Ep 80 It's never too late to Create your More

You are listening to episode number 80, It Is Never Too Late to Create Your More. I am Travia Steward, and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. Today on the podcast, I have an exceptional conversation with Dr. Leola Steward. Dr. Lee on the episode shares with us her journey through my coaching program, my group coaching program, Create Your More, and she shares with us her experiences as she transformed through it. She has been married, actually, to my brother for 43 years. How inspiring is that? She's the mother of 3, the grandmother of 6. She also holds a doctorate in theology and a master's degree in biblical Christian counseling. This is the kind of conversation that I love having, and I especially love having it with my relatives and my closest friends, but I just love having it with people who come into my, my world on this podcast. This is a conversation where, you know, she shares, I share insights and takeaways of just how we can help each other reach for more impossibilities so that we don't keep settling for the status quo. Join us as we drop right into the episode. I just want you to know that we are beginning 2022 and I am sitting down— actually, I'm standing, but my sister-in-law is sitting. But we're having a conversation about her experience in my group coaching program, Create Your More. And I just want to preface it by saying, when, when she sent me a text and said, I think I want to do this, I always know the power in somebody clicking a button, somebody hitting a download, somebody raising their hand because they are not satisfied with where they are. Now, she has a wonderful life, right? She has a wonderful family, a wonderful husband, but deep down she knew that she was made and created for more, right? And so we all have these things that, like, the world molds us into who you know, they want us to be. And then we obliged by that and go, I should do this. I should do that because so-and-so is going to say this and that. And it was the most beautiful evolution watching Leola, Dr. Lee, Dr. Leola Stewart, my guest today, step out of her comfort zone, really unzip and be vulnerable at times. And it really was so touching and transformational for me. And so I bring you a very raw conversation with Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee, welcome to the, to the podcast today. I'm so excited to have this conversation, and I know you have touched my heart and has transformed me as well. So welcome to the podcast.

Thank you, Travia. I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for the invitation. Uh, I'm, I'm excited about it. I did not know I would be here, uh, today, but you You know, here we are. I remember just scrolling through Instagram and you had, you know, presented it out on Instagram about what you were getting ready to do. And I saw it and I went back to it and I read it again and I said, hmm, that looked like something I might be interested in. And then the familiarity of being related, you know, being your sister-in-law, I thought that shouldn't be so hard until, until. Until I actually stepped into it. I talked to my husband about it and he said, why don't you? And the rest is history.

History. There we go. So let's talk about that whole evolution. And so can you speak to us and share with us who Leola was before the program and who— like a bird, right? That whole evolution. Just drop us into how you were feeling, who you were before the 8 weeks and then how you came out and who you came out as on the other side.

