How Vanessa moved through a life altering event

I think the second thought that came to mind when I woke up in that pool of blood was like, wow, this floor is so cool.

Wow.

Those three things I think was the perfect storm, kind of just really, really kind of freak accident. The non-white allies, and by those I mean our Latin brothers and sisters, our Asian brothers and sisters, those, um, you know, even our, um Persian, Indian brothers and sisters. I'm finding that they sometimes— I'm finding that they can sit on the sidelines, but at the same time they want to benefit from the struggle. You want to benefit from the struggle, but you don't want to put no skin in the game. I'm just a little disgusted. Uh, the American passport has always been the gold standard of the world, and it has basically been reduced to a coaster.

Ladies and gentlemen, today I have a special guest for you has an amazing story. She's a corporate tax consultant living in Phoenix, Arizona, and I tell you what, this story of triumph and resolve is something that is going to inspire you. And if it doesn't, then, you know, we need to work on that. But today on the show, we are discussing a life-altering accident that my guest experienced a couple years ago. She will share with you how she found the strength and the grit to rebuild her physical health and her life. And then secondly, how she wasn't financially ruined over the freak accident, the mindset, the skills, and the strategies she used to come back better than ever. And then last, we're going to pivot to how Vanessa is using her voice to help produce change in our society. So ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you to the Reinvent You podcast, Miss Vanessa Smith, baby. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. How you doing on this nice Friday?

Uh, very well, very well. Well, nice, nice, nice.

So, well, thank you for taking time out of your day because I know time is the most precious resource and gift that we could ever give to someone, so I appreciate it. So Vanessa, you know, over the years I have been so inspired by your story. And the reason why I reached out to you was because I feel like I was kind of looking from afar. If I was inspired, I know that my listeners can gain some inspiration, some motivation, some skills, some tactics based on what you went through. So if you could just start off with, you know, just kind of tell us, walk us through, you know, that day and sort of what happened that flipped your life upside down?

Well, let's see. It was— what am I, 52 now? It was 2 years ago. And I was 8 days— well, yeah, about 8 days before my 50th birthday. And so I was just tunnel focused on my 50th birthday. Right. Entering chapter 50, and I just can't tell you how excited I was. And I was doing the whole shebang, having a big old party.

Oh yeah, Palm Springs.

Yeah, having a big old party, friends coming from all over the world, the whole shebang for the 50th. And, um, so in preparation of the 50th, of course I was working out.

Well, getting sexy.

Trying to get back in shape for my 50th. That's what I'm talking about. So, um, I was actually just to myself. I was doing good, eating well, um, you know, getting fit, losing weight, all that good stuff. Um, so I was— so in the course of just all of that, um, I— one morning I was just— something I've done many a times that all you have done many a times as well— I had to get up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom. And, um, got up. And this particular time, I just didn't make it back to my bed. And so from the course of, um, taking that bathroom break and trying to get back to my bed, I, um, collapsed and, uh, hit my dining room floor. And I woke up, um, I don't know how long I was unconscious. I woke up, it was about 3 o'clock in the morning, and all I remember first thing when I woke up, I was like, what is this wet stuff. Like, I felt something wet, and then I was like, wow, this floor feels so cool. And then my mind started, you know, firing, like, well, why are you on the floor? And what, you know? And so, uh, long story short of it, I got up off the floor, and I was a little discombobulated, didn't really know what was going on. And so I literally went to go lay in my bed. So I laid in my bed, and then I started moving my mouth around, and I just felt a lot of debris in my mouth. And I'm like, what's going on? And so I got up and walked, stumbled over to my bathroom, look, turned on the light, and I just started crying. My face was completely bloody. Um, I had fell down some kind of way on the way back to my bed and broke my entire jaw. Yeah, broke my entire jaw, and I was all bloodied up. So of course I called, um, called 911, you know, they sent the fire department and they came. And that was an interesting experience too because my— one of my besties is a firefighter, so I've heard so many firefighter stories from her. Yeah, um, it was so apropos because now I have all these firefighters sitting around in my house and It looked like, you know, if I put myself in their shoes, it looked like to them maybe I had been in some kind of domestic violence or something had happened because things were like kind of flung about and, you know, big puddle of blood. And they're like, what happened? And they asked me like, you know, 5 or 6 different ways, like, what happened? And after maybe about the third way, after the third, you know, ask, I realized they didn't believe me. You know, I feel like, okay, thinking like, this girl ain't just fell down.

Yeah, she making this up, right?

