Unshakeable Confidence

You can be confident in any situation, whether you're prepared or not. Today I am going to share with you some tips on how you can be confident in any situation. Confidence. Webster defines confidence as the feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. I believe that confidence is when you believe in yourself in any situation and your ability to figure things out, like your ability to, to handle anything that comes up. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that public speaking anxiety, or glossophobia, affects about 73% of the population. Mainly because we're fearful of being criticized or judged negatively by others. All right, guys, let's get into it. So most people probably think that the words that you say are so much more important than anything else in a conversation or interaction, but the truth is body language is the most important part of communicating something with another person or an audience. Body language makes up 93% of the communication compared to just a mere 7% for verbal communication. So honestly, if you really think about it, it totally makes sense because how many times do you see somebody walk in a room and you're already judging whether you're going to like that person, whether you hate that person, because you hate certain things, because they're looking down, because they're not looking at you, because they're cocky, they're— whatever the situation may be, we are already judging them. And so body language sells so much about the person, even before they've even opened their mouth to speak two words. We've already summarized who they are and what we think of them. So how can we help neutralize that? Well, the first thing we can do is Thinking about your posture, even when you are entering a room, or if you're standing and communicating with someone, you always want to lead with good posture. Like, you know, standing with your chest out and, you know, your shoulders back, you know, holding your head up high. That says physically, I feel good about who I am. Now I'm not talking about standing stiff, you know, and like really like uncomfortable to where you look uncomfortable., but in a relaxed, gentle state of standing with, you know, leading with your chest, leading with, you know, your shoulders, your upper body says a lot. And then maybe even standing with your feet shoulder width apart, because when you do that, it balances the weight on both feet. And then sometimes it's really, it's cool, I think, to lean to one side, but have one foot slightly in front of the other. And you lean, maybe put a hand in one pocket. And that to me says control. That to me says calm. That to me says presence, to be honest. And then when you're interacting and talking with someone, you want to make sure that you're making eye contact. Body language and eye contact says so much, you know, because we all judge someone who can't look us in the eye. We just, automatically assume that that person is dishonest. We assume that, you know, that person would rather be someone— somewhere else, right? So when you are talking with someone and you want to give a good impression, you know, make sure and hold your shoulders back, hold your chin up so that your posture says more about you than if you're slumping. Okay. And then when you are trying to communicate a sense of confidence and control, you want to make sure you're not overreacting to things. You know, like, don't overdramatize something. Don't, like, freak out, kind of thing. Just react to things in the moment in a very neutral way. So now, when we come to analyzing verbal communication, which is the mere 7% of communication, the first thing that you need to do that I find to be very, very effective is pause. So if you pause, like if someone is asking you a question and you are preparing your answer, instead of filling up the space with reciting the question, just take a pause because it's not like it's a quiz that you've memorized. It's not like, you know, you're just spitting out these answers. Generally, you have to think about what the answer is. So I think it shows a sense of confidence if you pause before you speak to answer a question. And then another thing about your verbal communication is varying your inflection. So basically adding the different vehicles to your speech so that you don't come across as monotone. So for instance, that can look like you're going to raise your voice. You're going to raise your voice and get really, really excited. And then there are going to be times when you really want to emphasize something and you are going to possibly slow down just as I'm doing right now. And then, you know, and, and I lowered my voice at the same time. And sometimes you get really excited and then you speed up, you want to speed up because you want to get to the end of the story. You want to like build to the climax. So using those 4 things, raising your voice, lowering your voice, speeding up, slowing down, all of those things can help you have a more interesting cadence to your speak, and it keeps people interested rather than just going at the same pace of being monotone, and you never get excited about anything, and you never raise your voice, and here you are, right? Exactly. That can drive you crazy like fingernails on a chalkboard, right? So How do you cultivate a greater sense of confidence? What is it that you can do? You