Finding the GOOD in a horrible situation

You are listening to an episode with my guest Lynn Whitbeck, finding the good in a horrible situation. I'm Travia Steward, and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. The conversations that I have on this podcast, on the Breakthrough Podcast, I hear some amazing stories of the resiliency and how people were able to turn their breakdowns into breakthroughs. And today is no different, as I sat and chatted with my guest Lynn about her husband Bruce, who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. And Lynn shares with us who she became, who she was first, and then who she became in that process that allowed her to make different types of choices, choices that allowed her to find strength and choices that helped her to be more creative and, and figure things out instead of being stuck in a place where she really didn't want to be. So today I introduce you to Lynn Whitbeck, known as the Queen of Sales. She is hired to ignite winning sales teams because most are chasing down clients, stuck in chaotic sales cycles, and lacking client retention, conversions, and profits. So she helps transform their thinking to the client's perspective. And in sales chaos, with a robust strategic plan to harvest the hidden profits. Bottom line, Lynn will ignite your sales and unleash lasting profits. She is the founder and CEO of Petite to Queen. That's the number 2, Petite to Queen. And you may have seen Lynn in USA Today, Huffington Post, Chicago Tribune, and so many more. So keep listening as Lynn shares as Lynn shares her breakthrough story. It's going through this horrible time and what she found on the other side.

My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I— it was probably one of the most darkest, toughest time. His initial diagnosis was 6 months to a year. And I was going like, okay, he's not even gonna see our daughter graduate from high school. And it really threw me into a massive tailspin. You know, from where we were, what we were planning for our life, you know, sort of this, you know, the next thing, you know, for our daughter going to college. And I have to be really honest. I mean, I just sort of shut down. I went into this 2-week pity party. I could barely function. I was crying. Um, I, it was like I, I was stuck, you know, and, and of course it wasn't helping anyone. And in fact, we hadn't told our daughter yet. We wanted her to go ahead and be able to finish school. And so that was this added burden, you know, that, you know, and she wasn't sure what was sort of going on, you know, and my husband was really very stoic, but he also would be— he was always very attuned with his emotions as well. But he was using meditation and things like that to try to stay calm through this, you know, this time. And, you know, I, you know, then we had to tell her, and that was really the most difficult, horrible thing that we had to do was tell her that her dad you know, was— had terminal cancer and might not even make it to see her graduate from high school, let alone be there. And, you know, at one point I was— I probably had Kim Possible on, which was this TV show we used to watch with my daughter when she was young. And I always loved it because she can do anything, right? I think that was probably playing like a comfort thing, either that or it was Winnie the Pooh. And, um, I just sort of went, okay, wait a minute, is this— I can't keep wallowing like this. What can I do? What can I change? How can I break through and do something different from where I've been for the last 2 weeks? And I went, it's— I have the power to choose.. And it was my choice to go, all right, this was the hand that was dealt. How am I going to play the cards? And, uh, my choice was to look for the glimmer of light. Um, even in the darkest tunnel, there's a glimmer of light. And that light was to make every day as precious as possible and create memories, do things as a family, do things together. And really to guide my husband through this difficult journey. I really stepped up, took on the role of his advocate, went to every medical appointment, switched our plans. So we got into the University of Washington Medical Center. I have to give them a shout out because they were truly amazing. And rather than that 6 months to 1 year, he lived for 3 years. And during that time, we had incredible adventures and these great times. So that's the power that you can make, um, to choose. So no matter how hard it may seem that you don't have a choice, um, it's always there. So you have to really embrace that and take that moment to say, I get to choose. I get to choose how I respond, how I step up, how I am present in this situation. And when you do that, you get that little bit of control back. You can't control the whole situation, but you can control yourself and how you respond. So, um, I think that built-in resiliency is what really helped me, um, you know, from that point of just utter despondency and breakdown and like, oh my, I can't believe this is happening to me. Me, me, me. Of course, it was my husband, or us. And then being able to emerge from that.

Beautiful. So, and again, tell me, how long ago was this?

It was 6 years, 6 years ago now. Wow.

Wow. And since he, since he passed, since he passed, right. And he was okay. Thank you so much for sharing that so beautifully. Being a cancer thriver myself, I have empathy for where you were and your whole family and such a tough place to be. If we could just rewind just a little bit, and I want you to speak to before you saw the glimmer of hope, before you had the realization that you know, we should really look through this glimmer of hope. Who were you being when you first recognized, I don't want to be that person, I don't want to keep doing this? Who was that lady?

