations, those emotions come up, our brain is like, oh, we're back to this. She likes this. We're gonna hold onto it. So there's neuroplasticity in these practices. Yeah, which is, you know, that's the kind of thing that I need because I don't remember to do a gratitude practice unless I'm like, oh, that's why. Oh, I get it. Okay, so that'll stick for me a little bit better. Mindful breathing, 2 minutes a day. So a 2-minute daily meditation, check into your breath for 2 minutes around lunchtime, is another practice just like gratitude that's been shown to boost your positivity.

Perfect.

Just 2 minutes. It doesn't have to be 40 minutes or listening to some voice that you'd rather make fun of on a recording. I totally get that.

Right. Right.

And it's, it's where whatever works. Exercise can be your moving meditation. Yoga can be your moving meditation. Right. So if sitting there getting distracted because you can't follow your breath doesn't work for you, there's other options.

Right.

One of the things I like to encourage people to do is Go on a walk outside and look for 3 things, like really search, like 3 things you want to share, 3 things you want to get a picture of, and you go about it in a completely different way.

Right.

And then you get in that habit of being really present to your walk, not going out to— I mean, there's power in having that space to think about things. That's when brilliant solutions come up to us, when we get away from the desk and we make that space for those associations. And it's nice to just be present, to not take a walk only for problem solving, but just to really take a look at what's going on around you and see it in a whole new way.

Right. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Because whenever I need just that moment, I get out of my environment. I take my dog for a walk, those types of things. And it's amazing what just getting out, doing that, especially when you go outside, right? There's something about when you go outside. You know, so Susie, how do you take— because you're an entrepreneur, right? We're busy, we're working this weekend, we know this, sometimes it comes with the thing, right? How do you take a stand for your well-being? You know, how do you make sure that Susie feeds Susie first, even though you have your own business which requires all this extra stuff?

Yes, it is an ongoing practice. Yeah, you know, and in some cases, I've definitely been served up the lessons over the last few years as I've been building this little baby, this coaching entity, because I've done so many other things. I've worked, I've done great work for other people. This is the first time I've been my own boss. And this is the closest I've been to burnout since I started talking with people about stress. Because, you know, you want to fill needs, we want to create this, but there's this opportunity, I guess I'll just fit this in around the edges. Let me launch a podcast. This is going to be amazing. All I have to do is—

yeah.

And so it's, it's definitely a dance and tuning in and recognizing where we're cutting ourselves short. I really had to take action and say, okay, no more, you know, logging back on and working until 11:30 or midnight at work on the computer. That doesn't work for me. I'm a morning person. So after 9, I'm trying to get away from the media. Some nights are more successful than others.

Yeah.

But that lets me actually have that opportunity to sleep before I wake up in the morning. And a lot of people are like, well, that's my time. It's finally my time to be my own boss at the end of the day. But it's kind of, you know, it's, it's hurting us at the same time.

So, right.

This is like a little inner toddler that's like, I want to be the boss of me. It's my turn. Yeah. Um, so I've definitely come to a place where I've, I've recognized I need to give myself grace. And I struggle because I, I ask myself, am I just letting myself off the hook by changing this deadline, by giving myself a different calendar on this project? Am I letting myself off the hook? Am I holding myself back or playing small?

Right.

So I work with people who can call me out on that.

Got it.

And I know myself well enough. I know you well enough. I think a lot of your listeners are in the same boat that if we're asking ourselves if we're letting ourselves off the hook here, it's probably pretty darn sure that it's an area in which we need to give ourselves some grace because we push ourselves so hard.

Absolutely. Wow. So Susie, what do you do? How do you get Susie fueled up? What is your ritual?

I love to get outside, get outside barefoot. One of those other habits that I need to get myself out of every now and then. I realize I'm, I keep eating lunch at the desk. So getting outside barefoot for lunch is a really quick reset. That I love to do for myself. I do a nice long hike on Sunday mornings pretty consistently with a friend who holds me accountable when I want to say, well, I'm too busy. I'm like, I can't let her down. So accountability helps. And we're in San Diego, so I'm close to the beach. And that is my happy place. I've got sand in my car. It'll never be free of it, but it is worth the sacrifice. And we have pets. Don't have my dog anymore. So the cat has big shoes to fill, but pets are huge because again, like, You know, they just want some of our attention and affection and we get so much out of that time. So when they, when they're trying to distract us, it's definitely an opportunity to say, okay, okay. We both deserve a few minutes right now.

