In this solo podcast episode, personal‑development coach Travia Steward explains how the words we use—both to ourselves and to others—shape our thoughts, emotions, and the reality we experience. She introduces the metaphor of a "thermostat" to describe subconscious belief programs that regulate our perception, and argues that by consciously editing our language we can reprogram that thermostat. Steward outlines concrete linguistic shifts: replacing the limiting word "but" with "and" or the improv‑style "yes, and"; using empowering "I am" declarations instead of self‑defeating statements; reframing obligations expressed as "I have to" into the appreciative "I get to". She illustrates each technique with personal anecdotes, coaching examples, and a high‑school improv exercise, showing how these small changes expand possibilities, boost confidence, and alter how others respond. The episode concludes with a call to action—encouraging listeners to practice these language edits, write them down, and consider working with her for deeper transformation—emphasizing that consistent, positive language can shift identity and create lasting life change.
Chapters
Words are powerful. The way you talk to yourself and others tends to shape your entire reality. And if you want to change your life, start by changing your words. To put it simply, the way you talk shapes the way you think and feel, and it also changes and shapes the way other people see you. So if you change your words, you can change your whole outlook on life. Because if you don't change the way you talk to yourself and others, you risk not only keeping yourself stuck in negativity, but also spreading that energy to those around you, affecting your relationships and the way people see and respond to you. Welcome to Lead with Confidence Now. I'm Travia Steward, personal development expert with over 27 years of helping people build confidence. I believe we're all one identity shift away from creating what we want. Let's go, my peeps! Happy Podcast Thursday! Today we're exploring how words— the words we use puts off the energy that we give, and how this all shapes our reality. Because you see, language is something that I've been passionate about for years. You know, a couple weeks ago I talked about the illusory truth effect But I'm always studying how people use their words and their language to create who they are. And so we're going to talk about the, the language that becomes the blueprint for your thermostat. Like, the thermostat— what I mean by that is it's like your software running in the background, right? Like, we all have an operating system like a computer, and it's running in the background. Well, how does that relate to us as people? We have sub— subconscious beliefs that dictate how we see things, how we talk about things, how things appear to us, our perspective. And this becomes the blueprint, and the way that it shapes and refers to you, like your metaphorical thermostat, is Let's say your, your thermostat in your house is set on 75 degrees. I'm in Arizona, so that's pretty good for the daytime. At night, that goes down to about 70, but I have put in a code that takes that down to 70. So anytime it gets above 70 at night, the, the thermostat works and clicks on to cool the house back down to 70, cool the house back down to 75 during the day. What's the same thing with you as a person, with me as a person? We have these metaphorical thermostats that are set at a certain level, at a certain gauge, and because we've set it there with our beliefs, with our perceptions, with our words, with our thoughts. All these things are making the foundation and how your thermostat reacts and shows up in life. And so that's what I mean about when I, when I refer to your thermostat. And so when we become aware of the words that we use, we can actually edit our language. We can coach ourselves through this. And become more powerful with how we speak about ourselves and situations. And so the first thing I want you to do is this, this, this actually came up in on a, on a coaching call that I was on. And one of the ladies was talking about yes, and, and this is an improv exercise that I used to use with my high school students when I was teaching acting. And the deal is, like, one of the rules for improv is that you don't deny anything that has been introduced. Like, you don't say, you know, "Oh, okay, hey, this is an apple," and like the other person on stage, you know, should not say, "No, it's not, it's a hammer." So you don't say, you know, you don't challenge what your scene partner has introduced. And so we always approach it from the perspective of "yes, and." So if I'm the actor and I walk in and I say, "This is an apple," my scene partner would not refute that. They would say something like, "Yes, and I would love to eat that apple." And so that's the way I want you to look at today in our language. The first step that I want you to do is change all of your 'but,' like, 'Yeah, but,' you know, to 'and,' to 'yes, and.' And so, because when we say, you know, 'Yeah, but,' 'but this,' like, we need to just take the word 'but' out of our language and just permanently replace it with 'and,' because the word 'but' has negative connotations. And so You know, like for instance, the word "but" I believe is like a roadblock. I think it takes us down to that road of negativity, and it's a roadblock from the road of positivity. You know, so instead of like, for example, if someone said, you know, "I'd love to start this new job, but I don't have time." Instead of, "I'd love to start this new job," and I will find the time to make it happen. See, we're replacing the but with and because this shift opens up possibilities and encourages, like, that vision that you have for yourself, forward movement. And so when we're talking about yes and, we're always looking for expansion and expounding on what already exists to open up our minds to