How Alex Reinvented himself after it seemingly all fell apart

At the time I'm like, what is NLP? What does that do? What is a coach? What are you talking about? Can you help me? And my life just changed on a dime like that. It was due to, I guess, a hostile takeover where the CEO said, you, you're the one who hired Alex. Um, you and your team, you don't, you're no longer needed. And so we're just going to let you go and you and your whole team can go find something else. Wow. Um, so moving away to a foreign country, not knowing the language, not knowing the culture, just married. I was lost. I was ashamed. I was fearful. No idea for the longest time that I've been coaching people and I just didn't call it coaching. Um, since a young age, I've done martial arts. I've taught piano. I've done a lot of stuff and tutored, mentored a whole bunch of people, but never in a million years would I have called that coaching.

Ladies and gentlemen, today I have a very special friend and a guest. He is also a lifestyle and performance coach. Today, pull up a chair, get comfortable because he's going to be dropping some nuggets and some gems today. Please welcome my guest today, Mr. Alexander Lynn. Hi Alex. What's up, my man?

Hi, hi Trey. How's it going? I am doing fantastic. How are you?

I'm doing very, very well. I was super excited for this because you know, guys, if you don't know who Alex Lynn is, Alex has a YouTube channel. And Alex is— he sets the bar so high. He just has such high standards for his quality of work. So make sure at the end of this episode you check his stuff out. So to begin with, Alex, I would like to start with, if you don't mind sharing your journey about how you got into the coaching business, expound on what type of coach you are, and finish off with what your big why is. Why coaching?

Definitely. Thank you for that. Fantastic question. And how I got into it was, to be honest, I stumbled on it. I had no idea for the longest time that I've been coaching people and I just didn't call it coaching. Um, since a young age, I've done martial arts, I've taught piano, I've done a lot of stuff and tutored, mentored a whole bunch of people. Um, but never in a million years would I have called that coaching. Um, long story short, what happened in around, I think 2015, I moved to Thailand because I got married. Um, I was headhunted to work for this big company, uh, doing procurement and I was doing it for a bit. Um, but then a little while in, I lost my job. I was fired from the position and the company, although it wasn't based on performance, Um, it was due to, I guess, a hostile takeover where the CEO said, you, you're the one who hired Alex. Um, you and your team, you don't, you're no longer needed. And so we're just going to let you go and you and your whole team can go find something else.

Wow.

Um, so moving away to a foreign country, not knowing the language, not knowing the culture, just married. I was lost. I was ashamed. I was fearful. I curled up in my room, started reading books. I didn't want to see people. I developed adult acne at the age of like 30s, which is ridiculous. Um, and then I gained about 30 pounds.

Right.

Um, and I didn't know how to get out of that hole until one day I met this guy, His name is Yang, and he was an NLP coach. And I, at the time, I'm like, what is NLP? What does that do? What is a coach? What are you talking about? Can you help me? So we sat down and I said, like, you know, gave it a shot. Yeah, he gave me about, I would say, half an hour to an hour's worth of his time. And my life just changed on a dime like that. Wow. I was, I was saying, you know, what did you do to me? And what is this stuff? What is coaching? You know, you call yourself a coach. What is that? He's like, well, you could become one too. I said, me? No way. Impossible. He said, yeah, go read this book, go check out these courses and have fun with it. I think you'll do amazing. Long story short, the rest is history. I mean, I did the courses, I came, I'm here now. Um, I've studied NLP. I help people find their confidence, find their voice, and really look within, because a lot of the times people think, you know, the answers are outside, it's exterior. But the truth be told, and I'm sure you would agree, is the answer's right here.

Absolutely. So do you mind if we unpack a little bit of what you just said and what you just shared? And thank you so much for sharing all of that. So was there a process of, you know, here you are, you picked your whole life up, you have an identity established, I'm this guy who's, you know, who's, who's been, been recruited to go to Thailand Oh crap, everything has fallen out from under me. And I know you met, you know, Jan, you know, the Coach. What was that process of sort of reinventing yourself and believing in yourself enough to where you are now like, I can teach people how to be confident. I can teach them how to transform and tell us a little bit more about, because I know other people are going, what was this conversation that you had that changed your life?

Yeah, for sure.

That's a heavy question, right?

Heavy question. Great question. I love it. Um, how to unpack that. So I love how you touched on identity. Truth be told, I lost my identity. You know, I used to be, and I know this sounds kind of boastful, this guy who's kind of, you know, I got everything under control. I know where I'm going. I'm making the money, confident, you know, out of the roof. Um, and then when I fell, I lost that identity. During that conversation, it was these questions that he really asked me, and I— it's been a while, I don't remember exactly what they were, but they're saying, you know, things are bad now. You can either wait for someone to help you, or you can help yourself.