You know, she— somebody ended up there fighting or whatever they thought, you know, right? And think about my bestie and the story she tells me about, you know, oh, you know, people just, you know, be BSing, and, you know, you know, it could be some drugs or whatever, whatever. But I realized at that moment they weren't really believing me that what happened And so I think the shock had settled in, and the shock had come down. And so by then, I just started bawling because I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm just like, my jaw is jacked up. Everything's jacked up. So at that same time, I had called a friend to come over to take me to the VA because I'm a veteran. And so the fire department was like, well, you know— which this is a little thing I learned. Fire department is not authorized to transport— the paramedics can't transport you directly to the VA. And so I was like, I'm like, well, I want to go to the VA. And they were like, well, the VA is not going to be able to handle this. This is a serious injury. You know, they're not a certain level trauma, whatever, whatever. And in my mind, you know, my mind immediately went to, no, I'm going to the VA because I can't— I don't want to get no big bill, so I'm going to go to the VA. So long story short, I went to the VA. I end up— my friend took me to the VA and Within just a couple of hours— well, as soon as I got there, the ER doctor was like, oh my gosh, you know, what happened? Blah, blah, blah. So, you know, they got me comfortable, got me up to get the MRIs, CAT scans, everything that you would get wherever. They got all that stuff taken care of. And immediately, I think within the hour, the ER physician was like, this is too serious for us to handle. I'm working on transferring you out to the maxillofacial people. And that's like the plastic surgeons for everything from here, right? So, um, they sent me, um, eventually I got transferred over to Banner, and from there Banner got me back in shape. So, oh my God, that's the gist of what happened. So I just had an accident, collapsed, ended up breaking my jaw, and, uh, it took 3 surgeries and 4 hospitalizations and about the better part of about 9 months to get back to, to get back to where I am today.

Right. So, like, do you recall if you just blacked out or— I mean, and so had you blacked out prior to that?

No, I had never had any kind of blackout. So during that course of getting back to getting back healthy, we discovered over like trial, error and investigation what happened, what caused the collapse. Okay, so what ended up causing the collapse was a— some kind of way. So I take high blood pressure medicine, and some kind of way, um, my dosage had gotten, um, adjusted without my knowledge. So at one point in time, let's say I was on this, uh, hydrocortisone something something. It's very popular prescription for high blood pressure. And so anyway, I was on this particular prescription. I was supposed to be taking 12.5 milligrams. So, um, I used to have a prescription written that I had to cut the pill in half. And somewhere over the course of that, that description or instructions dropped off my prescription. And so over that process, I had just had started taking 25 milligrams. And so 25 milligrams were too strong. And so what was happening is when I would sleep at night, my blood pressure was dropping too low. And so this particular time, I think I had a perfect storm going on because, uh, remember I was exercising and losing weight, right? It's tied really closely to my blood pressure being high. I'm only like slightly high, like most people would think it's not even a high blood pressure. Maybe I was like, my blood pressure is 140 over 89, somewhere in OK. So anybody might have a problem with the bottom number. So nevertheless, if I lose probably like 5 pounds, my blood pressure, I don't have any issues. So here's— so I was losing weight. So I already probably was out of the issue zone. And then I was still taking my medicine. And some kind of way, I was taking too much of my medicine. I was no longer cutting the pill in half. I was taking the whole pill. So I had that going on, losing weight. The prescription dose was too high. And I forgot to turn the air on.

So shit, so you were hot.

Perfect storm. Perfect storm. I had a perfect storm, which I remember getting up thinking, oh my God, it's hot in here. Why is it so hot? And then that's why the— I think the second thought that came to mind when I woke up in that pool of blood was like, wow, this floor is so cool.

Right, because you were so hot. Wow.

Those 3 things I think was the perfect storm, kind of just really, really kind of freak accident.

Absolutely. See, and that's a lesson within itself because, you know, we all fill our prescriptions at a pharmacy and we just assume— I know I do— that everything's going to be as it's supposed to be. I have never gone to pick up a refill and gone, oh, let me check and see if that's the exact same thing that I was taking last month. So that is That is definitely something that I'm going to start doing. Oh my goodness. Right. So I remember when you first had this accident, they wired your jaw, your mouth shut. How? Because what, you know, how long was— were you wired? And, and, you know, talk about just how you mentally got through that space, because I know we can all be grateful and go, well, I'm still alive. But still, we're talking— I mean, that completely changed your whole well-being. Me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And also from a standpoint of— how do I put this— like, you have to remind yourself to be humble and be grateful. And that was a real kind of like slap in the face because remember, I'm 8 days out from my 50th.

From your 50th. Yep.

Oh, I'm not gonna lie, I'm just as vain as the next woman. So, you know, I'm worried about looking Fly, right, right. And, um, I get, you know, I get to the hospital and I see my— get with my surgeon and they're like, oh, we got to wire your mouth completely shut. And not only that, you know, I had to go through surgery. They had to cut all this open, pull all this up, so your face come out of surgery is— I can't, I can't— I can show you the pictures, they look crazy. Um, so I just was so swollen And the first go-round, I had 3 surgeries. So the first surgery, they, they installed these wires. It's almost kind of like braces, but it's a bit more painful than braces because the hardware is into your gums and your bone. Like, it's screwed all in here, right? So that was the first go-round. They did that, and then they put in a little bracket to connect the hairline fracture in the jaw. And, uh, from there they used these, um, the hardware, and then they used rubber bands like the kind you get for braces, right? But these were like, let's say, 20 times stronger than that. So they connected that hardware from here to here with these rubber band things, and so they provided zero movement. Couldn't open your mouth at all, so zero completely clamped down. So that was the first go-round, and that was a bit— that was hard because I still had my party.

