Tired of People-Pleasing? Here's What's Holding You Back

Have you ever said yes to something and to someone when you really wanted to say no? Or have you stayed quiet, like to avoid a fight, even though you had something important to say, like you had an important point to make? And if you have done either of these things, you're not alone. A lot of us, a lot of women get stuck and what we call people pleasing. So today what we're gonna talk about are the 3 top signs that maybe you are people pleasing and that could be stopping you from leading with confidence. Welcome to Lead with Confidence Now. I'm your host, Travia Steward, a reinvention expert with over 27 years of helping people decide who they wanna be and then live into that. In this episode, we're gonna talk about the signs of people pleasing, that's keeping you from becoming the strong, confident leader that you want to be. And most importantly, I'll share with you how to break out of these habits and take charge of your next level. All right, let's get into it. What's up, my peeps? Happy Podcast Thursday. So today we're talking about people pleasing, like, are you pleasing or are you leading? This was a question that Actually, someone DM'd me and said, I would love it if you could talk about this because she leads a team of employees at her corporate job. And so I wanted to address this because I know this is something that everybody can benefit from, especially my peeps. This is something that I benefit from as well. So the first thing, when we talk about, you know, Are you pleasing or are you leading? Are you saying yes to everything? I wanna share a story with you. So I worked with this woman, we will call her Lisa, and Lisa was the director of a nonprofit. And Lisa was passionate and she was great at her job. But of course, because we're talking about this in this episode, Lisa had a big problem. She could not say no. She thought she had to say yes to everything. And so that's the first point, saying yes to everything. She said yes to every project. She said yes when she didn't have time. She said yes when she knew it would put her at a disadvantage because Lisa tried to help everyone. She tried to help her team. She tried to help her employees, and she always wanted to be there and help her family. But you know, all of this saying yes to everything and everyone left her feeling tired, exhausted, and stressed all of the time. She didn't have time to even do the things that she wanted to do. And so one of the things that Lisa realized was that saying yes to everything wasn't just wearing her out. It was hurting her leadership. And to be honest, people saw Lisa as someone that they could dump extra work on, that they could, you know, get her to do things they didn't really want to do instead of being the leader that she knew she wanted to be instead of being the leader who knew how to say no and, you know, take care of her time and protect it. And the second sign, when we're talking about if you are pleasing instead of leading, do you experience the fear of disappointing others? And so when we talk about this aspect of it, we'll talk about another client. We'll call her Janice. So Janice leads a team of employees at her corporate job, and Janice was always worried about letting her team down, looking like, you know, that she wasn't a team player, that she wasn't, you know, she was disgruntled and she was, you know, frankly a bitch. And so she didn't want to be that person. So Janice thought being a leader meant keeping everyone happy, meant Basing decisions on everything that she thought her team and employees wanted her to do, but not what she wanted to do and not what she thought was right as a leader. And so, because there's a reason why people are put into leadership positions, it's not to acquiesce to everybody else. It's to lead. It's to lead with your vision. It's to lead with your values. It's to lead with your expertise. And so Because of this, people began seeing Janice as weak, as a pushover. And so what happened was Janice found herself in jeopardy of actually being demoted, of actually losing her leadership position if she didn't turn around. So my peeps, if you're ready to break out of this people pleasing, this trying to make everybody happy pattern, you know, I am opening up 10 spaces for the next 10 people for 3 30-minute sessions to help you set clear boundaries, to help you build some self-confidence, to help you start prioritizing yourself without feeling this level of guilt that we have a tendency to feel. So the information, I want you to click the link in the show notes and explore how this could work for you. And so as we round out with number 3, number 3 sign, are you pleasing instead of leading? Are you neglecting your own needs? Because many people pleasers, many people who are trying to make everybody else happy, if you were to be in a metaphorical line, let's see, you're in a line like, you know, kids are in a line, like, you know, at the, at the water fountain, right? How many people use the water fountain still? But if you were going to say, you know, assess where you were in that line, many people pleasers are last with a whole bunch of people in front. And so because we're always putting ourselves, we're always putting everyone else before us, thinking that taking time for yourself is selfish. I hear this so many times. You know, we think it's honorable to wear ourselves out and do all this stuff for other We think that's what we were created to do. That's bullshit, right? Because when we continue, when you continue to ignore your needs, it leads to burnout. It leads to exhaustion. You're tired all the time. You begin to become resentful. You begin to get pissed off at everybody. And then sometimes it's like, instead of being rejuvenated, instead of setting these boundaries, sometimes you just find yourself like, I just need a whole weekend where I'm just gonna lay in bed. Why? Because you have to refuel. And that has gotten to a point of like, if I don't take this weekend, I don't know if I'm going to see Monday. We don't want it to get to that point. We don't want you to continue to exhaust yourself because you can't say no when you really want to say no. What I want you to think about is you cannot pour from an empty cup. And when you don't take care of yourself, your ability to lead and make good decisions suffers. Prioritizing your health, your wellbeing, your vitality, your needs isn't selfish. It's absolutely essential and necessary because when you take time to recharge, to fill your cup, you have more energy, you have better focus. You're able to show up more fully for both yourself and for your team. Those are the 3 signs. And so as I wrap up this episode, number 1, instead of saying yes to everything and everyone, start saying no to things that do not align with your values or your time or energy. You don't have time to do that. So we want to start saying no to those things. And so when I worked with Lisa, I helped her to set some boundaries. And the next time she got a request from someone else who was just like dumping all this extra stuff on her, that did not fit her priorities and frankly her job description, Lisa said, "Thanks, but I can't take that on." And guess what? People respected her more for that. And she gained control of her schedule and her time. And she wasn't feeling resentful, you know, towards her coworkers and her team anymore. And number 2, I want you to stop worrying about disappointing others and trying again to make everybody happy, because no matter what you do, there will probably be someone who doesn't like what you're doing anyway, because it's about being true to your values, even if it means getting somebody upset, even if it means pissing somebody off, because you were put in that position for a reason. And so when we talk about my client, Janice, Janice started leading from her own values, and she stopped trying to please everyone. Her team respected her more, even when they did not agree with her. They expect— they respected her for taking a stance and basically following through with it and being willing to like go to battle for this thing. She earned their respect. And number 3, instead of neglecting your own needs, instead of always going from that empty cup, Take care of yourself first so that you can show up more fully for the things and the people that truly matter in your life. All right, my peeps, setting boundaries and putting yourself first isn't selfish. It's necessary to protect your energy and your overall well-being. All right, my peeps, until next time, lead with confidence, my peeps. We'll talk next week.