Self Love is where it's at with Margo Fosbery

If you're someone who wants to make major changes in their life, someone who wants to achieve their goals, or maybe you're someone who knows this is not as good as it gets but you have no idea where to start, on the Reinvent You podcast, we explore different types of people, their successes and failures, and how they reinvented themselves to create the life they love. It's our hope that from hearing their stories, that you too may have more insight into what it takes to build a life that you envision for yourself. Here to help you do that is performance and life coach Travia Steward.

What's up, my peeps? Today, thank you for joining the Reinvent You Podcast. I appreciate you guys listening, and I would love it if you could share these episodes. If you find value in it, share it with someone else that you think might find some value in it. And again, I would love it if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts, subscribe to my YouTube channel, Travia Steward. You just Google my name, that kind of thing. But, you know, it kind of helps you, you know, get the word out that, you know, there's, there's some value here. There's some ways that some things that could help people maybe get some strategies and tools to, to move through their day a little easier. And it also, you know, helps me out with knowing that I'm heading in the right direction. So I would appreciate it if you guys could, could moment and do that, I would be forever grateful to you. So today on the Reinvent You podcast, my guest is a self-love coach. She is a certified Martha Beck Life School coach whose passion is to share the life-changing power of self-love by learning to discover and listen to your inner voice, and by unleashing the courage to speak up and actually ask for what you want. Imagine that. She teaches the power of self-love and how it transforms every aspect of people's lives for the better. She does this in one-on-one coaching sessions or by facilitating workshops through her online meetup group. In the next few weeks, she is launching her Self-Love 6-Week Program called Self-Love Soak. It's a small group program for men and women who are struggling to love themselves while taking the courageous steps towards the relationships or career they truly want to be in. You will leave this program with a strong connection to who you really are and the self-belief that anything, absolutely anything, is possible when you start with love. For more details, you can find information at selfloveiswhereitsat@gmail.com. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome my guest today in my conversation with Margo Fosbury. So hi, Margo, how are you today?

Well, hello, Trey. I am excellent today.

Nice, nice. You know, guys, we're recording this episode. This is January 1st, and You know, there's no better time of the year where we both feel more alive, as far as I'm concerned, more alive, more motivated, more willing to do the things. And today, my guest today is a self-love coach. And we really want to start January 1 off being kind to ourselves. And as you notice, Margo and I both have— you know, she got the memo. We're dressed. This is on purpose. No, it's not. It's not at all on purpose. It's great minds who are reading the same chapter page of the same book. So, Margo, welcome to the Reinvent You Podcast. And can you please just introduce yourself, the wonderful world of how you create coaching with your clients, and who you are and how you got into it?

Wow, I will, I will do my best to do that. As you said, I am a self-love coach. And it's, you know, my life I'm a self-love coach, but I also feel like I'm a coach that helps men and women find their voices because that's a big part of my story, which goes with the self-love. I grew up the youngest of 4 daughters, so fairly big family, but we were not necessarily a close family. And my parents divorced when I was 5 and I you know, my sisters were a little older, so I was sort of alone a lot. And, um, I was really shy and really quiet and really hid from the world for many, many years. And I kind of think like that I'm a— sometimes I think I'm a late starter, but I also think that's a really great thing for people that may be thinking that, like, I'm 55, that you can do anything at any time.

So absolutely.

It's never too late to start speaking up. And really the catalyst for that probably was when my mom died when I was around 41. And I started out getting into personal training because I was always interested in fitness. And then I realized after a while that I really didn't want to push people to work out. I really just wanted to talk to them. So I ended up getting my own life coach. And really fell in love with it. And, you know, I just started, didn't even know at that time that I was really missing that piece of my voice. Um, just wasn't that connected with my self-awareness yet.

Right.

But just kept going with getting my own life coach and just pushing myself. Then I went to Toastmasters and took really any opportunity I could. I was offered, um, to be president of my club, and even though I was scared to death, I did that. And just every little piece kept me going on finding my voice. Then I realized I really needed to actually strengthen my voice, because if you're like me and you've never spoken up, like, you don't have really the muscles to have voice. So then I got a vocal coach, and yeah, so I incorporate all of that and Yeah, with self-love, because being shy and quiet and not loving myself, I attracted some pretty, uh, unhealthy relationships. So when I realized, you know, in this journey that I really— the piece that was missing was my own self-love. So I did a year-long training on self-love, and that really was the huge catalyst for me to really change, was learning how to love myself. And that's what I do with my clients. And that's a really long answer, but That's okay.