Right. And I love that. I saw that on your Facebook timeline that we should talk to humans like we talk to pets. Right. Love that because I have a dog, well, a cat too, but I'm not really a cat person. The cat is my wife's and I was like, I tolerate that cat, but the They stick around for a long time.

You got to make peace with cats.

I know, but cats are just like bitches sometimes, you know.

They've got a lot of attitude. Absolutely.

Yeah, they do. But I love that you're like, you know, because whenever I look at Cayenne and she could care less how much I've been looking at, looking at the computer, she could care less who signed up for this, she just goes, pet me. And, and it, it is a humbling moment when you go, she just wants me to touch her and give her attention.

Oh, and it is one of the best like methods of recovery too. If you, if you come up short on like, how can I feel balanced? How can I recover from stress? Have a little timeout with your pet. Like it is so immediately rewarding, right?

Yeah.

Definitely gets that oxytocin flowing, shifts us back into balance.

Yeah. So if you play with your, your pets, your puppies, more longer, for a longer period of time, get all those, those good oxytocin, you know, hormones flowing, you know, does that equate to doing more or doing less? Right. So can we, can we love on our animals so that we feel happified, so that we don't feel like we have to work? You know, because it's kind of like, I have recognized in myself that whenever I'm stressed, I'm stressed, I'm stressed, then I gotta do more. I gotta do more. Well, what else can I do? And then I'm like Energizer Bunny, and then I feel like I'm on crack cocaine or something like that. And then it takes Cayenne to go, oh, get a grip.

Hey, hey, hey, what about me, right? Yeah, there's other things to life. There is a marvelous woman I've been working with on my money mindset, Wendy Pettis. She's phenomenal, and she brings a lot of amazing tools to the toolkit. And one of the things that she's a big advocate of is bringing pleasure to everything you do. So when I've got something that I don't like, like figuring out a social media calendar or balancing the book or whatever it is, I've got a happy music playlist that I put on and I put it on max and I'm singing out loud. My husband's like, oh, you're doing something again. Like I am. And I fricking love it.

You're doing something again. Yeah.

Bringing my energy up.

Yeah, I love that.

So there's things we can do, right? Like have a music playlist, get up and move. A dance break for 5 minutes is a huge energy shift. And we get in this grind where it's like, no, I've gotta push on through. I'm behind on this deadline. I wanted to get this done yesterday. I'm just gonna grind it out. And we're not focused. We're not enjoying it. We're not in our best headspace. Yeah. And if you get up and dance for 5 minutes, it's like, oh, right. Like you've completely shifted yourself.

Absolutely. I love that. My favorite time of the year is Christmas time. There's something about which I know it's most people's favorite time of the year. And I generally try to put the tree up like sometimes before Thanksgiving, but definitely right after. And we have this LED light that goes, you know, ah, you know. And so we got it last year for the first time. And then when I took the tree down, Like, it— I immediately went, like, I did. I got up and I didn't see it the next morning, and I was like, oh man, there was something about that light. So the light is in the office now with me where I work, and I turn the light on and I just go, yeah, I see the light, right? I get that, Susie. It's so powerful. Things—

we don't have to act like grown-ups all the time. It is overrated.

It is, it is, it is. Susie, can you talk to being happy today, being happy now instead of waiting? Because something that I know that I work with my clients a lot on is sometimes you got to convince them, girl, you need to do that thing now. Don't wait till you lose the weight. Don't wait till you find the man. Don't wait till your kids grow up, right? Let's do that thing now. Oh, but I'll be happy then, right? And I know we're alike in that. Can you speak to finding that happiness at a different time?