Oh wow, that's a lot. Yes, before the 8 weeks, um, I was doing what I do for a living. I, I'm a pastor, a minister of a church, uh, here in Texas. And, uh, so that's something I was comfortable with, you know, that platform. But I, as you said, uh, in your intro, I knew that there were more, that was something more inside of me. And just that little person saying, you know, kana, launch out, just kind of just step out. But I was afraid to because for one, unfamiliar territory, didn't know what that looked like, didn't know where I would begin. And so when you presented the opportunity for me to join the group, you know, I said yes. I was amazed how much I learned because I started off just being like I was, just, you know, kind of reserved, you know, do what I do and then go back into my little shell and said, this is life. And at my age, I thought, well, this is it. You know, not that I've arrived. I've always had a desire for more because I knew I was created for more. But, you know, it just didn't seem like it was going to happen. At this stage in my life. So when the opportunity presented itself, I went in and I made up my mind that I was going to do it. Even though I didn't know what to expect, I was going to do it. And I must tell you, just as a testimonial, that my daughter told me today, she said, Mom, when you joined that group, I remember you called me. You were like, I can't do this. This is too much. My plate's already full. What's wrong with me? Am I crazy? I already have a platform. I already have an audience. You know, why, why do I wanna put this, this burden on myself to stretch myself to think? And I share just one or two things, you know, especially going deep, 7 layers. I was like, 7 layers. Can I just go 2 layers? Is that enough? And, uh, I was saying, oh, I told my daughter, I just can't do it. And she said, mom, calm down. You can do this. Mom, this is going to be great for you. Mom, I think this is going to really help you. So she gave me the little boost that I needed. And I'm so glad. I'm so glad I stuck with it. But here's the testimonial, Travia. Just when I was reading her my manifesto, she said, wow, mother. And she said, just think, that first session, you were ready to quit. You were saying, this too much. I just finished preaching. I have a congregation. I don't need this. And she said, now here I'm listening to you. She said, Mom, I'm so proud of you. And I can see the change. And so I want to let you know, Travia, just in a matter of a week, I've had at least 3 or 4 people to come to me and say, mm, there's something different about you. So really, truly, it went 7 layers. I have to go 7 layers deep. But I tell you what, what it did on the inside of me, was profound because I wasn't trying to, you know, say, hey, you know, guys, I'm in this coaching class and there's a diverse group of people with different train of thoughts and da da da. I didn't say anything. I just learned. And I didn't realize that as you peeled off, helped me peel off those layers, that what was coming off, there was something also coming in 7 layers deep. And then it began to resonate with people on the outside. And this is nothing I— I didn't go after, I didn't ask, but it's coming to me saying, I see a difference. I, you know, I look in your eyes and I can tell there's a shift. You know, something is going on. So of course I didn't share everything because I'm trying to process what they're saying and I wanna know, what do you see? You know, 'cause I still feel like me, although I, I am encouraged. I, I feel bolder, I feel more confident. And I know some people may see this and know me and go, more confident. You feel bolder. We never knew a difference. But there is a difference because you allowed me to tap into my authentic self and to go into some places that I had rather forget about, that I put in the back of my mind. And I just checked the box by saying, OK, it's over, done with, girl. You're a big girl. You're a grown woman, let's move on and make the best of it. But I'm so, so glad, Travia, that you did, because I believe in my truest self that God doesn't want us to cover over anything, because all that is is another weight that weighs us down. And if we're not careful, if when we meet the right person, circumstances, or situation, that can trigger that thing and it can set us back. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart that, um, you forced me to go and to think. I didn't want to think. I just wanted to stay surface, to be honest with you. And I was curious, what is this coaching class going to be about? And so I was kind of a spectator until you forced me to become a participator.

What I love— thank you so much for sharing every bit of that. What I love that— part of— I love everything that you said and what you shared. Can you talk to when you said, at my age, because I also, I remember when I was walking back into my high school theater classroom for year 24, and I'm like, is this as good as it gets? Is this, is, I'm gonna, am I gonna do this for another 20, 30 years? What? And I, I had those same thoughts. Who am I to switch careers? At my age, because people usually do that in their 30s, maybe early 40s, right? But I did it when I was 50. So tell me, you know, talk to like, what were those thoughts? And then how did you break through that barrier and go, yeah, it is my time, of the barrier of it's too late for me at my age, who am I to think to do this?

Well, the dream came early on, uh, as far as what I desire, what I wanted to, you know, to do and to be. I saw myself you know, ministering on major religious platforms in America and even abroad. But it was easy for me to embrace that in my 30s and 40s and even 50s. Now I'm in my 60s, and that made me think, well, you know, it's too late. And although I know nothing is ever too late and nothing is impossible with God, I still felt like so much time had lapsed. And what else is there to learn? And just be OK. The feeling of just settling and slipping into mediocrity is so, so real. And it's easy. It's easy when you don't have anyone pulling at you or challenging you or saying, come on, there's more in you. And that's what you did for me. I'm always pushing people. Grooming women, especially, and helping them find their better self and tapping into it. And so I'm pouring out constantly. But what I had not found was someone to do that for me and help me to look at me. So this was my time. To Create Your More was about me. It was my time. If you think there is any more in you, Leola, then this is it. And I believe that this is what caused me to be able to put aside my age. And I must tell you, I don't feel it now. The age isn't up here. You know, the age is— yes, it exists, but it's not a part of my narrative now, thanks to you, because now my narrative has changed. My narrative is now, what else is there? What else can I do? And then when you gave us the assignments to look past. One of the most challenging assignments was when you gave us this long list of things, right? And then I'm thinking, oh, I got this. I was checking off. I had like 50-something things. And then you go, okay, and then you got to reduce that to 3. I was like, reduce it to 3? But what you did for me, and even in my mind, I had to look at that. And you were so good at, you know, you're a teacher anyway, so you educated us to say, hey, look, some of the things— you may have like 32 things, which I did. I was able to narrow it down to 32 from 50. And then you said, but look at that list closely because some of the things that you have can slip under like a more major category. And I've never been stretched to condense and reduce. I've just been willy-nilly, just, OK, you want 50 things? Go ahead. You want a long mission statement? Go ahead. I didn't have a 3-paragraph mission statement. And so it just made me hone in on to look at in my heart, what do you really want? What's your message? What are you trying to communicate? And what do you want them to take away? That takes a lot of, uh, introspection and, uh, thinking and going 7 layers deep. You hear me say that often. Um, and, and to bring that, to bring that to, and to condense it And that if I did have, you know, an hour to explain it, I could break that down and say, this is why I chose this to be my number one thing. But here's the thing, all of those other categories come under there as well. So, so, so my age stopped being a problem and my intellect came up higher because now I was using my, my, my intellect. I was using my, my heart and my brain and not looking at Oh my gosh, these— I'm older than everyone else, or, oh, you know, this or that. So we use those excuses, uh, and I have used that for a long time, but, but, but not anymore. Yeah.

