Travia Steward walks through how "I am" statements work like a thermostat, setting a mental set-point that controls your results. A situation triggers a thought, which becomes a belief, which becomes an identity that guides your actions. You can reset it by changing your self-talk, expanding your circle, and doing uncomfortable things that create new evidence about who you are.
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If you are someone who has ever wrestled with doubting yourself, doubting your abilities, questioning your abilities, you know, not having the confidence to do and step out with what you really want to do, or maybe you've wondered just what is the impact that self-image or self-concept has on the results in your life, then this episode is for you. I'm Travia Steward, and I want to help you move past barriers and obstacles that are preventing you from getting what you want in life. This is Breakthrough. My peeps, what's up? It's Podcast Tuesday, and this week we're talking about self-image. We're still talking about the power of the self-image, but this is part 2, and today I'm going to dive into how our self-images form because this is such an impactful part of our lives, right? And so we talked about, you know, setting the thermostat and, and having set points and, you know, the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time with and, you know, all those things. And so when we think about self-image, I want you to think about also the image and the expectations that you have of other people. Of your friends, of your family members. And so one of the things I love to think about is I have, you know, friends that I go to lunch with, friends that I hang out with, friends that I grab a beer with. Do you have like an unspoken rule, you know, and rule is a harsh word, but do you have an unspoken rule that you're like, I'm not going to expect more from my friend across the table from me, and they're not going to expect more from me. We're just gonna chill, be homies, hang out, that kind of thing, right? And there's— there should be a few of you who resonate with what I'm saying right now, because there's so many times when we're like, we don't want to shake things up, you know, we don't want to appear that, you know, we've gotten too big for our britches. But we want to always be upleveling our 5 people that we're the average of. If we especially want to open up and expand our capacity, if we want to fulfill our potential, if we want to uplevel these areas of our lives, you know, we can't keep hanging around with people who bring us down, people who make us feel so great about ourselves. One of the things Rich Litvin always says is, you know, if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room. So if you are the most successful, if you are the best in all categories, find another set of 5 people that challenge you, that, you know, motivate you, empower you to want to even— to be even better. Okay, so just as a reminder, our self-image is the mental picture that you have of yourself. It's, you know, the mental picture of your abilities, what you think you can and cannot do. Your, you know, your opinion of your appearance. I talked about, you know, what our minds see in the mirror as we look in the mirror. We just, instead of just reflecting back, you know, we're hard on ourselves. We're like, we're just not perfect, we don't have the right body, right? And our personality, if we think we are too much, maybe we think we're too little. Oh my goodness, I'm an introvert. All those things start in the mind. And so the impact, the impact that self-image has on our lives It's a direct reflection of what we draw into our lives. Again, I review that we cannot outrun it, we can't outperform self-image, but we certainly can change it. So I spoke last episode about some of the things that, you know, I had a hard time of, you know, switching jobs. I had a hard time with money. So let's talk about how our self-image is formed. And I'm not going to get down into the nitty-gritty about, you know, it's our, you know, summative years and it's, it's our formative years— sorry, it's our formative years, you know, to the age of 7. We're not going to do that. We're keeping it a little lighter. But I do want to talk about it in the terms of how things form your self-image. So basically, I want you to think about you have a situation in your life, and in that situation We are, you know, we're triggered, we're provoked, our emotions light up, and it causes a reaction. Before that reaction happens, we have a thought about that situation. And so the thought about that situation that we have produces an emotion. The emotions that we feel based on those situations are caused from that, are created by the thought. From that emotion that fuels, you know, a reaction in your body. We, we remember that and we begin to repeat that thing because it caused such an emotional charge with us. And when we repeat the thought about that situation and the most— the emotion over and over again, we form a belief about a situation like that or a situation similar. And now your subconscious goes, you know what, we— I can predict what's gonna happen when that same situation comes up. We're just gonna put this on autopilot because our subconscious wants to, you know, use the least amount of energy as possible. And so it