How to live Fearless and have no regrets

I would steal the adult bikes, like carry it out of the compound. And I taught myself how to ride. And these are the big adult bikes with the bar. So I would stick my foot underneath and I would ride sideways downhill. But if I didn't go out there and do it, when would I do it? Right? Because I can wait until I have someone to do it with me, but I'm not guaranteed to be here tomorrow. So that's kind of how I live my life. You and I aren't guaranteed we'll be here Monday, right? So if I wait until I find someone to do it with me, um, that time may never come, right?

Okay.

So I think that has kind of molded me to have this personality where I can just pack a bag and go away for 2 weeks, and I usually don't have an agenda. I figure I'll figure out what I want to do when I get there.

Ladies and gentlemen, today it's a special treat. I'm catching up with someone who I really admire. I am an onlooker looking in from outside of her window, it feels like, into her life. And I'm always so inspired by her. My guest today is a mechanical engineer who lives in Austin, Texas. And today on the Reinvent You Podcast, we are going to dive into how she lives fearlessly, her biggest challenge and how she overcame it. And then we're gonna sort of round it off with her take on how to bridge the gap between whites and all the other races, because we got some problems, people. Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to the Reinvent You Podcast, Ms. Faith Chalmers. Welcome, Faith.

Thank you, thank you for having me.

Absolutely, absolutely. I'm excited, I'm excited to have some real talk here. And not that the other ones haven't been real talk, you know, but, but I'm really excited because I feel like this is such a pivotal time in society. You know, we have a lot of stuff coming up, but we don't want to jump to the deep stuff, you know, so fast right now. Just kind of give us a little, a little peek into who is Faith and what makes her tick.

So an elevator speech of Faith?

Yes, yes.

Um, so I think I would describe myself as, um, more of an adrenaline junkie. Um, adrenaline junkie, very rational, driven woman. You know, my free time, I like to be out either endurance running 10 miles, riding my bike, you know, 50 miles, right? Right. Also, you know, I also am passionate about my 9-to-5 job as a mechanical engineer in the medical device industry. So I have an opportunity where I have a position that we do make a difference in people's lives. So that's kind of what I do during the day.

Oh, that's so cool. And see, I just knew you were a mechanical engineer. I didn't know it was medical devices actually until today. And so do you ever get the urge to want to branch out of that? Like, you know, not just medical devices, maybe you want to like, oh, we're building a new highway, a new bridge. Are there any interest in something else?

So yeah, this is all I've had. You know, I interned with, I grew up in Minnesota. So Minnesota is home. Interned with Medtronic, which is an extremely large medical device company, and I've really been there. I love the passion. I know actually my role now is a project manager, so I manage the development of the projects. And when you get into the operating room and you see your devices working, it's, it's very empowering what we do. So it's hard to pull away. And also for job stability, right? Yeah, it doesn't fluctuate as much as other with you know, as the economy changes in terms of even job security, it's a very stable industry to be in.

Right. What made you want to become a mechanical engineer? Because I remember when I grew up, I'm a little older, we know, than Faith, that little baby.

Um, I don't see any grays. You're good.

Well, I'm a bit back. Yeah, I got a bunch though, right here on the side. It's like I'm so stressed out, you know. I love having my own business, but it is stressful, my goodness. So I remember graduating from high school and something like mechanical engineer never crossed my mind. And I feel like that is because I never knew anyone in my life who was a mechanical engineer. Now, now my brother-in-law is a— he's a civil engineer. And so, you know, in Louisiana, because he works, you know, with oil rigs and all that, you know. But what motivated you? I mean, did you see examples of people who are mechanical engineers? Did you just look in a catalog? Lot of money, lot of money, lot of money, more money, more.

That one. That's a part into it. But so it's kind of my personality. I've always been a tomboy and I don't know if, well, no one in your podcast knows. I grew up in Kenya, so I was born in Kenya, Africa, and that's East Africa. And I've always been a tomboy. And in the '80s, I am older too. You know, my parents— I lived in a 20-acre farm and my parents didn't— we didn't have a car, still public transportation. And so when people would visit my dad, they would come in bicycles. And girls at the time, right, they play with dolls. So I learned when their dolls were inside drinking tea, I would steal their adult bikes, like carry it out of the compound, and I taught myself how to ride. And these are the big adult bikes with the bar. So I'd stick my foot underneath and I'd ride sideways downhill and like hanging off the side. I have like a chipped tooth from hitting the bar because that's how high I would come to the bike. So my parents got fed up and bought me a BMX. And so I started— I would fix everything that would go wrong with it. Right. So as a child, I've always been good at taking things apart. And then in college, I, you know, I'm a child of an immigrant. I'm an immigrant myself. I was supposed to be a doctor, right? African parents, you only make it if you're a doctor. Everything else, rubbish.

Rubbish.

The kid didn't make it. We have no doctors in the family. But I knew even at 17, I don't have the bedside manner to be polite and be like, hey, you know, this is what I'll tell you what needs to be done. And I don't, I'm not very empathetic to be a patient. I do the facts. And my ex was building a car. So I was really having a good time designing, you know, the battery box in the back. So I ran out of classes. And I decided, well, I really like working with my hands. So what can I do that makes with my hand, work with my hands that makes a lot of money?

There you go.

So I went down the catalog and I was like, chemical engineering.

So I wasn't too far off with that.

Yep.

Wow.

That's how I— and by the time I found out it was really hard, which it was, it was too late to quit. I was like, well, I'm this far in, might as well get it done.

