How to improve your relationship?

Yo, what's up, my peeps? Happy Podcast Thursday. So just a little bit of a heads up, I am again experimenting with the format of my podcast because my ultimate goal is to grow the podcast, but it's to grow it in the sense that I am serving you in the highest level, serving those of you who tune in and listen every week. So in experimenting with the format again, I am going to begin this episode today with answering one question, one question from a question that I've been asking my coaching, a question that I've been asked, you know, from other people, from my clients. And so one episode will be dedicated to just answering that question and giving you the deets on that answer. So stick around. If this new format works out for you, I would love for you to give me a little bit of feedback, and especially if you have a question that you want me to answer. You know, I can't answer every question, but a question that's in my wheelhouse of the type of coaching that I do, I'm a reinvention coach who helps professional people, men and women, become the person, reinvent themselves, and become the person that their goals require. So I want you to stick around and, you know, let me know if you are enjoying this new format. So welcome to Lead with Confidence Now. This is the podcast that's dedicated to helping you grow your confidence and live your best life. I'm Travia Steward, and for the past 27 years, I have been on a mission to help as many people as possible reinvent their relationships, their career, reinvent their lives. And my goal with this podcast is to show up for you so you can rock your world with confidence to make big changes in your life. All right, let's get into it. So my peeps, the question that I am answering this year, this today on this episode this week is how to improve your relationship. So I was asked this question by one of my, actually one of my good friends. And this is something that I use with my clients, and I found that it's something that is pivotal for my own relationship, my own marriage. So basically what happens is the relationship that I'm talking about is your romantic relationship, your intimate relationship. And I have found that The, if I had to put it in one word, the thing that improves your relationship the fastest is communicating. It's communication with one another. Because if you are not communicating in your relationship, then I believe that we're leaving things to chance. We're guessing how the other person feels. We're guessing, you know, what's going to happen tomorrow. And then so many times we're assuming you know, the other person means something that they don't really mean because we're just leaving it murky and we're not asking questions and we're not, you know, we're just not talking about the things that are important, the things that keep you together as a couple. So I believe that this thing that I call a relationship check-in could really improve your relationships, and I've had some clients where it's completely saved their marriage. So I'm going to give you the list of questions, but let's talk about how to use it first, how to use these questions. So you want to make an agreement, an agreement before that you're not going to take— like, either one of you, you have to make an agreement that you're not going to take things personally, that you are utilizing this relationship check-in to improve your relationship and everything that we do, it's in how you approach it. So if you're creating that this relationship check-in could help, it could 100% help. But if you go into it with like a, you know, a stink attitude, like, I guess I'll do it. I don't know, you know, this, I don't know if these silly questions gonna work. Well, then no, it won't work. But make an agreement before you begin that you're not going to take anything personally. We don't want to use this check-in as a time for challenging each other, for justifying actions, or proving the other person right, or the other person wrong and you right. We don't want to use it for any of those things. So this is a very valuable tool that can help improve your communication. And the overall level of, of your relationship. So we don't want to point fingers about what the other person should or should not be doing. We want to just focus on our own individual actions and focus on receiving the information from the other person without making it mean one thing or another and really without drawing conclusions. Okay, so You want to agree to keep it clean. And so we're not gonna bring in any conclusions or rationalizing or reasons, okay? So the very first question is, and this is the, the, the way you do it is like one person goes first. Like, let's say I would go first and my first question would be, how would you rate our overall relationship on a scale of 1 to 10? And so I would ask, Shelly this question, and hypothetically, you know, Shelly may say, oh, I rate it as a 7, you know, hypothetically. And my very next question, like, I'm not gonna, like, the agreement is I'm not gonna be like, a 7? What do you mean a 7? It's better. No, no, you just received the information because it's information. And then my only question in the follow-up would be, what would make it a 10? And then I listen to what she says, what would make it a 10? And in that answer, you're just focusing on what it is that you want. And then you flip it. So if I ask the question the first time, now it's her turn to ask me the question, you know, hey Trey, how would you rate our overall relationship on a scale of 1 to 10? And I also come with an answer and I might say, I rate it as an 8.5. And then she would come back and say, what would make it a 10? And I might say something like, you know what, if we had one day out of the whole month where we just dedicated to, you know, being with each other with no outside influences, whatever, just a me and you kind of day, like more than a date night. And so, and these are hypothetical situations that I'm explaining to you. So that's the first question. You both take turns doing this. The second question would be, if I— now she will go first, Trey, how well do you feel I meet your needs on a scale of 1 to 10? Because we all have needs in a relationship. And then I might say, you know, well, it's a 6. And then her only question is, what would make it a 10? And then I go, well, I would love if blank would happen, you know, whatever that need is, and then she receives it. And then I, in turn, go, hey, how well do you feel I meet your needs on a scale of 1 to 10? And then she responds, and then what would make it a 10? OK, so we're going to do this for all of the questions. And then the next one is, how significant, appreciated, and valued do you feel by me? And answering on a scale of 1 to 10, they answer, what would make it a 10? And then you have the, you have the solution about getting closer to the 10. And again, then you flip it. How significant, appreciated, and valued do you feel by me? Okay. And then we go to the next question. How comfortable, because this, I find that this is so important because especially as especially as women, as we begin to get older, we start not expressing ourselves as much as maybe when we express, like when we first got into the relationship, we go, well, it's just better to keep the peace. Well, I'm not gonna talk about that 'cause I know it's gonna upset him or her or whatever. And so the next question is, how comfortable do you feel expressing all of your feelings with me? And again, that answer is on a scale of 1 to 10, it could be 9.5. What would make it a 10? Because we're always striving to get better. And then you flip that question as well. The other, the other partner who didn't answer gets to answer now. And then the very last one is, what are your most important needs right now and how can I support you? And so that could be something like, you know, like I know For an example, Shelley has said things like, "You know, the semester's beginning and I'm going to be tied up with a lot of administrative stuff. I need you to take care of things more at home." I received that. Thank you. Then I will go and then she will ask me, "Well, what are your most important needs right now? How can I support you?" And I may say something like, Well, I just, I need more time to work on my speaking. I need, instead of doing such and such on Friday, I'm gonna dedicate that day, whatever that is. Or it may be, if we're pulling from the love languages, sometimes honestly I might say, I need some words of affirmation right now because I'm not feeling my energetic positive, optimistic self, and I would love to have some words of affirmation because that's what I need, right? And so these questions can be used so that you open the doors of communication, but I promise you, you cannot use it as a way to point fingers and blame and criticize, prove you're right and they're wrong. This is just for information. On how you can move forward and improve your relationship. All right, my peeps, that's what I have for you this week. And let me know if you're liking this format. I know it's just the first episode and I'm really trying to keep them short. So let me know. I would love to, you know, email me some feedback, shoot me a message on Instagram, Travia Steward, or on YouTube when I post this video and let me know if this relationship check, check-in has helped your relationships. All right, my peeps, that's what I have for you. We'll talk next week.