What I also noticed was when you went into your heart, because there was a process and there were weeks and weeks of Leola carrying metaphorically every person in the church.

Absolutely right.

Putting Nikki on your back, putting Raymond on your back, putting the way everybody left— everybody's on Lee's back. And it's like, you cannot pour from an empty glass. You have to put your oxygen mask on first. And you were putting everyone else's oxygen mask on first, right, before your own. Tell me about that transition, that transformation, because I saw it like it was as if I was walking through your house and I was like, Okay, I see you. I see you putting Lee first, because if you don't fill your cup, how can you pour into anyone else?

Absolutely. And, and that's true. That's all true. But I thought that's what I have to do. I thought that was my, you know, obligation, my responsibility for being a leader, you know, that when you lead, you know, as the leader, you lead. And I, you know, was I in my mind, It sounds like you carry everything. And that wasn't, that wasn't the case, but that was very, very hard. It was taxing on my health. It was taxing on my emotions and also draining. So it didn't leave room for me to want to explore outside of my daily norm because I felt responsible. And, you know, I, my husband, you know, I love my husband, 43 years of marriage. And Yeah, 43. We've been together, what, 47, 48 years together. So he is not a talker, and I am. And one thing that this class helped me realize that I don't have to carry him. And you gave me permission. Oh, that was so freeing. That was life-changing. Because I felt like because I love him, I felt like I have to protect him and cover up. You know, for him being shy, an introvert, you know, not that much of, you know, not many words. He often say, you know, I'm a man of little words. I'd rather be seen and not heard. And so when we were in, you know, a place, a place or a space where, you know, we would be talking with other people and he would just be looking, I felt like I want them to know how awesome you are and how So I carried him and made up the difference for my daughter as well, where she's like, OK, Mom, I'll sing this, but I don't want to open with the song. I don't want to say a few little words before. And I just felt the burden that me being the mouth and being the speaker, that I have to carry all of that. I no longer feel that, Travia. I, honest to God, I can sit back and let them shine or not and be OK with it because I'm only responsible for myself. Uh, and it took 60-something years for me to get to feel that it's okay to put me first, it's okay to be who I am, and, uh, and to let her shine. And I don't have to carry the weight of my children, my spouse, my congregation at all. It's not a reflection of who I am. Yeah.

And oh my God, I love that. I love that because it is a huge weight that's lifted off the off of you because we carry, you know, and part of that, like when we're born as little babies, we come out, we're so innocent and we laugh so easily. Right. And then somebody yells and we stop laughing at that thing because now it means something. I can't laugh when daddy raises his voice. And then, you know, and then, oh, I start dating it as a teenager.

And then that thing happens.

And now they're similar. And we keep repeating those patterns. And then we tell the stories about those patterns and we make decisions based on those stories. Right. And it's who we identify as. And we identify as, no, no, I'm the person who needs to talk and save everybody, right? And I remember, might I share that conversation we had?

Absolutely.