It was very thorough. Thank you for sharing that. So I want, I want to go back and unpack something that you said early on in that, right? So generally when people go down a path of doing something, it's not something that they're uncomfortable with. It's something that they're confident in. What was the motivating factor for you to go, I'm the youngest of 5 kids. I feel like I don't have a voice. What makes you step out and go, this is the thing that I really need to fix? Because a lot of people, you know, deal with that right now, finding their voice, you know, loving themselves more. What was that moment for you, the motivation for you?

That's a really good question that I've asked myself a lot, and I honestly don't know. I just think it was something inside of myself that really— I knew there was more for me. I was thinking about that this morning a little bit. I remember seeing my mom. She was involved in a Legion back when I was a kid, and I saw how shy she was and how she sort of pushed herself, but she never really got— I mean, she became president of that club, let's say, as well. But I just wanted more for myself. I don't know what the pinpointing was. Yeah, I had this little— it might have been just that I got a taste of it and I wanted more. And yeah, I didn't stick too long with things. As soon as I sort of got what I wanted out of Toastmasters, okay, what's next? I need to learn how to speak.

That's beautiful because, you know, I'm a firm believer in the things that you see in other people that you admire in other people are the things that you really see in yourself. So you saw yourself as these things and there was something bold enough that went, okay, I am hiding. Let's go do Toastmasters. Right. So what would you say is an ultimate goal for Toastmasters? Like, do you have any kind of, you know, wish to speak on stage or anything.

I do, actually. Yeah, it's funny. I think you and I both have.

We do. We do.

And I don't even know why. That's another thing, right? It's just a feeling inside of me that I want to share my message that way with my voice. And I just have that vision. And even though I've left Toastmasters behind, I left it a couple of years ago. I got what I needed. I'm sure I have tons more to learn, but now, you know, with my vocal coach, and it's just— that's where I feel I need to be.

Wow, wow, I love that. So, so the second you said vocal coach, I think she's singing.

Exactly.

Really?

No, I'm not.

Oh, I was like, girl, I don't even know that about you. Okay, you're learning to use— develop a speaking voice and use your diaphragm. How is— how is that going? How has that propelled you into becoming more bold.

It has been amazing. I've probably been doing it for about a year, and I started out— I go, I do it every 2 weeks, but I noticed about halfway in that I wasn't really getting out of it what I thought I would, and it wasn't from her because I wasn't practicing.

Oh, that's a good point.

Yeah. So getting back to You know, I know you and I are also interested in identity. So I didn't have an identity of commitment and dedication. So just one day, again, I just realized that that's what was missing in that. So what I did is I incorporated into— because she only wanted me to practice like 10 minutes a day, but I wasn't. So I incorporated it into my workout. So I would do a set and then I would go walk away. My breathing, and then I got it done. And like, literally night and day change, right? Actually put in the commitment and dedication, right?

So how do you, you know, meet that head on? How do you deal with that when you have a client who is like, they're not putting in the work, you know? Because, you know, even like right now, you know, I have clients who show up like, okay, I'm here, Well, shit, you gotta come with something. I mean, I always have something every time because that's the teacher in me that always wants and needs a curriculum. And so I can't just show up and go, I'm not gonna have anything prepared. I'm always prepared. But there's just something about when a client shows up and they're not willing to do the work, just like you just came to that, that realization that you needed to do that. How do you deal with that with your clients?

I have an honest conversation and, you know, just sort of put it on the table that, yeah, I, you know, there's a, there's a problem here, you know, and try and see, you know, what we can do. And, you know, maybe they're also missing, you know, they're missing their— my mind just went blank— but they're missing dedication. Yeah, missing commitment. And they don't even know because I grew up, I didn't have that wasn't modeled to me. That's good. It doesn't mean that I can't incorporate it because that's right.

See, and you know, and, and you and I are, you know, in a mastermind together and I, you generally sit back. How does Margo call somebody on their shit when you're like, you usually sit back? How does that happen?

Well, that is a whole nother story.

Okay.

And that would be that I'm much more comfortable in a one-on-one setting. I have a lot of childhood experiences also coming from my family of origin where I hid back.

Yeah.

So I'm very comfortable, you know, putting on the table one-on-one. But, and I know you've seen me, you know, step up a little more in a group.