Right, right.

And I think, you know, 3 or 4 questions in, I'm like, holy crap, What am I doing? I had this aha moment where I said, I don't need to be like this anymore. I can, I can become the person I want to be. And by no means was that a fast process. I mean, it took me, I think, 10 months to really change my entire life. I transformed, I lost all the weight. I went to climb in Vietnam, a mountain, which is like 3,500 meters. Meters high in elevation. And God, that transformation, although it was gradual, it was amazing.

Oh, that's incredible. I love that because, you know, some people— I just did an episode, my last episode was, you know, 10 things that you can start doing today that'll help you create the life that you want. And so when we're talking about, you know, you lost the weight, you, you, you set goals, you know, maybe 90-day goals or whatever to achieve these things, you know. So that is such a practical example about how this can happen. Tell me about your process of having that vision and going, this is what I see for my life. Did you have that vision when you moved to Thailand? You know, cause I know life throws us some curves, but what was your overall plan? This is how I want life to look like. And then the rug's pulled out. And how did you pivot that vision?

Definitely. Um, when I moved to Thailand, my vision was I'm going to be here. I was offered a driver. I was offered a maid. My salary was doubled. So I'm like, oh, life is set. I don't need anything. Right. So my identity and my vision was, okay, I'll stay here for the rest of my life and I'm good.

Yeah.

Then that rug was pulled out and I'm like, okay, now what? Um, and the coolest part is the first course that I took was about finding life's purpose and passion. Right now, what does that mean really? Um, My purpose, I lost it. And I refound that through coaching. My passions, truth be told, I have many passions, but not every single one of them will make me a living to be able to provide for my wife and my kids. Or, you know, it may not resonate with me a few years down the line. So really, I had to do some inner work to really figure that out.

Of course.

And once I've recreated this vision for myself, of, oh my God, this coaching business is pretty cool. I can impact lives. I can talk to people and help them refine themselves.

Yeah.

And get paid for it. Why not?

Why not? That's incredible. I noticed that you and I have pretty much the exact same mission statement because my goal and my mission is, is life. Because not counting the lives that I've touched with teaching, but starting with coaching, I want to impact 1,000 lives. Transform and impact. And I noticed somewhere when I was looking at your stuff that you have that exact same thing. So I feel like, you know, we're, we're, we're siblings from, from another mother.

You got it.

Two other mothers. There we go. So Alex, you touched on your family. I know you are married. You have a beautiful daughter. You were expecting a new baby very, very soon.

That's right.

What does that level of security look like for you? The man of the family who's got to provide, and coaching is so up and down. How do you maintain a sense of security in providing for your family? And not in an old school kind of way where like, your wife isn't doing it, you know what I'm saying? But you know, there's pressure there.

Yeah, for sure. And you know, with any business or entrepreneur, there's going to be pressures. Um, and that's something that I went into the game knowing. Before I became a coach, I was infatuated with finance. Like I would find anything to read so I can build a portfolio. I thought, you know, I'll be rich quick kind of thing. That stuff doesn't happen. But one thing through my research and my findings was that you can create an all-weather portfolio. Coaching, although it is my main gig, I do this, I love it. It's fantastic. It's not the only way that I help people. And I love to bring all those aspects into my coaching business because, you know, for the longest time I was a jack of all trades and I was a master of none. I felt like that was a failure, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. And today I see this with a whole new light. Every single thing that I was getting good at or practicing is something that I can offer in my coaching as well.

Right.

And so, um, not too long ago when I made this exclusive VIP package for people to come here, I incorporate my love for my arts, my photography, my filmography, my coaching, and everything all into a 4-day intensive where people are just, their lives are transformed, and I pack all I've learned in the last, I guess, 30 years.

I love how you touched on doing all of these things, but so great that you've been able to use all of them. I remember when I played high school sports, I played volleyball, I ran track for, you know, a semester before I fell over the hurdles, and I was like too embarrassed to go out there and try again. I played basketball and then softball. Softball was my best sport. And I remember my high school softball coach saying, Travia, you're doing too many things. Quit spreading yourself so thin. You're just being average at everything, and you can be good at softball. And so I didn't want to quit on my other coaches, but I started putting more and pretty much all of my time in softball. And it didn't mean I didn't enjoy those things, but I totally get that. You know, go where— you know, I'm such an advocate for these— this is my strongest sport. Is my strongest strength. How can I use that first? And then I bring in all the other things, like you're saying, with your music, with your, your, your martial arts, all those things. So I love that. So Alex, I know you're an intentional kind of guy, right? What is your top value that you set as an intention that guides your actions throughout each day?

