How to be more confident without saying a word | Boost self-assurance without talking

What could you achieve if you were actually 10 times more confident than you are today? How would your life change and be different? How would you feel if you got up and you entered a room and you felt like a million bucks? Today we're diving into the question: how to be more confident without even saying a word. And by the end of this episode, you're going to understand the powerful role of nonverbal communication and how to harness it to boost your, your confidence so that you feel and look like a million bucks. This is Lead with Confidence Now, the podcast dedicated to helping you grow your confidence and actually live your best life. I'm Travia Steward, and for the past 27 years, I've been on a mission to help you, as many people as possible, to reinvent the relationships and careers, reinvent themselves. And my goal is to show up for you on this podcast every single week so that you have the confidence to rock your world and to make big changes in your life. All right, my peeps, let's get into it. All right, so the question that we're answering this week is how to be more confident without saying a word. See, I believe, especially— this is something that I know that I am really, really good at. It's a lot of my, my training. It's a lot of the work that I did in theater for 24 years. And so when we are trying to get people to believe a certain thing about us, we look at the physical aspect so that we see when that person enters the room, when that person comes on stage, they are actually embodying the character of the person, the characteristics. That we want to embody. So how does this translate into the real world? So, because again, you've heard me say that confidence is often, you know, people think about confidence as, you know, you either have it or you don't, and it's not entirely true. There's a lot of times when, you know, we've all been socialized to be less confident in a situation and more confident in others, but Confidence is not just about what you say, it's also about how you present yourself. And you see, the thing we're diving in today is that research shows that communication is 7% vocal, 7% the words you say, 38% your tone of voice, and 55% is nonverbal, which is why I chose to do this episode today. You see, whenever we have a lack of confidence, it keeps us stuck. Self-doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. And when we're not confident, we hesitate. We don't want to step into that room. We doubt ourselves. We miss out on opportunities. You know, there's a lot of times when we get overlooked in meetings at work. You know, we don't make eye contact with another person. And so When you've noticed that you don't make eye contact with someone, what do you feel? You're, you're, you're probably automatically formulating conclusions in your mind about why that person won't look you in the eyes. So just these couple of things are signs that a lack of confidence could be holding you back. I want you to think about something that, that you have become more confident in. And you know, most of the people that I'm assuming listen to this podcast, you are probably older, maybe around my age, younger, maybe a little older, but there was a day when you learned to drive and there was a day when it doesn't— it didn't come as natural as it does today, like driving to work, pushing on the accelerator, hitting the brakes, you know, looking in the rearview mirror, adjusting all these things like it does right now. And so I want you to think about how many times did you get in your car, drive to a destination, and couldn't even remember what you saw because maybe you were doing something else and your mind was occupied, you were thinking about other things. Because something like driving to a destination where you've gone a lot of times, these are things that we've done and we've trained ourselves in a way that we know how to do it without even thinking about it. I believe that we are all born with a natural level of confidence. And again, our life experiences dim that confidence because we wanna, you know, perform for so-and-so. We wanna fit in. We don't wanna be judged. We don't wanna be criticized. But I believe it can always be reignited. And so the things that I want you to think about non-verbally— and I'm not saying that this is the end-all be-all, but these are the things that I want you to think about because I want you to get quick wins from this, this podcast, especially in the format that I'm using right now. So 3 things that I want to talk about with showing up and being more confident without even saying a word, because we all know that we judge people before they open their mouths. We judge people the, the second they walk into a room. So let's help people to judge us the way we want to be judged. So first of all, you want to think about your posture. So whatever posture you are entering and walking in, that says a lot about who you are. And so for me, one of the most important things for me to be confident and display confidence is standing tall with my shoulders back. And so one of the things that I, I taught my actors is like, which part of your body do you lead with? Do you lead— you know, a lot of women like to lead with their boobs, they lead their chest. You know, I was always feeling some kind of way about my boobs before I had the double mastectomy. And so I always wanted to lead with my shoulders. I wanted to lead with my shoulders back, this part of my body. And so that I wanted to come across as strong. I wanted to come across as someone who had it, who has it together. And so standing tall with your shoulders back, I mean, just immediately sets you apart from someone who looks timid and insecure to someone who looks confident. And so think about which part of your body are you leading with. Think about your posture. And so I have seen just the simple ability to adjust your body language, your posture, change and transform people's lives. I had a client who used to slouch all the time and avoid eye contact, and now she walks into meetings with, with, with powerful posture, a powerful presence. And, you know, her other coworkers have commented that it's like a night and day difference. Now, a prerequisite to this posture is clothing, having on clothing where you are comfortable. Like, one of the hardest things that I found when I was trying to be someone I wasn't, like, I remember when I was especially early on in my teaching career because I thought I needed to be more feminine. I thought I needed to wear these sexy type clothes with spaghetti straps, and I hated that stuff. And it was just because I was making this stuff stuff up in my mind that I thought I needed to wear that, those types of things, to fit in. I was not confident and I was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable with clothes that didn't fit and clothes I wasn't comfortable in. And there, you know, and not to even talk about like when I would go to church and have on like heels. My peeps, I know some of you are going, I wish I could see that picture, I wish I could see Trey from those days. But you know what, that's not who I am. And who I am today is someone who is very confident, someone who is very comfortable with who she is. And my clothing has a lot to do with that. I no longer buy shit to try to impress other people. I buy stuff for comfort. I buy stuff that I feel like I look confident in and things that I like wearing. And so I want you to