Think before you speak

I am Travia Steward and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. Yo, what's up my peeps? Happy Podcast Thursday. So as I sit down to record this episode Um, today is April 4th. Well, when this episode drops, it's April 4th, but I'm recording it the day before on April 3rd. And I've really been enjoying that because I feel like the things that are present in my life, the things that are present in my clients' lives, are the things that I am motivated to talk about more. And so today, this topic stems from conversations I've had with clients, with other people, like even some family members. And I want to talk about communication today, you know, because this whole— this podcast is about, you know, how can we stop settling and have better relationships, um, careers, and active lives. And today I want to talk about settling, or, you know, how can we, you know, how can we take our careers to a higher level? How can we take our relationships to a higher level? And so this all stems from, you know, I was having a conversation with a client and she came to the call And she was like, yeah, I gave my boss a piece of my mind today. And so immediately I went, I went like big eye, like, what does that mean? I gave her a piece of my mind? Because whenever I think of somebody giving another person a piece of their mind, I go to like, you know, from personal experience, people who like, you know, I told her off, I told her, you know, what I really thought about her, I told her, you know, where she could go. That's what I think of when, when people say, I gave her a piece of my mind. And so it wasn't quite the example that I just gave, but sometimes we can let things build up and build up. We tuck them away, we hide them, we don't deal with things in the moment. And then on top of that, especially when we're talking about a job, if we don't love our jobs to begin with then we harbor these feelings, we pack those feelings, we put them up on the shelf, and then we get pissed off. And in some jobs we feel like we're just wasting our time, we don't want to deal with the people there. But when we're talking about giving someone a piece of your mind, there's just so many other things that I want you to think about if you ever happen to be in this predicament, in this spot. And so, because some people, like, they're like, I just— I've had it up to here, you know, this is the nail that broke the camel's back, you know, that kind of thing. And you go in and you want to have this conversation because, you know, for any number of reasons. Number one being maybe you're feeling like you are not appreciated You know, because maybe your, your boss, your supervisor is constantly criticizing you and criticizing your work, and then you're working on all these things and other people are, you know, taking credit for it. You know, you have, you know, sometimes a man is mansplaining, you know, and it looks like people are taking credit for your work. Maybe you're in a job where it's like you're constantly, constantly behind schedule to where you're having to work on the weekends, and it's not by choice because you love your job so much, it's because you can't get caught up. And so sometimes those are unrealistic expectations that, you know, that are placed on you, and sometimes they're unrealistic expectations that we take on ourselves. And then we look, you know, at our schedule and it's like, I cannot get my job done in the time that I'm being paid to get my job done. That's another reason that things can get heated and get to a boiling point. Another reason that I found is that, you know, sometimes we feel like no one understands, you know, what we're doing, or, you know, what we're going through. You know, no one understands, you know, the plight of, you know, the Black people. Nobody understand how white people think. Nobody understands how all women of color, how men think. We always think that no one hears us and no one understands the things that I'm going through, you know, outside of this job, at home, or whatever it is. But whatever the reason is, I want to press upon you that communicating in a very intentional way could open doors for you. It could also close some doors for you. And so let's talk about communicating you know, in the right way. If you go in there and you talk to your supervisor about, you know, some grievances, some things that, you know, that you've been thinking about, and if you have this, you know, a relationship with this person where you feel like there's an open door policy and you go in and you go, you know, these are the things that I've been doing well, These are the numbers, you know, this is the, the amount of money that I brought into the company. This is— these are— this is a list of all the things that I've done, but yet I don't feel like I have been, you know, appreciated. I don't feel like I have been rewarded for all of the, the, you know, the metrics that I've hit. You know, maybe communicating in, you know, quote, right way could open a door for this open dialogue of communication. This is what I'm bringing to the company, but how can I have more of a reward? It could be— it could mean a higher level of satisfaction if you're someone who doesn't love their job, you know. And I shared with you with y'all. Like, like, peeps, seriously, I have really enjoyed driving for Lyft. I'm meeting more people than I ever, you know, than, than I had been meeting before, like, every day, because I work from home. And so there is a need for me to get out and interact with people. And I tell you, this has been so good for me. And usually on Monday morning, the thing that most people say when they get into my vehicle is like, you know, how's your day going? How, you know, starting off your day, you know, heading to work? Yeah, I'm heading to work. I'm heading to a job that I hate. I don't want to go. I had such a good weekend, but I don't want to go to work. And that's a general trend, a theme that I have found that, you know, a lot of people get into my vehicle and, you know, I'm taking them to a place that they don't want to go. And so when you don't like your job to begin with, you don't like all these things, that is the lens in which you're going to view everything about that job. Like when someone comes up and asks you to do something, where you're going to frame it, well, I hate the job anyway. Those are the thoughts that are in your mind. And when it's time to, you know, someone is asking you to do something, we are coming from that perspective that I'm not going to do any more than I'm asked to do. I'm not doing anything. Like we just have all these things that we're feeling, all these things that we put up on a shelf, and then we want to go in there and give someone a piece of our mind. And so all I'm saying, this episode is about communicating in a way that is intentional. Now, if you plan on going there and giving somebody a piece of your mind, and you know, and you know that what your goal is is to quit that job that day, then you know what, have at it. But I just want to caution you to think through what is the goal of you having a conversation with your supervisor, having