So another person that I, I quote probably way too often, Shawn Achor, has a book called The Happiness Advantage and a terrific TED Talk called The Happy Secret to Better Work. He was a researcher at Harvard, and then he's branched out and he does his own independent research now. And The Happiness Advantage is all about that. It's that thing we've been drilled into us, you know, by our parents, by society. We'll be happy when we get the promotion, we get the raise, we get the car that impresses the neighbors, whatever that noise is. And what they found, what they can validate in research is people who rate themselves as more positive, get promoted more frequently, operate better in their teams at work, are more open to feedback so they can learn and grow more easily.

Mm-hmm.

They're 37% better at sales. Doctors are 19% faster and more accurate in making diagnoses. Our immunity is stronger, so we're healthier people. We're sleeping better. It's amazing what happens when we shift the paradigm and we stop telling ourselves, once I grind this out, I'll take that vacation. I'll do the thing. I'll be happy. I'll kick back. I'll reconnect with my kids that I haven't seen in weeks. I'll restore this relationship with my spouse. They understand that I'm working towards a goal. Like, look, tomorrow is not guaranteed. So true. Right? We don't want to learn this the hard way. And if it takes looking at our parents to see the health issues that are starting to show up in them and recognizing that's us in a minute, you know, whatever it takes to really make it real. We don't want to have to have a wake-up call like you worked through a year ago.

Like, yeah, right.

So whatever it takes to give ourselves permission to shift that paradigm and say happiness isn't selfish. Self-care isn't selfish. Self-care isn't just bubble baths and scented candles. If that doesn't work for you, it has nothing to do with your form of self-care. It's whatever makes you feel restored and nourished. And when we do, when we take care of ourselves, it's It's easier to be happy. It's easier to be present in the moment. It's, you know, finding that gratitude for the most inane things, for Cayenne coming up and dancing around your ankles and saying, are you done yet? Are you done yet?

Yeah. Yeah.

Like that's, that's joy right there.

Yes.

You're right. I'm gonna be done for a minute. Let's go have a play. So it, it takes those kinds of reminders, you know, if it takes facts to give us the, the reasoning or the excuse to get away with it. And then recognizing too that it's It's not at all about the external situation. We all feel really isolated after the last year and a half. It's not based on meeting up with friends for happy hour. It could be the conversation that's really bringing you joy. We can have that conversation on the phone or in the Zoom room. It's not as delicious as getting to hug, you know, afterward, but yeah, you know, searching for alternatives and, and seeing where counting what we have instead of always keeping the tally of what we don't, what we have to give up, what we don't have yet. It's just changing the math, and then it's a little easier.

Oh, I love that. And I really— I, I— what, what I'm thinking about right now is something you said at the very beginning. When I'm thinking about the happiness and I'm thinking about all the ideas that are, that are running through my mind of watching my mom live 85 years on this earth. Now, of course, I wasn't here her full 85. She didn't have me till she was like 38. But, but, and then me sitting down and asking her before, about 6 months before she died, what was she most proud of? And she scanned her life, and she didn't say one thing, Susie. And I know that my mom wish she could have lived a happier life. I think she thinks she did fine. I mean, she did a wonderful job with us. But I know that there are some things— she never said these words to me, but there's some regret. And I think the level of happiness, had she taken a more proactive approach to it, I think it could have made all the difference for her life and how she felt about it.

I think that worthiness is a really big part of what holds us back from committing to making the changes that we know we need to. From, right? 10 minutes of exercise a day is enough, enough. Granted, more is better, but 10 minutes is enough to start shifting your biology and turning things around and raising your mood too.

Yeah.

Exercise is proven to relieve depression and anxiety. Um, and we keep measuring ourselves up against other people. And it's really important to find those opportunities to say, what have I done? Right? Just sit down and make a list of, what you've done. You probably graduated from high school. You probably maybe graduated from college or a trade school. You know, you do good work in your job, even if you don't love the job you're in. Think of one that you did totally rock. Think of, you know, what you mean to one person's life.

Absolutely.

And that's the stuff that matters. And we don't give ourselves enough credit, right? And we don't have to wait for someone else to affirm us or, you know, recognize us or give us the promotion. It's, it's really up to us to pay attention to what we have done.