One thing when I get into the office is How can I serve others so that I can serve myself? You know, everything is very intentional in the way that, you know, yes, I need to make a living, but I also feel that in order for me to feel fulfilled, I need to help others in a way that is actually meaningful and bring value to them.

Yeah.

And so, you know, there's tons of coaches out there. Um, we all have wonderful intentions, But I am very, I guess, hyper-focused in the way that I want to help people kind of find their way.

Yeah.

I mean, coaches, there's so many branches of coaches out there, you know, there's relationship coaching, there's business coaching, and which is great, you know.

Yeah.

Um, but at the end of the day, what brings me the most joy and the most fulfillment is helping people really just get that level of confidence so that they can do whatever they want.

Absolutely.

Right.

Yeah. I love that. I love that. Cause you know, and we've, we've had this conversation a little bit. My top values, they go hand in hand. One can't go without the other is love and connection. And so when I wake up and I lead with that, I just come from a much more loving place and I just, and I feel like my impact is much, much stronger. So Alex, so let's, I want to get into a little bit of what shaped and molded you into the person that you are. So I know you've talked about the job in Thailand and the rug being pulled out. Touch on like maybe 3, 2 or 3 other pivotal moments that are like, oh, okay. And looking back now, you're like that, that it's because of that, because of these 3 things.

Yeah. Pivotal moment. I know this goes way, way back. I was about 5 years old and, you know, like every other kid, You look for that independence. I can do it myself. I don't need your help. And you look back, you're like, okay, kid, slow down there. But I remember leaving the house, not telling my parents, you know, I'm going to go, I'm going to go buy some ice cream. I'm going to walk 10 blocks that way without telling you, ask people for money, buy the ice cream, and came back like feeling a million bucks.

Right, right.

I came back. Oh, I got into trouble for that one, but I knew what that sense of independence felt like at an early age. So I knew that was one of the pivotal moments because I didn't want to rely on anybody. I wanted to be the one to provide. So that was something innate within me, and that was in, I don't know, when I was 5, right?

Right.

Another pivotal moment I would say was when I was managing the MBA program at my local university here in Vancouver, BC, I was asked to go take 50 MBA students to go to India. And we would work there for about 2 weeks intensively with local companies. And I was already doing a full-time job, right? I guess within the organization they need some extra help. So basically I took on 2 jobs at once. Truth be told, that came at the most ideal time ever because I was going to propose to my, to my wife and it was extra cash so I can buy the ring. So I took on that job. I'm like, yes, I jumped before I even thought about it. I'm like, okay, let's go. And oh my gosh, did that opportunity ever increase my capacity and my, I guess, outlook in life. I saw things that I never thought I would. I've seen buildings, um, actually Arvind Eye Center. Have you heard of them?

I haven't.

Arvind Eye Center is actually a man, Arvind, who started an eye center and created two sections, one for free, completely free, and one for paid. And anybody in India within that area could go and get free eye care.

Oh, wow.

So you're talking about impact. And I'm like, wow, I never thought someone could do that. This guy is a well-renowned eye specialist. He created a hospital with him and his family that would provide for free. You're crazy. You know, that's what I thought. But seeing how it worked and how the people saw him in their eyes, how they appreciated it. And not only that, but people who did have money would contribute. To that cause, right? That was one of the pivotal moments for me too. Nice. You know, I'm thinking, yeah, I need to get paid, but there's more than just money.

Absolutely.

There's helping people, actually helping people, right? I guess another pivotal moment was having my daughter. Of course, you know, they say having a kid gives you the energy. You know, people say, you know, it's— you create a business like it's having kids. You want to have more time? That doesn't work that way, you know?

Yeah.

They suck the energy out of you, and I can't say that I would have anything else. I would— I love my daughter. I love how she demands so much out of me because it just pushes me to the new limits that I never thought I could do before.

I love that. Love that. Cool. So that's 3 good ones.

Yeah, you got it. Cool.

So, you know, Alex, you know, as— because, you know, I was, I was a theater teacher and a theater director for 24 years, and I just observe you, your body language, and you just— I mean, coming out of every pore is such a sense of vulnerability, of this is who I am, which I don't think I've seen the level of authenticity and sincerity in a man other than you. I've never seen that before. And so just the way you are sitting here giving of yourself in the way that you're doing it, I so highly appreciate that. And I just think you are again such an example of it's totally fine for a man to be in touch with his feelings, you know, because a lot of men are like, no, I gotta be tough. But you know, I just love that. I love that. So thank you for sharing those things. Would you say one of those 3 moments was or is your Work That Out story? I love to ask people. I know I pivoted the name of the show, but I think it's so important. It's like, you know, was there ever a time when you're like, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel? I don't know how I'm going to work this out. My back is up against the wall. What is your Work That Out story?

