Travia Steward ditched rigid SMART goals after learning only 10% of people achieve them. Instead, she starts with the feelings she wants to experience daily, then builds morning rituals and visual reminders around those emotions. She walks through four steps: cultivate gratitude, pick three core emotions, write and visualize the goal, and set up accountability to stay in that emotional state.
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Yo, my peeps. The way I approached the New Year goal setting in the past was all wrong for me. I am Travia Steward, and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. I'm excited about this episode today because This is my absolute favorite time of the year, and for me, there's really something exciting about tearing off that page of the, the previous year and anticipating starting over. Like, it's, it's like as if you can wipe the slate clean, right? And just like get a do-over almost, only that you're a year older probably, and you know, things have changed, but For me, I see the new year as a new time for possibility. And right now I'm so excited to be back from the hiatus I took to reevaluate and recalibrate the direction I wanted to take the podcast into. I'm excited to help you jumpstart your 2022. And, you know, let's start it off on a good foot, you know, whatever that is for you. And so when I sat down to plan this episode, especially because my process had changed the way I looked at 2022 or the upcoming year, I did a little bit of research and found out that, you know, only 10% of the people actually achieve the goals that they set. That could, you know, possibly influence how the rest of your year or that month, if you're finding this podcast, you know, and it's not December It's not January, but it could influence how the rest of your year goes if you don't achieve the goals that you really set out to achieve. And so as I sat back and thought about, well, what is my process and how has my process changed? I also reached out to some people who I thought fit the bill of successful in their own right, and I learned so much from their shares. So today I will not only share with you the approach that made a drastic difference in my business and in my life. But I also share with you the, those successful people's stories, the, the friends of mine who I highly admire and how they get things done and how they move through their, their days and their months and their years. And if you take nothing else from this episode, the most important insight I want you to take is there is no one way to get what you want in life. We all have to find our way. My hope for you is that you take these ideas, maybe put a few into your own equation of what could help your 2022 your best year yet. Last year at this time of the year, I was thinking about everything that I wanted to eat and everything that I was going to do before I really buckled down and probably set another fitness goal for January 1st, right? Because there's something about— no matter if I am happy with my body, if I am working on something, I always felt like I needed to tweak it. It needed to get better, right? And then when I thought about all those things that, that I didn't do, I would stress out over how I was going to double down this upcoming year and accomplish even more, right? Because I was still going to do the same things that I tried to do last year, but maybe even better, maybe even faster, right? I didn't really stop to even think about, you know, the things that I had accomplished in the year, the things that I could be grateful for, because I was always too focused on, well, what's the next year going to look like? But this year, just things have changed, right? I'm not doing that same old goal setting that I've always done. And what I learned about myself was that I was getting so excited about what I could do and what next year would look like. And sometimes I would just stop there with the vision of, wouldn't this be great? Right? In dreamland, without thinking about how I was actually going to make these things happen, because Travia can dream. I can dream with the best of them, but sometimes there's a gap between dreaming and creating the vision and making that vision happen. And so for me, as a teacher, for 24 years, I've always set SMART goals, right? We all know what SMART goals are, right? And so I tried to use that same method for my business and for the other areas of my life. You got to hit these benchmarks. It's got to be measurable. It's, you know, all the things. It's got to be timely. And then one day I realized, you know what, this doesn't work for me. And I recognize in that moment that I didn't have to keep doing the same way. And clearly it wasn't working for me, right? So even as a Coach, I found myself helping my Clients be creative, come up with all these ideas and strategies to achieve their goals. And then when it was time for me to do it, like focus on my how, how I was going to make it happen, how that dreamland of possibility, you know, to keep it from turning into stress and anxiety. So I'd set out on a path of how can I actually figure out