Ask me anything!

Ask Me Anything today, and I'm so happy you were able to join me. I'm going to be answering all of your questions. We actually had some pre-submitted questions, and I'm going to be taking some live questions. So if you're on chat, pop into chat, say hello, tell me where you are in the world. I know we have people watching from all over, and I cannot wait to meet you and hear your questions. Um, just some fun things that we're gonna be talking about today. So I already got good questions. I'm just going to give you a little preview, a little preview. So I have a, a whole long list. By the way, if you submitted a question Thank you so much. I like, I'm always so curious what you're curious about. And the questions were so fun and they covered every domain. So here are just a couple that I'm going to be doing. I'm going to be doing, uh, what, as a self-proclaimed awkward person introvert, what people skills had made you enjoy socializing more? Have I ever done theater? Do I have a weird talent? What's the craziest goal I have? What's my morning routine? How do you know you're in the top 1% of charisma? What's What's your next book about? I want to change careers. How do I do it? I want to be answering all those and more. So if you like any of those questions or have any you really like, just put it in the chat. And I know we're gonna actually say hello to everyone here. A couple updates, uh, here at Science of People. So by the way, it's nice to meet you. If you don't know me, my name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I'm an author and behavioral researcher. I run a human behavior research lab called Science of People. We do all kinds of crazy experiments on behavior. Most of them are extremely interesting and all of them are extremely practical. For example, we have a couple of experiments coming up. One of them, I heard that showing your armpits at the start of a video like that gets you more views. So get ready, we're going to actually reveal this coming up. Um, and we also are doing a couple of tests in our lab. So if you want to join any of our experiments, by the way, we would love it. We would love it. It's of course completely free. You just get to click around and give us your opinion. We are testing the head tilts. I wanted to know, does adding a head tilt to your profile picture change anything about how people perceive you? We're doing a first impression test where we're going to— I don't want to give away too much. We're going to ask you a couple of questions about somebody and then ask you what your first impression is of that person. And we've changed a couple of variables to see how do our first impressions change with the words we use. So a first impression experiment. Let me see what else we've got going on over in the lab. Oh yeah, we're also doing an experiment on can charisma be learned? Is it teachable? So go play in our lab.

I love to see you there.

We have always live experiments coming on. And with that, I thought we would dive right in. And by the way, hello everyone. Hi from Toronto, Canada. Hi from Arizona. I love it. Hi from Long Beach, California. Welcome, welcome. Oh, from New Braunfels. Thanks for being here, everyone. I'm so nice. So nice to meet you. I also want to bring on my co-host. So this is the amazing Martina on my team. She has volunteered to ask and answer questions with me today. I was like, I can't read all my own questions. So she volunteered. Hi, Martina.

Hello, Vanessa, and hello everyone. This is so exciting. I did not get the armpit memo, but we'll just pretend.

I know. And you know what, guys? This experiment was so wild. Because someone told me— I don't— Marty, I don't even think you knew that we were doing this experiment. A creator found that if she went like this at the beginning of her videos, she got more engagement. And I was like, okay, first of all, what? Second of all, I've got to try it. And we did it. And I'm totally going to give this away. And Cora is going to be so mad on my team. But the video we did, we did a split test of the same exact video where I showed my armpit at the very beginning, same verbal content, same everything, 111% more views. Oh, what?

What?

Well, should I just do my entire—

I think you and I are just gonna chat this way for the entire hour, wandering around.

It's just like, it's so funny to me. Maybe it's like a power pose. I don't know, guys.

I don't know.

But if you're seeing more of my armpits, that's why. That, that is why.

I think we're going to be trendsetters with this, Vanessa. We'll give credit to the credits too, but I don't know, I'm, I'm here for it.

I should have told you to wear a tank top. So this is Martina. So, Marti, by the way, Martina on my team does— is head of my speaking and partnerships. So for those of you who I've met at corporate events, by the way, if you've been at a corporate event, please put in chat which event you met me at. I do a ton of speaking on stages. Martina is the one who coordinates all of that. You're talking to her, as well as all the partnerships that working with brands. So that is who you're talking to. Martina, I'm ready for my very first pre-submitted question. And by the way, The way that I pick these questions, I prioritize all my email subscribers. So if you're not on my email list, it's a fun place to be. I lovingly write every email. I, I love my email newsletter. Like, I love writing. And so every week I'm like, what's the social skill of the week? We do one social skill every week and one conversation starter every week. So I write that. If you're on there, I got your questions first. So I'm ready, Marty. I'm ready.

