How is your listening affecting your relationships?

My peeps, have you ever in a conversation felt like, or even asked yourself, if you were truly being listened to, if the other person was actually listening? But what I really want you to ask yourself is when you're in a conversation, are you actually listening? This is Lead with Confidence Now, the podcast that helps you grow your confidence. My name is Travia Steward, and for the past 27 years, I have been transforming lives, and my mission is to help you grow your confidence by improving your self-image so that you perform better in all areas of your life. And today we're going to dive into how we listen and the impact that listening actually has on our relationships. Listening and actively listening improves your confidence. Immensely. And listening helps us to connect with people on a different level, you know, when we're really, really listening to people. So before we get into the episode, I want to apologize for, you know, I did not put out an episode last week, but I want to share with you, not that I'm making excuses, but I like to bring you guys, you know, my peeps along with the journey. So the last episode that I recorded, if you, you know, you've listened to this, to that episode, I recorded it from Bruges, from Bruges, Belgium. And I was going to record several, you know, I had all of these ideas of all the things that I wanted to get done, you know, that because Shelly was at a conference as well and she was doing it, she was doing a talk. And so I had all this time for myself and I was like, oh my, because my free time, like I wanna explore, but I also have all of these ideas that are flowing through my mind all the time. And it's like, I wanna get this, I wanna get that, I wanna get that. And long story short, I listened to the playback of the last podcast episode and did not like how the sound came across, you know, I was using my portable, my little lapel mic, and I just didn't like it. And so I allowed that to deter me from recording a second one. And then as we traveled home, we were supposed to get home on July 3rd. And on July 3rd, we flew United Airlines and we were flying, we were on the plane in Brussels getting ready to fly from Brussels, which was an 8-hour flight, all the way to Newark, New Jersey, so that we could connect there and go straight to Phoenix. Well, when we're in Brussels, we are all loaded up and we're waiting, and we sat there, right there at the jetway, you know, still attached, an hour and a half waiting for another plane that was late. So because we waited an hour and a half for that plane, What do you think happened to our connecting flight in Newark? We missed it. And so what happened is, and because we don't normally fly United Airlines, we flew United Airlines because it had better options for international travel because we're Southwest people, every now and then American Airlines. And so we missed our connecting flight in Newark, New Jersey. So of course we're in the terminal and we're looking for someone to help us. Well, United Airlines recently, I'm not sure how recent, removed all of their in-person courtesy people. Like you couldn't just walk up and say, hey, you know, I just, you know, I missed my connecting flight, blah, blah, blah, blah. I need some help. Couldn't do that. You had to go over to this little, this sign that had a QR code that you were supposed to scan. And then there was gonna be someone who helped you virtually, you know, and you get, it's a video conference, but it's someone sitting in an office somewhere. And we tried that and that just didn't, it wasn't panning out. It just really seemed like the person could give two shits about what we were experiencing and how to help us. And his immediate thing was, we just put you on a flight tomorrow. Now granted, We're in Newark and it's like 1:00 PM. He's just gonna put us on a flight tomorrow. There are no options for getting on a flight today. And tomorrow's 4th of July. And so we were feeling some kind of way. And so there was a lady who was sitting about 8 feet away from where we were talking, video chatting with this guy. And we just looked over and said, can you help us? And she said, I'm not supposed to., but yes, I can help you. Come on over here. And her name was LaDonna, LaDonna Douglas. And I tell you what, and we thanked her. And the thing that I know AI is important, AI, the technology and all the things are helping us, you know, to improve so many things about our lives. But there's just sometimes you just want some in-person people. You don't wanna talk to a damn computer when you have missed your connecting flight. You wanna talk to somebody at a desk. And I just think so many times companies get wrapped up with let's save, you know, jobs. Let's, well, as a matter of fact, I don't think they're saving jobs. They're getting rid of jobs because now we got bots helping you reschedule your flight. I get it. Everybody's looking for ways to, you know, produce, you know, better things with less overhead. With they don't wanna pay this person and they wanna automate this and automate that. I get it. But there's just a moment where in life sometimes you just wanna talk to a person. You don't, you know, there's so many times I'm up, I, I go to Walmart and I do the grocery pickup from Walmart and I went there just the other day and you're