Be our own cheerleaders. Love that. Susie, would you say there is a— is there a checklist that maybe you have identified? Like, whenever I think about it, I go, uh-oh, my check— my check engine light is on. That means, oh, my chest is tight. Oh boy, because sometimes if you just ignore the check engine lights, what happens? Your car breaks down. What, what are your characteristics, your criteria for your check engine lights?

Yes. This is a great question. And I say something very similar when I'm working with people, you know, our body starts sending us messages and when we don't pick them up, we get demands, right? That's when we really get benched, right? Like, oh, you didn't want to pay attention to the way you're moving or the way you're eating. Okay. Here's a couple of months to sit and think about your choices in the emergency room. Yeah. Right. Let me put a cast on this for you. Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't need that gallbladder. And so it's, it's so unique to every person. My checklist is when, when I'm cranky, right? When I'm like more my inner toddler, my adult self.

Yeah.

When I don't have any patience. And here's what's really heartbreaking. And I see it myself, right? So much of what I say is just like a little sign, like, oh yeah, thanks. I'll tune into that. When I'm really short-tempered with my husband, or I don't have the patience to just be present on the phone with my parents. You know, the relationships that are closest to us are the ones that suffer first when we have stress somewhere else, because we can't unload it at work. That wouldn't go well. Sure. So it shows up in other relationships. So that's one of the places where I recognize it, right? When I feel more needy, I feel like I am being neglected in relationships, but then I have to admit I haven't been reaching out either. Or in relationships, like emotionally, I just don't have the bandwidth or the capacity to be as present and as patient as I want to be.

Right.

So, so that's where I notice it first. Like physically, I'm lucky to be really resilient, you know, sleep-wise, I'm lucky to almost always sleep really well. So I tend to notice it emotionally.

So you think it's different for every person?

I do. I do. And it's hard to tune into that because there's so much input coming in on all the channels and it's easy for that to drown out this voice, right? So we really have to, through that opportunity to recover from stress, through actually figuring out what self-care looks like for us— is it a walk or a run outside, right, versus a salt bath, which is high on my list? I love an Epsom salt bath. It's good for the muscles and improves the sleep. So, right, like, yes, therapeutic benefits. But, you know, it's— it, it just makes me laugh when I hear people say self-care is like a myth, like it's just a marketing scam. It's like, well, you just haven't actually tuned in to see what speaks to you. So I think that's a part of it too. I think we all have to find that, that thermostat.

Right. How do you know when it's too late? Like, is there a moment right before you're in the emergency room, before you have the heart attack, before, you know, is there a moment of clarity where people are like, oh shit, I'm there. Okay, stop now.

Right. Um, you know what I think we are, we are, I, so So I went back to school and I studied anatomy and physiology and the sciences that I didn't care about at all when I was an undergrad. Um, but before that I worked in energy medicine and Reiki. I use homeopathy, which a lot of people don't give a lot of credit to, but if it works, it works, and you can take care of yourself and support your immunity and flower essences. And so I look for natural solutions before I go to Tylenol. Right. Or the allergy medicine, you know, or go to the doctor and ask for a prescription.

Right.

If I have high blood pressure, I'm gonna get curious. Is it what I'm eating? Is it because I'm just not processing my stress?

Right.

So I think one of the markers is when people start having more medical issues, they find themselves going to the doctor more often. Their sleep is interrupted. Their digestion is a mess.

Mm-hmm.

And they're looking for solutions outside of themselves. Ourselves and maybe in Western medicine that, you know, rather than take the time and get curious, is it because I'm not eating the food that agrees with me, or is it because my stress is stopping my digestion and I just don't even have a chance to get anything out of it?

Yeah, that's, that's amazing. Because one thing that I've noticed, and again, we don't— I don't know, for me, I didn't stop. I didn't stop and think and start paying attention to this stuff until like I was after 40, and I was I got acid reflux right now, and I got a little indigestion, and I'm burping, and why, why do I not feel so good? I know I ate a dozen of wings, but what's wrong with that? And then, you know, and so I didn't stop until it started affecting me. I would say I ignored a lot of the check engine lights, you know, but then it came down to the point of how can I, like you're saying, get rid of that stuff. Maybe not permanently, because I love wings, but I don't have wings once a week anymore. I might have wings once every 3 months because I know how it affects me.