Yeah, yeah, I have.

That is where my work needs to be done. Is in a group setting.

Oh, I love that. You know, so you definitely are able to empathize, and you have that in common with some of your clients who come to you. And I, I find that it's much more believable when you work with someone, with a coach who has walked that exact path that you're trying to walk. So I love that. I totally love that. So, you know, there was something that I found on your website where you mentioned the thoughts inside your head are exactly just imprints you picked up from someone else.

I love that.

Like, so if, you know, Jane Smith just finds your website, she has no idea, she heard you on Facebook, and she goes, what in the shit does this mean? What? This sounds woo-woo. What? What would you say? What would you say to Jane Smith about that statement?

I think that's a good question. It reminds me of like my mother and just watching my mother and how, you know, the things she said, and I would probably explain it that way. Like, I, you know, things were modeled to me from my mother and I just picked all that up. And whether it was my mother or a teacher or— no offense to teachers.

It happens.

Or my father or a partner, even because of what happens when we're adults as well. It's not just when we're children. Like I find myself doing it now sometimes. So I would just, you know, bring up the awareness and give examples of how that could happen.

Okay. And so, but when you say imprinted, when I think of imprinted, I think it's imprinted into my DNA, you know, it's my whole— I mean, do you think it's that imprinted in people's subconscious?

I do. I absolutely think it, it is imprinted in us. It's proven science that we have these neural pathways and, you know, they're just played over and over again. And we don't even know what's happening. It's in our subconscious. But I like to think, and what I share with my clients, is that I'm like living proof that that can be changed because I had that story of You know, I should never speak up. I should never use my voice. I should never ask for what I want. Right. And that kept me really small and not getting what I wanted in life.

Wow.

So without giving away the whole kitchen and the kitchen sink, what would be a first thing, like somebody's listening to this episode right now and they're realizing, oh crap, this is me. What would be the first thing that you would tell them to go, you know what, if you wanted to start down this road, do this to correct it?

Correct the tape?

Yeah, to stop the tape, interrupt the tape, get rid of the imprints. What could they do to fix that?

I think the most important thing is firstly is awareness. I know for myself, I didn't even know the things I was saying to myself. I was that unaware you know how some people hear what they're saying to themselves? The me— I just wasn't hearing it, but I just had a feeling, sort of a depression feeling, uh, that was my indication that there was something wrong. I think one of the couple of really important things, one is to take time in the morning as soon as you wake up to check in with your inner wisdom. And I do that by just Putting my hand on my heart and just asking, you know, what do I need to hear today? Or what do I need to know? So just slowing down and doing that.

I love that. So you have a basis of where you start. So when stuff changes, yeah, I use that as well because generally, you know, and we come to the mastermind calls and we're like, you know, maybe I'm a 10 today, or I might be, you know, I don't think I've ever come to a call where I was like, you know, a 6. You know, because I'm purposeful in those things. So I totally relate to that. So you said, you know, you didn't hear the voice, you just felt the voice. When did the voice become your mean girl?

Oh, very, very early on. Um, I have a couple, Debbie Downer and Frankie Kelly, um, probably, you know, age 12 going on from there, right? Yeah, one is that I have a Rejection Queen, which is my, my Frankie Kelly, and, and then Debbie Downer is kind of— she's my perfectionist, and she likes, you know, I feel those, you know, it's more for me, it's a feeling. It's not what they're saying to me as much. It's more like a feeling of just a heaviness, like a cloak. That's Debbie Downer. And Cranky Kelly is like, she's, she's angry. So she pushes people away with anger. Not so much anymore. I've really worked with these, but Kelly, like that's how she protects me from being rejected. Right. She's angry.

Wow. And so how quickly are you aware when they show up? Like, is it like, oh, I, I know you're there. Like, is it like 30 seconds? Is it like 3 hours later? How quickly are you aware?

I am pretty aware now. Um, especially with Debbie Downer. She shows up when I'm going to be doing something, like if I'm going to be putting on a workshop or you know, maybe even being on a podcast. Yeah, I will feel her. She'll come and I'll just, you know, okay, be nice about it and just tell her, you know, it's okay and I see you're trying to protect me. Because our inner mean girl or inner mean guy are really born to protect us.

Absolutely. Is, is she here now?

She is not here now. Okay, okay.