And what I love about you is honestly, 100%, is when sometimes you would call and be like, Travia, I have a question. And it'd be like, and I'm like, listen to me, girl. Listen at me good. OK, OK, I'm listening. But let me get, let me say what I need to say. No, no, I need you to listen. And then you would listen, right? But it took you a minute to get to that point. And one of the most profound changes I saw in you— I saw it in the class. And I said— we talked about friends. We talked about your social circle. And you and I had been on the phone for about 45 minutes that day. And I said, how much do I know about you?

And you're like, oh, you know all this.

You know this and that and that. And I said, And how much do you know about me from this conversation? And you went, oh. And I said, so when you are out engaging with other people, leave those shoulds. You don't have to fill every void, right? And so that freed you to not have to carry Raymond Lester, right?

Yeah.

Not have to carry these people. And how— what was that feeling? Because you called me and shared with me Yeah. After you had like, oh my God, this works. Yeah. Tell me about that first authentic. And, and I, I also feel like it was part of you tapping into your authentic side. You weren't like trying to carry these layers of things. Tell us about that moment.

Yes. Well, because of feeling that I have to fill the void and fill the, the, the gap, uh, that created me to, you know, to talk a lot more. Um, and this is my day job. I, you know, this is what I do for a living, so I am the spokesperson. So no one else is interrupting, and that carries into my everyday life. But I found that I didn't have as many friends, and I'm going, am I doing something wrong here? And that I remember explicitly, I was in, uh, the— in my car in the parking lot, uh, and you and I were talking, and you helped me. You just— you brought it the awareness to me that, hey, it's okay, you don't have to do it. So after our long conversation, I decided to put it to the test. And I was so excited when I called you with it. So I had an opportunity. I mean, like, right after you and I talked and had met this person, and I found myself going back to the old Leola, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, wait a minute. She knows a whole lot about you, Leola, but how much do you know about her? I could hear you saying that. And then I said, you know, well, tell me about you and your family. And I decided to just breathe and let her talk. And I learned so much about this woman in a short period of time. And she was willing to share her life and wanting to talk to me. And I became the listener. And I realized, wow, this is pretty cool because it's not a one-way street. It's a two-way street. And I was so excited because she was just going on and on. And I allowed her to do that because, you know, I was changing. I was changing into my new self. And I just loved it. And I called you. I remember saying, hey, you know, I met this lady and yada, yada, yada. And she told me this. I know her husband's name. I know what he does for a living. I know what her children— and I was so excited. Translated with that one meeting because I put into practice. But I want you to know that even though it didn't— it wasn't like, you know, something out of the atmosphere just dropped down on me— it translated and has been translating into my everyday life. And I'm not saying I have arrived because, guys, I haven't arrived, but I'm a work in progress. And even today I started talking to a lady, and then this little, you know, voice in my head saying, okay, that, that, that's enough. Let her talk. And when she stopped talking, I stopped talking because I said, okay, I guess the conversation is over. I did not feel the need or the urge to continue on to keep it going. Because one thing I came out of, out of this with that you taught me, if they're going to be for you, they're going to be for you. If they want to be in your company and your, and be your friends, guess what? They will come back and circle back around., but you have taught me how to give them that opportunity to do so, you know, to open that door, to give them that opportunity. And it's okay to have people wonder a little bit about you and not be so quick to share everything. But it, it's a, it's a, um, a work in progress because I do talk for a living.

Yeah.

I love that.

It's, this is beautiful. And, and it's so true because, you know, I work with clients on How can I make more friends? How can I get more confident? And it's like, people, when you listen and you're curious about them, people open up and sing, you know? And it's like, oh my God, now I feel seen, heard, and appreciated. So I totally love that. And so Lee— oh, go ahead.

No, well, I, I can— I, I saw that and I was like, okay, and I'm going to let that person lead where they feel comfortable with going with this relationship. I'm not going to force anything up on them. I'm going to let them lead. But I had to— Trivia, I have to be OK with myself. I have to learn to be OK with me, with not having to carry on the conversation all the time or carry the load. And also get comfortable with my own silence, because I hear my voice quite a bit. And sometimes you can fall in love with your own voice, especially if you use it a lot like I do. So silence is golden. And so being a part of the class, I had to put myself in a listening mode. And man, it was interesting. Not only did I learn a lot, you know, from each of the participants in the class, but I I guess I can say— how can I say— put it this way, I enjoyed them, and I got to see them for who they were, who they are and were, and however, whichever way is proper. I just saw that. And so then I started honing in on their strengths, and so it made me more curious. So when you gave me that strategy, it was a strategy for me. Made me, um, think, okay, God, okay, okay, I can do this and I can learn from others. And that's what made me decide to say, hey, you know what, when you do that, you become more open to what other people have to say. And it's not all about you, even though you're wonderful. It's not all about you all the time. That's right.