And do you still love it?

I do. I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change it.

Good. Because, you know, being a mechanical engineer affords you the ability to do some of these crazy things, right? You know, things that I'm sitting here going, Oh my God, that's crazy. So what I want to talk about is your— I feel like your top value is adventurous. You are adventurous. I feel like you, you know, like we, you said a minute ago that you're an adrenaline junkie. And I just remember, you know, following one of your posts on social media and you were like, I can't remember which country it was, but you were out of the country with how many people? Just Faith. Oh, I met these nice people and blah, blah. I was like, Girl, you there backpacking through these countries by yourself? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't speak the language.

And you don't even speak the language. What the hell? Faith, I can't even fathom. You camp by yourself. That might be too much information on the podcast, but you camp by yourself. You travel to different countries by yourself. How are you that person sitting here today who is so fearless that is not afraid of, oh, somebody's going to knock me over my head. Somebody's going to rob me and steal my money and not be paranoid about everything. How did you become that person?

Well, the thing is, I do think about those, right? So like when I'm camping, I'm aware of my environment knowing, okay, so the people next to me know I'm here alone, right? Okay. I mean, when I'm out, like this past weekend I was out and I did a 30-mile bike ride, you know, mountain biking.

Yeah.

And so I'm aware that, okay, that's a male that just passed me, right? So I'm aware of my environment. But I think what drives me too is, but if I didn't go out there and do it, when would I do it? Right? Because I can wait until I have someone to do it with me, but I'm not guaranteed to be here tomorrow. So that's kind of how I live my life. You and I aren't guaranteed we'll be here Monday, right? So if I wait until I find someone to do it with me, um, that time may never come. Right?

Right.

So like the going to a new country thing, after I graduated college, I made a rule that I'll go to a new country every year. So I make plans and once I've been able to go with a friend, but most of the time it's by myself. New Year's Eve, we were in Chile, riots, tear gas, and me and 3 people I just met from like 6 different countries are running through the street at 4 in the morning in Chile. And it's just like, An amazing time.

You can't even make that shit up, can you?

I went to Chile before I found out there was like massive riots going on in the country. And I was like, well, how bad could it be? Let's go check it out.

Wow. And there was no time that you were terrified, you're scared. You're just like, this is an adventure. This is an experience.

It's an experience, right? And it's— yeah. Wow. I think a lot of people are scared to go out and do that step and wait until they have a partner or a friend to do it?

Yeah, yeah.

But what if it never comes?

I mean, that's a great valid point right there, but I think of those things as well, Faith. But, and I want to do everything that I came here to do. Yeah, but there's something like, like, I want you to give me whatever that is you're drinking or smoking or eating, ingesting, whatever it is. That would make it easier for me to take those leaps of faith. You know, I didn't snorkel, I didn't learn to snorkel or felt confident enough to snorkel until like 8 or 9 years ago. So like, what is that? I mean, outside of just thinking we're not guaranteed to be here tomorrow, but there's still a little something extra.

I think for me is also my background and growing up. I am the oldest of 4 kids and my other siblings are really close together, so I almost had this only child, right, where I didn't really have anyone to play with, you know, dealing with bikes to go ride. My sisters are 2 years apart, and then my brother, I'm 18 years, right, older than him. So I usually am his cool mom because the age difference. I'm really his mom. So, and I'm not really close with my parents or my family, so there's that dynamic where I've kind of been a loner in my family. So from a really early age, I learned to be good being alone and entertaining myself.

Okay.

So I think that has kind of molded me to have this personality where I can just pack a bag and go away for 2 weeks. And I usually don't have an agenda. I figure I'll figure out what I want to do when I get there.

How do you deal with that?

I have some close friends who are like, yeah, this is the right man to run our country. And so I have had a lot of wine and thought about it. And we've debated even together, a lot of wine as well. But I've decided that, you know, this is a personal thing and they're entitled from their beliefs for what they want. They are. And so I've decided for me not to lose really close friends that love me and would come pick me up from anywhere I am, would bail me out of jail without asking a question.

Right.

I'm just gonna take that and set it aside. In our friendship.

Wow, that's— I mean, that really is living. Yeah, like, I think, you know, you'll be 110 and you will— there won't be anything else you can think of to do. You will have done it all. I really feel that way. Oh my goodness. So being born in Kenya, you speak Swahili, right?

I speak 3 languages.

Three languages! I forgot that. Oh my God, which three?

So English, Swahili— so Kenya has two national languages, English and Swahili— and then my tribal language, which is Nandi.

Wow, and are you able to use those like in your everyday life right now?

No, I just spoke with my grandfather the other night and it's like Swahili is easy, but Nandi, like, I have to pause and translate from English, Swahili to Nandi. So by the time I get to that, I've already— he's already laughing at me because it's just, I don't use it. And so when I speak, my family, my parents are educated, so we spoke English the second we landed here. And in Kenya, we went to a private school. So in terms of learning English, we were pretty far along. Wow.

Now, so, so when you got— so what age were you? Because you, you graduated from a high school in Minnesota, right?

Yeah, 8th grade.

8th grade. My goodness. What was that like for you, that whole experience of coming from Kenya? Now you're in Minnesota.

In September.

In September.

Like the world is freezing and they were still in summer. We didn't know there was going to be a negative in front of them.

Oh my God.