automates it. And so once these behaviors just become the norm, we just find ourselves on autopilot. It's kind of like, you know, when you're driving to the store, you know, when you first started learning to drive, you were aware of everything. You know, was your foot on the brake? Is your foot on the accelerator? I mean, when I first started learning to drive, I had my foot on the brake. I was using both feet to drive. I had my foot on the brake and my foot on the accelerator, and then, you know, giving, you know, my mom whiplash. And so we form a belief about these things, and then that becomes set on autopilot. So now with the driving example, I don't even think about where to put my feet. I don't even think about using two feet. It's just It's, you know, something that is just in us now. Like, we don't have to think about it anymore. So it's a belief, it's a subconscious pattern that puts us on autopilot and automates it to, to use less energy. And this is where we form things like our identities. This is where our self-image begins to start. We start saying, I am. And so when we say I am, You know, this is like, I am always going to have low energy. I am always going to be an introvert. Who are you? I am blank, right? So in order to form a new belief, you have to repeat that belief over and over and over again. But instead, we're still thinking about that situation that we had a thought about. The thought produced an emotion. Now we repeated those things that formed a belief. And now we make decisions based on the automation that was formed because we want to stay aligned with who we think we are. And so that's how our decisions are made based on that situation, because you saw yourself act from the old software, the old identity. And so therefore predicting what's going to happen in the next similar situation We based it on what happened in a past experience in that situation. And so we want to stay aligned with who we think we are and how we can predict things are gonna happen. Therefore, the decisions we make, we take actions in alignment from how we first reacted to that situation, the thought we formed about it in emotion, because no one wants to feel huge power of negative emotions, right? So if it was something that caused a negative reaction in you, you're like, okay, I know where this is going. So this is on automatic, it's on autopilot, and I just need to do the same thing I, I did. You know, that could have been when you're a teenager, it could have been 5 years ago. And then therefore, from those actions, we now have the results in our lives. So I'm gonna repeat one more time, slow it down for you. So this is how it happens. We have a situation in our life that we form a thought about. The thought produces an emotion. Based on that thought and emotion, we form a belief. When we repeat the belief and it becomes I am statements, we now make decisions based on that automation and being on autopilot. That gives us the action, the motivation for the actions that we take. Which creates the results we have in our life today. And so with this cycle, we form our present identity. And again, it comes from the I am statements. And I want you to pay attention to things that you are saying, you know, that follow I am. You know, are you saying, you know, I am slow, I am disorganized, or is it I am a go-getter, I am enough, I'm not enough? I don't deserve this. I am deserving. I am abundant. I am, you know, worthy of love. I am old. I am young. I am healthy. I am fit. I'm, you know, whatever that thing is, going on and on and on and on. But the I am statements that you make will help you to get clarity on what's creating that self-image that's creating and producing the results that you have in your life. So these statements form and continually reinforce your self-image and what you believe you're capable of. It continually reinforces the results you have in your life. And we say and we think those statements, and then what do we do? We go to work to prove them true. We go to work to go, yep, we collecting the evidence. You see, I was always meant to be, you know, overweight because, you know, look at what's happening. I tried something different, my thermostat stayed the same because I failed at it. You see, I'm not supposed to, you know, be I'm not supposed to be a sprinter. And then we look for the evidence when we fail that we're not enough, because that's our self-image. So again, when we want something different, we have to change how we see ourselves. If we want wealth in life, we have to stop seeing ourselves as poor. If we want to be fit, we have to stop seeing ourselves as overweight or, you know, not disciplined enough or slow. And even for me, guys, honestly, I didn't start seeing myself in my business as an entrepreneur, as a successful entrepreneur, until I started seeing and visualizing myself as a CEO, as the ball, the boss, as an entrepreneur. And then knowing if this was going to happen for me, I had to shift my self-image to believe that I was this person, that I was the person who could have a successful life coaching business, a person who could make more money than she's ever made, right? Because I didn't come from money. I didn't know anyone personally in my family, my friend, you know, group that made a lot of money. And so I want you to think about how this shows up in your