Yeah, and I remember we were invited, but I was working theater camp, and I remember seeing the pictures of all the delicious food that was just the spread.

Yeah, so I was in the mindset, hey, I've already put out all this money. The party's gonna go on. Friends have already made the outlay for tickets or whatever. Um, so that was a test. You talking about grit now? That was a test of grit to, uh, proceed on. Because of course friends were advising me, oh, don't, you know, just don't worry about— I'm like, oh, forget it, you know, let's just do it. It is what it is. Um, but I— to me, the biggest part of, part of that was I was still able to cook.

Oh, so you were making all this food.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't taste. So I had two tasters. My mom is— she doesn't like that much salt for her food. And then I had a friend that likes her food seasoned as much as I do. And so those two were my tasters. And so I was able to cook that full spread without tasting it myself.

Oh my God. So, so what did you eat? How did you get your nutrients during that time and how long was your mouth wired?

So the first surgery, um, I was able to, um, drink through a straw. So basically taking in liquids through the spaces in your teeth. And so, um, my mom, um, who is a good cook too, um, she made me some delicious, delicious like homemade soups and things like that, right? So she, she cooked for me and, uh, yeah, she made some fabulous soups and things. So that was the first go-round I was able to do that. But then fast forward, so first go-round I thought everything was going well. It seems like I was recovering nicely. And then I was going back in for surgery. It was supposed to just be routine surgery to— remember I told you they had all these hardware?

Yeah.

So the plan was to go in to get these things removed. And so I went into surgery thinking, hey, you know, I'll be up and out of here in a couple of hours. And didn't go according to plan. So throughout my recovery, I was having this problem where my— this is the side, my injury side. Yeah, I was having a problem where this kept swelling up and, you know, sporadically up and down, up and down. And so I told my surgeon about it and she was, you know, kind of like, okay, well, we'll take a look at it when we're in there. And so anyway, long story short of that, went in for a 1-hour surgery, woke up, was in the hospital for 6, 7 days after that. So, wow, it was not healing. So the bone was not fusing together with the bracket. Not only that, the bone area had got infected and it caused a blood infection. So I ended up having osteomyelitis, bone infection. And so what they had to do is, um, they removed a chunk of bone like this much. They moved about, I'm gonna say about inch and a half of bone that connects from here to here. So they removed that, and then this time I was literally wired shut. Mm-hmm. Real wires. So they left all the hardware and clamped everything down. And on top of that they put in a feeding tube through my nose. So that— so I woke up with completely wired shut thinking I'm getting all this stuff out my mouth. Why? More wires, feeding tube, and at the time because of the bone infection they thought they were going to have to put this, um, I forget the proper name of it, but basically it's kind of like an IV directly into your arteries. Order to pump you with, um, antibiotics, right? So, um, yeah, so I woke up to all of this bad news, right? I was a mess at that point, like, oh my gosh, this is terrible. And so, um, luckily I'm blessed because my sister is a, um, she's a— what is it, what do they call it— in ICU. She's an ICU nurse. And in addition, she is a PharmD, so she has her— she's a doctor of pharmacy.

Okay.

And so, um, she was able to stop everything she was doing and get to Arizona, and she managed my whole treatment plan with the doctors.

Wow.

So I was really blessed to, um, have her with that level of knowledge because, uh, she was so knowledgeable It got to the point where the doctors came in the room and they just be like, okay, Dr. Levi, this is what we think. They didn't even talk to me. They just go straight to her, get the approval for the plan. Or she would push back and be like, let's try this, let's do this, let's do that. She was on stuff, right? Because it wasn't like you had an opinion, right? I, I was like, whatever she say. There we go, there we go. And so that was— now that was the, the second stage was a really, really, uh, that required a lot, a lot of care, and I can never, ever repay my sister for that. So that was like real feeding tube. Um, I had to, uh, have that— what is that stuff? Like, you know, the stuff you put in the— they call it the feed. It sounds terrible, like an animal.

I was, I was thinking it was like baby food, like Pablum or something.

It was like, like Similac, you know, something, right?

Yep.

Okay, something, you know, like I have, I have such compassion for people now that I can't eat, you know, and they have to drink, you know, like those meal replacements and stuff. So that's what I lived off of, those kind of meal replacements, and, you know, nothing in my mouth for probably another 4 to 5 weeks because they had to fight the infection, um, fight the— I got a couple of infections, so they had to fight off all those infections before I could have the third surgery, which was a surgery to go back in. In between that time, they ordered from Germany this plate that now connects my jaw. And so it was some kind of fancy thing, you know, that, you know, they use computers to graph this plate to put in my jaw. So that's what's holding my jaw now together. So after I recovered from all of that drama, I was able to have a third surgery to go in and put that plate in and remove all of the— well, they kept all that stuff in, keep all the hardware in for a while. And then finally, actually, I have 4 surgeries now that I think about that. I had to have a fourth surgery to take everything out once I got the clean bill of health.

