Stop Chasing Approval Ditch the Need for Approval and Become a CONFIDENT Version of Yourself?

Let me tell you something, you're doing way too much. I'm serious. You're out there working late, running errands, baking cookies, head of the PTA, you know, for your kids' class. And you're still finding time to answer emails at 10 o'clock at night, first thing in the morning. And for what? For someone to maybe say, oh wow, look at them. They have got it all together. Spoiler alert, nobody's saying that. You don't want to be someone who's on a hamster wheel running your tail off, just being exhausted, tired all the time. Look, I've been there too. I've been there in my life, and I know what it's like to say yes to everything and everyone around you. But the thing is, the approval that you're chasing, that I have chased, is not coming. And even if it does, it's not coming in a way that you— I believe you really want it to come. So today, my peeps, we're talking about how chasing and why chasing approval is an absolute waste of time, energy, and most importantly, you'll learn why letting go of chasing approval isn't just freeing, it's downright necessary. Welcome to Be You, the podcast that helps you break free from expectations, embrace your true self, and live confidently as the real you. What's up, my peep? Happy Podcast Thursday. Happy 2025. So this year on the podcast, this season on the podcast, as you've noticed, maybe some of you have noticed when you clicked on it, I have, uh, relabeled it as— rebranded the podcast as Be You, because what we're looking for this season is how can we step more into the confident, authentic you by Reinvention in Reverse, peeling away the layers of things that have you showing up inauthentically, have you showing up with a mask, have you showing up in a way that you're seeking approval of other people. When we talk about seeking approval, approval, doing this day in and day out, this is like a full-time job. And nobody applied for that job. That job is not on, on jobs.com. No one has applied for a job where you just spend every waking moment of the day seeking other people's approval. You are maybe someone who's been bending over backwards saying yes when you absolutely wanna say no, stressing over things that don't even matter in the grand scheme of things. What this might look like at work is staying late to make a PowerPoint perfect. Let me tell you something, nobody's looking at slide number 8 that closely. It may also be that you're thinking, I'm not a team player if I don't stay and do this thing late. I'm not the leader that they want me to be if I don't work all this overtime. I'm not going to get that promotion if I don't exhaust and kill myself. No one's gonna recognize that. They're thinking during that presentation that you stayed up till 10 o'clock at night perfecting, the people in the audience are thinking, what time is lunch? All of these things come to a head because what we're actually doing is putting off our dreams and saying, I'll get to me later. But you see, later never comes because we're too busy seeking approval of other people. We're too busy saying yes to so many other things, and saying yes to so many things that a lot of people— like, people didn't even ask you to do. Because when we're chasing approval from other people, you're not being you at your authentic core. It looks like putting on a show, putting on a mask, wearing a mask that no one bought tickets for. Now, this didn't start yesterday. Of course we know that A lot of this behavior goes way back to possibly our childhood. You may be someone who grew up in a house where love, where respect came with conditions. Get good grades, be a good boy, be a good girl, don't embarrass me when we go out, like maybe in the grocery store. And you learned that being good enough wasn't guaranteed. By you just showing up. You actually had to earn it. And you know what? The thing about earning it, because I'm old school, I believe that it's a 50/50 thing because we want to just show up authentically as ourselves and we want to be respectful and earn the respect of other people, but not at our own expense. Because right now in 2025, people are showing up and wanting a trophy and ribbon for 7th place. So that's not what I'm saying either. I mean, you have to earn it. There is a middle ground for being your authentic self, but not expecting handouts. Seventh place is not going to get the prize. If you have been someone that was your paradigm when you grew up, that was your operating system, that was your reality. Now as an adult, you're trying to earn all these extra gold stars from people that don't even really know you and you're hiding behind a mask of being perfect, being productive, I'm always on it. And deep down, you're absolutely exhausted. What's it costing you? I think it's costing you a lot. I have clients where this is their story and I know it's costing them a lot. And at work, what it looks like is trading creativity for perfectionism. We hold back ideas because What if, it sounds stupid, what if they laugh at me? But guess what? The worst idea in the meeting is having no idea, is having no opinion. And at home, you are always putting yourself at the back of the line. You use, you are losing every bit of the energy that you tried so hard to get when you drank 2 cups of coffee this morning with an extra espresso shot. But then you're still running around doing all the things for your kids who are old enough to do a lot of the things themselves. And you're