That's a really, really good one. Um, yeah, I would say out of the 3, it would be the one of my daughter. Nobody has a perfect plan on how to raise a kid. I mean, you can read, you can find advice from people. I think actually the best advice I got from somebody was don't take advice from anybody.

That's good. Yeah.

Right. And as a parent, you know, I found that I've fallen into the traps of comparing, looking for the best thing to do. But truth be told is you just kind of go with it.

Yeah.

Um, every day is different. You don't know what the kid's going to throw at you. My back is against the wall because one, I need to provide for her too. I need to make her happy. And three, I need to help her prepare for whatever is to come.

You know, with your family, I know you love your family and I love how you prioritize them because I remember one night we were messaging and like, oh, it's dinner time. Boom. It's like, we're done. How do you prioritize Alex?

Hmm, that's a really good one. I have the good fortune of having a wife who understands and values what I do.

Yeah.

And so I ask, and you know, the worst thing that could a person can do is not ask because the answer is always no when you don't ask.

Well, yeah.

So I sat down with her and I told her what I want to do. Having that open communication and just really setting agreements, right? Saying that, you know, this is what I need to do for us, not only for me, but partly for me too, right? And I get that nourishment, that opportunity to connect with people that many people actually long for, right? And on top of that, my wife also gives me alone time.

Wow, that's incredible.

Yeah. And really that's how I do it is I cherish those moments. I make sure they're hyper-focused for what I need to do.

Right.

Um, and if I were to give a tip to anybody to really make it effective is set your intention before you even start anything. Right, right. I know it sounds trivial. Um, but really when it, when I get that alone time, I go for a bike ride, I go for a run. I say, you know, This is meant for me to recharge.

Yeah.

This is meant for me to clear my mind. And this is meant for me to get that win so I can continue going for my family.

I love that. Thank you for sharing that. You know, it's so important. Just like you said, it does come across as very trivial and people are like, what does that even mean? You know, set your intention. That just sounds stupid. You know, you know, I have a lot of family members who would probably say that, you know, just get up and say your prayers kind of thing, you know, and then that's your intention. But I noticed the impact that it has had on my life. You know, I mean, days when I am intentional, because I know with proof now how I work better, how my day goes, the 16 things, what are the things that I want to bookmark, right? I know 100% now that I can't just wake up and go and immerse myself in some work without setting my intention, without having my time, without, you know, saying my prayers, doing my meditation. I can't do that because I'm not ready. I saw evidence of that yesterday. And I was like, because I needed to fix some stuff with my podcast before the episode dropped. And I was just all over the place. And you know what? I fought through it, but the whole day was just like frazzled. And I was like, ah, I just don't like the way this feels in my body. So today was just as I wanted it. I'm an early riser. So I got up probably about 5:21, about 5:21. I look at the clock all the time. So I got up at 5:21. I was like, okay, I feel good. I'm ready to get it. I did my meditation, I did my prayer, and I took a bath. You know why? Because those things bring me joy. That's my time, and those are the boundaries that I create and honor in myself. I love that. So thank you for sharing that. And it's so cool that you're in a marriage where you have, you know, privacy and you have time for Alex and not just your work. But sometimes when couples get together, their identities, you know, just sort of merge. And it's like, what do you mean you need private time? Why do you need private time? Well, we all need that time, right? And so I love that. So if you're thinking about like your family members, mentors, people that you've worked with, who has had the biggest impact on your life?

Hmm. So many names come to mind. I guess the more recent one would be my wife. My wife is a carbon copy of me, and I know that sounds cliché, but she just gets me. We are to the point where we finish each other's sentences. I don't need to say a word. She just looks at me and I know exactly what she needs or what she means. And it's such a blessing to have a life partner like that. Because the level of impact she has on me is the type that brings me peace, love, and I guess, to be honest, completion, right?

Jerry Maguire, she completes you.

Totally, totally. I love it, I love it.

So, so, Alex, let's go back to that again. You know, I like to unpack the things that, that that you're saying right now. Was it always like that in the beginning? Were you guys always really good with communication? It just worked, you know, because usually in the beginning things, you know, we're in the romance stage, things are perfect. And then we get to the part, you know, we're fighting and fighting and fighting and differences are apparent, but it's always, it's always been smooth sailing.