relationships. So if I said to you, you can have the perfect relationship with the perfect partner, the man of your— the man or woman of your dreams, What was the sentence that came up? Based on that sentence, there was a reaction that you— that, that showed up, which confirms your overall belief about relationships and what you think you deserve. And so when I say the next thing to you, you know, that you can earn as much money as you want to earn in your life, what was that thought that came up? When I say you can have the perfect physique and, and be incredibly healthy, what was that thought that came up? And then when I ask you can have or do any career that you want to, were there any 'yeah, but,' 'maybe,' 'if this, then'? So I want you to pay attention to what are those subconscious statements and sentences and, and belief statements that are taking place in your life that are planted below the surface, and they just come out. You see, because we can want to change our actions, and we can want to change something in our life, but lasting change doesn't happen until we shift our self-image, until we shift who we're being in our identity. And you see, the thing about it, no one teaches us this growing up. But this is great news because it's never too late to change how we see ourselves. It's never too late to change the results we want to get in life. And so we always create, we always act in accordance to who we believe we are, to who we have defined ourselves to be, paying attention to the I Am statements. And so we always come back to that set point until We go out of our way to set a new set point, to set the thermostat to a little cooler. Instead of 74, maybe I'm gonna set it at 70. And then once those things are uncomfortable, you just work through being uncomfortable, right, in order to get a new set point. And then we collect the evidence that, you know what, 70 degrees isn't too bad. I don't have to be on 74. I think I kind of like 70 degrees. And so the work is to change these subconscious, you know, sentences and titles that we align with how we see ourselves, with what we want. So whatever you want out there that you put on the shelf, we have to change from the internal level, because again, we cannot perform our self-image. Who you think you are is who you become. And so we don't attract what we want We attract who we are. That's our self-image. Your I am statements are absolutely creating your life. They're absolutely creating my life. And most people look to the past to create the results they want in their life, but I want to implore you to look to the future. Update your, your software. Update your thermostat. Change your set point. Because when you change how you see yourself, no matter the circumstances, everything in your life changes. Everything changes, you know, in the way that hopefully that you want it to change. And so that's what I want to leave you with. This is how we formed our self-image, you know, among some other things, among, you know, the influence that our parents had on us, society had on us. But today I wanted to talk specifically about the different specific experiences, the situations that may have formed a very specific I am statement for you. Because it happened one time, a long time ago, there was a, a big emotional charge that, you know, that, that landed and planted in your body, and therefore we took the actions on repeat that formed a belief that now became the reason why we made decisions in all of those situations. And so what I want to leave you with is the work that we all need to do with shifting our self-image. If we want to develop a level of self-confidence, we want to change those negative, you know, self-identifying beliefs. We want to be able to unlock new opportunities and possibilities for ourselves. So that when challenges do rise, we can go, "I got this," and not, you know, tuck our tail and run back the other way, but "I got this," and work through it so that you can now create a different set point and go, "Oh my goodness, I never thought I could get through this, but I just did. And now I'm gonna collect more and more evidence that I can do it again and that I can do it again." And then when that happens, don't be comfortable there. Change that set point again. All right, my peeps, this upcoming week I want you to do one thing that's out of your comfort zone, one thing that's new, one thing that when your mind says no, you shouldn't do that, do that thing. Because you will begin to set a new set point. You will begin to shift your self-image and create evidence that you are capable of more, of becoming more than who you are today. All right, my peeps, if this is your first episode, if you have not downloaded the Life Audit Scorecard, again, I'm going to leave it down in the show notes. Click on that. And you know, my peeps, if you have any questions, shoot me an email at travia@traviasteward.com. I would love to start a dialogue. Or, you know, if you don't want to email me, I'm on Instagram. I'm on Facebook. Just Google my name and I come up. You can just shoot me a question there. I would love to answer your questions, and maybe I can actually answer it on the podcast. I would love that. All right. Have a most beautiful, amazing weeps. Have an amazing week. All right. Talk to you later.
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