running around doing all this stuff that you don't really have to do. I believe that seeking all of this approval, putting yourself on the back burner, putting yourself at the back of the line, I believe it silences your dreams. The life from the outside looking in, your, your life might look good in pictures. It may look good on social media, on Instagram, on Facebook, but inside, are you feeling disconnected? Do you even recognize yourself anymore in the dreams that you once had? So I have a friend and this is not her real name, but we're gonna call her Maya. And Maya exemplifies every bit of what I'm talking about. You know, she has a great job, she has 3 kids, she organizes her pantry. And one day after work, you know, we were hanging out and she was saying that, you know, that she had worked late because she had a presentation coming up. I mean, this is where this episode, like, the motivation for— she had a presentation coming up and she stayed late at work. But then when she got home, no one had cooked. Her husband hadn't cooked. The kids are playing, you know, the kids are watching TV, they're on their tablets, they're playing video games. And then so she gets home after having work late, she gets home, makes this, this gourmet meal that, you know, she could really just stopped at McDonald's And then her husband had the nerve to say, why didn't you make enough so that I could have leftovers? That's what I'm talking about. Always doing so much extra stuff and seeking approval. Maya snapped at her husband and was like, why didn't you make dinner for once? I'm working my ass off at the office, long hours. Maybe for once I can come home and you have dinner fixed. Why didn't you make the leftovers? So, but the thing is, what we talked about was the frustration was really not with her husband in the comment he made. Maya was frustrated with herself because she spent years believing her value was tied to how much she did for others, even at her own expense. And guess what? Again, her efforts were not acknowledged. She did not receive the pat on the back that she wanted. And even if she did, it isn't something that filled her cup. You see, my friend was running herself in the ground for approval that it was just never good enough. Because seeking approval from other people is not the answer. It just keeps you stuck. It just keeps you running in circles. Now letting it go, now that's freedom. It's like admitting that you actually hate green smoothies and all your friends are like, it's all the rage, it's the new thing. I worked with this trainer one time and he was like, I need you to drink a celery juice smoothie every morning. Like I had to hold my nose. It was gagging. I think I did it for about a week because of course, you know, I'm always someone who like, you know, I'm working on being healthier. I'm chasing my perfect body. But those damn celery smoothies were gross. And I have friends who are like, green smoothie for breakfast, green smoothie. You know, sometimes I just want some grits with some butter and some bacon and eggs and a little biscuit on the side. I don't want no damn green smoothie. So there's so many times we're doing these things, drinking the green smoothie for the training, drinking the green smoothie for the approval of my friends. The overall approval does not come from chasing and doing what everyone else wants you to do. It comes from showing up as your authentic self. So I want to ask, what if you actually let all of that go? What would happen if you stopped chasing the approval of everyone else? What would happen If you stop trying to prove you're good enough, you stop trying to do everything for everyone, would you finally speak up in that meeting? Would you finally say no to that outing that you really don't wanna go to anyway? A lot of the work that I'm doing this season is based on the work of Carl Jung. And this is one of my absolute favorite quotes of him that, that he says: The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are. But how do you do that if you're too busy seeking approval and trying to please everyone? You see, the world doesn't need the overworked, exhausted, always tired version of you. The world needs the real you. The one who doesn't just go along with the thing, who says no when it's too much, who knows they're, they're enough just when they show up without a gold star, without a pat on the back. Now we all like a little acknowledgement, but we don't want to keep doing more and more and more and more for that empty acknowledgement that doesn't fill our cup. I believe it starts with you at your core, acknowledging who you are, giving yourself what you need, filling your own cup so you're not dependent on other people filling it for you. Continue asking yourself, are you doing something in your life because it feels good or because you think you should? Are you saying yes because you actually want to? Or is it because you're afraid to say no? So all I'm asking you to just notice— the first step to being you is getting real about where you are not being you. And no pressure, no judgment, it's just awareness. Awareness, getting clarity on where you are, what's creating the results in your life right now, is just where I want you to be. Because the journey to being yourself, it doesn't start with fixing it today. It starts with noticing and becoming aware of what's creating your world. All right, my peeps, that's what I have for you this week, and we'll be back the whole season, and we'll talk next week.