You know, I've had the good fortune of saying at the beginning it was a little bit rough because we were getting to know each other.

Right.

But maybe 3, 4 months in, we, we found our groove.

Yeah.

You know, I've had past relationships like many people. Um, those are rough. I learned a lot. And I, I think all the lessons that I've learned from those hardships were brought into this relationship and made it so much easier.

Right.

And same for her. And so I think the pivotal moment was when we said there's no secrets. Let's just put everything on the table and whatever you went through in your life, I don't care because I still love you. And ever since that day, holy smokes, like nothing can affect us.

You know, and you, you just don't find many couples who have that, just they're that open with each other. I think that's one of the most important things in my marriage is that we don't have any secrets either. You know, I have friends who are like, you know, we got the— we do the app where the Find Me. Yeah, I always know where she is. Yeah, unless it's poor reception, you know. And then I've got friends who are like, oh, you know, that's too much. I gotta— I gotta be able to do my thing and be off the radar kind of thing. And I was like, well, that's— those are keeping secrets, you know. And so, yeah, totally. Again, we're siblings, dude. We are totally siblings. Yeah. Okay. Alex, I want to talk now about, let's pivot to what it is you do. You know, we don't refer to it as a 9 to 5 as coaches because I left a 9 to 5, right? Tell us about what is your main focus in your business right now? Tell us all the things that you offer. I especially want to get into your Legacy program because I think there's a reason why you called it Legacy, right? Because we all know the definition of legacy is leaving something behind. So tell us, just tell us about that expansive business that Alexander Lin runs.

You got it. So my business, you know, for the longest time I didn't have a focus, but then one day it just kind of clicked.

Yeah.

You know, they say that, and we talked about this recently, was, you know, the best clients and the best people you want to work with are those that are similar to you. Right?

Yeah.

And the people that I work with, I get inspired. I don't take anybody on just like that. I will say, you know, we need to find a good fit for us. And if we're a good fit, then you're going to get amazing results. But right now I'm working on this project called Legacy, which is basically getting you from zero to hero on YouTube. The reason why I picked YouTube, because I myself have gone through the transformation of filming and what video does and posting yourself online for the rest of the world to see, right, is not a small feat. And I gotta say, you know, kudos to yourself, you know, creating this podcast, putting yourself out there. To be honest, my journey was— it took me 2 years to put my first video up because I was just too scared.

Yeah. Wow.

Look at you now, right?

Yeah.

Scared of judgment, scared of saying, you know, who am I to say this stuff, going through imposter syndrome. And I said, you know, who do I want to help? And it's exactly those people who are going through the same thing. Absolutely. And the reason why I called it Legacy was I was, I was really debating what platform to use. You know, you can make videos, you can keep it on your computer, they're there, whatever, right?

Yeah.

The program that I help you run is really helping you convey your message, educate people, give back to what the earth is asking of you.

Right.

And it becomes a legacy project where you have this beautiful package that you can give to your kids, your grandchildren, and it'll be there forever until the end of time.

Right.

So that anybody who wants to get to know you, Nice.

So if I'm someone who is like, you know, I really want to start a YouTube channel just because I want to share just some fun things I do throughout the day, because, you know, just for whatever reason, can they be someone who has zero experience? Can they sign up for your Legacy Program and then you take them from, you know, the very beginning of not knowing a single thing all the way through success?

Definitely. Now I would ask, you know, what does success look like to that person, right? Yeah, you got to define that. And YouTube, although you hear this hype about, yes, you can make money while you sleep, you know, people are going to watch your videos and all that is great. If that's what you're aiming for, fine. But I would say that the key point, and it's not just about YouTube, it's really about finding your, your confidence, right? So that you can become a better speaker, a better leader, in your everyday life. And I didn't think, you know, video was that impactful before until I started teaching it and doing it for myself.

Yeah.

Because getting in front of a camera and it is cold, you know, you look at the lens and you're like, oh, this feels weird.

It does.

I don't like this. Right? We're so used to seeing the facial emotions and the reactions that people have when you talk to them. So getting over that nonjudgmental, you know, sense of, oh, okay, did I say that right? Did I say it wrong? Yeah, doing it right. There's this whole mental process that you go through that in Legacy we get over, and therefore in turn makes you a better speaker and just, right, better well-rounded human being so that you can be and live more fully.

Absolutely. So drop us one specific nugget, right? Let's say somebody wants to be— wants to improve their confidence on video. And they are listening right now, what is one tool, technique, tip that you could share like right now? They're like, oh my God, I never knew that.