Right.

Wow. So it was a journey.

It definitely sounds like a journey. So you mentioned earlier that you were a veteran. I had no idea that you were a veteran. Like, so, so you served. And then, and tell us how fortunate you were to be able to get that kind of care, that healthcare, because we all know under 65 healthcare is so expensive with high deductibles and a high out-of-pocket. And my goodness. So tell us how you didn't end up financially ruined.

Absolutely. So at 17, right out of high school, I had decided to go into the Navy because there was no college fund and all this stuff. Yeah, not planned. There was, there was nothing for me to go to college on other than let me try to figure it out. So, right. I decided to go in the Navy, get the GI Bill, and get out, go to college. So that was my plan for to get my education, and it has paid off tenfold because part of the benefits of, you know, being a veteran, you know, you're— you can use the VA. So the VA has been my healthcare system since, let's see, '22. I got out the military at '22.

Okay.

And so I've used the VA since I was 22, and, um, I can't— I was complaining at one point. I was, uh, complaining because you do have like a small copay at the VA, but it's relatively nominal. Um, to give you an example, um, I was, uh, went to the— to pay my bill. I'm like, well, I wonder how much my bill is. And so I think my bill was, let's say, like $1,000, right? And this Mind you, I had 4 hospitalizations, 4 surgeries.

Yeah.

Um, between this, um, of course you got follow-up care, all these things, you know. Um, I've had to get, you know, the, the feeding pump, the IV bag, all this stuff I need at home to care for myself. Oh, and, and also they provided the feed that I needed to go in the feeding tube, all that stuff. And so, you know, $1,000 $1,000. And, um, so I'm like complaining to my sister, right? Like, I can't believe I gotta pay $1,000.

She better— you better be lucky here.

Exactly.

That is just $1,000.

So my sister Googled how much does, uh, jaw surgery cost. And one jaw surgery— remind you, I had 4— one jaw surgery, $140,000.

Oh, yes.

And then now later on, so-called private insurance of that $140,000, you probably would have to pick up 20% of that. $140,000 times 4 times 20%. Plus I had physical therapy, specialist care, home— I had a whole host of comprehensive services um, got me back to where I am, and it cost me $1,000. So, wow, that's incredible.

That's incredible.

Yeah, so she was able to, to ground me on that one, like, shut up.

Okay, okay. Yeah, tell me a little bit about your mindset through that whole process, you know. How did— I mean, because a lot of it is right here, you know, because I know it's easy to go, oh, I'm blessed, I, you know, I'm lucky to— but, but what was really your mindset?

I tell you, I went through ups and downs. I went through peaks and valleys. When it first happened, I think I was just— I'm such a taskmaster type person. So I had a whole party ahead of me, like, oh my God, I'm in this hospital. I'm getting my jaw wired. I got all this stuff to do in 5 days.

I still got a party to plan.

Exactly. So I was so focused on that. I don't think that it even had time to hit me what was going on. Right. So I wasn't really too thrown back other than, you know, kind of bummed out. You know, I'm looking crazy for my 50th. It's not what I planned. So a little bit of— a little bit felt down, but not so down.

Yeah.

Then— so then recovery seemed like it was going relatively well. So I wasn't really too bummed out. I was just like, okay, you know, this is just a thing I'm going through kind of thing. But girl, when I woke up in that hospital, with the one mouthwash, shut that tooth down my nose. Next time I'm having to put this thing in my heart, like, what?

Right.

That was— that is when— I'm sorry, my spirits went down, down, down, down. And, um, you know, I am blessed because I just had— so even when the accident first happened I had an army of friends that just came to my rescue. So I had many people lifting me up tangibly, lifting me up spiritually, lifting me up emotionally. So many people praying for me. It was just a real comprehensive source of support. And I say every time something went wrong, something— there was an intervention and it just worked itself out.

Right.

And I'm not a super— I'm just not a big-time religious or spiritual person. But, you know, people, you know, friends that, you know, friends that I didn't even think would be those kind of friends there for me for something like this. Yeah, was there for me, you know, was calling me and was praying for me and these things. And so that kind of helped keep my spirits up. But I'm not invincible. I have points where I would cry and I'm just like, "Why is this happening to me? What is this? What am I to take away from it?" Part of doing a process too, I even sought out to speak to psychologists from the VA. That, just not going from being healthy to like, "Oh my God, my whole day was about doctor's appointments." appointments, you know, the point— this doc, that doctor, like my whole calendar, you know. My sister was managing it for me, but my whole calendar was like, oh, we got to go see this person, gotta go see this, go see that specialist.

That's right.

So I, you know, having a chronic illness, I just have so much empathy for it now because, right, it's just all-consuming and it can definitely get your spirits down, right? Definitely spirits down, right?