know, well, first of all, decide what the end result is. What does an exemplary amount of confidence look like to you? Maybe you see that in someone else. Maybe it's in a teacher. Maybe it's in a partner. Maybe it's in a motivational speaker that you've seen. Decide what that end result is. And what that looks like for you to be incredibly confident. And then you're going to do the first thing that I think is so important is you are going to develop sort of like your alter ego. I believe in stepping into the shoes of the people, of the characters, of the images that we have in our mind about who we wished we could be. Right? These characteristics— we've all seen people who are like, they just command the attention of the room. They know what to say in any situation. They just seem like they, you know, their mom spit them out of the womb with, and, you know, exuding confidence. But most of the time, they've cultivated this confidence. And so choosing, you know, a character, an alter ego, an end result that you think, this is who I imagine as far as being confident. And you want to actually not just act like that person. I've always been a person who believed in becoming those attributes, becoming those characteristics, becoming that character. And then sometimes, so what can help you step into really feeling like the confident person that you're aspiring to be like is dressing so that you feel more confident. You know, that's a time when it's like you put on the clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Probably not the time to put on some, something that's too small, something where, you know, oh, your belly's exposed. Oh, the buttons are popping on your shirt. You know, whatever that is, maybe it's wearing a bold red lipstick. Maybe it's wearing a certain hat. Maybe it's a bracelet. Maybe it's, it's, it's boots that make you feel like when I enter a room, everybody hears me coming. And if that's what you like, then do that. So you want to dress in a way that makes you feel so incredibly confident so that you can feel good in your skin. And so that can be anything from clothing to hats to, to lipstick to lip gloss to whatever it is that makes you feel strong. A really good example of someone who has used this is Beyoncé. Beyoncé's parents were, are evangelical, you know, pastors of a church. And so growing up, Beyoncé, you know, grew up singing in the church. So she didn't feel comfortable, you know, when she stepped out for the soul career. She didn't feel comfortable, you know, she didn't think it was okay to get up there and dance the way she does and shake it like she does and twerk it like she does, all those things. And so to sort of bridge that gap and make it okay, she developed an alter ego called Sasha Fierce. So for the first few concerts, or probably even the first few years, it wasn't Beyoncé who was showing up and performing. It was Sasha Fierce. And so I'm a firm believer of becoming and taking on those characteristics. Number 2, the next thing that I believe that really, really helps you to start, you know, honing in on a high level of confidence is self-talk. If you can convince yourself that you are these things, if you hear yourself saying these positive things, even in the form of affirmation— one thing I like to do is I like to meditate on something that I want. So if I were trying to work on being confident, I would meditate and I would reprogram my subconscious mind by repeating these things during meditation. I am confident. I can talk to anyone. I can command the attention of the room. I am always in control. And it's not in hearing someone else's voice. It's you need to hear your own voice. So something that I always find that that's helpful with me and with my clients is I have them do a recording of themselves saying, you know, the affirmations that they wish other people would hear, but it's more convincing if they record their own voice. And then every moment when you feel like it, it's like you listen to it. I like to underscore it with music. So whatever music that makes me feel, again, confident and powerful and self-assured, I underscore myself saying things like, again, I am confident. I am in control of the situation. I can talk to anyone. And then again, I'm visualizing visualizing myself wearing the confident clothes, wearing the confident hat and the confident boots so that I can kind of sort of rehearse and practice. It's my dress rehearsal before I actually walk into the room. And then another part of that self-talk are really focusing in on your thoughts, you know, because our thoughts influence our actions. And, you know, we really don't want to get in the habit or continue the habit of telling ourselves things that we don't want other people to tell us, you know, things that make us feel inferior or criticized or judged. You know, if you can't tell yourself the things that you want to hear, then you can't wait for someone else to do that for you. Another example of this would be Muhammad Ali. When Muhammad Ali was a boxer and he was the greatest, he told himself, he talked more shit in the ring than, you know, I am the greatest, I am the greatest, no one can beat me. And he firmly believed that. And he said it enough times and he stepped into those shoes. And you do it enough and you convince yourself that this is who I am. This is who you are. Athletes use affirmations and reminders when they're