Yeah, well, depending on where you are in the journey of confidence here, if you're just getting started off and you have no idea how to do it, you're too scared to go online, what I would challenge you to do is take your phone take a video and talk for 5 minutes. And once you do that, give it about a day and then rewatch that video, right? You know, I found in my experience that people who do that and feel this sense of, oh, did I do that right?

Right.

Or this doesn't feel good, that is an opportunity for you to grow. Absolutely. It's not always easy to see yourself talk and you're like, oh, I'm so full of air, you know, I'm so full of bullshit. Sorry, I don't know if we can do that on this.

We can do that. We can be bullshit all day.

Um, but once you're able to do that and kind of get comfortable seeing yourself, yeah, what I've found is it's not only just comfortable seeing yourself but accepting yourself, right? Accepting for yourself for who you are. And that goes such a long way.

It sure does. I love that. So what's, what's been your process of— I know you're like, you know, you kind of got better focus. What was your process of assessing what was working, reassessing what wasn't, and it's like, okay, let's move away from that, you know? I'm a fan of, for my entire life, I've always gone, oh, I want to be good at that. And then for some reason I was able to go, oh, well, let me, just like everybody says, you know, success leaves clues. And so I would go and watch people who were successful and go, okay, I can do that. I can do that. Yeah. And so when I'm looking at building a coaching business, it's like, okay, I look at the successes that other people have had and I go, okay, I can do that and I can do that probably better and different with my own spin on it. What is your process of assessing and reassessing?

Yeah. Um, to be honest, it sounds very much in line with what you do. Yeah, I'm all about modeling the people that have succeeded where I want to go. And, you know, recently I was reading a book called Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon, you know.

Okay.

When you look at the different people that you want to model, truth be told, there's things like plagiarism where you can just copy the person, right? That's not going to get you far. That totally discredits you. But when you take 5 different people Take the best of each of those.

Yes.

Integrate it into one and then serve it up with your own spin.

That's it.

That's not plagiarism at all. That's you. That's your stuff, right?

Right. Yeah.

And so how do I define success or know whether it's successful? Really, it's feedback. You ask, was this working for you? What did you get out of it? And if you did, you know, would you like to continue?

I love that because people don't know what you need until you tell them.

Exactly.

You know, and like you said, the answer is no, unless you ask.

You got it.

So perfect. So what's your system? I know you guys have created some great, wonderful boundaries in your marriage. What's your system of getting so much done? Because I mean, I see the things that you do and I feel like you've got 20 irons in a fire and maybe that's just my observation and I don't really know, But how do you manage your day? And then how do you maintain a high level of motivation to keep going at that rate?

Yeah, no, great question. How do I manage? To be honest, my secret weapon is my calendar, right? You know, I am the kind of guy who is very structured. I need to know where I'm going, what I'm doing, and I will plan out my week, my month, my year.

Yeah.

And whatever comes out just goes in the calendar. It's an awesome system because not only do I see it, but my wife does too. So she knows where I'm, what I'm doing, where I am. And it just makes the communication so much easier.

Right? Absolutely.

Um, and really just looking for the best ways to, to give value to the people that I talk to. Um, second part to that is what is a secret between me and my wife makes it smooth. Honestly, it's communication.

Yeah.

You know, it's funny if you think about it, every single problem in our life stems from relationships.

Yeah.

Either with ourselves or with someone else. And how do you make those relationships perfect is, I guess, the secret sauce, right?

Yeah. So, and what is, what is that secret sauce? The, like, like breaking open the communication. I'll share with you what my secret sauce is. Share with me what your secret communicative secret sauce is.

First, it's just caring.

Yeah.

You just need to care. If you don't care, it's not going to go anywhere.

Yeah.

Secondly, you know, we're human. We think about what's in it for me. I do think that about you know, when I talk to somebody, but I think more about what's in it for them to create those win-win-win situations. So win for them, win for me, win for us.

Yeah, right, right.

And really just being honest. If you don't want to spend time with somebody, don't. Don't. Yeah, simple as that, you know. And the people that you do want to spend time with, cherish it. Love it. I'm pretty sure it'll be reciprocal.

Absolutely. So yeah, so my secret sauce, which isn't a secret at all, it's just that it's what I use. I honestly use the Five Love Languages and I use the Six Human Needs. And so I know that I lead with love and connection, but my spouse needs to feel significant, right? And if you put in the Five Love Languages I need physical touch. I need words of affirmation. My spouse needs acts of service. Do this, do that, and I just love you forever. Doesn't need all that touchy-feely stuff, right? And so that I know, okay, I'm using those couple of vehicles to, you know, help her, you know, establish the communication and so that she can get what she needs in the day to where she feels like she's seen, heard, loved, and accepted and appreciated. Appreciated and uplifted, you know. So yeah, so I love that. And so, you know, so many people are like, oh, you know, the tools too. Tools are good when they work, right? So very cool, very good. Do you guys use anything like that? You use the Five Love Languages?