supposed to check in, you know, you, you put the order up on your phone in the app and then when you, when you're on your way, you click. On way. And then when you get there, you tell them what parking spot you're at. But the app wasn't working the other day. And because the app wasn't working, I had to get out of the car. And then the person was feeling some kind of way. He was bringing all the groceries out. And she's like, can you call this line? Well, no one's answering the line, right? Because no one's supposed to be doing that in the office because it's all automated through the app. Another example why sometimes just automating every single thing through technology, through your phone. So I just wanted to share a little bit of the frustration that we were feeling through all of this. I think we're losing so much of the personal connection that we can have, and a lot of us want to have. Like, I love to talk to people. And so when we got home that night from Belgium. It was 1 o'clock in the morning. It was actually July 4th. We should have been home at 1 o'clock in Arizona on Arizona time. But, and so truth be told, I just, I didn't have it in me to put out an episode that day. And I knew my peeps would understand. So here we are, my peeps. And this week, what we're talking about is, and you know, I can get a little fired up about some things. And so I, you know, I love to bring my real feelings to things, especially on this podcast episode. So let's talk about what it means to bring the best version of yourself in a conversation, the best version of yourself when you're listening. You know, what does it mean to be fully present? And attentive, you know, because how you listen affects your confidence and it affects the relationship with the person that you're speaking to. Because it's not just about hearing words. Listening is about making the other person feel valued and understood. And that's one of the biggest hangups in relationships and sometimes in the workplace is that so-and-so doesn't listen to me. You know, I went and voiced my opinion. I went and voiced my needs, and they weren't listening to me because they had these just, you know, like these moat, we weren't even thinking about it, but these moat answers. And it was just like redundant, like somebody was reading a script, right? So it's more than just hearing words. It's more than just, you know, repeating something we think is supposed to be said. We wanna make the other person feel valued. We wanna make them feel respected. We want to foster deeper connections and trust in relationships by listening, because this type of listening, it really builds a foundation for a deeper connection of having more empathy and understanding the other person. And truth be told, it leads to a more authentic interaction. Because what happens is when we don't show up with all of, you know, the best version of ourselves with all these filters removed, what happens is we have these barriers that get in the way of us listening actively, listening powerfully. Like sometimes we're distracted. We're distracted by all the things we have to do. We're distracted by noise. We're distracted by something visual. We're distracted by preconceptions that, you know, that we bring into the conversation before the conversation even begins. We're distracted by the urge to respond because we are preparing and prepping our answers and what we're going to say the second we hear a keyword, right? So we hear this keyword, we hear something, and we're already ready with our, "Yeah, but." What about this? What about that? We are always preparing our response versus showing up to the conversation and being actually open-minded. And so I want you to think about your conversations, like especially with your significant others, with your best friends, with your, the people that you consider close to you. Are you entering the conversations with preconceptions? Are you entering the conversations where you're carrying over a grudge from the last time you talked? You know, with your husband who he said he was going to take the trash out and then he didn't take the trash out. You don't wanna hear anything he has to say cuz he ain't take the damn trash out. And now he wants to talk about how much you mean to him, but you still thinking about how he didn't take the damn trash out. And so we come into it, that's a filter that clouds that conversation cuz that's all you're thinking about. He's, he's telling you how special you are to him for whatever reason, and you're thinking about the trash. So it clouds the entire conversation. And so misconceptions, being distracted, you know, preconceptions can really, really take us off course. And then we finish the conversation and we wonder, what was that even about? And then if someone were to ask you, what did we just talk about? You know, sometimes we can't even answer or give you the highlights of the conversation because we were simply not present. And so I want you to think about, are you someone who is in a conversation who listens actively, who listens and you're present and not preoccupied. And I'm not saying that I'm perfect at it. I'm saying that I have reminders because when I declare who I am in a relationship and how I show up, I'm reminded how that person, how that person, you know, fits into my life. I'm reminded of who I am being with that