And you are wonderful. So as we begin to wrap this conversation up, my hope is that someone is listening, as you know, this episode will come out January 20th, which means we set some bodacious goals in January. Most of the time, like, the gyms are back in January, by February the gyms are empty, and then we fall off, right? And so as someone is listening, what could you share with them that plants— because you want, you know, in the group we talked about possibility— that plants a fertilized seed of possibility where we don't see impossibility and not fall out of that because impossibility sneaks up very quickly, but you gotta know how to take yourself out of that and go, this is possible for me. And then this is probable for me. How can you share that? You know, based on our people.

Yeah.

Black women, Black men, white women, but you just, our people. How can we help them elevate, be the average of the 5 people they want to spend the most time with? That's going to elevate and raise their standards. And that's my hope today, is that we, the two of us, encourage and inspire someone. So what would you say going out of 2021 into 2022, and someone listening to this on January 20th, what would be your words of advice in achieving how they can achieve their more?

Okay, well, where they are is the perfect place to begin. It's never too late, you know, don't give up, never too late. I, I really truly believe that we all have a destiny. I believe there's dreams and desires. It's just that little thing in your head telling you it's too late, I'm too old, I'm this, I'm a woman, whatever, and, and it's impossible. But you have to look at Nothing is impossible. When you're dreaming and God has placed a dream in your heart, he's not looking to you to necessarily bring it to pass, but to trust someone that's higher than yourself and just to cry out. This is my own truth, right? Cry out and say, I want more. I knew I was created for more. Help me reach my more. And don't look at the impossibilities. Don't look at, like I said, your age or your education or your gender. Don't look at— none of that matters. What matters is what is your heart crying for? And if your heart is crying for that, I believe, and you've taught us this, you put it out there and the universe will actually start— you know, I believe in the laws of attraction. And so in 2022, I would say to you, it's still early in the game. It's just January, right? And so let's put it out there. You don't know what's going to boomerang back to you, but have the faith. And the confidence to believe that your people are out there. You got to find your people, your team, your tribe, whatever you want to call it, but you pray for those things. I'm a believer, so I'm going to use the word pray, uh, and ask God to help me, you know, let that law of attraction go into motion. So what I don't have, someone, perhaps someone else has, and then coming together, we can create it. It can become possible. So just stepping out, taking that little step, one step at a time, not be afraid. The challenge comes when you think that there's no way it can happen. And of course, if we tell the truth within ourselves, we can't. It can't happen. But if you actually put yourself in position to be vulnerable enough, to be open enough to say, hey, this is what I want. I'm going to put it out there. And I am going to believe that what I'm seeking, what I'm looking for, is going to come back to me. No matter how small it comes in a seed form, it may come, but just build upon that. I took your class. That's a seed. That's a step into the right direction. I want to do what you do. I'm learning from you. Right. And so all of this is a learning opportunity for me. So I'm just going to say, take one step at a time. Look beyond yourself in this big, beautiful, gorgeous world that we have. There's so much more. And, and we don't have to limit ourselves and put ourselves in this little tiny box and say, this is where I belong. This is the way my mama, my daddy, my grandmother, my sisters, everybody's in this little box. You be the first one to say, you know what, that might be their story, but it's not mine. You can rewrite your story. I'm rewriting my story for 2022, and I'm looking for bigger, better, more opportunities to come as I grow. But here's the thing, I believe that we have to learn too. So when opportunities come for you to learn or to hone in on a certain skill set or to grow or develop, that's all a part of reaching your destiny because we don't know everything. But what you have, I can glean from and vice versa. So what we need is already out there. We just have to be patient enough, not be afraid, and tap into the, the open doors when they come.