So I totally—

I'm totally with you when you say that, right?

And I'm a nurse's daughter. I am not anti-Western medicine. It is great for intervention, but they are not designed as maintenance programs. They don't address what is going on, why our body came out of balance, because That's really what lights me up is like, our bodies are designed to come back to balance. If we get out of our own way, if we live in a less toxic home, if we eat food that is closer to the source and not full of preservatives and flavors and, you know, isolates of food. I'm a farm girl from Illinois, but corn and soy do not need to be in everything that I eat.

I mean, right. Right.

Derivatives thereof. And the, you know, pesticides that are painted on them. And so if we keep it simple and we get out of our own way, our bodies are amazing. So go to the doctor if you don't feel well and get a diagnosis, but you might also wanna find a functional nutritionist or somebody who can run a test on food sensitivities and say, not forever, but for a minute, right? You might need to cut some of these things out of your diet, let your body recover. And then you don't need to stay on those medications forever. Cuz the doctor will tell you, you're gonna be on statins forever. You're gonna be on this pain relief for the arthritis that is irreversible forever. It doesn't necessarily have to be the case. If we can get rid of the inflammation, our body can come back into balance. Wow.

I love that. One thing that I find that works so well for me when I started paying attention is intermittent fasting. And like, yeah, it's 12:43. I haven't eaten a single thing yet. I will eat after this podcast because I notice my body goes, thank you. Thank you for not making me digest for 16 hours. Thank you. And I just feel so much better. And so I was like, man, I am a fan.

It makes a huge difference. Right. And my husband, bless his heart, every morning at 9:00, he's like, can I make you breakfast, babe? Do you want some breakfast? And I'm like, nope, because I am not hungry until, yeah, around noon, 1:00 if I don't eat. But if I eat at 9:00, I'm hungry at 11:00 and I'm hungry at 12:00 and I'm hungry at 1:00. And I'm hungry, I'm like, I don't know, I'm sitting at a computer, I do not need to be snacking.

Yeah, not burning many calories just eating though. Yeah, so I'm with you.

Yeah, I love that it's getting more awareness, and there's a couple of different people that speak to it, and I've been able to be on their podcast and have them on mine, and I think there's so much to it.

So whether it's like a short intermission or a long intermission Yeah, I'm a fan of both. I am. And so I predict it's like, like it's the weekend and, you know, one of the reasons I'm not hungry, but it's the weekend, it's Friday, and I'm feeling really good. I want to go out and celebrate some things, so I'm going to have some libations. So I'm going to cut back on the food so I can make room for libations, right? That's how we do it. So Susie, just two more questions as we wrap it up. How do you work How do you come in and be the heroine of your clients' lives?

Well, I, you know, I was called to share a message. So I think my podcast is a really big part of it. And I have been developing different online programs. Um, and now I'm looking for the best way to share these. I've been sharing programs, um, to recognize burnout and have balance before we get there. I do one-on-one coaching. I work with flower essences, as I mentioned. So I support people through making custom combinations of flower essences, which could be a whole nother show, but I love working with those.

Okay. Wait, wait, what does that mean?

Flower essences? Yeah.

Sorry, side trip.

They are not essential oils, so they don't smell like anything. They're at— if essential oils are at this end of the spectrum, they're very concentrated properties of the plant. It takes pounds of plant material to make a bottle of essential oil. Flower essences are very dilute. They're energetic remedies. They're more comparable to homeopathic, which means they're so dilute, there's no source material in it. It's taking that energetic signature. Um, and if you're familiar with the work, I believe his name is Masuro Emoto. He studied the power of energy on water and studied the ice crystal formation. Right? Words like love and hope and joy make beautiful, balanced, symmetrical ice crystals, and words like fear and hate and greed make like really jagged and imbalanced ones. So it's just a demonstration of how water can carry energy. So flower essences, there's many different kinds. I use Bach flower essences. They bring our emotions back into balance with that energetic influence of the flower that they're cultivated with. And so that's what I'm sharing right now in my Thriving Life program. So it's a 9-module program, and then I share 9 different flower essence combinations to support us as we, we work through all these different aspects of where we get in our own way. Worthiness is a big part of it. Learning to tune into our body and our own messages is a really big part of it. Connecting to what makes us feel good and getting clarity on that message. So, so with the support of the flowers, we kind of look at how we can bring in better habits and upgrade our lifestyle, right? You know, with small changes, but looking at the reasons why sometimes we get in our own way and we have trouble getting that started. Because once we get into momentum, it's so much easier. It's just hard to get moving.