I think for me it wasn't really much actually of a culture shock, but I think it comes with my personality where it's just, it was a new place, a new adventure, right? Transitioned very well into school, but it was also interesting where my school was switched 2 weeks before I started school and The neighborhood next to us is, uh, it's called Maple Grove. It was an all-white school at the time.

Okay.

And they were trying to integrate and bring diversity into that school. So we were supposed to go what, you know, you'd consider like the ghetto part of school.

Right.

And for me from Kenya, I was like, this is amazing. Right. But there, you know, in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, that was the school you don't want to go to. Two weeks before we got a letter, my school had been changed. So I went from Kenya to an all-white school. And I've looked back and I think that has also definitely changed, you know, how I integrated into the US, right? Because my friends and everyone were almost white, right? We literally had a short bus that would pick like 6 Mexican kids and like 10 Black kids and we went back to town and they were like, look, we are diverse. We stayed in one classroom.

We are diverse. True melting pot it is.

Yeah, so it wasn't— I can't look back and say, oh, this was traumatic. I think the only thing that still sticks with me that I would say was a culture shock coming to the US was like my first racist experience was in that middle school, all-white, where this girl was yelling at me and, you know, saying, I hate you because you're Black. That was my first ever. I think it was like a year of moving here. And it was just this cute little blonde girl, very nice. And so the principal were calling parents and she's just like, no, my family doesn't like Black people. And I remember asking the principal— I'm very rational. I've always been. I was like, why does she hate me? And she doesn't even know who I am. And why does she hate me for my color?

Well, that's very rational.

I think those are the discussions. And I remember the principal and the teacher going, you know, It's just some, you know, it's probably not her, but because you kids, it's the environment that her parents are bringing up. And so I still think about that. I'm like, that woman is out there somewhere right now, probably potentially has her own kids. I'd be so curious to sit with her like you and I are sitting.

Yeah.

Yeah. Who have you become after that? Yeah. So that's the only thing after moving here, though. You don't— you didn't get that in Kenya, right? Seriously.

And it's so cool that you were so rational and level-headed with that, because most people be like, what? I don't— I mean, you just would have gone right back at it, and maybe you'd have been suspended because you'd have like knocked her on her ass or something.

Yeah, I'm too rational sometimes. Let's just say I've been told like, don't be such a robot. Sometimes I can just be—

where does that come from? Is that from your parents?

No, that's just from maybe an insecure someone I dated for a hot minute.

But not before 8th grade.

Oh no, no, no, I've always been, uh, yeah, very rational. Yeah.

Huh. And so I— yeah, so I feel like the little girl spewed all that stuff and then you, you know, played several scenarios through your head before you responded.

You don't even know me.

You don't even know me. Wow. Yeah, like, because most of us don't stop to think about that. Yeah, just react. And and we just see fire engine red.

Wow. Wow.

So Faith, do you— you used to live here in Arizona. Now you're in the great city of Austin, right?

Yes.

And how has this pandemic changed you, either for the better or— how has it affected you?

I didn't become an alcoholic. That's what I was worried at the beginning.

So that's good. So much easier.

So I moved here and then 6 months in, right, the pandemic started and I only know my, my one set of friends here. So I don't really know anyone here. They're raising 3 young kids.

Yeah.

And I was traveling 50% for work. So I really didn't know the city. But I think for me, the second half was really emotional, especially I think the I don't know if we're ready to jump into it, but the George Floyd thing.

Yeah.

It has been an emotional that allowed me to self-reflect a lot in what is it do I want to do with myself, right? I'm in a place in my life where I was like, I'm already, I'm, I'm too comfortable, right? From like, I don't know, job, financially. And I don't, I don't really have a lot of stressors in my life, right? I'm single. I don't have kids. So literally it's I get up, I go for a workout, I go to work, you know, have a glass of wine and go to bed.

Yeah.

So I think, you know, what's happened and taken course in the last 7 months in society and everything has really pushed me to try to find something that I do for someone else, right? So actually right now I'm trying to like come up with, it's like a charity, you know, to support a school in Kenya and also trying to be a little bit more proactive about supporting the Black community where I'm— right? So I think that's something that the slowdown of the pandemic allowed me to, because I'm always driving, like, you know, I'm always doing something, um, didn't really allow me to pause and say, what am I doing for someone else, right? Faith is completely taken care of. What am I doing for someone else? So I'd say If nothing else, I think the positive outcome for me from the pandemic would be I'm definitely going to be a more socially active person for someone else.

Right.

For me, um, yeah, across the board social and doing what I want, but donating a day or two out of my week for someone else.

Wow, that's incredible. That touches me so much, you know. And speaking of I think just, you know, 2020 is just really shining a magnifying glass on the things because everybody's got a phone, everything's recorded. All that dirt that was swept under the rug is now visible for everyone. And you know, and just, and you were speaking to it, it just, as a Black person, you know, I've had my moments where, you know, like I've had some of my relatives who said, well, you're not Black enough, you don't care enough. And I was like, what does that mean? You know? And so there are lots of times when I think maybe I'm not doing enough because I'm not a person who will go out there and protest. And maybe I should. But I don't feel like that is my calling, you know? And so you're like, you know, you're donating a day or so each week, you know? Because it's touching us on such a different— on a different level than it ever has before, you know? I read through one of your posts. Because I know you run, you know, like that's actually how we met you through Ragnar, because it was like, if we need somebody to run 32 miles in, you know, 18 minutes, it's Kenya.

I was around in Facebook. I was like, do you guys need a runner? I just— yes, I don't know anyone.

