Flip the script on performance anxiety

This is Lead with Confidence Now, the podcast dedicated to helping you grow your confidence and live your best life. I'm Travia Steward, and for the past 27 years, I've been on a mission to help you reinvent your relationships and career. My goal with this podcast is to show up for you so that you can rock your own world with the confidence to make that big change in your life you've been wanting to make. What's up, my peeps? Happy Podcast Thursday. Have you ever been on the verge of doing something like really big, like about to give a presentation, or you're about to like play a big game or have a big meeting that you were going to lead, and you couldn't tell if you were actually nervous, anxious, or excited? Most of the time in that situation, in those types of situations, I know I find myself to be a little anxious. Maybe I'm worried. Today we're going to dive into how to tell the difference and how to make it what you want and use this feeling as an advantage. So, I remember this was when I first started speaking and I was speaking to this executive group and, you know, I usually speak to a room full of people. This time it was a small group, you know, like 15 people. And for some reason that made me more nervous than speaking to, you know, hundreds of people, you know? And so what happened, I just, I could feel myself like I was sweating, my palms were sweating, like my back, I was just a sweater, like, and I would look at my hands and my hands were just shaking. And what I do is I recognize that I have this way of pacing and I can tell when I get in this space where my heart is beating and I'm feeling nervous and anxious, I start speaking faster and faster and faster. And so this particular day I was nervous because I think what was happening, I was making it more important than any of the other talks I had done because this was smaller. And because it was smaller, did it mean that, oh, people can really see me close up? I mean, these people, we were in a small, like, boardroom, and I was working with some leaders, and I felt like, you know, they could see me close up. It wasn't because I wasn't on stage. I had a screen. I had, you know, my slide deck and everything ready. And on the table, I had these worksheets and some of the papers that I was going to hand out to them. And, you know, and then I also, because it was a workshop, was following an outline. And for some reason that day, I kept being nervous and I could tell I was anxious and nervous. And then when I walked in, I, you know, they offered me something to drink. So I had, I got a diet Dr Pepper because this was a morning workshop. I want to keep my energy up. Well, because I hadn't focused my energy or transform my energy to something more productive. Here I am, I have begun my presentation, I'm talking, I feel like I'm getting in my groove, and I spilled that damn Dr Pepper all over the worksheets. All over. So now all I can do is make a decision in the moment and go, I can let this ruin everything, or I can just laugh at it. I can laugh at myself. And what did I do? I laughed at myself. Oops. Does anybody have a napkin? And so everybody else in it, like, it basically, like, it cut through the worry that I was feeling. It cut through the anxiety that I was feeling. It cut through the importance that I had placed on this workshop, this day that I was working with these executives, because for some reason I was making them better than me, when that's not the case at all. We are all different in so many different ways, and I was hired to go in there and help them solve a problem. And that's what I was doing, and that is what I know that I am an expert on. And so in that moment, because we were laughing and I was able to cut through, you know, and shift, cut like that, I learned that when I'm feeling the anxious, nervous energy that's coming up, because I know, because my check engine lights are on, my heart's beating faster, I may feel like I have a knot in my stomach. I'm talking really fast. There are moments where I need to just pause because we can take that moment and direct it and reframe it to our advantage. So the point is, of that story, is I learned a long time ago that anxiety and excitement, they feel like incredibly similar because both of these emotions activate the same responses in our bodies. I've noticed when I'm excited, I'm about to do something, same thing. I'm sweating, you know, I'm talking fast, all the things that happen. It's the meaning that I'm attaching to it that makes it, labels it as anxiety or worry or nervousness. Because yeah, in both instances, my heart races, my palms sweat, you know, I feel a sense of adrenaline. But the key difference in how we interpret these things, these feelings, these check engine lights, is when we are perceiving a situation, when you are perceiving a situation as a threat, that's when you feel anxious and your brain wants to protect you. My brain wants, wanted to protect me that day because of something I was dramatizing. Traumatizing in my mind. But if you see this feeling as an opportunity to absolutely transform that anxious feeling, the nervousness, into excitement, it can shift and change every single thing about that presentation, that talk, that game, everything that you're doing. And so what I want you to do in recognizing this is recognize the physical sensations in your body. Without judgment, you know, we're not gonna, we're not gonna go, oh, I can't believe you're, you're acting this way. I can't. Oh my God, man. Oh my goodness. What am I doing? Right? Without judgment. Notice what's coming up because like I said, I know what my check engine lights are. What are yours? Does your heartbeat pick up? Does it feel like it's racing? Do you have sweaty palms? You know, do you, are you, you know, speaking fast like I do? You know, I