Yeah, I would have been remiss had I not asked that. I was like, I wonder if Debbie Downer, Cranky Kelly's here right now. Travia, how dare you ask me those damn questions? You know, that kind of thing. Oh my goodness. So Margo, you shared, you know, one of your pivotal moments was the death of your mother when you were 41. What has been another pivotal moment that has basically cultivated the Margo that I now know?

Mm. Well, I can think of a couple.

OK. I would love a couple.

The first one is, um, I left a long-term relationship for the second time.

Okay, so it didn't get enough the first time.

It didn't get enough, you know, so I went back, um, because I thought I'd done enough work, but my partner hadn't done his work. And I really, you know, I just apparently I hadn't done enough work either. But anyway, I went back, but then I left again, and that I think is a pretty brave thing to do. So that was one pivotal thing. And then about 9, 10 months later, I started briefly dating, and within a week it got really messy, and I realized that that's when I really realized I did not have the self-love that I really needed to even be in a relationship. So that ended abruptly, and I enrolled in a year-long training with The Path of Self-Love, and nice, changed my world.

Nice. Oh, I love that. Thank you for sharing that. So before you became, you know, so knowledgeable from that course down that path, What made you go back to the first guy? Why do you go back even when you know? Because I know I have clients who are like, I know, I know I shouldn't go back. From a coach perspective, what made you go back?

I think I went back because of my, like, attachment to him. I was just, you know, we'd been together a long time. And I didn't leave him the first time because I didn't love him. I left him because of his behavior. Behaviors. So I still loved him, and I didn't love myself enough. I didn't see that I would have a much better life and that I could love him from afar. I don't need to be with him.

Wow. So, you know, the youngest of 5 kids who doesn't really have her voice, you're in this relationship where you feel like, okay, if I just do these kinds of things— I can see how all of those things can be a catalyst for you wanting more.

Right?

And so it's like, no. Was there a moment where you're like, am I settling? Is there something better out there for me? Is this as good as it gets?

Yes. Yeah, that would, that would probably be, you know, in that, in that relationship and, and leaving it.

Um, yeah.

And it was, it was a scary thing to do, you know, for many reasons. What are people gonna say? And, you know, where am I gonna go? It was a hard time to find a place to live then. I had a really old dog. I had— but those were a lot of stories, you know, that were keeping me there.

Yeah, I've got that old dog, I can't move, damn it!

I would tell my sister that all the time. I can't go. But I did go.

I did go, you know, and that's something that I have never— like, whenever— like, I don't have a Debbie Downer that shows up. I have probably a rebellious Reba who shows up, you know. And so whenever there is something— and, you know, and I work on this personally, this is part of my personal development. But when I think about when I don't get the things that I don't want, when people are like, you know, I don't want to be with you anymore. Oh, okay. That's how it's going to be. Okay, fine, fine. We don't have— and it gets, it gets like that so quickly. And I've had to work on that, you know? And so I think everybody has, you know, we know we call them all saboteurs that show up, you know, and you know, all these, these voices inside of our head and, you know, our, all our other, you know, fellow Coach Alex was one of the ones who helped me with, you know, because you have Cranky Kelly, Debbie Downer. I have that, you know, we all have that voice because as Coaches, you know, our Clients are generally thinking, oh, you guys don't have to deal with that. No, no, we deal with this, right? And so I have a voice that sits right here and then I can recognize her pretty quickly. And she's called, and her name is Inez. And that's because of a childhood friend. Her name was really Inez, who I thought was belittling and who was passive-aggressive, who talked down to everybody. And so that still triggers me. What would you say to a client who just sits here, like all the things that I'm saying with the voice right here, I'm still triggered by it. As a self-love coach, as one who's helping people find their voices, How would you help me, you know, deal with that?

I think the most important thing to know to start is that you can have her and you can have her chirping and you can love yourself and keep moving forward. Like they can all be together. Yeah. And to think that we have to separate that, we have to like, no, you know, we have to not have that Inez. Or that Debbie Downer. But we can actually have a really successful, wonderful life and still have her chirp a little bit. Yeah. I know that she will eventually get, you know, quieter and quieter. But I really think it's not trying to push her out because she's bad. It's like loving her and accepting her accepting her as part of you, that she was here to protect you.

Make that make sense for a client, because most clients are like, no, that's bad, I don't want her in my life anymore. How do you make that make sense?