Yes. And it's been so great. Yep. Because of Ragnar. And that was in 2014.

Yeah.

Yeah. And so just when you, you know, you posted about, you know, Ahmaud Arbery. It could have been, you know, Faith, who is running and not to return home again. And one thing that you said that is so poignant to me is how do we resolve the gap between whites and all the other races? Because it's almost October, you know, we're days from an election. What would be your solution, Faith?

I'm already having nightmares about November 3rd, by the way.

Oh, me too.

Two weeks ago, I dreamt that I overslept through the voting day. Oh no. Wow. I'll reverse a little bit, going to like the all-white school, because I think some of the things for me that the Minnesota thing hit me a lot because Minnesota is home.

Yeah.

I've always stayed If I were to have kids, I would go back to Minnesota. Right. And seeing that was for me was, did I leave a white Minnesota? Right. Because it shone a light to me that I'd never seen Minnesota that, that first week of the George Floyd incident was really hard for me emotionally. Because A, I couldn't go out and like talk to friends. I was at home in my apartment, just feeding Facebook Live videos from stream.

Yeah.

From, you know, 21, 30s, we were like marching, you know, going clubbing, and now they're on fire downtown.

Right, you recognize all that stuff.

Yeah, and I was like, oh yeah, that's First Street, that's, you know, the famous bar, you know, and just seeing all that. So for me, I was like, if I lived a white America, right, is, you know, the neighborhoods I live in. So I think to your question about bridging the gap between the whites and other races, I think it's integration. I think it's showing that, you know, there's more to us than just color, but you don't see that unless you spend time with each other. And I think for me is— I've talked to a lot of friends about this, and I truly believe it's starting with the kids, right? Because if you catch the kids before they develop the biases, it's a lot easier than trying to teach a 50-year-old, right, that, hey, be okay with your neighbor. The 50-year-old can learn to adapt, but those biases that are built in that they react to, that they don't even know it's influencing their decision, those are a lot harder to change, right, versus kids that don't develop those biases already. You know, so it's us as a society saying, you know what, instead of cutting zip codes, neighborhood or schools, even if the bus has to drive 40 miles, is we're gonna work hard to integrate our kids. And parents also have to make the commitment that at home, that's also the message they're going to preach. It's we're all the same.

Yeah.

So that, you know, a generation of two, when those kids raise their kids, it's less and less biases, right?

Right.

We have a lot that all, you know, we all start with zero. When we were born. Right, right. And all these biases built in of what we feed from our environment, from school, friends. Yeah. Then I think is it's starting with the children, but all of us who are raising the kids have to be in that, you know. The all-white neighborhoods have to be a little bit uncomfortable by having the Black neighbors next to them, you know. If I were to run a country, I'd say they abolished what we call, you know, maybe the ghetto or the all-white. It's just like, this is, you know, as a society, we are going to pay to pave this. This is the neighborhood. There's no, this is where Black people live, you know. I do a lot of road biking and I can notice when I'm in Black neighborhoods, you know, and it breaks my heart. And the signs, you know, it's like, yeah, I can tell as the street signs change when I am in neighborhoods where people look like me, when it's 'Arrest record, you know, erased, call this number.' Mugshots, right? And then I look at the people walking the street, are people like me. And then when I go to the nice, you know, what I would call the white neighborhood, you know, the BMWs, Audi, right? No bus stops. You can see that, right? As a society, we need to agree together that we won't have that. We were going to set and reset everyone at an equal bar. Right. It's hard.

It is hard because what happens to the people who are resistant to that change? Yeah. What do you do with those people? Guantanamo Bay?

I don't think you can win them all, right? I believe in the 80/20 rule. If we get 80% of the people into it, right, we are all humans and we are all entitled to our beliefs, but if If we get majority of the people agreed upon, you're always going to have your outliers and your minorities. Yeah, okay, that's okay. Brings flavor into society, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So I know that you are very accepting and loving of everyone. Would you say Faith is colorblind when she chooses her friends? I had someone debate me on that before.

Of me being?

No, no, just in general, because I said, oh, we're all colorblind. It was like, uh-oh. So what's your take on that?

I would say no, and it's something that I definitely— wait, by no I mean yes, I am. You know, I— let me rephrase. Let me— I only So far, as a 33, I've only dated white men. I think you— I don't know. We like what we like. The point though is, you know, I'm rational and I've done a lot of self-reflecting in that way. I'm not even American, right? I'm African. So it's not like I grew up with, you know, white guys around me.

Right.

I'm a teenager in Kenya. But I've looked back and I think going to an all-white school at 13, you know, had an influence in that, and it's that the few Black boys that were in my school were always getting in trouble, going to the principal's office, you know, and so I ended up growing an attraction for, you know, Jimmy over there, the redhead in the corner, the ginger. So in my mind, honestly, I have always found myself to gravitate toward, I would say, white people. But I've always asked myself, because if I look at my friend network right now, right, I wouldn't say I have like a close Kenyan friend. I actually don't know anyone Kenyan in Arizona right now. I have my first probably really African American friend here in Texas because I met on a road bike and she chased me down to say hello because I passed by. Because there goes a Black woman! Exactly, and she goes, "Hey, do you want to ride with us sometime?" Yes. Because she went the extra mile, otherwise I was whoop, gone. But I'm also a mechanical engineer and You know, I took honors math, so the environment of people that were always around me were more white people. And then I went to mechanical engineering school, which was mostly just white men. But that's really not an excuse because I haven't done work to seek like Black friends either. Right. So I would definitely say that I tend to gravitate that way. And that is something I have thought a lot too in the last 6 months. Because I looked in and say, okay, what are you doing, Faith? Right. And if I look at the friends I have, I— they're most— almost all white, right?