Okay, we are ready. And I'm loving David's comment because you are armed and dangerous. We love a pun. We love a pun. Excellent. I love a verbal pun. We are going to kick off. What is one wildly accepted belief about human behavior or communication that you think is actually wrong?

Okay, let's bust some myths. Number 1, liars look up to the right. No, this has not been replicated. In fact, sometimes liars look up to the left. Sometimes liars look down, and most often liars look you straight in the eye. And the reason for this is because liars know that there's a perception that liars have shifty gaze. So oftentimes they have rehearsed their lie straight to the face, and liars make more eye contact because they're trying to see if you believe them. They're trying to read your face. So liars are actually making more eye contact. Do not be tricked on that. And also, by the way, Mari, are you okay if I go full screen here for a second? I'm going full screen because I want to do some demos.

Okay.

So one, liars make more eye contact. Do not be tricked by that. Oftentimes when people are thinking, they look up to the left or up to the right. They're accessing memories. So that is not a reliable indicator. The second thing that is a widely accepted belief about communication that's wrong is that nonverbal makes up 93% of our communication. That study was done by Dr. Albert Mehrabian back in the day, and even he said it was not an accurate or replicable experiment. Now we know nonverbal makes up a lot of our communication, but it is not 93%. Our words still matter. In fact, I think that our job as excellent communicators is trying to balance and match our words that are nonverbal. Let me give you an example. If I were to come on today and say, hi everyone, I'm so happy to be here. You would believe my nonverbal over my words. So yes, nonverbal, if it is not matching your verbal, it is incredibly important to align them, but it is not 93%. And the last one that I wanna bust is I don't like the advice, smile more. I think so many people, well-meaning, say, just smile more. But there is nothing worse than a fake smile. For example, if I were to say, hi everyone, welcome to my AMA. I'm so happy you're here. That would read as inauthentic. It also feels inauthentic. And so I would say, don't smile more. Smile when you mean it. Oh, those are the 3 that I wanna bust. Okay, good. We got those outta the way.

I like that one. This actually is one of my favorite questions, Vanessa, and I don't know the answer, so I'm excited to hear it. Do you have any weird talents?

Okay, yes I do. Okay, here we go. Weird talents. So, um, I saw this one come through and I was like, I have so many to choose from. Okay, so, um, most people don't know about me that I love language. I study body language, but actually I thought I was gonna be like a linguist growing up. I love language. So my weird talents are that I I'm an okay Spanish speaker, French speaker, and Mandarin speaker. And so I thought I would share a little bit with you for all my Spanish, French, and Mandarin speakers. So first, for my Mandarin speakers— actually studied many years of Chinese and I love Mandarin. So 我可以说中文，當我在法國和布好天在大水，在上海，我會學了吉地歌的 Zhongwen. So that is Mandarin. I love speaking Mandarin. It's getting worse by the day though. It's getting really rusty. Everyone's like, was that Mandarin? I know I butcher my accent. So that's my Mandarin. And Spanish. I love speaking Spanish. I'm trying to keep it alive. Yo puedo hablar español, pero mi gramática es horrible. Yo he tomado 5 años en escuela y tengo muchas amigas que hablan español y yo quiero practicar con ellos. Again, horrible accent, but we can do it. Ah, French is the one. French is the hard one. I'm just gonna do one French. I'm so embarrassed by my accent. My accent's so bad in French. Je parle français, donc mon accent est terrible. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, French speakers. I know it's such a beautiful language and I butcher it. And those are my weird talents. I'm like nervous. Weird talents. I'm like, science, just ask me science questions. Those are so much better than speaking other languages.

Okay, that was it. That was it.

We're done with that.

I would classify those as impressive talents, Vanessa. You know, yeah, loved it. Loved it. Um, Bree asked, as a self-proclaimed awkward person/introvert, have your people skills made you enjoy socializing more?