Beautiful. And you have been such an example of just that, because one of my, my, my points of view is I believe that people are willing to stay comfortable than to rise and go for it. We want to stay, like you said, in a little box. We want to stay in our, in our comfort zone. And I witnessed you stepping outside of your comfort zone, and that's when you begin to grow and expand and to the The law of pure potentiality. Right. And so it's like, as long as we continue to challenge ourselves and learn, that's what I really feel like living is about. You know, I get up, I'm excited for Mondays. Now I wasn't excited for Mondays when I was teaching. Right. I'm excited for the possibility. I'm excited for where your life is going to grow. I mean, you're already doing some fantastic things, but you know, I see you. I see myself on big stages. I see you, I see me in the wings after you speak. I mean, I see all of that. Mm-hmm. And so I want everyone listening, what is it that you can see for your future? That if you were to let go of all the limitations, all the stories, all the perspectives, all the voices in your head, what's possible for you? Dr. Lee is an example of what's possible for her. So what's possible for you if you take the steps to create your more?

Boom.

Yeah. Dr. Lee, thank you so much. This has been such an incredible journey. I feel like this podcast episode is, it's a culmination of the journey that we took together through Create Your More. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for dropping all those words of wisdom. That's what I'm talking about.

You're a great speaker. Thank you.

You are. You, you're a great speaker. You have a lot to give, and it's easy to follow you.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Travia. I thank you for— you just pulled so much out of me. You really, really did. Um, and thank you for stretching me. Thank you for not allowing me to, you know, make an excuse for why I didn't do the assignment or why I thought it was too hard. I thought all those, those things. But I thought in order for me to become more, I had to do the work. I had to put in the time, and I have to do the work. And many times people want what they want, but they want it without doing the work, without actually putting in the work. But I can honestly say, and with a smile on my face, that I feel good about myself because I did the work. No one gave it to me. No one wrote the script for me. No one— I, you know, I didn't just show up and go, okay, I'm on here because, you know, uh, no, I, I all— I was all in and I did the work. And because I did the work, I'm reaping the harvest, you know, from the, uh, the fruits of my labor because I, I did the work. And can I— may I say one other thing? And you can cut this if you want, but what I look at when I look at social media and I look at people that's in my arena, um, it's, it's the same old same old. And I want— I just said, you know what, I like it, but there's got to be more. You know, I can do more than— and I'm not making anyone look bad, I'm not trying to do that. I have colleagues on all the time, and, and the word of God is the word of God, and it's strong and it's powerful and it should be broadcast. We have the platform for it. But I just saw where they would do— everybody was doing the same thing. And I like the challenge. I like adventure. I like being different. And I wanted to do something that's not the norm, that everybody else— OK, just because you're doing it— and I think that's why we just kind of become like a collision or gridlock, because we're all going after the same audience. We're going after the same thing. And, and I just believe that God— I know for a fact that God is much bigger, much greater. And, and, and so we just keep, you know, it's like a, a cycle that just keep, you know, it's repetitive. We just keep going around this little hamster wheel over and over. And what my prayer is, that God will allow you and I to break outside the box, to think outside the norm, and to go for something that we— that would literally blow our minds, that mind-blowing, um opportunities, and when we step out, that we would not only be our authentic self, but we would give the Creator, uh, the glory, because we know that it didn't come from ourselves. And this will, you know, not only make us proud, but it also will expand us, you know. And it shows the diversity of our God, how he's able to make you and me and so many others. And, uh, he's not limited to 1, 2, or 3 or 4 things. So my prayer is for you and myself that God will continue to use both of us in our different arenas and that we would make him proud as well as make ourselves proud for stepping out of our comfort zone and doing something that is, or what seemed to be, impossible with man.

Mm. There it is, ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Lee, thank you so much. I appreciate you. I love you. Thank you for adding to the podcast today.

I just want to— asking me, praise God. I love you so much. Thank you.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. If you're finding value in these episodes, I would love it if you could leave a 5-star review. I know I said 5-star, but yeah, why would I want anything less, right? If you could leave a review for the podcast, it helps more people to be able to find it and see it. And also, and listen to it. And also, if you know someone else who could find value in these episodes, I would love it if you would share it with them. And it helps more people to be able to find the podcast. So thanks again for listening and take care. Peace.