person. So if I say that I'm being loving and passionate, Then to me, listening fully comes with that. And every now and then I recognize when I've kind of like taken my mind off to something else because it, you know, it pivoted on a word that was said and then I bring it back because I'm aware of my thinking most of the time. And so are you someone who is present in a conversation? Are you actively listening, because what happens is when we don't listen to people, people don't feel heard, people don't feel valued, people don't feel respected. And it's not just about being silent. It's not just about, I'm just gonna hear the words that the other person is saying. It's about listening, clearing out any filters, like my husband didn't take the trash out, my wife didn't take the trash out, whatever. She didn't wash the dishes, she didn't rub my back, whatever that thing was. We want to clear off the filters and just go, let's just be present right here. And then during the conversation after there is, you know, things have been like, let's say, let's say hypothetically your wife wants to have a conversation and you both have decided that this is a good time to have the conversation. Now you go into the conversation. There are no filters. There are no judgments you're bringing. Everything is like, it's happening right now. And here I am actively listening and I'm open-minded and I'm not holding any kind of, you know, preconceived notions because I've cleared out all the filters. Now your partner begins to speak. Your partner shares something with you. The thing that I want you to think about doing is if you're listening and when you're listening actively, you can reflect back what you heard. Because again, when you reflect back what you heard, we are now eliminating, possibly eliminating all of the miscommunication. Because when you reflect back what you heard, then the other person says, yeah, exactly. You know, and then you're asking, did I get that right? And if there's something you don't understand about the, what they just shared with you, ask a clarifying question, ask another question. But don't conclude things. And so you want to also make sure you're in, you are fully present by choosing the right time. Because first of all, if you're preoccupied because you've got this whole list of things you gotta get done and your partner comes in or coworker comes in and says, hey man, hey, you know, so-and-so, you got a minute? If you really don't got a minute, then don't say you got a minute. You're like, hey, you know, I have a minute in about an hour. Can it, does that work for you? If you know that this is not a good time, don't enter into that conversation. Okay? So what I want you to think about is clear out any filters. In the conversation, reflect back what you had, what you heard them say, and then clear out all of that and then ask clarifying questions. Ask anything that you don't understand and just choose a right time where you know you can be present. And one of the things I want you to think about is when you're listening and taking part in a conversation, I want you to imagine that someone else can hear your internal thoughts. And if the other person that you're talking to could hear your internal monologue in your thoughts, in the words that you're saying, Would you still continue to show up in that exact way? So that's what I have for you today, my peeps. I want you to ask yourself, how can I show up in conversations as a better listener? How can I show up as a better listener? Because this honestly leads and helps you to have more confidence because the other person is feeling more valued and respected and appreciated. Which in turn makes you feel that way. Because when you show up and have a conversation like the conversation you're having, nothing else matters, nothing else is important. That gives you such a dopamine hit as well as the other person that you're talking to. I know this from experience. And so what you practice, you become. When you keep practicing better listening, better active listening, being present, Coming into the conversation neutral, you will become a person who listens better, who listens actively. And then your partner, your, your friends, whoever, your coworkers will begin to notice this, the improvement in how they feel around you. So if that's a goal of yours with your coworkers, with your partner, start with listening. Listening better, reflecting back what you heard, and asking clarifying questions. But first of all, being present. And you will be surprised as to how much just doing that one thing improves your relationship. Because how we listen creates our worlds, among a few other things. But today we're talking about listening. So if we listen like we've already heard that, if we listen like I knew all the answers, then there's nothing new to learn. So, all right, my peeps, I would love for you to bounce these questions around your, your head and maybe share this information, share this podcast episode with someone that you think would find value from it. And I would love for you to share with me how improving your listening skills is benefiting a relationship in your life. All right, my peeps. So I'm challenging you to bring your best listening to the next conversation that you have with whoever you're having it with. All right, my peeps, we'll talk next week. All right.