Yes and no. So I'm going to say no first, because as I've overcome awkwardness, I have almost no tolerance for shallow small talk. Like, now that I've tasted really great conversation, I only want that. It's like I've been spoiled with really good conversation. You know how, like, when you have, like, great— a great cup of coffee, for all my coffee drinkers, and you're like, this is what coffee tastes like. And then anytime you don't have a great cup of coffee, you're like, it's kind of like that with social skills. Now that I've tasted great conversation, I have no tolerance for anything but that. So in that way, I enjoy— I enjoy socializing less because I can't do the small talk thing. But on the other hand, I have a very specific blueprint that I use to get conversation out of that bad, awkward small talk. And so that I enjoy a lot when I'm like, okay, this is awkward or going badly, I know I can activate that blueprint to get me out of that small talk, to activate really good conversation if I have the energy. And this is the hard part is like I am still an ambivert, right? Like I'm ambivert, you know, somewhere in between introvert and extrovert. So I can only do that when I have the energy to actually activate that blueprint. So there are times where I'm exhausted or I'm tapped out and I can't. So I would say, I would say that, that I, that I love it when I have the energy to do it, but I am still an ambiverted heart. And so it still takes energy. Yeah.

I also— you and I are both ambiverts. And also, I love when you talk about let's go on a small talk diet. I think that that's your movement we're trying to start here. So for all of us who wants to join that very healthy diet, come on down.

Here's my, here's my small talk diet. No more asking, how are you? I know, I know, I know, I know. It's really hard. Don't worry, in my next book I have alternates, like alternates you can ask. So no more asking, how are you? No more asking, what do you do? Asking what do you do is basically asking, what are you worth? We have to get rid of that question. So Small Talk Diet. If we all ask better questions, we'll have better conversations.

I can't wait for that moment. Question from Amanda: What is the most important thing professionals should know? What are one or two of the top things that could make us more effective?

I don't know if you're gonna like this answer, but I feel pretty strongly about it, which is your friends at work, your friends in your industry really matter. And I'll go full screen for this if that's okay, Marty. So, um, I just want to dive into this a little bit, which is I think that in the early part of my career, I focused a lot on my productivity, right? I wanted to be hyperproductive. I wanted to, um, go in— I wanted to get my tasks done. I wanted to make sure I was really good at my technical skills. I want to get everything done perfectly, and I wanted to show up to work as the perfect worker. And that helped to a certain extent, but I did not focus on my social relationships at work. I did not focus on my rapport with my boss. I did not do a lot of networking with other people in the industry. And what I realized is that aspect of professional success is overlooked, but it is the key to success. And the only reason I know this is because every single inflection point I have had in my career has come from a loose tie, has come from a friend offering me an opportunity, from a connection mentioning something in the industry that I didn't know. Almost all of my learnings to this day, or inflection points or big decisions we make at Science of People, have come from a friend giving me an insight or a piece of insider information that I didn't know have come from someone saying, hey, there's this event that I heard about. Do you want me to submit your name to be on stage? It's come from a friend saying, hey, do you want to do a collab? It's coming from a friend saying, hey, my friend is starting this really big podcast. Do you want me to pitch you for it? And so I would say, be really good at what you do. Yes, that is the foundation. But then be good at connecting with the people who do it with you. Think about, are you making friendships on your team? Are you able to build rapport with your clients, with your VIPs, with your boss? Are you making connections with other people in your industry or your niche? Are you getting and having deep discussions about what you do where you're getting tips and productivity hacks and insider information? I think that that is what truly separates really high performers, really successful people from not. And I've also seen this in my industry. You know, I have a really— I'm in a really weird industry. I'm an author and influencer, whatever that is. I just want to be an author. But to sell books, you also have to be on social media. And I have noticed that the most successful other authors are constantly befriending other authors, other— the most successful podcast hosts and influencers that I know on social media are very well networked. They are reaching out, they are DMing, they are sending voice notes. Like, in my DMs, I am voice noting other influencers all the time, sharing tips, asking, hey, I saw you did this carousel. How did that do? Hey, I see you're showing your armpits a lot in your videos. Why do you do that? Hey, you know, we're trying to figure out our conversion rate on our opt-ins. What's yours on your website? Hey, our ad revenue is totally changing because of AI. Is yours? Like, I am constantly sending out DMs and voice notes to other people. I am constantly reaching out to people and I also still network. I still want to learn. So I would say investing in your social ties is so important. Yeah.

I 1,000 million percent agree with that. I would say every opportunity in my career came from meeting in person and networking. You and I did that way. Yes, yes.