to what possibly could exist. And the next part of that is, you've heard me talk about declarations. One of the most powerful phrases in the English language are two words, "I am." And what you say after "I am," I believe you're declaring it to be true. It's not just a statement, it's like a command to your brain to start believing this thing about yourself Because if you say something like, you know, I'm not good enough, I'm not good with this, I must be broken, I'm just crazy, your brain starts looking and finding evidence to support that statement. And then your antenna is like focused on all the ways where that statement is true. But if you flipped it and said, I am capable of I am capable of doing this job. I want to, instead of looking for the negative things that we're declaring about ourselves. Like, you know, one of the examples that come up for me, you know, even in my personal life is every now and then I will be talking to a friend and I will ask something and it's always like, no, I don't want to do that. Well, that's just how I am. I am— who are you in that situation? That's just how I am. So if you complete that, that sentence, I am stuck in— no, I am stuck in the past. I am stuck in my— the old ways of being. And so when you think about what that story is you're telling and where your thermostat is set, that you automatically go to, I can't do it, I'm not doing it, and the word no. Like, this has something to do with, like, if someone asks you to do something, like, like, I have this one friend who is always like, like, I really believe that her instinct is to say no before she says yes. And so it doesn't matter what we say. Hey, you want to go hang out? No, I can't because this. Hey, what about, you know, this time? No. So the first instinct is always to say no or to find reasons why she can't do something. And then I always feel like I gotta talk my— I gotta talk her into doing something. And you know, it's just work, but I can tell that that thermostat is set on— and that program that's running is set on no. And so That's why another— it's crucial that we choose our words wisely because we don't want these declarations to declare who we are in the negative. If we're gonna use I am, we wanna use powerful declarations. Like my first declaration is, I, Travia Steward, am proud. I am proud. I am powerful. I am fully expressed in all areas of my life. I am purposely declaring through language who I create myself to be. And so the next thing, the example with language is, and this is something that again, I really integrate and practice on a daily basis. So it's shifting from, there's so many times when people are like, oh, I have to go to the gym. Oh, I have to pick up my kids. Oh, I have to eat healthy. Oh, I have to do this. Oh, I have to go to dinner with my husband. What would it be like if you started saying, I get to, right? I get to pick up my kids. I get to go to dinner with my husband. I get to go shopping. I get to do all the things that we don't look at as an obligation, but as a privilege. Because this is a choice. Everything in life is a choice. So when you think of, "I have to go to work," instead say, "I get to go to work." You get to go to that job that you chose to be employed at. And I really believe that this simple change can make such a difference in how we perceive everything in our lives. So Yes, and I get to, and I am. And so by editing our language, we are essentially editing and reshaping and recreating our lives. We're coaching ourselves, you know, we, we are talking to ourselves more than we listen to ourselves. We're coaching ourselves to think more positively, to see opportunities rather than problems and obstacles. And I believe that this allows us to become more empowered in our lives. I remember when I was, uh, in high school and I was a senior in high school and, you know, I played every sport. So I had a group of friends that I was always hanging out with and I had become someone who was like a negative Nancy. Who was seeing everything as glass half full. I was picking at people and talking about what they had on and always like, I was the "yeah, but." I was the "but" person. And I remember, and I've never forgotten this. It's been over 30 years, but it still stays with me. And I remember my senior year that my friend Nicole, after I had made some comment, she said, "You know what, Trey, you have become really negative." And you know what? To this day, I appreciated her saying that because I wasn't reading the label outside the jar. I wasn't seeing it from that perspective. For some reason, my thermostat had gotten stuck on negativity. And so I appreciate her to this day for calling me out on that. And so I also want you to think about like when you were a kid, or maybe even when, you know, maybe you have kids, when you think about phrases like, hey, stay positive, look on the bright side, you know, if you can't say something nice, like the Bambi, the Bambi movie, if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all. Right. These are not just sayings and cliché statements. They really can be foundational truth to positivity. And even as children, we are encouraged to use kind words. Well, back in the day, we used to be encouraged to use kind words. There's so many other words that people are being, and kids are being, you know, programmed and encouraged to use that are not so kind. But people who are good at heart are encouraging their kids to use kind words, to be more encouraging, to be more optimistic. And I know from personal experience that as we grow older, life happens. We forget these simple lessons, and then again, our thermostat gets switched to, "No, this is realistic. This is what's happening, and I'm seeing the glass half empty." But I want to challenge you to bring that childlike positivity back into your vocabulary, back into your daily life. And so when I think about it, I had a client that I was