So I mean Obviously this was a life-altering, you know, experience. What has changed within you based on going through that? You know, do you have a different outlook? I mean, you have a different appreciation for things. Tell me a little bit how you've changed.

Well, I've always kind of been amongst my circle. I've kind of always been a free-spirited type of person. So it's kind of— most people will be like, are you probably pretty much the same? But I would say I feel like I live even more for the moment. Where I lived for the moment, now I even live probably more for the moment. I'm not so worried about, you know, what's gonna happen tomorrow, because I think if anything, my takeaway for this was like, wow, I could have been gone before my 50th birthday.

You know, girl, you were planning that thing.

And by— exactly. And by the grace I go, aye. So I'm just like, I just am more focused on enjoying the here and now and making a difference of the here and now. And, you know, you can't take none of this stuff with you, you know, right? Take all the money you didn't save up for any day. You know, you can't take the big cars, the big houses, cars. None of that stuff is going to go with you. So it just made me more focused on, you know what? I'm just going to enjoy myself while I am here, while I'm breathing. And so, um, uh, one thing I, I consciously did is during my recovery, my recovery to now, I, I took like 2 years off. Like, I just started back working this year.

Oh wow, I didn't know that.

I'm not really in a rush to go, you know, back to work. I'm just going to enjoy myself. So last year, uh, you know, of course pre-COVID, you know, I was gone somewhere. I was gone.

Yeah, I would see that you were, you were jet-setting all over.

Exactly, I was gone, you know, enjoyed myself. You got to take my birthday trip to Thailand, spend, you know, a month in Nicaragua, spent the next 2 weeks in Belize, Chicago. You know, I just was rarely even at my 85013 zip code. I wasn't Yeah.

Wow.

So do you think that provided a sense of urgency that I'm—

I have to do this stuff now because that was in opposition where you're a person who saved for the rainy day. Oh, I'm going to save for travel. It was like, no, I got to do this stuff now.

Right. But I was always kind of a list, do things now. But I think it just kind of solidified my thought process more like, you know, y'all crazy. You don't even know if you're going to make it to 65. I'm about to go do what I'm doing right now. Yeah, I'm gonna enjoy my life right now while I'm here living.

Oh, I love that. I love that. Yeah, because you don't know. So, thank you for sharing that story with us. So, you know, and being so forthcoming, because a lot of the stuff you just shared is, you know, personal stuff. But, you know, I've always known you to be an open book. And so I was like, I got to have Vanessa on. So yeah, yeah, you are. You know, you've always been so genuine and just nice. And, you know, we've had some good times and, you know, as we were talking about, but we shouldn't delve too far into that right now. But right, right where I want to go, because we are in such an important time in this what we call America. Right. And I know that this is a topic that you are also passionate about. And I want to transition from your life-altering experience to the world and the society of injustice that we're living in. What is— like, if I said, you know, summarize how you feel about what's happening today, and, you know, as, you know, 2020, what are your feelings about the world that we're living in today?

Well, right now, coming from a perspective of a world traveler, Um, I'm just disgusted. Uh, the American passport has always been the gold standard of the world, and it has basically been reduced to a coaster. We pretty much can't go anywhere with our passport. We can go down to Mexico, kind of, sort of, but, you know, and we can't even go to Canada. Um, and we can't go anywhere else. So this is interesting, for lack of a better word. This is just a very interesting set of circumstances, right, we are in as a result of, you know, choices that people made. And, um, yeah, I just— I'm just kind of stuck on— stuck on disgust, honestly, of where right now.

So do you think that's largely due to COVID?

Um, I think it's due to COVID, but it's— this is not just— this has been compiling and compiling and compiling. COVID is like the icing on top of the cake because there's so much other stuff that has led us to this point. Um, with like, you know, with just even from the standpoint from 2016 on, I just feel like we are, um, steadily, steadily regressing as a society, as a vote, as opposed to progressing. And to me, from a symbolic standpoint, when I think about that passport and what value that had as an American to hold that American passport and how people covet that American passport. And at this point, that American passport isn't worth squat, right? From a symbolism standpoint, I just think that that really, um, communicates a lot as to where we stand right now today.

Absolutely. Oh my goodness. So I read on— and I liked it— one of your posts, um, where you shared on Facebook racism is so American that when you protest it, people think you're protesting America, right? And then it's so crazy, just this stuff, you know, because I know that you and I both follow Shaun King, right? And Shaun King opens your eyes to so many things that I, I just wasn't even aware of. But when it comes down to like that post that you shared, that this is the America. What's your opinion on other people who contradict, you know, the whole— the protests? Like, we have the whole Black Lives Matter going on. And they just think, you know, oh, you know, this is— they're hoodlums. And true enough, there is violence that is not— that is being attributed to the cause. But there are, you know, other people coming in and doing their dirt. Tell me, how do you feel?

Like, what were your—

what was your internal monologue when you posted that?