We do, actually. It's funny you say that. Our love languages are exactly the same.

You guys are really brother and sister too.

If you know, honestly, it kind of feels like it. I know that how ancestral that sounds. Um, we, there's very little difference between us.

Yeah.

And I think that's what made it so easy. Um, culturally we are on the same level, right? Um, values-wise, we're on the same level. Beliefs-wise, we're all on the same level and even love languages.

Nice.

I mean, what I love, she loves. What she loves, I love.

Right. Complete alignment between the two of you.

You got it.

That is perfect. That is totally perfect. So now I want to get into— this is always a little touchy, but you are such a— you know, you know how to phrase things. You know how to keep it pretty PC. So now you live right above us, right? You're a Canadian. What are a couple of noticeable differences about, you know, things, you know, in the United States that make you so glad that you're a Canadian?

Oh, I like that question. Um, to be honest, it comes back to the level of care.

Okay.

You know, I see the difference in the government system, healthcare systems, and we don't have this stress that you guys do.

Right.

One example is paternity leave. You know, that's actually, well, from what I understand, kind of nonexistent for you guys. Whereas I here in Canada can work for a company and I can take a whole year off and still get paid, you know, to have those opportunities. They add up, you know, we have a great support system, the healthcare system, although we pay to the taxes, we can go and find the care we need. Right. It's just, It's just easy. And we don't have that stress that says, you know, okay, what do I need to do in order to get there, get more and make myself feel better.

Right.

Um, and I think that's a huge factor that, you know, makes me proud to say I'm Canadian.

Yeah.

Um, apart from the fact that, you know, you hear this cliché about Canadians are so nice. Um, yeah, there's a reason for it, man, because people are nice here. The government's nice to us, not all the time. I mean, there are things, but for the most part, yeah, we're taken care of and we take care of each other.

So, right. Yeah, cool. So as a coach, when you work from people outside of Canada, how are you able to empathize with some of the things that they're going through? Because, you know, you're in Canada.

Yeah, I'm cognizant of the fact that everybody comes from different backgrounds, cultures, and just coming from a place of non-judgment. Yeah. And remembering that it's not about me, you know, I'm—

That's hard. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. I'm continually learning. I have, you know, a toolbox that will help you with any situation, but truth be told is whatever the person needs is what I'll give them. And whatever tool that is useful in that time, I will use.

Yeah. I love that. I know, you know, a lot of coaches are like, you know, when you are working with a client, don't get attached, don't get too close, don't become friends. I really, really root for my clients. And so a level of empathy, because that's just who I am. And I learned, you know, recently especially, that I just can't— I can't keep that separate. If I'm keeping that separate, then I'm just a shell of the person that I want to be. It's who I am. I'm empathetic. I will cry with you if you're crying, you know? And that's just— I just love that part of it. I think empathy is so important to establish, you know, a safe space for people to feel like they can really be the person they want to be. So I love that. So has everything in your life happened perfectly, even though the job was pulled out from under you? But has it been perfect? Because we learn from that, right? We can either let it define us or we can recover and learn from it.

You got it. And I think it comes back to— well, this is my coaching mindset. I'm going to put the coaching hat on.

Absolutely.

You can either be a victim of your life or you can be the creator Creator of your life. Um, if you look back and look at all the experiences that anybody's gone through, you know, there's so many learnings, lessons, and to be honest, they were necessary to get you to where you are today, right? Your past experiences, your significant emotional events, these are what shape you into who you are right now, right? Were they necessary? To get to where I am now? Yes. Did I like it? Probably not so much during the time. Yeah. But now that I look back, I'm able to say, oh, I went through that. What can I get out of it? And that is, you know, a powerful mindset to even do for yourself. So whoever's listening, you know, you can say, oh yeah, you know, I went through that hardship. Take a moment. Be like, what did I get out of that?

Yeah. So out of those moments that you're reflecting on, was there like one specific thing that you would say to yourself, oh, I wish I knew then what I know now? A lot. Yeah. Well, while you think about it, I'm going to share mine, right? So something that I wish I knew— I wish I knew how to create my life. I wish I knew the things that I wanted in my life when I was graduating from high school. I had no idea what I wanted to do. And my counselors were just kind of like— it's not like today, you know? This was a minute ago for high school, you know. But I just remember not being advised very well. It was like, OK, well, you're good at softball. Go play softball. Or, you know, go do the theater thing, that kind of thing. But I just never knew the depth of what I could do with those things. I really had no clue. And one thing that I think is important, what I really wish I knew then, how often I wanted to work. Work. Like, I wish I knew that I wanted to create my own schedule. I wanted flexibility and that it was possible for me to get those things. So that is my big wish I knew what I know now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What screams out to me now that you share that is, um, how do I ask better questions? And how do I actually practice introspection a little more?