can't keep still. I begin to pace. And then in that moment when you're recognizing, okay, I am in that place and how can I use it? Now it's a matter of talking to yourself rather than listening to yourself. Instead of saying, I'm anxious, I'm nervous, I'm intimidated, tell yourself you're excited. Talk to yourself. This is the best opportunity that I can have today, and these people in this room are waiting for me to change their life. Talk to yourself more than you listen to yourself because our brain sends us some very shitty thoughts all the time, and our brains lie to us all the time. It makes us feel like the world is ending, makes us feel like everybody's going to ridicule us. It makes us feel like, oh my God, I'm standing in front of these people and I'm naked. That's what your brain does. But if we change that dialogue and go, "I'm excited about this. I'm changing lives today." When we make that powerful shift and you come from a powerful state, a more resourceful state, not a negative worrisome anxious state, that's the place where you act from. And now we have this whole different perspective of excitement. Of opportunity, enthusiasm. And so coming from that place shifts everything about who you're being as you are playing that game, as you are giving that presentation, as you are, you know, directing that meeting, whatever it is that you, you know, are stepping into that may be a big deal in your life. And so that day when I broke through that nervousness, when I spilled the, the Dr Pepper all over my worksheets, I learned the power to transform from anxious, from worry, from intimidation to excitement. Because in that moment, I still felt the same things, and I recognized that I could make all of these physical sensations be excitement instead of nervousness. Because I began to consciously choose to reframe those things, relabel these things, shifting from a place of fear, shifting from a place of, you know, disempowerment to one of empowerment. So what happens is this is a testament that the way we feel, the way we experience emotions are not fixed. We've experienced, people experience emotions different ways. Everybody experiences joy differently. Everybody experiences anger differently. We all show these things and we feel and experience these things much differently than the next person. Because they're not fixed. So it's how we interpret these physical sensations in our bodies, because what shows up in the mind in a thought has already shown up in your body. Your body tells you how you're feeling before you can even focus on that thought. And so another point that I really want to hit home is the importance of reinforcing to be mindful of what your brain is telling you and what you're making things mean. The way we talk to ourselves in moments of pressure, in moments of big meetings, in moments of stress, can either hold us back or propel us forward. And all I want you to do is begin to recognize that narrative and then change it. From I'm feeling anxious, because whatever comes after I am, that's what you are declaring that you are. So instead of being anxious, you're excited, you're embracing, you're ready. By doing this, you can create a more positive and proactive mindset, and it helps you to come from a more resourceful state. In your body, that way you can operate on a scale of 10, right? Instead of like a 2, because the nervousness and the worry has pulled you down. This helps us to be able to face challenges with courage, a whole lot more courage and enthusiasm. And so I've shared with you before that there are times when we're flying, like, I'm telling you, like, I don't think there's ever been one time that we flew into Denver, Colorado, and it didn't feel like, oh my goodness, what is happening with the plane? The plane felt like it was dropping, like we're at Disneyland or Six Flags or something. And in that moment, I remind myself that this happens before. I am used to this. And you know what? I'm at Disneyland. I'm at Six Flags. This is like, 'Woo, I'm on a roller coaster.' And so it takes the edge off. These are just small changes in your mindset that can actually lead to significant shifts in your behavior, in your outcomes, and how you show up. And I just wanted to talk about this to remind you that you have more control over your emotional experiences than you think. We don't want to respond. We want to react, but we want to react with intention. And so what I want to do now as I conclude this episode is I want to encourage you to practice this the next time you're feeling anxious, the next time your check engine lights are going off and you're recognizing that you're nervous, you're anxious, you're worrying about something. Stop, pause, take a deep breath, And you remind yourself that I can control the narrative. Today I am going to talk to myself. I'm going to tell myself what these feelings mean. This is excitement. This is not worry or anxious or nervous. This is excitement. This is empowerment. This is how I know I'm ready. This is my body preparing me to take advantage of this amazing opportunity that I've been given. So I want to make sure It's like I'm revving up the engine of a car, right? And so I want you to get in a habit of reframing those negative feelings, especially before presentations, big games, meetings, whatever that is. And I want you to notice the difference in how you feel, but also in how you show up at work, in your relationships, just in general. So, whenever you feel the rush of anxiety, pause and just reframe it. Talk to yourself more than you listen to yourself because our brains can be shitty to us a lot of time. So that's what I have for you, my peeps. I would love to hear how you use this in your life, in your relationships, in that next meeting or that next presentation, and share with me how it went. All right, my peeps, we'll talk next week.