Um, I think I was probably just at a point of being fed up because of the very reasons that you just described. Um, we have groups of people out there on the front lines trying to do the hard work, and we got a bunch of naysayers on the sidelines trying to stop the hard work. So whether you're a naysayer, an All Lives Matter naysayer, you're a Blue Lives Matter naysayer, or if you are even just like the kind of sit on the sidelines and want to benefit from all the hard work but don't put no skin in the game type of naysayer, I just was kind of fed up with it. Oh, and there's a third that is just starting— not starting, but it's been irking me. If you are in the category of the non-white allies. And by those, I mean our Latin brothers and sisters, our Asian brothers and sisters, those, you know, even our Persian and Indian brothers and sisters. I'm finding that they sometimes— I'm finding that they can sit on the sidelines, but At the same time, they want to benefit from the struggle. You want to benefit from the struggle, but you don't want to put no skin in the game. So I just like— it is just so many buckets of naysayers and categories of naysayers that are impeding progress. Oh, and then the third one, of course, are the true disruptors, people that are out there trying to co-opt the positive movement, you know, the ones throwing the Molotov cocktails and the you know, the white supremacists out there trying to, you know, kick up the, you know, kick up the race wars, you know, and hijack the movement. So you got like 5, 6 buckets of people working against this one bucket of people who are truly trying to progress an agenda of positive change and respect for Black lives. Okay, so I was kind of just fed up, right? Folks came from, essentially, like, I'm so fed up with this, the bucket of people that are working against people actually out there trying to do the hard work, right? And it is so many people out there, you know, with real skin in the game, um, and risking their life on a daily basis to advance, to advance this issue of social justice, racial justice, environmental justice, you know, just trying to advance things that are going to benefit all of us at the end of the day. It's going to benefit all of us at the end of the day and as a society.

Absolutely. Are you familiar with QAnon? Of course you are. Of course you are.

Familiar with it from the standpoint of, of course, I'm familiar with it from the standpoint of I'm just very actively politically conscious. So the rise of it definitely enters my— into— enters my world. So I have to be educated on it, like, okay, what is this? Yeah, I just—

I'm so baffled at the stuff that people believe. Like, they literally just make this shit up and then people go, oh, it's True. This is where, you know, that where the media isn't making us think, we're able to think for ourselves. Like, as a matter of fact, I was speaking to one of my friends in Texas and I was like, girl, we got an election coming up. Are you still voting for that dude? And the very next reaction was, well, what do you mean? Well, Joe Biden's, you know, into the child trafficking. Oh my, you know, that whole Pizzagate thing.

Not like—

blew my mind.

And you know, I can't— what do you do with those people? And this is a good friend.

Blew my mind.

What— and that's what I'm saying. I even have friends that I have had to distance myself from because I feel like one thing that this is— this Trump presidency has brought out is exposure. Yes, yes. It has exposed some people in my life where I feel like I probably consciously overlooked.

Yeah, that elephant in the room.

Travia and the elephant in the room. I have overlooked it, overlooked it, overlooked it. But I'm at the point now where I'm like, this is causing real harm, and I'm not able to overlook your tacit or even vehement support of this situation. I just can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. And it is just like your friend and like people that I've had to distance myself from. There are a lot of them. So that worries me. That worries me for the next 15 days. It really worries me.

Me too. And so it's like, what else can we really get out and do In the meantime, you know, we want to turn Arizona blue. You know, my brother lives in Houston and he called me up the other day and he said, are you working to turn your state blue? And so I said— he's in Houston— I was like, are you working to turn your country of Texas blue? You know, because they're both, you know, toss-up, could go either way. And I'm, and I'm, I'm really afraid of the outcome. I am, like, for the first time, like, there's just such a difference because, you know, like now I'm going, oh, I love George W., even H.W., because now when you look at them, it's like they were decent people.

They had decent— they had decency about themselves for sure. Policies were crap, but right, they at least— he didn't operate from place of morallessness. And just from a place of hate and vitriol. That just wasn't a thing, right?

Girl, I just love your vocabulary. Vitriol. I'm just taking notes on something else you said earlier. I was like, oh, and then I mentally repeat it in my head and I go, oh, vitriol. I'm going to start using vitriol. I love that. That popped up. So I know that there is no secret. How you feel about the current administration. And I also am well aware of the fondness that you feel, that we all feel, for our former President Obama. You know, many people think that because he's Black, we only love him because he's a Black president. You know, that's what they think. But, you know, when you look at both, right, put them on the same page. You know, I remember one of your posts was like, this is what decency looks like. I mean, we were speaking with Kamala Harris, you know. What are the traits and attributes that you miss from the presidential Barack Obama?

Mm-hmm.

What separates me?

Before I even say that, I just like to point out where I find it so interesting that African— our love for President Obama is automatically discounted because he Black and we Black. But On the other side, what have we had? 44 white presidents, and white people's love and admiration for those white presidents are never discounted because they white and he white.

They're right, that's a great point.

Yeah, that is just one of the things that burns my biscuits. Burns my biscuits.