So, so I just— a funny story is, um, I saw— I was at an event and I was waiting to speak for my turn on stage and we were doing tech check and I saw Marty doing the tech check before me for another speaker and I was like, oh, look at her stage presence. And then I think you had maybe heard about me from TikTok Yes, yes.

TikTok, social media. And I was fangirling behind the scenes, on stage. And so I went— I brought you a banana.

I think you did. It was so kind. I love bananas. Bananas are my love language. I almost always want to have one in my bag. And I was about to go on stage. I hadn't had time to eat. And you were so kind. You were like, have you eaten? And I was like, I don't have time to eat. And you brought me a banana backstage.

So, you know, the key to your career sometimes— bring someone a banana. Apple a day. Gifts work. Gifts are nice. Yeah. Speaking of the stage.

Yes.

Yes. Asking you, did you ever do theater or acting?

Nope. People— I always am so honored when people ask me this, when they're like, did you do acting? I'm like, no, not at all. So I'm— no, I never did acting. I never did any kind of performing. I was like never in the school plays. I was never in school musicals. I did take improv for a season as social fear exposure. So I forced myself to do an improv class to get more comfortable with people, and that was incredible. So I actually highly recommend this. It's like a great hack. In fact, my husband, when we were just dating, he's more introverted, like introvert ambivert. And I was like, I think you should take it. I think you should take an improv class. And I forced him to do it and it totally changed his confidence. So a little tip is go take an improv class because they are amazing. But no, I've never done acting, and I'm honored when people ask that because it's like, oh, maybe I do have some stage presence, but it's all learned. Well, like, any, any kind of stage presence you see is very much learned and can be learned, by the way.

It can. I think we just signed our team up for the next outing.

Improv. Let's do it.

Improv. Okay, this— I love this question. I think this is a very interesting topic too. How do you make money over at Science of People?

All right, here we go. Let's go full screen for this one. I actually love to talk about the business side of my business. I love it. I always go on podcasts and, um, they're like, we want to talk about charisma and social skills. And I'm like, yes, but can we talk about entrepreneurship? I love this. So thank you for this.

Okay.

So, um, I think about making money in terms of diversification. I like to diversify as many streams of income as we can possibly have. So, uh, the main way that I make money is speaking. That's usually corporate events where I go into a company, I'll do a lunch and learn or an all-team training or a workshop. I can do— I often do them virtually. I just did one on Tuesday, a virtual training for an entire company that had many offices. That's corporate speaking and corporate trainings and corporate workshops. I also do like events, so I'll go to a conference on a certain topic and I'll be their opening keynote or their closing keynote with very specific tactics for that industry or that skill set. Like, I'm doing, um, an event coming up, uh, Global Leadership Summit. So I'll be talking specifically to high-impact leadership because a lot of leaders in the audience. But I've done seminars for like real estate professionals where I'll focus on communication skills specifically for real estate professionals. That's, um, the biggest bucket of how I make money. I also from stage will sometimes like sell books, and that's my next, um, bucket. I have two books, Captivate and Q's. And my third— I actually have four books, but my first book was a total failure and didn't make money. Fun story. Um, yeah, that did not make money. So the two books that make money are Captivate and Cues. And then my third— my fourth book technically is coming up, um, in October called Conversation. I would love a pre-order if you'd like to check it out. Um, it's actually all done. It's being printed right now. So we're there literally printing it to get ready to ship it. So I make royalties on my book sales, which is the next bucket. Uh, the third bucket used to be and no longer is ad revenue. So when AI launched, or the public AI models launched a year and a half ago or so, 2 years ago, they started scraping our website and taking our content and showing it in AI results. So we used to make ad revenue on our blog, and now we no longer do because AI has taken all of our content and shows it. So now we get much less clicks on our website. We actually removed ads entirely from our website because we weren't getting the traffic anymore. It's actually kind of a real bummer. My blog was like how I started my business, was writing these amazing big guides on different aspects of communication. Some of the articles on my blog are 17 years old. Like, that's how, how long that I've been updating them. And so when— and it was great because people would search, you know, body language for confidence or how to interview or how to deal with difficult people in Google or in a search engine. And they would come to my website and then they would get this amazing free article. It's part of my mission to post free education, public free education every day. So that was part of my mission, was posting these articles for free on my website. And then we got a little bit of a couple pennies if someone saw an ad. And now AI have just, just taken my content They put it in their AI model and we don't get credit for it. So that revenue stream is gone, which is why it's so important, I think, to diversify your income as an entrepreneur. The more sources of revenue you can have, the better. That was pretty soul-crushing. We actually turned off ads maybe 2 months ago. So that's gone, that one. The next bucket of revenue is sponsorships. So this is actually a newer one for us. We're starting to partner with brands that I love. I actually, I had my teammate come in and I was like, okay, can we walk through my house? And I'm going to show you every product that I use that I love already that I pay for myself. Can we reach out to those people and ask if they want to partner with me for a sponsorship? And that is exactly what we did. We literally reached out to every— every— all the food in my pantry, all my vitamins, all my like crazy things that I buy. We reach out to them and we're like, hey, you know, do you want to partner and sponsor Vanessa's content? So I have a couple of sponsors that I genuinely love. And then also I often take commission on sales, not always, but sometimes you'll see in my videos or in my posts, I'll say, oh, like, this is my favorite pair of heels, or, you know, this is my favorite magnesium supplement, this is my favorite creatine. And occasionally I'll have a link where I— if you use my link, and thank you, by the way, if you do, I take— I get a little portion back. It buys me like a thimble of coffee, you know, if you— if you use my link. So I think that those— did I miss any? I think that those are the main ones.