a conversation with your boss. What is the goal and what do you hope to get out of it? Because going into these types of conversations could really, really open doors for better communication. Again, for you being happier, for feeling like there's a two-way level of communication. Because sometimes we're just not communicating well enough because we're not saying what we want. We're not, you know, we're not just being clear about these things. You know, people are asking us to do one thing, sometimes we don't understand what that is, but we don't want to ask questions because we don't want to look stupid. We don't want— you know, we just go off and do this thing, and then sometimes we do it incorrectly, and then we're being judged and criticized. So what I want you to think about is what is the intentional way that you want to go in and have a conversation with your supervisor or with your boss, whoever it is, someone. I'm just asking you to not go in there being pissed off, not going in there with an attitude, but going in there in a very professional way of this is what's happening and how can we rectify the situation. And so many times that we go into meetings with supervisors or other people and we take our feelings with us, you know, well, I'm feeling some kind of way, and so because I'm feeling pissed off, I'm gonna tell you what I think about you. And because I'm feeling like I've been disrespected, I'ma disrespect you. Because I'm feeling— it's all about Feeling how we're feeling. And remember, the feelings come from what is the thought that you were having that's motivating you to feel the way you're feeling. And so when we go through the thought model, we have, you know, the circumstance, something that we've made it mean. Like, for instance, you know, maybe your supervisor passed you in a hall and didn't acknowledge you. Hypothetically, if we're going to make up that situation, what are you making that mean? You know, there have been times when I have made it mean Oh, they don't like me. Oh, they don't like the thing that I just did, right? And so now I'm feeling some kind of way. How am I feeling? I'm feeling pissed off. I'm feeling unseen, unheard. I'm feeling unappreciated. I'm feeling unrecognized. Based on those feelings that were produced from that thought, the action that I take is I'm going to sit here and I'm going to ruminate on it, and I'm gonna go— I'm gonna get hyped up and even more pissed off because I'm now thinking of all the evidence that I can collect about all the times that she's walked by me in the hallway, all the all the times he's done this, all the times that he's done things that just piss me off. And so now the action that I'm taking— I'm gonna go in there and give her a piece of my mind, I'm gonna go in there and have an attitude, I'm gonna go in there and be unprofessional— because I'm allowing these thoughts to pump the wrong kind of gas on the fire. And then what's that result? So all I'm asking in today's podcast episode is I want you to think about communicating intentionally, but communicating without bringing your personal feelings into it. We want to leave our feelings outside the door. Now, we want to get to a place where we are fighting for our worth. We're communicating in a way that's professional. We're communicating in a way that, you know, that, that are void of personal feelings. Because, you know, at the end of the day, employers just want to make more money. They want to reach more people. They just want— they just want employees to do their job, and they want you to do a good job. And I firmly believe that, you know, employers, CEOs, supervisors, managers really have the best intent in mind. Now, I know there are some examples out there where people are just, you know, the people are shitty to employees and, and they don't have the best intention, or you don't work for those people. But I want you to think that when I want to have a conversation with someone that, you know, that I want to have a relationship with— and I'm not talking about a personal relationship, but a working relationship with— in a way that you want to be respected, so you go in there respecting the other person. What is a standard to which you want to be treated, and how can you be an example of that standard and of, you know, how this, how this can be done in the best possible way to where we all win. And especially in a way that you win, in a way that aligns with what you're trying to create in your life. What is that future version of you, you know? And so we want to have these conversations to where if we went in there and, and said everything we wanted to say, would we go back and hit replay on that conversation and go, oh God, I should not have said that, I should not have done that thing? Because we don't want to regret anything. So all I'm asking is for you to be intentional. If you're going to have a conversation like that, we want to leave it outside of the office, leave it outside of the building. And who is it that you want to be when you go in there and have that conversation? Who is it that you want to be to where there's a mutual level of respect, there's a mutual, you know, two-way street of open communication? So yeah, so that's what I have for you today, my peeps, because this has been very present for me in working with clients. And if you ever want to do this work, you know, like right now I'm, I'm I'm putting myself out there even more. Like, I'm posting on, on, on social media, but I— well, I've always been posting on social media, but I'm posting more and more intentionally because I want intentional— I want intentional analytics, I want intentional results. And what I want to do is I want to break down the wall of this is what it looks like to get coaching, this is what it looks like if I want to coach a Travia You know what, I want it to be so easy that if you want to send me a text about, hey, I have this thing going on, or you know what, if you just want to shoot me a text and, you know, and get to know one another, like, I would love to just connect. It doesn't even have to be coaching. I would love to connect just to learn about who are the people that are listening to this podcast. I mean, I know, you know, a lot of them, but I don't know, you know, I feel like— I don't know, I just want to get to know my people, my peeps. And so if you're interested in— I would love to just have a connect, a conversation. It's like, hey, what are you up to? What are you finding valuable about this podcast? What would you like to see more of? You know what, shoot me a text. I'm in Arizona. My number is 480-529-4988. Let me know who you are and let me know you're a listener of the podcast. And I just want it to be as easy as possible to help you create the life that you really want to live. I want it to be easy as possible. If I'm someone who can help you, I want to be that person for you. I want to be that advocate for you. I want to be that person in the corner who's helping you become and create the best version of you. So that's my number, and that's what I have for you this week, my peeps. Happy Podcast Thursday, and we'll talk next week. All right, my peeps, take care.