How to build a strong network
Ryan Ayala argues that strong networks come from authenticity and genuine connection, not transactional deals. He shares his own shift from post-college loneliness to charisma through self-awareness and deliberate social practice, and recommends starting conversations everywhere, articulating your unique perspective, and leading with value.
Chapters
What's going on? I am here in Tropical Anabolism HQ, deep in the jungle. As you can tell, disrespecting EMFs and blue light per usual. But I want to talk about the importance of having a strong network and then how you can actually build a really strong network. The first step is to not obsess over having a strong network. There is nobody worse than the social climber that only creates connections for quid pro quo relationships. I never do that. As a matter of fact, there's a lot of people that have, you know, a lot of stature or a lot of status but aren't, in my opinion, good people to be around, good people to have around. And I don't even want that trouble. It always brings more trouble than it would bring benefits. So avoid the trap of being friends or friendly with someone just because you feel like they have something to offer. What you need to realize is everybody has something to offer. The only differentiator is whether or not that person is a good person, right? Is that a person, someone you'd want to be around just because? So keep that in mind. Now, how do you meet those people? You meet those people by putting your ideas out there in the world. Your unique perspectives and viewpoints that no one else can change. Nobody wants to be friends with a clone, right? So don't go out and start doing things because other people are doing it. No one cares about that. They've seen it before. Go out, spend time garnering self-awareness, figuring out why your viewpoint on this world, your worldview is unique, and then bring that to the forefront. Figure out ways that you can provide value from that unique perspective and viewpoint, and you will create this incredible eclectic network of people that become true friends. Majority of my really good friends right now, the people I talk to on an almost daily basis, they've all come from Twitter. They've come from me being my truest self online, not making any compensation, not making any compensation. Let's just go with that word. Being my true self, right? And being really honest and not caring whether or not I look like a person that I think someone would want to connect with. So lead with value, share your ideas, try to figure out how to be the most unique and real individual that you are as effectively as possible. Do not compromise. Do not go and chase people with big names. Now, a secondary factor of this is don't just try to connect with people in your niche, if that's what you want to call it. I mean, just today I've had so many incredible social interactions that have brought me a lot of intrinsic value, but also, you know, real value as well. And it's come from a multitude of people. An old lady that I know, you know, a 70-year-old guy that I hang out with in town and go fishing with, right? Some of my friends from online, some of my friends from in person. Now the importance is get good at socializing, get comfortable with making social connections because that's important. That's what makes us human at the end of the day, and that's something that we've lost in this hyper-connected world. A lot of you guys are probably sitting right now at home not interacting with a lot of people, and hey, you know, maybe that's just the way the dice roll. I found that when you're in that transition period of going from who you once were to who you want to be, maybe your actualized version version of yourself, it takes a lot of introspection and it's difficult to interact with people and garner strong social connections while you are going through that trivial period of asking yourself, who am I? Now, I did that for a really long time, actually. After college, I spent, no joke, uh, about a year pretty much sitting in my basement alone working on my software company at the time in an industry that I disliked incredibly. The only people that I interacted with were people in that industry. And I didn't really get along with all of them, but I created these incredible connections regardless because camaraderie is built through joint suffering for all intents and purposes. But, uh, I remember going out and socializing during that time and I could not socialize for the life of me because I didn't know who I was at that point, right? I was in that weird transition period. I was effectively lonely and loneliness is horrible, but I think that's one of those things where I committed that one year. I gained so much knowledge about who I was and then I was able to reenter the world as that new person. If I were to stay with those same people that I was beforehand, uh, you know, my old friends, which I'm still great friends with to this day, but if I were to stay with them in that same environment as the old me, right, the Noah that was in college, the Noah that didn't really think in depth about a lot of things like this or really ask himself, who am I? What are my real values? I would have fallen back into that old character. So maybe this is a transition period. If you're in a shitty position in life, that's a great time to take opportunity of that. Take some of that stress, take some of that worry, take some of that anger, and funnel it into figuring out who you are. So do that. Start figuring out who you are, and then start getting that information and ideas out there into the world. Get good at interacting with other people, right? I always say, Rizz everybody. You know, just work on your charisma, because that is something that is a positive feedback loop. Once you start getting good at social interactions, they become rewarding. It's great to get someone else to smile. It's incredible to get someone else to laugh. To get someone to be having a good time and to build a strong connection with someone is a skill. It is one of the biggest skills that every leader in history has pretty much been incredibly effective at. They've been effective thinkers, they've been, been effective speakers, and they've been effective charismatic individuals. So really focus on that. Any connection is a connection worth pursuing. You know, any individual is an individual worth interacting with. You never know who someone is. You never know who someone isn't. So go out and do that. Start getting those reps in now. Go to your local coffee shop. Why are you not friends with your barista, right? Why do you not know her name? When's her birthday, right? What are their hobbies? Start sparking up these conversations now. That's gonna give you the confidence you need and the skills you need to understand the skill of social interactions. Once you do that long enough, if you're staying true to yourself, people are gonna be attracted towards you. You're gonna become a magnet, right? That is what charisma is for all intents and purposes. And it's gonna make it really easy to find those people that you truly connect with. And it's those people that you truly connect with that are the most important relationships, those ones that are non-transactional, which is the big factor there. Those are my favorite relationships. I have so many incredible people that I'm so grateful for. And, you know, it's just good to have them around. And we really need that, especially in a time like now. It's very possible to do, even if you are in a location where there's not a lot of people, right? Like, I live in the fucking sticks in the jungle and I still have an incredible network. So I hope this helped. You know, I'm just trying to do more YouTube videos as well— not YouTube videos, but recordings as well. I hope you guys enjoyed this. Let me know. Godspeed.