Yeah.

So, and that's definitely something that, you know, I need to work on, right? And is it because of my environment? But that's really— that to me come— just comes off as an excuse, right? You know, I haven't performed a Black women's mountain biking group, right? Because that's one of the passions. Yeah. So I would say, is it yes, I am colorblind, or no, I'm not? Yes, I am.

Yes.

No.

Well, no, no, because, well, you know, I think it's a dichotomy of either. I do. I mean, yeah, it's a, it's a tough question.

Yeah, because I would say I, because I don't want to answer because I say if you look at the evidence presented, I would say yes, because Almost probably I would say 90% of my friends are Caucasian. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

So Faith, what happens when— it's just, oh my God, it makes my blood boil. Like you said, you were already starting to have nightmares because it's just different. This election is just different. Like, you know, because I feel like I never felt this way when George W. was running.

You know, I just— it was just—

I was like, OK, he's I'm a Republican, you know, I'm a Democrat. It's no big deal. It's just so different now.

So with the enemy almost.

Yeah.

But, you know, before was just like, OK, this is what you believe in. Now it's like fighting an enemy.

It is because he has spewed so much negativity towards us. And I have never taken so many things so personally from a president my entire life. So Faith, with most of your friends, being Caucasian. What happens when one or two of them are like, 2020, baby, make America great again, that's who I'm voting for? How do you deal with that?

I have some close friends who are like, yeah, this is the right man to run our country. And so I have had a lot of wine and thought about it. And we've debated even together, a lot of wine as well. But I've decided that, you know, this is a personal thing and they're entitled from their beliefs for what happened. And so I've decided for me not to lose really close friends that love me and would come pick me up from anywhere I am, would bail me out of jail without asking a question.

Right.

I'm just going to take that and set it aside as a matter of fact in our friendship.

Wow. And that's hard.

Yeah.

It's really, really hard because I feel like for the first time in my life, When I see my white ally vote for him, I feel like it's a total strike against who I am.

Yep. And for me, I can't comprehend of how, you know, especially when you yourself are raising daughters, is this the man and the future for your daughters you want? Regardless of the race you are in.

Look at the example.

Yeah, is that your role model that you want children to grow under? So I just like bottled that up and say, you know what, we're all adults. And, you know, he is a president. And I've tried to say, you know what, don't be so loser. You know, this is how it works. You have to respect who's won, but I just can't, you know, it's just different. Well, and for me, it's— I'm an immigrant. So I look back, if he had been president 20 years ago, I would never have the opportunity that I have and I wouldn't be here.

Right.

In his mind, or what at least I feel, anyone like me coming here is here to destroy, you know, what America holds pure. And then I look at what I do and we're the exact opposite. I don't know if you kept— you read deep enough to that post about I pay my taxes. You know, there was another one I put on Twitter and I actually deleted that. But it was like, I pay my taxes, right? I'm educated, pay my taxes, and I think I put on this— what more can I do to be accepted in this society? I've checked all the boxes. But when I still go to my high-rise apartment, people won't press the button to get me upstairs because I don't look like I belong. But then, a white guy will not only want to be let in at 1 in the morning on the front door, They'll all say, "What floor are you going?" And ping them because you need a key card to get to every floor. And I, in my sweaty running clothes, can't even get upstairs.

Right.

At 1:00 in the morning. And even with this guy, we were talking about, she was like, if you are a 6'2" Black man, they would not only not let you in the door, they would have probably called the police. You know, and that's the world we live in.

You know? It's true.

And those are— and you know, you think back, it's like, these are sweet, nice people, but these biases, they may not even realize, right? That's going back to the kids, is you've got to catch them before they develop those biases. They don't even know they're doing it.

Right. Yeah, that was the post where you were saying that, you know, no one chooses the color of their skin, but some of us will spend our lifetime apologizing for it. And some are killed for it. Have you ever felt the internal need, like you just regret it in that moment, you hate it being Black because of things like that, like the example you just shared?

I don't, I don't think I've gone as far as hating, but I think it's exhausting. Yeah, right. I, I wouldn't say I would, you know, and again, it's probably my personality and, you know, but it's exhausting because I don't think a week would go by that nothing that doesn't trigger that reminder.

Right.

Right. And it's even like, you know, going for a run in a neighborhood and there no one is probably looking at me. But if I know I'm in an upper-class neighborhood that I'm running or riding my bike, like actually yesterday, you know, it's like the rolling hills of Texas. 1%ers, beautiful homes. And I think, I wonder if they think I'm scoping the place, right? Because I stopped because I got a text from my coworker and I was responding, and then I took a picture and I was like, I wonder if they think I'm taking a picture of their house, you know? Right. But no one is probably even thinking about it. People are just like, oh, there's a lady going out for a bike ride.

Right.

Then I have to think about that.

Of course. We've got to try to be one step ahead to make sure we're not scaring people off.

You know, it's like, and I've never had an incident where, you know, some unfortunate— some Black men I've heard where they've had their cops, you know, cops call on them because they're out on a bike ride.

Yeah.

But because of that triggers me to think about it when I'm out riding. So you're always self-aware of your environment, right? How am I acting, right? Am I being suspicious? Yeah. Even though there's even nothing— I'm by myself in the street. It just happened to be a really rich neighborhood. Right, right.