Well, it was still me, you know, it's still part of me, but it was part of me that rather than looking at, you know, my own power and my own ability It was, you know, really that this is just being dumped on me, you know, and this is, and, you know, I don't want to call it a doormat, but it's almost like you just, you know, where it's, you know, when you think about having internal or external control, it's like, this was happening to me. Instead of saying, you know, this occurred, now how can I project out of, you know, out of this or out of what I want to present to the world. So I don't know if that makes sense. But that was that moment. It was more like, it's where you don't recognize that. It's literally like, it's such a dark place that you don't recognize that you do have that power to choose. Yeah. And And all of us get there at some point, you know, with your cancer, it's just like, oh, you know, how, you know, why, you know, and it's, you know, so depending on the situation, it could take you 5 minutes, it could take you 5 months. For me, it took me about 10 days. But to sort of go, okay, wait a minute. You know, there are things that I can do.

Yeah, that was a really quick turnaround, 10 days, especially for something as big as that. You know, for some people that's a huge— that's a quick turnaround. And so I love that you're speaking to we have the power to choose, and we absolutely do, right? Because how we see things, how the world occurs for us, the perspective, the beliefs, everything that goes into that whole realm outside of the circumstances, right? Because your husband had cancer, those were Those were the circumstances. It was how Lynn chose, right, to first deal with it that made it seem like, oh, God, poor pitiful me. This has been dumped on me, right? But when you chose to go, how can we make this time the best time for the rest of his life, a great experience, that is a shift in how you are present in every moment. It's not poor pitiful me when he has the cancer, right? But I love how you express that, you know, we do have the power to choose because every experience in our life, we can choose how we view that, right? What was— and I know you can't really speak for her, but like your daughter, when you notice that you changed, that you're like, okay, this is the stance that I'm taking, you know, I, I was in this this broken-down place, and this is the breakthrough I had. Was it obvious to like your daughter that, oh, mom is dealing with this differently? Who is— okay, I'm gonna take a note from her.

Well, um, and I think part of it also was being able to break through was the fact that we told her, you know, that what was going on. And so then that sort of burden of secrecy, you know, um, because we were always very transparent with everything, was gone. So, um, that was another you know, piece that was lifted. And then also, you know, by doing that, then I was able, I was able to sort of step into the mom role of, you know, you know, moms, you know, take care of the family, you know, what do we, how do we do that? And so there are a lot of other elements that were probably psychologically going on. I've, I have always been a very resilient person. And, and I look at that The worldview is that I have, um, I do have, um, power to make an impact. I mean, we all make choices and decisions every day in so many different ways. And that I also have always recognized that I have the ability to make a new decision.

Yes.

That just because something worked for me in the past, um, or that that's the way that my parents did it, or whom, or my friend, that I can decide to change my mind because new facts are presented, a new situation is presented, I've discovered something new. And, um, you know, we all get more information all the time, or, you know, new thing, and it's like all of a sudden I was like, okay, I can change my mind. And because I have this new information, and based on that are based on this life experience, um, I can change my mind. And so that was— I think that because of that, that also helped me through that time period and get to the other side. And then once I reasserted that part of me, um, I just went like into action. It's like, okay, so we got like second opinions, we got, you know, and I started working on getting our medical, uh, piece, uh, changed. I went, like I said, I was his advocate at appointments. I was very aggressive And if they didn't do what I thought was necessary, I would just say, I want it in our after-visit report that we've requested this and you've refused. And I would not leave the office or the room until they, they would cave. They always would cave, do more tests, do scans. And I was always— it was a little— honestly, I was always right that something else was going on, you know, and that they would discover because, oh no, we don't need to do these extra tests, you know, because we were in one of the HMOs, you know, moniker group death, you know, the other one, kill me now, whatever they're called, you know, because they don't, you know, it's like, it's great if all you're going in is to get your flu shot or whatever, but you really get sick, they don't want to spend money on you. I'm sorry, but, you know, and so, but doing that and being that, that advocate and being assertive in that way, I really felt that I was making a difference and I was having an impact. And then, you know, the things I was doing to take care of him, to take care of my daughter, and start putting things in order. I started, I started getting, making sure all of our finances, all those things were all in order. Everything was done, um, so that when it came time for Bruce, my husband, to pass, that I'd be— it would be easier, you know. And so that ability to take action and plan, yeah, um, was actually it, it, it just gave me purpose.