Hmm, I try not to like talk a lot, you know, I more ask questions, like, you know, I'm not gonna like go rampage on someone, that they have to not do it. But yeah, you know, one way would be to really just see if they could find the things that they can love about Inez. Like, is there anything that you could love about Inez?

Yes, yes, I love that she pushes me to action. Yeah, she is one of the people that lights a fire under me. Absolutely. Now, she's a bitch. I mean, let's be clear. She's rude as all get out. And sometimes I tell her to eff off. But she does make me hear my crappy thoughts that I'm saying to myself. And it's because of Inez I'm able to be aware of them so much quicker. So yeah, you're absolutely right about that.

Yeah, I think it's funny that you, you're still being a little mean to her. Oh yeah, I wonder what it would be like if you just accepted her.

Oh well, that— see, that shows up as uncomfortable for me.

Does it?

Yeah, it does, because I'm like, I can't accept her, I can't accept that, because I think she's rude. Oh man, this is stuff that I, I work through my clients with. I'm like, you know, this is my box that I have around me. This is the way that I think she should behave, and she doesn't, so I'm going to one-up her with her ugliness. Yeah, it's what I do. And like when I said, when someone like breaks up with me, okay, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna show you why you were wrong, you know, all this. I'm gonna try to one-up you. I'm gonna show you what you're gonna be missing. You just watch me go out there and live my life, you know, that whole thing. So, oh my goodness. So I want to talk a little bit about self-love. How— what are some examples of ways that, you know, we're talking about Inez, we're talking about Cranky Kelly, we're talking about Debbie Downer. What are ways throughout your day, maybe it's in your morning, that you show self-love? Self-love to Margo. How could I show more self-love to myself?

And clients who are listening, Yeah, let's start with the morning. I already started with the, you know, the heart, hand on your heart, that. But then I always, and this is a real way for me to know if I'm connected with myself, I look into my eyes when I'm in the bathroom and I say hello in the morning. And if I don't say hello or I'm not looking, I know I'm not connected. Like if it goes on for a few days, then I'm, I'm not connected with myself or loving myself.

So if it goes on a few days where you have not stopped to say hello.

Yeah.

Oh, that's good. I like that.

And then I also, when I'm in the shower, I have like a gratitude shower. I don't do this all the time, but you know, I'm grateful for my arm or my leg or, you know, my whole body. Oh, I love that. When I get out of the shower, I have a mirror right by me and I just look at my naked body and with all its flaws. And I know that's hard for people to do mirror work. So you can start small, but there's always some little thing and we don't have to love it right away. We can just like it or think, yeah, you know, I'm grateful I can stand on my legs, even if you don't like your thighs. I mean, I don't love my thighs, but I try to.

Right, right. That's really good, Margo. Like, I, you know, that's something that, that's one of the ways that I grew so much in 2020, because after, you know, having a double mastectomy, I had to look at myself in the mirror and go, what is this? I mean, because you can look up pictures on the internet, and if you didn't have a good plastic surgeon, some of those things are like, oh my God, I will never take my clothes off again. Much less, much less love myself. So yeah, so without thinking it was showing myself love, I started doing that because I found myself not wanting to take my shirt off and, you know, with my spouse, you know. And so, oh, I love that. I totally love that.

Wow.

So I'm gonna make it a point to do More mirror work. Yeah, I love that. Huh, that's really good. That is so good. So do you use yourself as a client? Do you coach yourself?

I do. Yeah, I coach myself almost every day. I never used to, um, but it is so powerful. I, I coach myself journaling. Okay. I have a practice in the morning where I write down my thoughts, sort of doing a thought download of, you know, just getting out all the negative thoughts, right? And then I get them and try and turn them into intentional thoughts. But I don't necessarily, you know, I'll look at the negative stuff. I don't keep my hand on that hot stove, but I try and feel it for a moment and then, and then move on. Because it's important to see, you know, what's in there, but not, not to look at it for days on end.

Okay, okay, I get that. So I know that some of the work that you do is with couples, right? How do you communicate this to a man that he needs to up his level of self-love? How do you communicate that? Because most men are like, I'm good. You know, I go to the gym. And that is a way, I know. But how do you— like, because, you know, self-love seems so feminine, you know?

Right. Well, actually, I've only worked with one couple. But I have worked with men. I love working with men. And I don't know if it's just because I attract men that are interested in that. Like, I don't have a big problem. With that. Men that I work with want that, and I think men are stepping up to that and knowing that it is so important, right, for all human beings to love themselves.