think about, are you wearing clothing that's going to aid in your posture and you standing and looking confident and tall and like you know what's happening. You, you got it going on. The second thing is eye contact. Eye contact goes so far with having a sincere and genuine curiosity. Like, it's like when I am making eye contact with other people, I feel like I want them to know that I'm honest, that I am— I care about them. I care about them as a person. I want to hear what they have to say. Like, I am genuinely connecting with someone when I'm making eye contact with them. So eye contact is a huge thing. And so, so many of us get uncomfortable with, you know, we want to fidget, we want to look down, we want— we don't want to look people in the eye. Your posture and your eye contact are two of the most important things with this non-verbal communication and how we demonstrate and show up in a room. And then the third thing, our energy. So when you— basically, people can feel your energy. People feel my energy all the time. And they're— most of the time when I'm creating myself, I'm creating myself in the level of energy. I'm generating the level of energy that I want to bring into a room, that I want to bring with my friend group, with my partner. I am doing this with a great level of intense— of intentionality. And so when I think about the energy and generating the energy, I am a powerful force who brings out the best in people. That's one of my declarations. So I can't have pissy energy if I'm trying to bring out the best in people. So I want you to think about your energy, and in order to generate that energy, like, let's say, because it has so much to do with your physiology. So if we're talking about your posture, we're talking about your energy, we're talking about eye contact, it has so much to do with what are the thoughts that you need to think so that you feel the way you want to feel. And to simplify it even more If you can't feel confident and you're like, I'm just not feeling it right now, one of the quickest ways I know to go back and do this is think of a time in your life when you felt so good. Like, my time, my source memory, it's my wedding day, and I remember feeling so loved and supported and appreciated. And that was the day that I go back, and whenever I think about that day I don't think about anything negative. I don't think about anything that makes me want to look down at the ground, anything that makes me want to slouch or slump, right? I think about I'm proud. I think about that day. And so my physiology immediately changes because I've gone back and put myself into that place, and I'm reliving it and feeling the emotions and the energy that I felt that day. So if you get to a point, you're like, I've got this meeting today and I've gotta, you know, present this presentation. If you're not feeling it, go back to a source memory. Go back to a time in your life when you felt like a million bucks, like you felt so confident. Relive it. Take on that posture. Look at yourself in the mirror. And if you were watching that posture and those actions from someone else, what would you think about them? So I want you to just play this game, ask these questions as you look at yourself in the mirror. So your posture— well, first, before being— before thinking about your posture, you're thinking about, do I feel comfortable? Do I like what I'm wearing? Now we can go with good posture, then your eye contact, and then the energy that you're bringing, because we want to generate positive energy. You want people to like The goal in my book, in my opinion, would be you walk into a room, you stay there for about 2 minutes, you haven't said a word, and then you exit. What would you want people to be saying about you once you have left that room? And so this is something that, just like driving to that destination where you've driven a lot of times and it becomes, you know, like it's on autopilot, your posture, your eye contact, your energy. This all can be something that becomes you. And so this is a small step in remembering how to believe in you, because people won't believe in you unless you believe in you. So small tweaks in your posture, your eye contact, and your energy can significantly impact how others perceive you and even how you perceive yourself and how you show up. So I want you to start being mindful of how you're standing, even how you're sitting, how you're walking. If you want to practice good posture, practice standing up against the wall and see where your head— like, when I was having these neck issues, I went to physical therapy and they were looking at, oh, okay, so if your natural stance is to stand, you know, like if you're on a wall here and your head is coming down— I'm sorry, I'm moving the mic, I'm moving all over the place, so I'm going to get back to it. But if your head isn't touching and your shoulder's touching like the wall, like, you can look at your posture if you're standing up against a wall, and you can practice with that. If you are someone who feels awkward making eye contact with others, start small. Practice with your loved ones, practice with your kids, your family, your friends, until it becomes natural and second nature. And then again, focusing on bringing the energy that you want to infuse into a room, into a situation. Focus on something that you're grateful for. Relive a source memory. Enter rooms, show up with a smile on your face, with open demeanor. As I wrap up this episode, my peeps, building confidence, it's always a journey, it's not a destination. Every step that you take towards improving Your nonverbal communication brings you closer to becoming the person that you want to be. And I personally experienced the power of nonverbal communication with myself and working with so many other people. And once I started paying attention to my posture, my energy, my interactions became more positive and honestly more impactful. And making this a habit— practice, practice, practice— because what we practice, we become. And so and talking about and discussing how to be more confident with saying a word, practicing and focusing these things, this can absolutely transform your life. And so I just want to end by that, by thinking about how can you build this muscle of confidence? How can you begin to walk and show up with more certainty? Well, I believe that it begins with the nonverbal communication because it's the biggest category. So we want to begin shining our light even more brightly than we already are, because confidence can be trained and improved every single day, but with repetition. And so, all right, my peeps, that's what I have for you today. My goodness, I sound like I'm losing my voice or something, but that's what I have for you. And we talked about being more confident, the 3 things that you can use right now to show up differently and more confident. And if you're ready to dive deeper into building your confidence, check out my one-on-one coaching by clicking the link in the show notes. And if you're loving this episode, please share— and not just this episode, this whole podcast— please share with someone else you think could find value from it. It would mean the absolute world to me if I could begin growing this, this podcast. And because I have such a vision for it, I have a vision that it's going to impact to so many thousands and millions of people. I need your help to do that, my peeps. So thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. I appreciate you, and we'll talk next week.