what my stuff is, right? What's my process? And I know in the past for me that sometimes we don't even set goals because we're afraid of not getting it. We're afraid of not achieving it. We're afraid of failing and falling flat on our face. So why even try? Because what would that mean about us? What would it mean if we failed? You know, what will we think other people are going to think about us if we failed that thing? Again, I've always been a person who set goals, but I was using systems that other people thought I should use. I kept playing by other people's rules in a lot of areas in my life, going through the process of peeling back the onion of what makes me tick. Who am I at my core? You know, going through the process of not allowing social media, what I think people are thinking of me, not to allow those things to dictate and motivate or demotivate me as to how I'm going to show up and how I'm going to wake up and be excited or not be excited every single day. So that's where I was using SMART goals. And then I would backward design it, right? All the things that hit the goals and then pivot when that doesn't work and then fail and learn from it, right? None of that really— none of that worked for me. I don't work best coming up with all the answers in January. I learned that I'm designed to listen to my gut, my intuition, without needing to know the how, releasing the attachment. Right. I don't need to have all the answers. Why? Because trying to figure out all the answers in the moment gives me anxiety. And then I become obsessed. I go and buy a planner. And then if I write on 5 pages of that planner and then the, the ideas have changed, and then I go, oh crap, instead of just ripping those pages out because I have to start over, then I go buy another planner. Right. And then I have to have the perfect plan. I realize that's crazy. This is the actions of a crazy person, right? And so figuring out what my process is, what is my manual, right? Figuring out how I get things accomplished. I recognize that instead of chasing the how and chasing the what at the end of the the rainbow of the road, I really wanted to focus on what I was feeling in the moment. I wanted to focus on how can I feel the emotions that I want to feel on purpose more often in the day, every single day, which gets me so excited to go through my days. So excited, right? I'm excited for the day. And so once I recognized that, I could do this. And this is the work that I do with my clients, right? How can we create the emotions we want to feel on purpose? 2021, once I started doing that, I started doing that about in February, right? Because I was always thinking about what I didn't have, what I was going to do better. And then I recognized, you know what, I look forward to upcoming events. So that was anticipation. And then I looked forward to accomplishing things, whether that was a talk, whether that was a workout, whatever that was, these things made me, helped me feel empowered. It helped me to feel motivated. I, I felt invigorated, you know, and because I was feeling the feelings I wanted to feel, I wasn't really worried about what other people thought or felt about me. And so those of you have been listening for a while, you know that I am a fan. I use the term homeostasis, you know, the condition that like when our bodies are in optimal functioning, It's what I focus on and how I start each day, fueling myself to get up to like an 8 or a 9, because I want to create the emotions that I want to feel. And so why not feel them on purpose? So what I have been doing is I've been using in the morning— my process has been meditation, prayer. I do a visualization and gratitude to get myself up to that higher vibration. And then I recognized that I was just more creative. We're all more creative when we work from a place of gratitude, like that higher frequency where we feel good, we feel like everything feels possible, right? And so once I would get myself up to that 8 or 9, I would do 10 things of gratitude. And then again, I would visualize, I would visualize what's possible for me. Today? How can I show up today? Who do I need to be today so that I can be the person that I'm proud of? Not in December, but today. And when I do my gratitude list, I focus on the great life that I already have, the excellent health that I already have, the house that I already have. The thriving coaching business that I already have, the things that I get to do on a daily basis. And in those moments, I'm so filled up, right? I'm not— it's, it's, it's like I'm a car who can't just go careening and flying and speeding down the road until I get fueled up at the gas pump. But that's what my morning does. So I get myself up to that place of where I want to feel the way I want to feel. Right? And so that sets the tone for my day. And so for some of you, maybe you can reflect on your successes from the last year, the people that helped to make those things possible, all the things that you're grateful for now, like even the little things that we take for granted, you know. So step 1, in the way that I have figured out what works for me. Raising