Loving yourself FIRST | Breakthrough: The Gen X Podcast for Reinvention

I'm Travia Steward and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. Yo, what's up my peeps? Happy Podcast Tuesday. And for some reason, Podcast Thursday used to have, I feel like, such a better ring. But you know what? I I got some advice from a podcast coach that said the earlier in the week that you release the podcast episodes, that could make a difference. So again, I'm always experimenting with things. So here we go. It's Podcast Tuesday. So before I jump in, I want to share with you last week— today I'm recording this podcast episode the day before it comes out. Today is August 28th. It'll come out tomorrow, August 29th. Well, last week I had the honor of being the closing keynote speaker for the New Paths Conference. And my peeps, this was my very first keynote. And you know, I spoke for about an hour and 15 minutes. And there's just something that like comes alive within me. Like there's sometimes when I go, you know, I, I'm always prepared. I, I practice, you know, my, my main points. But for some reason, like, there's something that comes alive in me that it's like once I get on stage, boom, I just go. It's like I hit another gear. And that is one reason why I know that that's where I belong. I've always loved talking to people. I've always loved connecting. But I firmly believe that I have a message that is worth sharing. I have a message that so many people need to hear because it was planted within me. And just the adrenaline that, that flows while I'm up there, I know that this is a God-given gift. I know that this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. And so I just wanted to share with you guys that, you know, We're doing it, we're making it happen. And so that is my happy place. And so as I jump into today's episode, I want to talk about the path, the crucial path of loving yourself first before others. And you know, I work with, you know, some, you know, religious, you know, Christian, uh, Bible-based people who believe that, you know, love your neighbor, like you're supposed to be so selfless first and love other people and live for other people because that's the way that God wants you to be. But you know, if I'm gonna get spiritual here, the thing about it is God doesn't want you to love people better than you love yourself. Because we can't fully love someone else until we fully love ourselves. I 100% believe that, that again, we cannot pour from an empty cup. We cannot, you know, do all the things that we want to do and show up in the way that we want to show up in our life by loving others more than we love ourselves. So as we now begin to uncover this, this level of, of self-love, it, you know, it shapes how we connect with others. And so let's talk about what self-love is. You know, it's like you are giving yourself a big high five. You are giving yourself the hug that you need. You are giving yourself what you need that fills your cup before you can go out and give and be with other people and connect on a level that you really want to connect to. And it's valuing yourself in a way that fills you up. You know, you guys hear me talk so many times about what's your number, you know, on a scale of 1 to 10. I like to get up and fill my cup and do all the things that I need to do that get me to about a 9, because a 10— a 10 is what I'm feeling when I am the keynote speaker. A 10 is what I'm feeling when I have a mic and I'm standing up there and I'm trying— and I— and my goal is to impact and change lives. That's where my 10 is. So Monday through Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I want to be a 9. And so the way that I view that, you know, self-love is not about being selfish. It's not about, you know, being like, you know, a selfie-taking narcissist who is always, let's just talk about me. Let's take all the pictures about me. That's not what I'm referring to here. I am referring to how can you get yourself up to a number on a scale of 1 to 10 in the morning, very first thing, in creating yourself, which means how do you want to show up before you interact with other people. And so the self-love that I'm talking about is knowing how you work and what are the things that make you happy and that make you feel the way that you want to feel before you go out, before you leave the, the house before you interact with other people is your self-love. And so one of the most important things that I want you to really take away from this episode is you have to know how you work. You know, just like a car engine, just like a car, you know, if everything is running fine and you're able to drive from point A to point B, you get out and nothing's wrong. But the second a check engine light comes on, now we begin to pay attention. Now we're like, oh, My gas is, you know, I need more gas. I need air in the tires. I need, you know, I need an oil change. And so I want you to know yourself so well to where when you fill your cup, when you get yourself up to a 9, or maybe for you it's a 10, or maybe it's a little lower, I want you to know when your check engine light comes on, which again can look like you