This burns my biscuits.

Nobody want to eat burnt biscuits. Biscuits.

Right.

Well, but moving on to your question, what I think the number one thing that sets those two people apart is empathy. President Obama governed from a place of empathy and Trump does not.

Right.

To me, that's just the bottom line. Empathetic. President Obama was empathetic for all people, whether or not you were a Republican, a Democrat, an independent, white, Black, blue, or indifferent. He governed for all people. Think about all the things that happened during his presidency. And visually, what comes to mind is like, you know, like the really bad storms we had. Remember we had that storm in New Jersey, right? For that winter storm was horrible, came in and wiped out the whole Jersey Shore. And President Obama hugging the, um, it was an older white woman or whatever, giving her some comfort. He has so many moments like that, so many moments like that across the board with America, right? What does Trump do? Throw paper towel to the people in Puerto Rico, trash talk about the mayor in Puerto Rico, you know, make people have to kiss the ring in order to get aid for disaster relief. His approach toward governing is so divisive. I've never in my lifetime seen anything like it.

Neither have I. Neither have I. As a matter of fact, when he first got into office, you know, I was like, okay, maybe he's really a Democrat at heart, but he ran as a Republican. If he's a businessman, you know, because I have a tendency to see the glass half full. And so I just want to believe in the good in everybody initially. I just do. And so I just kept hoping and hoping and hoping. And soon, shit, the evidence was everywhere that, no, I was wrong. My hopes were not going to be satisfied. And so I just cannot believe I just can't— it's like it's a fiction. It's a fictional story that we're living in, and I can't believe that, you know, we wake up to this every day.

Me either. Yeah, I'm hoping that we can close the book on this nightmare of a fairy tale on November 3rd.

November 3rd, if we all just get out— I mean, because, you know, we got mail-in ballots, Absentee ballots. We've always done that. It's not because of COVID We've always done it because I don't want to go stand in the line for 4 hours.

Right.

Do you ever think you could run for public office?

Uh, no, no, I, I think I have the, uh, I got the lip for it, but not the thick skin. Uh, yeah, definitely. Like, I don't know if I could temper, uh, myself like that, but I do see a shift in my future from a career standpoint. I do want to transition more into social justice work, specifically in the area of voter disenfranchisement. So ultimately, I am going to just, you know, pull the plug and take a big pay cut and, you know, spend the latter part of my working years doing something that I truly get some benefit and reward from.

Right. And that you're passionate about.

Exactly right.

I love that. Love that. So that's what— because that was going to be one of my next couple of questions. What did you see for Vanessa on the horizon in the next decade or so? You know, we've been talking pretty seriously the whole time. To lighten it up a little bit, what brings you the most joy in your day, in your life right now? What is it that you absolutely love and love that you get to do?

Um, I enjoy cooking, you know. Okay. I enjoy, you know, putting on my apron and getting into the kitchen, and I enjoy putting on a big spread for my family and friends. You know, that's how we connect. It's true. You know, I just have my happy hours. So I still really, really enjoy that. That, that brings me, um a genuine sense of joy.

Nice. I absolutely love that. And so, and your sense of travel, because I know you love to travel.

Oh yeah, travel. Yeah, traveling is high up there too. I enjoy traveling. This has been a weird year. I just, you know, I had a thought this morning. I'm like, wow, I haven't been out the country all year.

Yeah, we haven't either.

Yeah, I know. When you're a world traveler, you just like take that for granted, being able to just go somewhere, you know. And it's just like, you know, even I know people are going to Mexico now, but, you know, I've been, you know, talking to different people who have went. It's really like hardly not that many people going, and right, it's kind of blah, you know.

Yeah.

And then, you know, they, you know, don't seem like they're really following a lot of the protocols, so it's just like You know, it's not even worth it right now. You know, maybe just let things get a little bit more back to normal.

Right. But Dr. Fauci says we need to hunker down.

So what did he say? 2021.

He did say that.

Yeah, 2021. And people don't realize that because we're being so selfish as a society and so stubborn and so clinging toward nonsense of freedom. And all this foolishness, it's prolonging the problem.

Right. Just wear the damn mask. Quit griping about it. Nobody's trying to take your freedom and your guns at the same time. You know, it's like nobody likes wearing the mask. Nobody.

It don't have anything to do with your freedom or your freaking guns.

Get—

you know, come on. Get with the program. I know.

I know. You know, part of what we're discussing today is like— it's crossed my mind that I was like, I might lose some listeners today. Well, you know what? I think I'm going to gain some that I bet that I'm better aligned with. So there we go.

Yeah, there we go.

I love that. I love that because I wanted to have an honest conversation.

Or the other thing is you might open somebody's mind up to, oh, that's one way to think about it, you know, because I, you know, I will try to be open to other ways to think about things unless it's just baffoonery, then I can't participate.

Yeah, I love that, buffoonery. So, so just to end up, what is like something that you and I, our people, could really do to— you know, everybody's like, get out to vote, go volunteer— but what would be your go-to action? It's like, if you could do anything, what would be that thing to make sure the outcome on November 3rd was Blue?