your number, feeling appreciative, starting with gratitude, opening the channels for expansion. So you got to get yourself to feel good, right? That's step 1. Step 2, I think about 3 emotions that I really want to feel, that I love feeling, that when I feel these things, I want to just keep repeating and reliving that moment like forever. It makes me feel so alive. And so again, for me, one of those is anticipation. When I was a teacher, I anticipated Fridays because of the weekend, because thinking about what was to come always immediately lifted my mood. Now, as a business owner, as a coach, I anticipate Mondays for new beginnings and new possibilities. Things have flipped. Let's take something else. Like, my other emotion I like to feel is accomplished. If I had these two emotions that I love feeling, the thing I do to figure out the actions that feel good to me, that makes me feel accomplished— I figure that out. What is it that I need to do that I anticipate that makes me feel accomplished? Like this podcast, right? The thing I loved about having this podcast were the conversations that I get to have with the guests that I bring on, the conversation that I'm having right now with you, because I visualize me talking to you one by one, the conversations that inspire and motivate us all to achieve the best version, the highest version of ourselves. Right. So I get excited about the podcast, and then when it's recorded and edited, I celebrate that work. I celebrate the conversation, the insights that I receive, which makes me again repeat this process. But if I was just doing it to doing it, just doing it to do it, just to get people to listen, to hit subscriber numbers, well, that wouldn't work. I wouldn't love it. Those of you who know me know I'm a talker, but I also love connecting. And so when we think about what it is that you really want to feel for yourself. Maybe take a moment and tap back into who you are at your core. What were those things that lit you up as a kid? Who were you created to be until the world told you who you should be? We all already have the answers that we need within us, and finding time to connect back to your intuition and how things feel when you do them We can all get right back to that kid, like that childlike excitement that so many of us have forgotten what that feels like. And it's like learning to listen to your own knowing, your own intuition, and trusting it, not wait— waiting and looking for others outside of us to validate us. So I ask you, what do you want to feel in 2022? What do you want more of in your life? You want more bullshit? You want more arguing? You want to feel depressed? You want more of that? Then I want you to think about possibility. You want more love, appreciation, accomplishment, gratitude? You want to be lit up? More excitement? What does it look like for you? Start formulating that idea in your mind of what you want more of. And I'm not always talking about something physical. I'm not even talking about just an accomplishment. What do you want more of? Maybe that's connection for you, you know. And so when you think about 2022, do you want an accomplishment goal or do you want a growth goal? Maybe a personal development, a growth goal where you're more present with your loved ones. Or maybe you do want to start a business. Maybe that is an accomplishment goal, but it's, it's all in what you want. And then step 3. Step 3 is actually writing it down. Because studies show that we are 42% more likely to achieve a goal if we write it down. And I'm talking about even if it's something that you're like, oh, I'm just going to be more present, write it down. Right? Because when you write it down and, and then you see it written and you read it out loud, then you imagine how it feels to have achieved that thing, how it feels to be more present in your relationships, how it feels to put your fitness first, how it feels to be energetic on a Monday, how it feels to feel the way you want to feel on purpose. You want to write that down. You want to read it every single day and then take it all in, all the feels. Find where this goal feels good to you. For example, you know, as a business owner, I set financial goals, but I recognized it was stringent for me and You know, people are like, oh, why don't you set it for, you know, a million? I was like, you know, that just feels like it's too much pressure. And then I immediately put that goal into the impossible category, which takes me immediately to stress and anxiety, right? And I shut down. Remember, don't take the action when I'm feeling that, like that, like a crazy person. So I find what feels good to me.. And then maybe I stretch from there. Maybe 6 figures feels good to me. And then I stretch a little above there, but I've never been that person. Okay. I take that back. I used to be that person who wanted to keep up with the Joneses, but I'm not that person anymore. I'm the person who is what is best for me and my family. Right. And then from there, for step 4, knowing yourself and how you work best, ask yourself, what would help you feel the way you want to feel while