know, a tight chest. You are, you know, rapid breathing, you know, shallow breathing, but you feel this level of stress and anxiety that you don't necessarily feel when you are like a 9, when you're like, I'm on top of the world, I'm feeling so good right now. And then once you fill that cup, self-love in my honest opinion, is the second you notice a check engine light coming on, that you take a moment, that you go, okay, what is it that I need right now to fill my cup back up? And sometimes we have to do that. I mean, there's sometimes during the day where I go, I might wake up as a 9, and then by 1 o'clock I'm like, my brain is drained and I'm feeling lethargic. And so I may need to go in there and like do a quick workout. I may need to go in there and, you know, maybe get an energy drink, or maybe I just need to sit and meditate for a moment. And so giving yourself what you need is you filling your cup in the form of self-love, because we cannot fully give to someone else before we give to ourselves. Because what happens is so many times, you know, I have, you know, one of my, one of my closest friends, and I'm, you know, want to be there for her for this very, very difficult time that she's going through in her marriage. And if I could just change one thing about how she's dealing with this is I would love to help her increase her, her level of self-love because she is of the mindset that you, you know, you're supposed to just give, give, give, give, give, give, give. And then when she's giving to other people, she's giving to her kids, she's giving to her husband, what is left for her? And so when you just give, give, give, and then now let's say you've given everything that you can to everybody during the day, and then you come home, and what is it that's going through your mind at night? Are you thinking, I gave all I had to give, and now what? Am I just exhausted? Am I worn out and I got nothing left for myself? And so what is it that you are doing that gives to you? You know, like it's, it's August 28th today and school is going to be starting for a lot of people. You know, here in Arizona, school already started, a lot of states, but I know up north school starts like after, you know, like after Labor Day. And there is, you know, I, I have a few clients who have kids in school. And so the whole summer it's all about what can I do with the kids? What can I do with the kids? Well, then by the time the kids go back to school, now what's your week look like? Especially if you don't have a job, if you're not working now, what's your week look like? Because you wrapped up every bit of your happiness into what am I doing with my kids? What am I doing with my husband? You know, and now those people go off and, and, and, you know, do some things in life. And now what does your time look like when it's just you at home? What does your time look like when it's like, how am I gonna spend my time? What, what is it that I wanna do? And so there's so many times that we lose touch of our dreams and our desires because we put them all into other people. And so what I really wanna hone in on today is building a better relationship, an authentic relationship, a fulfilling relationship with you. And so the thing about it is you have to— it is paramount, it is so important that you love yourself first. It's not— I'm not talking about just, oh, a fuzzy feeling, you know, I love myself. This is a game changer. It's a game changer for your mental and emotional well-being because we're not just putting all our apples in somebody else's basket. We are filling our own cup so that we can better serve, so that we can better be there, so we can better parent, so we can be a better spouse, a better partner. And so I want you to think about, think about it like giving yourself like a mini spa day because we want to catch these things before all the dominoes have fallen over and you realize your cup has holes in it, and it's just, you know, you're filling it, but you, you waited so long to practice that level of self-love and self-care that you need to where your, your metaphorical cup has holes in it. And no matter how much, you know, I'm gonna go to the gym, I'm gonna work out, I'm gonna go and get me an iced coffee, I'm gonna go, you know, go to the spa, it's temporary because you are working and running on fumes. And so having a high level of self-love also leads to lower stress. It's, you know, just having a brighter outlook on life. You know, you love yourself first and, you know, you're just happier. And then one of the things that I find is sometimes difficult for even myself is I know I have a high degree of self-love, but every now and then I need to remember to have some self-compassion, that I need to remember how far I've come. I need to remember that I am my own best friend. I cheer myself on. And then there are times when things get uncomfortable where, you know, I mess up, I, you know, hurt someone's feelings, I don't say the right things. And it's having the self-compassion for myself and knowing that I'm human, that when you mess up, when things happen to you, you are human as well. And so when I talk about self-love, the