I think that we need to exercise our power more. I feel like sometimes it's like African Americans, we don't utilize our power enough, and I can give you a couple of examples. Okay, like, um, for example, like with the churches, only as of late have the churches been truly engaged. Some churches have been truly engaged on exercising their power over their congregation. Whereas if you look at the white model, they— the Jerry Falwells and all those Paula Pattons and all these people, they over there proselytizing from the pulpit about voting for Trump, right? Evangelicals are responsible for putting Trump in office. Evangelicals, then white men, then white women. If we're going to break it down, I feel like on the flip side, sometimes we are too obedient of a people. Oh, well, you don't want to lose your 501, so you don't want to talk no politics from pulpit or whatever, whatever, right?

I love that tax code.

I'm like, no.

Yeah.

The rules have changed. These people over here have no problem talking politics from the pulpit. So let's not handcuff ourselves about— let's not handcuff ourselves and not try to help get our people out. And so I don't know if you saw a post I posted not too long ago. It was from a young pastor in church. Yes, yes, baby. He was giving the facts. From the pulpit.

Yeah.

And that, I think, is what we need to do more. Okay. Um, second part, on an individual basis, I feel like we also have that same kind of fear as individuals. So what I noticed on Facebook, people don't hardly post about politics. So politics and religion are one of the two most important things that affect and drive our lives, right? And those are the two things that we have kind of been— don't talk politics and religion.

That's true.

It's in religion. And but the other side is talking politics and religion.

You're absolutely right.

Yeah, that whole lane of which to operate, indoctrinate, and mobilize. And over here, we, you— we're not even using the power of these platforms and social medias. And like how you're using your podcast, we're not even using our power of this lane to do the same things: educate, indoctrinate, and mobilize. And so I just think if people just start even using their social media platforms more to speak truth to power— hey, I'm voting for Biden, this is why—

hell, you motivated me to use mine more because I like to stay a little, a little in the middle. It's true.

Ask yourself why. Why?

Oh, I know why. Like the comment I made a little while ago, I was like, you know, because I want to— I want everybody to be happy. I want us all to get along. And so, yeah, but what good is that doing?

But so we're self-censoring ourselves. Yeah. And at the end of the day, that in and of itself, think about the power of being— the power that we're not using to multiply our message and multiply our reach.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm convinced, you know, we use this social media a lot, you know, you got the whole Twitter. But now I'm gonna say, people on Twitter, baby, are very— that we ain't playing on Twitter. The Twitter is— if you want some Black political social consciousness, Twitter is where it's at. Yeah, people on Twitter are not playing. They out there speaking, you know, doing what they got to do. Facebook, I find, is more so like if you're in groups, then you can see stuff. But just on my regular timeline and stuff, you know, I personally, if I see somebody post something, anything about politics, I will stop and like it, you know, because I want that person to be encouraged. Hey, post some more stuff, you know?

Right. Even if you disagree with it.

Even if I disagree with it, I might post something to say, hey, what? I agree with that, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah.

Take the time to stop and comment on it, comment on it. Because at the end of the day, at least that person had the courage to go ahead and post it. Or not even courage. I won't say courage. At least that person had the wherewithal to use this part of their platform and activate their power as it relates to that, to amplify whatever they felt on this topic.

Right.

Oh, wow.

Okay. I love that. My goodness, we could talk about this all day long and still wouldn't even cover it, you know. But thank you so much for everything that you shared. I didn't even know you were on Twitter. So, you know, you get— you know, everybody right now, I'm not on Twitter, but Shelley's on Twitter. What is your Twitter handle? Because I'm telling you, people are gonna start following you.

My Twitter handle is Armchair Pundit. Armchair, um, and I think I have a play on the word pundit is P-U-N-D-T, armchair pundit.

Just DT, no, no I there. Okay, okay. And then where else would you like people to connect? Like, I have your email. Would you like people to connect with Vanessa Smith on Facebook?

Yeah, you can. Yeah, that's cool. Okay, okay.

All right.

Twitter, I'm on Facebook. I'm kind of old school, kind of at the point where I'm like, I don't want to manage no more social medias. Yeah, I'm being drawn toward wanting to do Instagram, but I'm like, what for? You don't need no more social media.

Well, it seems like you're getting all your fuel in your fire from Twitter, so there you go. Exactly. Put all your ducks there. So, so Vanessa, thank you. This has been so much fun. This has been— it's been great catching up with you. And let, let, let's get back in the circle. Let's get back in it. And let's, you know, yeah, let's do it.

Yeah, will do. Thanks, thanks for having me.

If you like what you're hearing and perhaps you're interested in having a complimentary conversation with me, click the link at the bottom of the show notes. Thank you so much for listening. If you even want to know more about what I'm up to, head over to Travia traviasteward.com. And if you like seeing the videos of the podcast, every episode is on my YouTube channel. Take care, guys.