Absolutely.

And so those are some of the ways that I'm working with folks. And, and yeah, over on Happified, I have so much fun because I get to have guests like you, and it's just a party on the show and talk about life with less stress and more fun.

It is because we get to talk about all these things that we don't— like, you're not going to talk about these things with your husband, you know. I'm not going to talk about it, you know, with my wife or my friends. They'd be like, what? This is weird. I don't talk about that. Okay, last two. Where might I find some Bach flower, some flower essence? Can I go to Trader Joe's and it's there?

Not Trader Joe's yet. So if you've heard of Rescue Remedy, that is a combination of 5 flower essences, and that is really widely available. Like, I've seen it at Walgreens and CVS and Rite Aid. And they have it for pets, for sleep, for school, whatever. It's just a couple new essences added in. There's 38 of the Bach flowers, and so there's 5 in Rescue Remedy. You can find them in your health food store. So where we are in the Southwest, Sprouts. Sprouts carries all 38 right on the shelf. I also really love a brand. Of course, I'd love to make a custom bottle, so reach out to me. But right on the shelf, another terrific line is called Siddha Flower Essence, S-I-D-D-H-A. They're actually created by a veteran who experienced trauma and coming home from the service and found support through working with flower essences. And he adds cell salts, which are another lovely way to support your body and come into balance. And they've got great themes like emotional detox, better sleep, focus. They've got formulations for kids too. Flower essences, because they're not potent, they don't have a chemical interaction. You don't have to be as mindful as you do with essential oils, so they're safe for anybody— for kids, for babies, for pets. So they're really lovely.

I'm gonna check that out. Okay, so your Thriving Life program, is that— can people get information on your website? Because I don't have a link for that. Is that happify.com? Is it, is it 3xlessstress.com? Where might they find information for Thriving Life program? Program?

So 3x Less Stress is my website. If you want to go directly to my, my podcast page, that's happifidlife.com. It's a page on 3x Less Stress. So all information is there. If you want information about as I'm offering that program again in the future, hop on my email list and you'll be the first to know. Um, I'm offering an online summit in December 2021, and then I'll be offering the program starting off in early 2022. So happy to get folks in the loop for that coming out soon.

So demanding, Susie. So demanding with solving the problem of stress. Susie, this has been a great conversation, which I knew it would be. And you just— I mean, I love having these conversations, especially when I learn so much from it as well. I'm telling you, when I'm done, I'm going to edit, and I'm going to go find some bok choy.

Do it.

I am, I am. Absolutely.

Let me know, let me know.

I will, I will. So thank you so much, Susie, for giving us your time, your expertise. And, and boy, do you know some stuff.

I'm a geek.

It's a great thing though, you know. I mean, I can just see— I mean, I can just hear like all the, the quotes in the books and the authors and the stats coming out of your pores. And I was I'm like, this is so fantastic. So thank you for that, Susie.

Thank you for providing the space for this show and the message, Travia. I just, I just love it. You light me up. You light me up. You do the same work you're doing. I'm so excited. So thank you, Susie, to share this with you.

Thank you. Right. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. If you're finding value in these podcasts, I would love it if me if you would share it with some— with other people that you think would find value. And then also, if you've ever had that voice, that little subtle voice that's like a whisper in your ear going, is this all there is? How can I receive more fulfillment in my life? How can I reach that level of, of really knowing and feeling 100% that this is what I was put on this earth to do? This is what I was created made for. I would love it if you would go to traviesteward.com, fill out the contact sheet, and we can have a conversation to see how can we jumpstart you right now to getting you on the path for creating your more.