Yeah. And see, and again, fearless right there because you're like off riding 40, 50, 30 miles I'm like, I'm gonna ride the canal path because I'm gonna go to Tempe and I might go to Gilbert, but that's it. And if I get off of that canal path, somebody else will be with me. And so, yeah, so I'm gonna have, I'm gonna have you mail me some of what, of what that is. So, yeah. So, Faye, thank you so much for sharing all of that. In your entire 33 years, what would you say has been your absolute biggest challenge? Like, you just didn't think you were gonna overcome it, your back was up against the wall. Walk us through that and how you overcame it.

Oh my gosh. I don't know if I have one for you that I've overcame.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. But I could share one that I'm trying to overcome.

Absolutely. Would love it.

And it goes back to, you know, trying to be active. And I think we just did a personality test at work. About different personalities.

Which one? Which one? Which test?

So it's called DISC.

The DISC, Tony Robbins. Yeah.

So you can guess I am the strongest dominant, as you can see. I'm like at the edge of falling off.

Right, right. I'm the I. Yeah, yeah, isn't that right?

Nice. One of our shortcomings is a fear of failure, you know, and I really always wanted to do something for charity and I've always put it off. Like, it's like, oh yeah, I really need to do something for charity and there's still something holding me back from doing it, you know. And I think doing this test is, um, has really shown me is you're strong, you're driven for results, but One of the things is being afraid of failure, right? Because I'm Kenyan and, you know, once several years I go back to Kenya, I come back and say, okay, I'm going to come up with something to help people in Kenya. And then a month later, it's back to routine, right?

Right.

So I've started to engage people to try to hold me accountable. And I'm working on creating like a bike riding charity where if you're going to ride 20 miles, you pay $20 and then we If it's digging a well for a school in Kenya, we do that. So that's a challenge and a personal, I think it's a really important personal growth for me. I think about if I'm on my deathbed tomorrow, this is the one thing that I'll probably regret is not getting an opportunity to help someone else, right? They don't need to know me, but I gave back because I take a lot from society, right? I take the experiences. But I haven't really given experiences and that's something that I really wanted to do for as long as I can remember, but I just haven't done it yet. And I'm, again, I'm still working, working on how to overcome that. So, you know, I think we've identified a pilot school in Kenya and I'm hoping by January we can get our first bike ride in Arizona. So you may be going on a bike ride.

Yeah, yeah, I'll be all about it. So, so something that you just said, you said you take experiences. So I feel like you are someone who creates those experiences, you know?

Yeah. Um, yeah, I guess that would be a way to put it, right? Because I, but I guess I take from society the experience, right? Like going to Chile, going to Peru, right? Um, yeah. Going and taking that experience in.

Right.

Yeah.

At this point in your life, I mean, my goodness, you're 33. Again, let me bring that up 5 more times and look at all that you've done. Do you feel like you have been intentional and purposeful in creating the life that you're living today? Because all the things that you're doing right now, you're living on your terms. This is like, like, it just seems so intentional.

Is it?

Has it been? It is.

Yes. And I think, again, the way I try to live my life is, you know, experience today because you may not have tomorrow, but also plan like you're going to live to 90. Right. So that's just have a 401k account. Right. So you can still at least retire. We're still going to spend a lot of nights in Napa Valley after we retire. So we got to make sure we are saving. For that.

Nice, nice.

But yes, it has been, right? So I've always, even in my career with promotions and everything, is I set a plan, I communicate that plan, and I ask for those experiences, right? I remember my last job, I got promoted, and then the next day I went back to my director's office and I said, Scott, I know you just promoted me. And he goes, Jesus, Faith, you haven't even done anything for me. I promoted you yesterday. And I told them, and I was like, no, no, no. I just thank you for the promotion. But I want you to know that I'm open for experiences and I'm open for if you ever want anyone relocating, it could be tomorrow. It could be a year from now. But you don't know what I want unless you know what I'm open for.

Yeah.

And 6 months later, They gave me $25,000 to go work in Minnesota for 9 months. From there, they sent me to Ireland.

Yeah.

Right. And you guys were seeing my post.

Yeah.

But I asked for it. Right. I was just like, I don't know if anything is happening, but yeah, if you're ever in any experience, any, anyone to travel. So I try even with here is I set those expectations. Expectations and then strive for it. Right. You know, I just started this job a year ago and I, my 6th month, I had a meeting with my boss. We usually just do phone call. And I was like, hey, can we do a video conference? And I shared a Visio chart of this is where I want to be in 5 years. That's what I'm talking about.

That's what I'm talking about.

Wow. At year 2, this is the title I'd like to have. And at year 5, this is the title I want to have, and I want to work together about what I can do, what experiences do I need to show to perform so that I can meet these goals that I've set up.

And his reaction was?

Let's just say that there was something, you know, there was a contract that was given to me 2 weeks later that was very good.

Holy shit, you know, and what, you know, people here for probably 10 years. Wow. Because just the foresight to sit and do something like that, you know, most people receive coaching from a business coach to know to do that.

Yeah.

How did you know to do something like that?

Oh, it's just where, where do I want to be, right? Like, what do I want to do in 5 years? You know, it's, and again, it meets experiences, right? So if I want to buy that expensive road bike, this is kind of where I want my income to be at.

Right, right, right.

