In this episode of the Lead with Confidence Now podcast, host Travia Steward addresses the common stress and family drama that accompany Thanksgiving, challenging the myth of a perfect holiday. Drawing on a recent coaching client’s experience and her own family memories, she offers practical strategies to protect one’s peace: setting boundaries, saying no without guilt, delegating or opting for potluck or take‑out, and taking micro‑breaks (walks, bathroom retreats, naps) when overwhelmed. Travia emphasizes focusing on moments that create lasting joy—laughing, savoring food, sharing stories of loved ones who have passed—and cultivating gratitude by noting personal achievements and blessings. She repeatedly reminds listeners that self‑care is not selfish; caring for oneself enables better service to others. The episode concludes with a personal anecdote about spending Thanksgiving with friends in Arizona, reinforcing the message that the holiday can be shaped to fit individual needs and preferences.
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Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of the year that's full of gratitude, love, stuffing our faces, but it can also be a time that's stressful as hell, that's filled with family drama, that's filled with a lot of unnecessary cooking, and filled with trying to make everything perfect. So today we're going to talk about how to protect your peace, enjoy the day, and actually make it through without losing your damn mind. This is Lead with Confidence Now, the podcast dedicated to helping you grow your confidence and live your best life. I'm Travia Steward, and for the past 27 years, I've been on a mission to help you reinvent your relationships and career. My goal with this podcast is to show up for you so that you can rock your own world with the confidence to make that big change in your life you've been wanting to make. First of all, let's just call out the elephant in the room, right? Thanksgiving isn't exactly all it's cracked up to be. We see these perfect Thanksgivings on TV, on the interwebs, on social media, while some people are actually dealing with tricky family dynamics, missing loved ones who made Thanksgiving and holidays perfect. But some people are just flat out exhausted and just want a day off. Earlier this week, I had a coaching call with a client who was thinking that she had to just do it all, be the host, be the chef, the entertainer, all the things. Just listening to her list off all of these things that she was putting on her list of to-dos, it was wearing me down because she really wanted to make sure she had crossed all her T's and dotted all of her I's because she wanted it to be perfect. But here's the thing, Thanksgiving, or any holiday for that matter, doesn't have to be perfect. Because how do you define perfect anyway? Everything goes well, everybody's happy? There will always be something that we're going to strive for. No holiday needs to be perfect. It can be whatever you want it to be. I feel like it's about figuring out exactly what you need to feel good, to stay sane, and actually enjoy the day. For Thanksgiving, even for Christmas that's coming up, you know, next month, you can say no without guilt. You don't have to say yes to everything. If you're not up for cooking a 12-course meal or hosting 25 people, don't. Have them bring some stuff over, potluck it. Maybe you can order some pizza. I'm sure something is open on that holiday. If you want to just go to Popeyes and order a turkey from Popeyes, you can do that too. And it can be whatever you want it to be because there's no set way in stone as to how Thanksgiving or any holiday is supposed to go. It's what you want to do. If someone wants to talk about politics, if you want to go there, go there. If you're not in the mood, then shut it down. Also, recognize if you need to take a minute. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, step outside, take a walk, Go hide in the bathroom for a bit, you know, seriously. Find time to take your moments, to take a nap if you have to, because the turkey, the gravy, the mashed potatoes, the hams, the yams, they're all— will still be there when you get back. And talking about Thanksgiving, nothing's perfect. Everybody's Thanksgiving is different. So what I want to encourage you to do is focus on those moments. Focus on the moments that is going to create lasting memories. Laughing with others, you know, that first bite of delicious pie, sitting down with a glass of wine or having a beer, you know, those things that you enjoy and those things that matter. And then check in with yourself. How are you really feeling? Thanksgiving, if this holiday is bringing up tough emotions, it's okay to acknowledge it. You don't have to fake anything. In that moment, maybe you can tell a story about that person who may not be at Thanksgiving that's making you sad, tell a story about that person because I remember some of the best times when I would go back home to the New Orleans area for holidays was listening to my mother and my sister laugh, and it always felt like they were going to piss their pants, but those were some of the best memories. In those moments when I feel a little emotion coming up, I tell a story. I tell a story about my mom. I tell a story about my sister. I tell a story about my brother-in-law who all three are not here, anymore. They're not walking this earth, and it's okay to miss them. It's okay to not let their memories die, and then it's also okay to eat whatever the hell you want. Don't feel guilty about it because here's the deal. Thanksgiving is one day. If you're listening to this before Christmas, Christmas is one day. Enjoy the food. Enjoy the pecan pie. Enjoy all the things. Don't let any one person or any group make you feel bad for any amount of time. And if you don't want to eat something, that's okay too. It's your plate. It's maybe your house, your rules. Even if you're at somebody else's house, still your plate, and you are still in control of what you want to put in your mouth. And then most of all, we want to remember to be thankful. Thanksgiving, I believe, is about gratitude. So don't forget to be grateful for you. Think about all the things that you've made it through this year. Write down maybe some things that you're proud of, even if it's very, very small. Like making it through that tough week at work, making it through an audit that your company did that only comes around every 7 years. Give yourself some credit for that promotion that you earned. Be thankful for your relationships, your health. Be thankful for whatever you want to be thankful for, because I'm not going to put my thankful gratitude list on you. Be thankful for what you want, because again, this is your holiday. Do what you want. I just want to remind you that taking care of yourself isn't selfish. Thanksgiving, we should all be somehow filling our cup so that we can pour more for the people that we want to serve. Maybe it's sneaking in that nap, taking that walk outside by yourself. Maybe it's eating an extra slice of pecan pie without a second thought about it. Whatever it is, I just want to remind you to do something for you. Because at the end of the day, your peace, your happiness is just as important as everyone else's. To wrap up this quick episode, I just wanted to remind you that Thanksgiving doesn't have to be perfect, and you don't have to be perfect either. Take care of yourself, give yourself some grace, and enjoy the moments that absolutely make you smile. And I hope you are spending time the way that you want. Shelly and I are spending time with some some friends up in, as they say in Arizona, we're going up north. We're going to spend some time with our friends Nick and Bruce, who have invited us up. And if we do nothing else, I know we will eat good and we will laugh a lot. Now that's a Thanksgiving that I'm looking forward to. All right, my peeps, I hope you have the most amazing Thanksgiving and all the things this week. And if you're someone who goes out and shops for Black Friday, which I don't even know if there's really a Black Friday anymore. It seems like Black Friday is the whole month before Christmas, right? The day after Thanksgiving and then the whole month, all the things. So because we have so many things that add up, Cyber Monday, all these things. Have the most amazing Thanksgiving and just remember, you can make it whatever you want. Let it be whatever you want. You do not have to be obligated to do something you don't want to do. All right, now, peace. We'll talk next week.