performing and competing. Lance Armstrong, who started as Live Strong. His whole Live Strong, he wore that bracelet. And I think that that was really just for him, but then it became, it became a whole brand on how can he live strong. Now, how can we all live strong? And now there's an app, there's, you know, apparel. It's all this stuff that he just was trying to remind himself to be tough in a situation, like, especially because, you know, he was a great, well, he is a great cyclist, you know? And so number 3, The next thing you can do, in addition to self-talk, in addition to taking on an alter ego, is shift your focus from yourself to others. When you're curious about other people— and I'm talking about when you're— when you are interacting with other people, you're in a social situation like at a party or something— and so when you are curious about another person, about other people, It makes us think of ourselves less. It makes us not be so anxious and worried about the judgment and the criticism because of everything that we're giving in the conversation. And so being interested and curious about someone just allows that other person to soften and it warms them up. And if they're warmed up, they have this whole element of feeling comfortable with you. They're feeling like, oh, it's OK that I kind of sort of let my guard down, which in turn infuses on you. And so making the other person feel so important in turn makes you feel important. And it definitely lowers your sense, the sense of anxiety. We also want to make sure when we are interacting with another person that you face them. Like, don't be in a conversation and your body's turned halfway away and you're looking elsewhere. You're looking at the door, you're looking at friends, and you're not even focused. Well, that won't do anything for the conversation. It is like you are ready to sprint away, and it makes the other person feel like you would rather be doing anything over there than what you're doing here with them. And then another part is shifting your focus and making the other person feel comfortable and helping your level of confidence. Is touching the other person. So even if it's a matter of you're going to touch their arm, you know, oh, I like what you did there. Oh, I love it. You know, oh, that shirt is really nice. Oh, look at the necklace. You know, now you do have to be careful because not everybody wants to be touched. Not everybody's comfortable with that. So it's kind of like you have to actually know your environment and know the people that you're dealing with. And then the fourth thing into stepping into a high level of confidence is limiting your movement. Don't have shifty feet. Don't over-gesture. You know, don't have happy hands that, you know, distract people from the words that you're saying. So again, you want to, you want to stand still. You want to stand with your feet shoulder-width apart about. I like to stand with one foot in front of the other, sometimes with one hand in one pocket. So that I'm grounded. And all I do, and the only movement I'm probably doing in that situation, is just shifting my weight. Because you don't want to be a statue, you know, you don't want to just be stuck in that one position. But I shift my weight from side to side. Another thing that made me just think about it, because I licked my lips, was if you are going into a conversation and you know you're going to be talking, lube up your lips first. Use some ChapStick, use some lip gloss, whatever it is, so that you're not spending a huge part of the conversation going, "Ruiness," licking your lips, licking your lips. Because that too can be very, very distracting for the other person. And it kind of, you know, it makes you feel self-conscious. So integrating these things on a daily basis can help you walk into any situation and be confident. And remember, body language is 93% compared to verbal, verbal communication, which is only 7%. So we want to master these things physically. We want to master the alter ego effect, stepping into who you see yourself as and then practicing that. You know, you want to make sure you are working on your self-talk. Maybe even if you have to call it like, you know, you are manipulating your thoughts. Well, then if that's how you have to see it, then that's what you're doing. That's totally fine. And then shifting your focus when you are in a conversation with someone else. And then number 4, limiting your movement. And so by integrating these things on a daily basis, you can actually begin to trick your brain into believing that this is actually who you really are. And with repetition, these behaviors and actions stop being things that you're conscious of doing, but they become things that are on autopilot. And then instead of acting like your alter ego or the superhero or the character, it now becomes who you actually are. And you're doing these things without thinking about it. You have now become your own superhero. If this podcast, if this video resonated with you in some way, shape, or form, maybe It's because you have lost a sense of your identity. You have lost a lot of confidence for whatever reason it is. If you're interested in getting some of that confidence back, in developing a higher level of self-esteem, click the link on the bottom of this page and let's schedule a call. I can help you develop an unshakeable amount of confidence.