Yeah. And again, it's just like right now I'm looking into getting an MBA, you know, in the next couple of years. So I've already, I sent an email to them and say, I started, I'm a single home income and he knows. So, and I was like, does the, is the company willing to help pay for my MBA? I know HR doesn't formally pay for it, but why not ask?

Because the answer is always no unless you ask, right?

Yeah. And so actually they're looking into that because a department can choose to do it.

Yeah.

So it's just asking for what you want.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Which seems so much easier said than done.

Well, and I think, and I don't know about your clients and audience, but you know, I also, I don't get a lot of disappointed a lot in life, right? Because it's life. The world doesn't owe you anything. And I think people go around in life saying, well, this happened to me. So what? The world doesn't owe you anything. Create what you want. And life is a roller coaster, right? It's not gonna be good. And like, when someone— I'm driving and someone is being dumb, I don't honk. I just pause. I'm like, I don't know what kind of day they're having, right? Best, maybe it's just let them be. And if someone is rude to you, it's like I don't know what's going on with it. No problem. You know, it's just so alert in other things, like, why is this happening to me? It's like, it's life. Why shouldn't it?

Yeah. The victim mentality all the time.

Yeah. It's just like, no, you create the life you want and understand that if this was always happy, that's unrealistic either, you know? So it's like, sometimes someone steals something from you, right? Like, I went and got my car. Detail washed and I forgot I had a couple of $20s in my cigarette, you know, port with me. Because I usually don't want to carry like $100 in my purse, so I just grab a $20 when I need it. And there was a couple of $20s missing, right? And for my dad, it was just like, shit happens. Once in a while someone will steal something from you. I didn't call to come and— just things happen. Right.

And hopefully it went to a good cause. Maybe they really needed it.

Yeah, and it's life. I have my health. Yeah, things happen in life.

Yeah, I love that. Love that. Faye, how are you so confident in who you are? Like, like, I want to speak to, like, you know, again, so many things that I admire about you. Like, I love short hair. If it were up to me, I would go as short as you. But then I would really be, "Sir, señor." We go on vacation and I'm swimming and my hair is slick and I'm just, "Señor." You know, Shelley gets, "Oh, señora," you know, because she's got long hair.

I've gotten, "Hey dude, oh, hey ma'am, sorry." Yeah, yeah.

When you turn around, exactly, right.

Like, "Excuse me, I'm feminine from the back too." Right, right, right.

"Look at my butt," right, yeah. You know, but it's like, you know, and especially like being from New Orleans, a lot of my family members have short hair also. I, you know, it's hard for me to, to like, like, I feel like I'm a very confident person in certain things. Like, I'm not gonna cut my hair off like tomorrow.

I went from here to buzz cut. Yeah, yeah, because when I moved to Arizona, I had the hair down chemically treated. It's just hot in Arizona.

It's hot, yeah.

And I was just like, it grows back, so let's just cut it off and see how it looks. Because I had a really big head as a kid. I've grown into it. I was worried after we cut it off, this square would come out.

I had a big head. Oh my goodness.

I was the fattest kid. I'll have to do a picture sometime. I was literally just white. And just big cheeks. Yeah, I don't know how my mom got it.

But you're a string bean now.

I got it out the first 6 years of my life. I got my— Wow.

Wow. So you think just confidence is just something that's just natural within you?

Yeah, because for me, it's like it'll grow back if I don't like it. Yeah. Right? And I guess don't worry too much about what other people think.

Easier said than done.

And I think that's probably what a trait that I didn't learn. I was lucky enough that the code that made this Faith.

Yeah.

Don't worry too much about what other people think. I just go off and do my thing. But I think with the confidence, it's also, I think for me, I'm so confident that it also deters like being single. Right. It's very hard.

Because you're too much.

Someone to manage this.

Oh, right, right, right, because that may be intimidating.

It feels good like the first 2 weeks and then you're like, okay, this is a lot.

Wow, okay, yeah.

I know that about myself too, right, is, you know, the confidence I think also sometimes comes with— but it's not that I'm going to change, right, I just— this is what you are, but it just I think takes It takes longer to find someone who's willing to tackle the strong-headed, stubborn woman that I am.

Right. You know, and I've never been a witness to any of your stubbornness. I just have only seen examples of your loving, kind, like, so just affectionate and just one of the sweetest people I will ever know. And so I don't even know where that stubbornness comes from. So just a couple more questions, Faith. I know if you go in there with your 5-year plan, I know you have a bucket list. Tell me 3 things that are on that bucket list.

Man, I should have gotten notes for this. You should have asked this earlier. I'd have better answers. I'm going to be texting you tomorrow. Maybe this would have been a better answer.

But see, it's fresh now. It's really fresh. It's authentic. So I love that. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think for me, it's hard to have a bucket list because I just go and do it.

Yeah.

It's kind of like buying me gifts. It's like if I wanted it, I would already—

You just go do it.

I would already have it. Yeah. So it's hard to buy me gifts because I was like, a gift card to REI so that next time I want something.

Yeah.

Okay. Bucket list for me, I don't know if it'll happen. But I'd love to ride my— like do a cross-country backpack riding on a bicycle, on a mountain bike.

Yeah.

Spend 3 weeks, 3 weeks self-supporting across like a 300-mile trail. I looked at that to do it during the pandemic and I was like, okay, Faith, you're going to really get yourself killed. You're going to go in the woods with bears. Because I started even looking at buying things.

Oh wow, started planning.

Yeah, and then I was like, that may be too much for you to tackle by yourself. Make some money first.

Well, especially being a woman, see, that's something that terrifies me. Yeah.