I get that. And so it's almost like, like when you're in those, the, you know, and I hate using words like this, but like in the negative type of emotions, like your, your, your avenues to creativity are so blocked, you know. But once you begin, once you have that epiphany, it's like, we're going to enjoy, you know, here's a glimmer of hope, of light here. We're going to enjoy this. It seemed like now the, the, the, the person who is like, I'm gonna figure this out, I'm gonna be of service. Now we have so much more creativity, and now I can think about the finances. Because before, you were just like, I'm not gonna— so had you been that same person, there's no way you could have been the advocate you became towards the end, or maybe towards the middle.

Oh no, I was right in the beginning because it was only, you know, literally it was like two, you know, true. And, um, You know, it's so, and you know, and I'm not gonna say immediately stepped into this superwoman role and that's just stupid anyway. I mean, but I stepped into taking a more aggressive and active part and it took me a couple months to realize, well, I had to go to every appointment. I couldn't let him go by himself because, oh no, I'm doing okay. And it's like, no, you're not.

Yeah.

You know, so I just went, all right, that's it. I'm going. Somebody has to speak up. You know, and I'm going to be— I can be the bad cop.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you so much, Lynn, for sharing, you know, that time in your life that, you know, because of the show work, it's a breakdown, and then all the breakthroughs that you've had, you know. And there are so many ways that we can use things that we view as negative initially. But when we come out on the other side, like you, 10 days later, How can we find strength and something to learn in that moment? So I would love for you to build us a bridge from that experience all the way into becoming the Queen of Sales, right? Queen of Sales with a core value of being of service. And you were driven every morning by, there are so many things I get done, I get to do today. You know, and I love that because, you know, most of the time I go, yeah, I get to do this, you know, but sometimes I forget, you know.

Yeah.

But tell me, build a bridge from who you became after your husband's passing to becoming the Queen of Sales.

Well, you know, one of the things that's surprising is in that transitionary period, it also had allowed me to sort of really take stock. And it's like, um, you know, death is a natural occurrence, but I had, you know, at that point I had never anticipated that my husband would die so so young relatively. And so I was able to say, okay, well, I had a life before Bruce, I will have a life after Bruce, what is that life going to look like? And that was a decision that I made was to start my own business. So I was doing sales consulting, I had been in professional sales my entire career. And, and also, I was taking a step back because I was at a point where, you know, I was being flown all over, literally all over the— I was constantly on a plane.. And so that was the other thing. It's like, well, I don't— I can't do that, you know. I don't want to be doing that. I need to be here. And so— and I did a little bit of travel that first year, but then I just went, you know, I had to really curtail that. And so I decided I'm going to do something different. What is that going to look like? And, you know, I've always been really passionate about sales because I believe that all women should have sales training because it's leadership training. Everything you need to learn to be a great leader, you learn in sales— how to negotiate, how to work with difficult people, how to, um, you know, work with people who have just different styles, you know, how to make sure that you're following up, how you're communicating clearly, clearly, how you build relationships, you know, all of those things that, that matter in our life and in our career. And so that was a really key part that became the key component, you know, because it was also going through what my husband was doing. It was like, I recognize you got to have the life, you got to have life on the other side, and you've got to be able to live life to the fullest. And we were joking about ziplining or bungee jumping the other day. And we were, you know, the thing is, is that I can tell you from my own personal experience, No one on their deathbed says, dang, if only I'd finished that last proposal or gotten that promotion. They just don't. Okay. And so that it was really that life work and sales became that cornerstone for me creating the business because, you know, and of course, you know, sales isn't such an important part of being in business because you you have to get clients, and you get clients by guiding them to a decision, which is a sale, right? And it's also about leading and communicating in your own internal team and in your community, in your, in your, you know, your tribe. And so all of that, you know, really played in, um, that experience and what I was going through just fed right into, you know, my business.

That's so good. So as you're talking about this, you know, I was— I'm still on every woman needs to have sales training. Yeah. Can you actually break down, you know, because I know you, you spoke about decision making, and, and if you had to get to the heart of it, what are like one or two make or break— if you don't have the sales training this is what shows up in your life. Talk to that for a moment, if you would.