Okay.

Yeah, really answer your question, but the people that are attracted to me, men and women, are interested in learning to love themselves.

Okay, okay, I get that. So this episode is going to come out in 2 weeks, so last week You know, if we talk in the past, so I've already recorded the next episode, um, on embracing your authentic self. And part of embracing your authentic self, because that's, you know, a transformation that I've gone through myself, how do you help your clients embrace their authentic self through finding their authentic voice?

Well, it's a, it's a lot of conversations. It's a lot of questions. It's, I'm just thinking of one of my beloved clients right now. And yeah, She had to do this presentation for work and it was going to be an online thing. It was collage kind of thing. And she always showed up to work a certain way that was— she— no one knew that she loved fishing and she loved to wear a ball cap. And so we just worked through all that first, like really just, you know, asking questions. That's the beauty of coaching. Like I think that's one of my gifts from finding my voice is I'm— because I didn't have a voice for a long time, I'm a really good listener. People feel very safe with me to show up and tell me what their authentic self is, and then maybe in baby steps show it out into the world.

One, one small step at a time.

One small step at a time.

Yeah, I like that. So The episode that came out last week, which I sort of intimate towards that as well, it's like, but I think what I find the most important is like you're saying, she wears a ball cap, she likes to go fishing. So it's aligning yourself, right? With who, how do you help them get more aligned? Like how do you help that lady be okay with wearing her ball cap and going, hey, I wear a ball cap. You know, that kind of thing.

I think one of the important thing is, and you probably find this as being a Coach too, is again, it is a small step, but just as you are being someone's Coach, you are accepting them just the way they are.

Just the way they are.

They may have never had that in their life. Yeah. So, that is the first start is just for you and I to be accepting our clients. And then they start to see, and it's, it's mirroring. And, you know, I remember she drew a picture of herself with her ball cap and she loves herself now. It's like amazing. Like, yeah, wonderful. Wow.

So we have, let's say we have a couple who's listening to this show today. What is your work that you do with relationships? How are you different as a Coach with your approach?

I think I bring a lot of experience just for my own many years of crappy relationships, but all the work I have done on myself and now I am in an amazing relationship. So, one of the biggest things that I teach people is to have that voice, to not be afraid to speak up. Up and ask for what you want. And that's huge. Yeah. I was terrified. I was, you know, I have a story of getting my sister to ask my husband something because I was afraid of what he was going to say. So it's just those baby steps. Yeah. You know, maybe it's even like writing it down first and starting there.

See, I love, I love how patient you are because getting your sister to write, you know, cause it's like, and you're just like, you know, I had to I get my sister. And as a coach, you'll just write it down, you know, and I'm much more direct. And I'm like, what? No, you're not going to go ask your sister. You're going to walk in there and you're going to ask him right now. But I love, you're more, so much more patient. And so again, there are clients who are for you and there are clients who are for me, you know, and I'm like, what? Write it down, girl, go tell that man what you want. You know, but you ask your sister. Wow. And what was your sister's reaction when you came to her and said, oh my God, can you ask my honey this? What was her reaction?

We were all in the same room. OK. And she could see me struggling, like just sort of beating around the bush, because the old Margo was very manipulative because I didn't know how to be direct and get my way, or speak up. You know, she saw me struggling, and because she's my, you know, older sister, she knew that I could not ask for what I wanted. I didn't really have to ask her, uh, like point blank, but she knew, and she's just like, you know, this is what she wants, like, right?

This is what she means. I know she's speaking Japanese right now, but here's English. So I cannot even fathom how manipulative could come from Margo. Oh, I can't even wrap my head around that. And so what was the catalyst for that? I mean, instead of speaking up, you realize you needed to be more manipulative to get the things that you wanted. How did that come about?

Just years of practice. I mean, that was many, many, many years ago.

Okay.

No, I just didn't really have any self- self-love. So yeah, you know, I used my, you know, young pretty looks to, you know, get what I wanted.

I see, absolutely. Yeah, but see, I don't, I don't think that's, I don't think that's manipulative at all. I was like, you're a woman, you're using what you got, using what your mama gave you, you know, to get what you want.

My voice, you know, I, that would have been a Absolutely different results.

Uh, okay, okay.

That would have come from self-love.