Wow.

Speaking of that, so before you go to number 2, one of our good friends, Sergio, just finished this past weekend. He went up to the Canadian border Rode his bike all the way down to New Mexico.

Oh, wow. Yeah, that sounds like a good time.

He said it was one of the best times in his life. He'll miss the open road, you know. He's glad to be back with his family and stuff, but all he had to worry about was, I hope I don't get a flat, where am I going to sleep tonight, hydration and water.

Yeah, yeah, it's, it's very weird. It's a mental thing. Like, people ask me, why are you going to sit on your bike for 7 hours? It goes by quickly, but maybe again, it goes back to there's so much going on up here. I just hang out with my—

Yeah, yeah.

Tomorrow I'm going to go on a 6-hour bike ride and people— it's just— and I think it gives me the opportunity to have all these discussions that I do.

Yeah.

And I, I reflect, you know, and I do a lot of reflective in life, you know, sometimes I'll ride and it's like, Faith, are you happy? You know, and for the next 20 miles, I'll go through the different scenarios that are going on in my life and I'll decide Yeah. If not, what am I going to do to change it?

I love this. I love the check-ins that you and the full conversations you have with yourself. I love it. You don't need anybody else.

You don't need no man. Oh my God. Yeah.

So what would be a second bucket list item?

I would love to get a license skydiving if I could afford it. Okay, I've done it twice and I really enjoy it.

Of course you do, of course you do. I'm not getting in a plane unless it's to drive me, to fly me from country to country or city to city.

Or jumping off only because the plane is falling off.

It's a perfectly good plane and when it goes, "Haha, you can turn your electronic devices on, we're 10,000 feet up," there's no way I want to jump.

It's, I think like the coolest part was the first time I did it, I was tandem and it was cloudy and just falling through the clouds, it was just like, ah, and then you come out and it was like Iowa farmland, you know, it was like corn. But it's, I don't know, it's like, I think it's that not having control.

It's just—

Yeah.

Does it feel like you're at Six Flags? It's like the drop, you know, like the elevator, like the ride drops?

No, I hate that feeling.

See, that's what I, that's all I think.

It goes like this, I'm like, oh, that's not— I hate that. Okay, okay. But he did ask me, you can make it do that. I hate that feeling.

Me too.

So second would be, yeah, to like have $10,000 where I can just spend to get my license to parachute.

Wow, I love that. So like the, the second you are married and you have some kids, I I just feel like your kids are going to be so well-rounded. They're going to be kids who grow up to take chances, to believe in themselves. And the reason why, you know, I know you said you're afraid to fail, but you do so much. So it's like you take so many chances. The couple of failures you probably have are no big deal. Yeah. And that's, and that's, that's how it becomes no big deal because you take so many chances, right? Yeah.

I've always said if I do end up having kids, I feel sorry for them. Because I don't know what they'll rebel against. Because I'm listening to Disturbed. Like, we'll be rocking in the car. And then the next one, we'll also be listening to, like, classical music. So I don't know. And then we'll be snowboarding in trees. Yeah.

Yeah. See, those are such priceless experiences. And I wish— I wish, you know, like now, I mean, I just had my 50th birthday.

Yeah.

And so I'm like— Damn it, why didn't I do some of these things 30 years ago?

You should see me when I go to a Disturbed concert and people are like, "Is that a Black person?" Who's rocking out more than we are? The first time I went to that concert, I thought it was a concert, so I wore a white sparkly shirt, and it was, you know, Disturbed is a rock band and everyone was like goth, so I even stood out more. I'm like, "Who's going out clubbing?" That will be Faith. And then songs come up and she can sing all the songs.

Yeah, yeah, no, every word. Wow. Oh, that's so cool. It's been so cool to catch up with you today, Faith. I love it, love it, love it, love the time we've been able to spend together.

Thank you.

Absolutely.

Catch up when I'm in Arizona next.

Yes, yes. If people wanted to hang out and catch up and contact make contact with you. What's your preferred method of contact? Like, give me your Twitter handle, all those. Are you still on Twitter? Did you delete the whole account?

No, I'll delete it after the election. That's my feed right now.

There we go.

OK, OK. I don't participate. I just take in.

Yeah. OK, got it. Got it.

OK. What a wonderful leader is saying for the day.

Yes.

Yes.

Because that's the podium. That's a platform, Twitter.

That's how you lead a country.

On Twitter, yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

I can insult other people. Yep, yep. Instagram would be good.

Okay, Instagram where you're @fe_01. Yeah, there we go. Okay, no fake.

I need to change to my, like, people are like, why don't you have your face? I've never changed it. It was just, I think my ex bought me, a couple of exes bought me roses, and I was like, oh, I should start Instagram and That was it.

That was it. Okay. All right, cool. So Faith, thank you for sharing so much. This has been such a delight, such a great conversation. And these are the conversations, honestly, that I love to have when we're hanging out having a beer. And most people are like, what you talking about? Why? Why are you asking me all that? That is the exact reason why I wanted to start a podcast so I can have real conversations about stuff that I'm really interested in knowing about a person.

Yeah. So— Thank you.

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself, Faye.

Thank you. All right.

All right. If you like what you're hearing and perhaps you're interested in having a complimentary conversation with me, click the link at the bottom of the show notes. Thank you so much for listening. If you even want to know more about what I'm up to, head over to traviestewart.com. And if you like seeing the videos of the podcast, every episode is on my YouTube channel. Take care, guys.