accomplishing this? You know, maybe it's that we need to get guidance from a mentor or hire an assistant because maybe that takes the stress off of you. Maybe you want to have your friend for accountability. What's going to help you stay motivated, stay consistent? Or maybe something smaller that— what's going to remind you that I want to be more present in my relationships, I want to feel better, I want to Only instead of when I hang out with my friends having 3 alcoholic beverages because I feel like crap the next day, maybe I'm going to limit that to 1, and I'm going to feel better the next day because I followed it immediately with a big glass of water. Whatever that is, what are the actions that you can take that help you feel the emotions that you want to feel on a regular basis, a regular basis, on purpose? One day at a time. And where can you place maybe a picture, the sentence, a word, whatever, that reminds you of that thing that you want? Where can you write it down and see it daily? Use it as part of your visualization. And then go all in. Be flexible. Make the necessary changes along the way, but go all in. Right. And for those of you who may be thinking, what feelings? I'm going to think about feelings. I want to think about how I feel about a goal. I'm just going to go chase that million dollars. That works for you. And that is so fantastic. And for some of you, for me, that stopped working for me. So I said I would share with you some of the insights that I got from some of my friends who I respect and admire in so many ways. So my partner, I asked her, okay, hey, you know, because I admire her, she climbs the leaderboard, she is like, you know, an executive at work. And so, you know, and I've never watched her not get something that she wanted to get. Now, it might be a sharp turn. She didn't get it when she wanted to get it, but she gets it, right? And then I always, you know, we have these conversations about, did you always believe that you could get that thing? And she was like, yeah. And honestly, I have, I have not always been a person who believed that I could do and be and have anything I wanted. Until I did the work with myself, until coaching. So I had this conversation with, with Shelly the other day, right? And I said, you know, what is your process for, for achieving, setting and achieving goals? Like when you look at 2022, and then she pulled up this whole thing about, oh, you know, I think it's like omics. I was like, what? And like, it's O-M-I-C-S. Like it's, it's a science word. Like, right. It, it aims at the collective characterization and quantification of pools of biological molecules that translate into structure and function and dynamics of an organism or organisms. And I went, what am I supposed to do with that? Girl, tell me in layman terms. And what she was meaning was it can take all shapes and forms. She just knows that she wants to climb as high as she can go. But she don't know what that looks like next week. She doesn't know what that looks like next year. She doesn't have like, I'm gonna be president of the university in, you know, 2030. She feels what feels good. If something comes across her desk, is introduced to her, whatever shape it comes in, she assesses in that moment and goes, is this for me? Or not. And then she takes the necessary actions to do the thing. And again, she's somebody that I admired that I've, you know, she's so successful. And then I had a conversation with one of her researchers, her senior research specialist. And this is Michelle. And Michelle is someone who thinks moment to moment. Michelle's getting married in the spring. Michelle ain't got time to think about nothing but that wedding and that, that research, that science that she's doing in the moment. And so from our conversation, Michelle is a short-term goal setter. And when she's not putting out fires, she's focusing, focusing on, well, what she needs to do better so that she can better fulfill her responsibilities at work, to her fiancé, right? How can she be more productive? Maybe that could look like getting more sleep. And in a pandemic, how can she stay connected with her loved ones? Right? And so with her wedding coming up, how can she get there in the best possible shape while still doing her research and extinguishing the stress of COVID and avoiding burnout, but staying connected to the people that matter the most? And then Rosalyn, who's a PhD student. Rosalyn is focused on graduating, and so Roslyn can't set goals the way normal people, except she knows that graduation is coming. But she's a researcher who is dependent on how fast the bacteria grows, and she's got to get all these papers out. So she is someone who uses Gantt charts. She's probably more specific than a lot of the people that I've spoken with on this podcast. She is, she's probably the most specific. But what is so great about her process is If the bacteria hasn't grown to a certain spot, then that's an opening for her to go and write one of the publications that she has to get, to get published. And so it allows her, and she knows one of the things that she needs is that she needs to