Okay, no, that makes a really, really good point. Wow, okay, so cool. So you help clients basically increase their self-love, you help them find their voice, and you help relationships. You know, is it that— what, what's your main focus with relationships? Is it like increasing their love between the two of them? I mean, do you deal with any relationships that have conflict? What's your main focus in working with relationships?

Oh, with relationships, it's again, it's the connected to finding the voice, learning how to speak up and ask for what you want.

Okay.

And to do it from a clean place. You know, a lot of, there's a lot of like codependency. You know, I'm a recovering codependent, person. So I, I know how that works.

Yeah.

So really just being honest, being integral with your word.

Okay.

Yeah.

I love that. I love to, I love to, you know, that's one of the agreements that I make with my, with my clients. I mean, I don't send out contracts. I used to do contracts when I first started coaching and there were some clients who were like, yeah, okay. I understand it. And there were some clients who were like, we never talked about that. And it just became this issue. So I don't do contracts anymore. And I remember Christina saying, what? Nobody needs a contract. We didn't do a contract. And so I love that, to be integral to your word. I love that. So Margo, let's say, you know, you said you were a late bloomer and I feel like I was a late bloomer for transitioning because I probably should have left teaching a long time ago. What would you say for someone who is maybe blooming later, like we did, or maybe someone starting out right now? What do you think are the most important skills that they should work on developing to be successful as an entrepreneur?

Oh, that's a good question. One thing that I struggled with is learning how to fail. Like, you gotta be able to fail. If you're going to be a successful entrepreneur, you gotta learn to fail. Take it as feedback. Keep doing it over and over and over again.

Yeah.

I did not like to fail as a child. That's part of being quiet and shy. I didn't do anything. It's all connected, right? So that, um, just having grace for yourself, you know, while you're failing, giving yourself that love, but going out there and being messy.

Yeah. And it's hard. It's hard to do that.

Yeah.

Yeah. My, my word for 2021 is bold. Oh, because I need, I, because I need to be reminded that I need to be bold.

That's funny. I would never say that. I think that of you.

Yeah. Yeah. But I have to, because there's sometimes I talk myself out of things. I'm very, very bold in the things I'm confident in. When you were talking about you were hiding I was like, oh, absolutely. All day long. Get on stage right now. Okay. I'll work it out. I would tell 6 stories with 5 points. Absolutely. I can get up there and do that right now. But if you say, but it's to all of your, the people that you grew up with, what?

Hmm.

I don't know. Yeah. And then I become like this, you know, this silly, like little 6-year-old. Because what are they gonna say? Who am I to be doing it? All Inez comes right out, you know, because Inez is sitting here going, bitch, you don't know what you're talking about. When the shit? You were running around these four streets just like me. And why should I— I mean, it's a whole diatribe, right? So I love that. So fail, absolutely. So, Margo, this has been so impactful. I've totally enjoyed our conversation. Where is the place that you would love for people to connect with you? Where is your favorite place to connect?

My favorite place is Instagram, which is Self Love Is Where It's At. That's also the name of my website. And I am on Facebook under my name, Margot Fosbury.

Nice. Are you—

are those places okay?

Are you open to taking clients right now?

I'm definitely open to taking clients. Helping people love themselves in 2021. The other one thing I just want to say about people that maybe are late starters is like, it's never too late.

Never.

Never too late. I want to be planning my life for the next 40 years.

So absolutely. Absolutely. Because I, yeah, I'm with you there. Again, you and I are reading the same page of this, this, this one novel. I, you know, I'm looking for 100. I want, I want to be 100. So I got 50 more years. And so, so yeah, I love that. It's never too late.

It's not. You just need your curiosity and, and just see what's out there for you.

Yeah. Perfect. Do you love your life right now? Are you excited about each day?

I am so grateful for my life. And, you know, last night I could have pinched myself sitting on my couch with my partner. We were doing like a sort of a year-end, how is our relationship going? I never thought I'd be in a relationship where I'd be having a partner that would do that with me. Yeah, it was like, oh my God, I'm so grateful.

Oh, that's perfect, perfect. So that's a great way to walk into 2021. Perfect. Well, Margot, thank you so much for your time. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us, and you know, to a 2021 that's kick-ass, where we all achieve our goals and we all increase our level of self-love, right?

Absolutely. High vibration, high self-love.

Yes. If you would like to explore what coaching could do for you, how working with a performance and life coach like myself could do for you, I would love to have a free consultation with you. Click the link in the bottom of the show notes and let's schedule a consultation.