next gear of that is having a passion. So when I was talking about, you know, a lot of the kids are going back to school right now, you know, some of my clients and friends who are wrapping up, who are wrapping a lot of their energy and who they're being into their kids, into their husband, you know, all the things instead of themselves. And I'm not saying all of it is for you, but again, if you're pouring from a full cup, you just have more to give. So the next gear is talking about, well, what is a passion? What is something that lights you up? So when your kids go back to school, so when your husband's at work, your wife's at work, whatever the thing is, Whenever you are home by yourself, are you just sitting there twiddling your thumbs? Are you going, what is it that I wanna do? What is it that I love doing that lights me up, that helps me to grow and evolve? Because I always believe if we're not growing, we're dying. Just like flowers. Flowers just don't stay the same. They're either growing or they're dying. And you know, I'm in Arizona right now and I'm looking out of the window as I record this podcast episode. And a lot of our plants and trees, because it doesn't rain much and it's supposed to be monsoon season, are dying because the, the grass in the front yard looks like straw. And so what needs to happen with your passions? What needs to happen in order for you to love and be excited to get up every single day and be excited for the day? You know, because growth is a lifelong journey. We want to feel in the time that every single day matters. And how will you love your life? It's doing the things that light you up. When you fill your cup, it's self-love, it's being self-compassionate, and it's helping you to practice a high level of wellbeing, right? Setting those healthy boundaries, putting your wellbeing first, whether it is your health is first, whether it is your faith is first. How are you demonstrating to everyone in your life, to everyone you wanna be an example for, that you love yourself, that you are pouring from a full cup? And if they were to take notice, this would be the example that you wanna set for them. And I believe there's a magical intersection between your level of self-love and loving others. And it's when you love yourself, I believe you become like a magnet. I, you, you know, what you give out, you attract. I believe when you love yourself, you're not always complaining, you're not nitpicking. Your connections with others become more authentic and fulfilling because there's just, you know, a certain energy that you're, you're radiating. And, and being so self-assured because it isn't about being isolated. It's about creating deeper connections. And, and I 100% believe that when you put your well-being first, when you up your level of self-love, all of your relationships, your romantic relationships, your friendships, I believe begin to blossom in a way that you are creating and raising the bar to how you want to be treated and how you want to treat other people. And so it's having the respect and care for yourself enough, enough to create the space for what's truly important. And so as I begin to wrap up this episode, I want you to think about, are you someone who gets up every single day and fill your cup before you go out there and give to others. If not, self-love is what you deserve to give yourself. Self-love, self-compassion, because we cannot pour from an empty cup. Give yourself the gift of loving yourself. Give yourself the gift of being there for yourself, of being compassionate when you fall and make mistakes. But give yourself the gift of not settling and living life through other people. Celebrating and being with other people and celebrating their wins is icing on the cake. So I want you to really think about where is your level of self-love, and if you had to score it on a scale of 1 to 10, is it a 10? Is it a 7? And then ask yourself, if it's a 7, what can I do to bring it closer to a 10? And that's where I want you to start with today's episode. Get it closer to a 10 or, you know, whatever number you feel like resonates with you today. All right, my peeps, that's a wrap for today's episode. And you know what? Just like Southwest Airlines, like all the airlines, I know you have a lot of podcasts that you can be listening to. Those of you who continually show up, maybe today's your first time hearing, you know, my podcast. I appreciate you for showing up. I appreciate you for allowing me to come into your ears for, you know, a little bit of time each week. And I would love to hear from you to, to create some dialogue going back and forth. So I would love to hear about your journey, your self-love journey, or, you know, journey of discovery and how it shaped you and your relationship and how your level of self-love helps you to show up in your life. Shoot me an email at travia@traviasteward.com, or shoot me a direct message on Instagram, you know, or on LinkedIn, and share your self-love, self-compassion journey with me. I love to connect because those of you listen regularly know love and connection is one of my top 3 values. All right, my peeps, we'll talk next week.