be ultra-flexible and that she has to manage her time wisely. And so when the bacteria is ready, she's ready to go back into the lab. But what's so Specific about her is that she does set a goal. She sets a time goal at the end, and then she has like 2 or 3 or 4 different paths on how she gets there. And then I spoke to my friend Nat. Nat is— Nat is a business owner, and I kind of knew this answer, but I love that she said it. And I, you know, posed the question to Nat as well. And I said, you know, how do you, how do you, how do you set goals in your business? And she said, we don't. Like, Nat is someone that I admire in the way that she lives her life and the way she runs her business. She said, we don't set goals. I don't feel like I have to set goals anymore. I feel like if things continue the way they are, we're happy. And as long as the phone keeps ringing for her business, she don't need to do anything except keep serving her clientele. My friend Kathy, who is president of a PR company, and she runs a large group, and she is a believer that the plan needs to be succinct and it needs to be actionable. They set financial goals They also set growth goals that focuses on their employees, the people that they serve, with a high standard of quality of work that they want to do and how they want to be known in the community, in the city, in the world. They actually are ones who set SMART goals. And so being a little more proactive with this is what needs to happen so that we can meet these targets, but such a strong focus on celebrating her employees quarterly, celebrating so that they can grow, creating an environment where they can thrive, where they can have a say, where they can support each other to also grow and thrive. That's how Kathy does it. And then as I round this episode out, I had a most wonderful conversation. You're going to hear this lady on the podcast next week as she shares her breakthrough story with us. Luisa Milano. Luisa plays the game of what kind of things I want to accomplish, but not in a very specific way. She has what she calls a directional compass. And that's helpful for her. And she has a list of buckets that she wants to fill, and the ways in which she thinks maybe she wants to feel it in the moment— wants to fill it in the moment that she wants to fill it. And she focuses on who she wants to serve and how she wants to show up. She's not a person who checks for progress. Her measurement is her commitment to waking up every day making the decision and doing it 100% and knowing that it's done. She's a person who comes from that place of this is already done because she's a believer that a goal is a place to come from, not good to. And she focus on who does she need to be and what are the actions she needs to do to get the things she wants to get done, to have the things that she wants in this life. And so I ask her if she checks in. She checks in about once a month. But what's so funny is not with her process, but how energized she feels in the moment when she thinks about it, right? I think that's so fantastic. She gives herself the feedback that she needs, but she also releases herself from the attachment to achieving that exact number. Is she energized by the thing? And if the answer is yes, and she continues doing it, and if it doesn't light her up, because she's a firm believer that we are here to be lit up, then she drops it. She said to me, she shared with me, energy is our most valuable asset, not time. You can spend a lot of time. My time is very valuable, right? But I hadn't really thought of it like that until she said it. Energy is our most valuable asset. We're here to be creative and be lit up. And you can't force yourself to do things when you're not lit up. And then her husband Townsend said, tell Travia I don't do fucking goals. Right? I don't do goals. How about that? So as I wrap up this episode, No matter the kind of goals you want to set, achievement goals or growth goals, small bite-sized goals, big hairy goals, just do what makes you feel good. And I just want to give a big shout out to Shelley, to Michelle, to Rosalyn, to Nat, to Kathy, to Louisa, and to Townsend who contributed to this episode. Thank you all so much. So there you go. I hope you take some time to figure out what you want more of in your life. Most people choose to stay comfortable rather than rising and going for it. What are you choosing today? And as a result of this episode, I have a gift for you that can help you in the process. You can download your Breakthrough for More in 2022 guide in the show notes. And if you are working out, if you're driving, just go to traviestewart.com and you can find the guide on my website as well. And if you are listening and you're finding value, which of course you're listening because you wouldn't hear this if you weren't, but I would love it if you could leave a 5-star review about the podcast on iTunes. That way I would be able to reach more people. More people would get value from this. Would really mean a lot to me. Thank you so much, and here is to another part of the ride.
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