Well, I mean, there's a couple of things, and the first one comes right out, out of the gate is negotiation. Because when you don't negotiate, that, that is a core reason that women are paid less, um, historically, because we take what they give us or offer us. We don't negotiate. And there's all kinds of different ways to negotiate. It's almost like we don't feel comfortable negotiating. And so you— that is such an important skill because we negotiate every day. You could be negotiating with your kids what they're going to eat for dinner. You know, I mean, we negotiate all the time. And so it is absolutely a core leadership skill, and it's a career skill because when you negotiate, you're going to earn more money. And that's a lifetime of earning more money, you know, better benefits, whatever it is you negotiate, right? And, and I mean, that's just one piece, one piece of, you know, the pay gap, but it, it isn't— it's an important piece. And you have the power by learning key negotiation skills, um, and there's some great training that's available, you know, so that, you know, um, that you can help and empower yourself. Right. So that's one thing. The second thing is that in sales, and certainly my sales philosophy and methodology, is everything starts with the thinking like the client. And what that means is you're literally putting yourself in the other person's shoes, you know, that walk a mile in the other— really look at it from their perspective, from their prism. And when you do that, you can understand more of what's going on for them and in, in their world, in their environment, so that then rather than you're trying to, um, well, this is what I have and, you know, you need to buy what I have, instead it's like, well, this is what you need, this is what you want, this is how it's going to benefit you, so you can. And you read to flip it so that your client really— and this is not just like in sales, I mean, this is if you're negotiating with your boss or a peer member or your family again It's like thinking that through so that they can— you understand that perspective and you can reframe what you're doing so that it makes sense to them. And that's a really incredibly valuable skill, and that is a skill that you use throughout your relationship with anyone, with another human being.

Yeah.

And when you put yourself— where are they at right now? What's going on for them? You know, what do they want, need, or lack? How is this going to serve them, benefit them, um, solve a problem, address a concern? So they can— so they can what? When you really think that through, then you can sort of like, okay, all right, so, you know, even like I'm telling you, negotiating with your, your kids to do their homework, you know, you think about that. So they can you know, so they can go to that dream school, you know, I mean, whatever it is that whatever they aspire to. I mean, you can just by doing that, then they can see the vision, and they can put themselves in that vision. Absolutely.

I love how simply how you broke it down. Thank you for that. Because, you know, especially you seeing it from the perspective, putting yourself in tho— that person's or those people's shoes and how it applies to just not only just sales, but in your house, like you said, getting your kid to do his homework, you know? And so the way you just shared it, I'm like, oh yeah. And also when I'm at the grocery store and I want someone to open up another lane, or I want somebody to help me, whatever that is, I can see how this skill Knowing how to do this could help you in every aspect of your life.

Yeah, I mean, it does. I mean, there's a really sort of a funny story, but once I missed a connecting flight, you know, it's like in Chicago. I was in Chicago or Denver, you know, and, you know, so I had to go up, you know. I actually just literally closed the doors and there had been people in front, right in front, and really given the woman who was maning that station a hard time, you know. And I came up and I just— the first thing I said is, I am so sorry. There was no reason that you should have been treated like that. It's so inappropriate. You don't control the weather. You don't control the mechanics on the plane. Um, are you okay? Because I was thinking like her and how she felt, you know. And she was just like, oh, thank you. She said, it was horrible. I mean, people just don't understand. And they just take out their anger and frustration on me. It is such a hard job. And I said, yeah, I can only imagine. And so, you know, we sort of had this little dialogue. And I said, you know, I, I missed my flight. And I'm just looking to see when I can get on the next flight. It's all good. You know, if this is the worst thing that happens to me today, bring it on. So let's just work out when I can get on the next flight. And she's going through and she says, well, I've got— and I was with a companion. I said, I've got 2 seats right here and they haven't checked in yet and it's over and they're past their time. I'm giving you their seats.

That's what I'm talking about.

She gave me their seats and I got on the next flight to wherever I was going. I don't remember when. And then we just had this really— and afterwards she was smiling And I just went— I gave her a gift so that she could get back into the present and she could feel good again. I felt great. And wow, isn't that what this world really needs a lot more of? You know, and so that I— in that little moment, I created an impact for her, and I actually got something in return. Not that that was what I was doing. I wasn't doing that for any reason, because it was little— this is the worst thing that happens to me, so be it. You know, I've been through worse. So true, very true.

Wow. Well, you know, Lynn, so I love that example that you just gave us. If you were going to leave my audience with the most important advice you can ever give them based on being such a sales queen what would that one or two things be?