working with and she struggled with self-doubt. And so everything that we talked about, you know, we would paint this big picture, this big vision all these things, and then we would line up, where's the gap? What is it that you want to accomplish? And there are so many times where she would go, yeah, but I can't do that because I have 3 kids. Yeah, but I can't do that because my husband won't allow that. Yeah, but I can't do that because what will people think? And so I gave her the challenge of instead of yeah, but, of saying, "Yes, and." Yes, and I can do that. Yes, and my husband will love it. Yes, and my children can go along with me as I do it. Yes, I want to apply for that job, and I am qualified. Because when we do "yeah, but" and all these things, what we're doing actually is fighting for our own limitations. We're yeah buddy, and we don't even have to wait for other people to point out our limitations. We are doing it ourselves. So that's a challenge that I have, practicing saying yes and instead of yeah but, instead of the word but. And so this can change so much with your life, cuz these small changes in how you speak to yourself can lead to big changes in how you feel, how you walk through the world, the energy that you bring into a room. Changing your mindset from limitation to possibility to potential, practicing yes and instead of yeah but, practicing I get to instead of I have to— you are actively reshaping You know, that thermostat, you're shifting it. Because again, I believe that we are all one identity shift away from creating the life that we want. Is your language the thing that's keeping you stuck on that same, you know, 70 degrees? Maybe it's 65 degrees, metaphorically speaking. And so some people think that words don't really have as much impact as they do. And I am someone who believes that it's just like the iceberg, you know, like when back in the day, you know, I've seen movies of this, okay, right? So, but when you think of like the Titanic and they just thought they hit a small, you know, a small iceberg, but the biggest part of the iceberg is actually below the water. So that's what I want you to think about when we're talking about your thermostat, the program that's running. And so when you think about what is it that you are shifting, you're shifting the way your program runs. You're shifting your thermostat because it's not about continuing down that road if we want to create something different. So what I want you to do is, and I mentioned this in the last episode, notice the words that you use, especially the ones that you're declaring after the words "I am." Are you empowering yourself or are you limiting yourself? And then I want you to replace negative phrases with, instead of "yeah, but," with "yes, and." instead of "I have to" with "I get to." And so using an effort, using the intentional strategy of using positive language throughout your day, you know, write some of these things down. Sometimes when we write down these thoughts that we're actually saying, sometimes that we're thinking, and then we speak it out loud, Oh my goodness, sometimes we don't even believe that we thought that or that we said that thing. And so if you want to go deeper in this work with me, connect with me at traviesteward.com or on social media. And so as I begin to close, I want you to remember that the words that you think, the words that you say, the energy, you know, the, the positivity or negativity that you bring into a situation creates your world. And by making this slight change, we can reshape our beliefs and our actions and who we are creating ourselves to be by choosing words that affirm your positive traits, your strengths, your capabilities, reinforcing your positive self-image about what you actually are capable of, what you were created to do. And we're starting with things like, you know, what is your first declaration? Again, mine is, "I, Travia Steward, am proud." Are you proud? Are you capable? Are you good enough? Are you growing? Are you the best wife? Declare it and then go through your life creating it every single day. And so I know when we think about these things like language, there's a bit of a fear of change that comes up. Because sometimes it just is a way that we shield ourselves from the uncertainty that exists. If we think it and dream it and it doesn't happen, then we feel like we shouldn't dream anymore. Let's just be real, like, realistic. But again, I want to encourage you to use the yes and mindset. And embrace the uncertainty. You know, there's 6 human needs that I learned from Tony Robbins, and uncertainty is one of them. We want to have spontaneity. We want to have some, some surprise in life. We want to have some variety. And so as I close, shifting, making these shifts in your thermostat, in your software programming, it can have a, a very profound impact on your life. And so I've seen this work, work wonders, not just in my life, but in the lives of countless clients of mine. And it's a simple practice, but it's powerful and it's lasting. So I want you to give it a try and see how it changes the way you walk through the world. Alright, my peeps. Today we explored how the simple phrases, "Yes, and," "Yeah, but," all those things, "I have to," "I get to," how we can make those shifts and how it dramatically affects your mindset and your entire life. So we want to keep this conversation going. If you want to, you know, work with me, send me a message on social media, send me a message on my website, And so thanks for tuning in. I appreciate you for listening. You know, if you don't listen every week, you catch the episodes that you feel are meaningful to you. And if there's ever a suggestion, something that's in my wheelhouse, shoot me an email, make a comment on YouTube about something you would like me to dive into. All right, my peeps, we'll talk next week.
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