Right.

Those are two things that I wish I knew way back when, um, because I'm a true believer of the quality of questions you ask will determine the quality of answers you get.

Absolutely.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Um, so we're, we're going, and I'm thinking back to high school, just like yourself, you know, if, had I asked the question, you know, what kind of career do I need that will be fulfilling and that will help me keep you know, my family stable and provide. Whereas I remember, you know, asking myself, how much money can I make?

Absolutely. Yeah. And how fast, right?

Those are the questions that I was asking back then. And, you know, had I asked those better questions, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have taken so long to get here.

Right, right, right. Because again, yep. Had you known then what you know now, it would have been a faster route. And we don't know to ask those questions in high school. For sure, you know. So, so now we've looked back on the, the moments that have shaped and molded the man that is sitting with me right now. If your life happened perfectly according to your plan, where do you see yourself in 20 years?

Yeah, that's a beautiful picture, and that's something that I constantly think about because I have had the good fortune of traveling around the world and I want to live in Canada 6 months and I want to live in Thailand 6 months.

Wow.

I want to be able to work from anywhere, kind of like what I'm doing now.

Right.

Um, create that impact, serve people powerfully and help them, you know, live life fully.

Yeah.

Um, that's incredible. Yeah. Living the life. Um, that I did before and looking back, I mean, I wish I had someone like myself to turn to. And that's why I'm so passionate about bringing this to others because, you know, I think it was you who said, you don't know what you don't know, right?

You don't.

And until someone asks you that right question, you know, so what do you want? Where do you want to go?

Yeah.

And that's, it's a seed that plants inside your head that just grows into this giant tree of amazement and Right. Your life will become, right?

Yeah. Because most people focus on what they don't want.

You got it.

Yeah. Instead of what is the life I want to create for myself. So Alex, before we wrap up, what is the last thing, like if someone wanted to work with you right now, how could they do that? Like, could, like, tell us what that process looks like, your packages that you have to offer. Just tell us, because we're all in love with Alex Lin now, even though he's married and expecting a baby.

Thanks, Dre. Um, working with me is pretty easy. Uh, you can check out my website at coachalexlin.com. Everything is there. Um, you can either work with me through intensives where I'll take you through a 4-day, um, tour VIP package around Vancouver. But although COVID's around, um, might have to be put on hold. Yeah, you can work with me one-on-one Or you can do Legacy and start today and start building your confidence, um, learning how to show up better in the world and just building those perfect relationships that'll just make you happier.

I love that. Which one are you the most passionate about right now?

In terms of programs? Yes. Whichever one you want to join, to be honest. I love them all. I've created every single one with so much love. That, yeah, they're like kids, right? Which one do you love more? Right.

Okay. Okay. But you always have a favorite. We say we don't, but you have a favorite or you will.

To be honest, I love the touchpoints. So it doesn't matter if it's in a group, if they're one-on-one, if I can get to know you on a personal level and help you get to where you want to go, it doesn't matter what program you come into.

Perfect. Nice. Well, Alex, is there any other place that you would like our audience to connect with you? Like, where can they follow you on Facebook, Instagram, all those things?

So you can join my Facebook group. It's called Dare to Share for all you storytellers out there. There's amazing stuff going on there. You can engage with some incredible people from around the world who want to tell their story. And that's actually why Legacy was created too, so they can create their stories and tell them in impactful ways on video, right? Or you can just check out my YouTube channel or my podcast called Connect the Dots. They're free resources for you to enjoy, learn more about yourself, and hopefully grow into something that you could never have imagined before.

Oh, I love that. Thank you. You just tied that up nice in a nice little big red Christmas bow. Alex, I've enjoyed the conversation we've had today. I feel like you have really dropped and shared some gems with me as, and my listeners. And so I know that people are going to find value from, from this episode today. So I appreciate you being so giving of yourself and your time. Thank you so much.

Thank you, Trey, for the opportunity.

Absolutely. If you like what you're hearing and perhaps you're interested in having a complimentary conversation with me, click the link at the bottom of the show notes. Thank you so much for listening. If you even wanna know more about what I'm up to, head over to traviesteward.com. And if you like seeing the videos of the podcast, every episode is on my YouTube channel. Take care, guys.