Well, the number one deadly sin of sales is failure to follow up. And this happens in every aspect of our lives. And it doesn't matter if you work a day in sales or you ever work at all, you know, um, because you need to follow up on all kinds of different things. And when you fail to follow up, you miss out on those opportunities. And so you have the ability to take charge of the relationship. And that's going to be the DNA of who you are and how you show up. And so that requires follow-up, and that you check in, and you do it where you lead with value, uh, and that you're doing them, you know, the, the, the service to, um, uh, get the information that you need. And whatever it is, this does not have to be sales, but, um, it's— follow-up is absolutely vital. And following up where you are delivering value. That's so important, you know, and especially in sales, that is very important.

Yeah.

So that you can move the conversation, and by following up, you can move whatever the conversation is that you need to move forward.

Yeah, I love that because that could even— I mean, yeah, it's, it's sort of like a given when you say follow up, especially if it's a client, but you can follow up with the kid now did his homework And it's, you know, you're checking it. And now we're rewarding him with the, you know, attaboy, way to go, whatever that thing is. And so that he knows that these weren't just words that you were speaking. You followed up to make sure completion. And it's almost like you tie a nice little bow around it, right?

Yeah, absolutely. You know, you'd be following up with your girlfriend that you're going to be meeting for dinner, you know?

Yes, yes, yes.

On the weekend, right? Yeah. So, and that just like, oh yeah, you know, it's like, oh gosh, I forgot that we were doing that. And, you know, yes, yes, yes, we're still on. I'm, you know, I'm adding it to my calendar right now because I forgot to do it when we talked last week, you know, whatever that is. And to your point, it's like, okay, you know, we're ready to, you know, get the latest Loki episode started. Have you finished your homework? You know?

Yeah.

How's it going? Do you need any help? So we can just tidy that up and move on to the next thing.

Perfect. Perfect. So Lynn, as we wrap up now, will you briefly tell us and share with us what is the work that you do with people? And then also, how can they find you if they want some of that work?

Absolutely. Thank you, Travia Steward. So business owners and entrepreneurs hire me because most are stuck in a chaotic sales cycle. They're chasing down clients and leads and conversions. And they are looking for that solution so that they can build profit and build recurring revenue and great relationships so that they can have an impact for their clients in their life and their business and in their communities. And so that's what I do. And you can reach me at Lynn@petitetoqueen.com. Of course, that's our website, petitetoqueen.com. And I'm all over the place on social, on LinkedIn and yada yada.

Okay, as Petite Queen?

Yes, and primarily as Petite Queen LinkedIn. You'd look, you can look there, but you can also look for me.

Okay, perfect. And all of these links will be in the show notes, I promise. And, and just one last thing, I want our audience to know that Lynn is offering a free masterclass. Can you talk about that masterclass briefly so that people be like, what's the masterclass?

What you doing?

What's happening?

You know, and this masterclass is specifically designed for entrepreneurs and business owners, and it's how to leverage guest podcasting to, uh, grow your business. And so here I am, I'm guest podcasting.

Yes, you are.

Because when you do that, you have the ability to let other people know what you're doing and who you are and what you're about. They can really make a genuine connection, and they can sort of say right off, like, well, I sort of like her. You know, I want to learn more.

Yeah.

Um, and the other things, you know, you really— you— I get to borrow the ethos of Travia here and her audience. I create a very valuable sales asset that I can use in my follow-up, um, with, uh, potential clients. Um, I can create incredible SEO because I'm going to share the episode far and wide and add the backlink to my website. And podcasts, unless a host actually takes it down, they live forever. Somebody Googles your name and pages and pages come up. They go, when you look at me. And so guest podcasting is just an incredibly great way, uh, to establish rapport, um, with, um, you know, the audience and to get the word out about what you're doing and, uh, you know, give yourself some incredible credibility and, um, make those connections.

Perfect, perfect. So, Lynn, thank you so much. Thank you for sharing your, your breakdown to breakthrough story with us, and thank you for all these valuable tips of how we can use sales and not even look at it like sales, but negotiation in every walk of our life. So thank you so much for being on the podcast today, Travia.

Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure.

Yes, it has. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast, and I hope you're finding this information valuable and helpful to help you create your best life, to break through those barriers. If you're enjoying this podcast, I would love it if you would like and subscribe to Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast, whether that's on Spotify or Google Playlists, and also on my YouTube channel. If you like seeing the videos of these podcasts, please click below to the subscribe button so you don't miss an episode. All right, my peeps, take care.