Yeah. A thimble of coffee I don't think is enough for our team.

We try, we try.

A lot of love for your books in the chat. That's amazing. Everyone's very excited for Commerce.

Of course, of course. I forgot the, the, the, one of the biggest ones is our courses. Duh. So, um, uh, one of the other things is, um, when I was writing books, I consider myself a writer, right? Like that, that's my, my joy is writing newsletters, writing books. But I learned that if you're teaching body language, it's actually very hard to teach body language in a book. So, um, I created 9 years ago— 9 years ago? 2018. Is that 8 years ago? Math is not my strong suit. 8 years ago, I created, uh, People School. And People School is the online, basically college-level course I wish I had had. It's 12 different skills with 12 different communication people skills, um, and I teach it with really high, beautiful quality— high quality beautiful video, and that's 12 different skills. And then also I have my People Coach certification, which I just opened up this year. We actually have 30 certified coaches who have gone through my Cohort 1. I think some of them are on, actually. Yeah, I think some of my people coaches are on. Um, and so, um, my People Coaches, they are certified in my materials. They take my content and they're certified to teach it in their company, um, as intrapreneurs, or they're certified as entrepreneurs, life coaches, social workers, therapists, teach it in their practice. So that has been incredible. And then also we have a bunch of— I don't know if folks know this— we have a lot of smaller trainings on specific people skills. So for example, People School is kind of comprehensive, but a lot of our income also comes from these trainings. So I have an interview training on what you should watch right before an interview. It's a 1-hour, like, let's go, like, let's, let's go from interview to hired. I have a difficult people training. Because difficult people is its own social skill. So I have a training specifically on how to deal with difficult people. We also have a training for introverts specifically because I think that mastering your communication as an introvert, not pretending to be an extrovert, is really important. And I also have a how to speak assertively training. This is specifically for folks who feel like their ideas are not being heard. They feel like they're being overlooked. That's specific skill set. The research shows that assertiveness can be taught. So this is a specific assertiveness training. So courses are our other big bucket.

Yeah. Yes. And I'm going to double down on something that you said, but our, your mission, our mission is to be aggressively helpful to people, which is just so beautiful. And I'm looking at some of these live comments at @rope257. Not really a question, but a thank you. Your content really helps me. I try to apply some nuggets every day. That's awesome. Yay. That leads us into Daniel's statement. So there's a statement and then a question.

Oh, and also Alex is here. Alex is here. Alex is one of our People Coaches, People School, and both are great. Yay!

I love Vanessa Van Edwards. You are consistently kind, vulnerable, generous, service-oriented and intentioned, patient, honest, etc. It is my understanding that in order to practice those values consistently, one must have courage because doing those things consistently isn't always easy. So true. I think it factors into your ability to communicate with high charisma. My question is, where do you feel your courage comes from?

I'm so honored by this question, by the way, and I think you assume the best. I wish I had more courage, actually. You'll notice I'm in— I put myself in very specific scenarios where I can harness courage, right? Like, there's a reason I don't have a podcast. Right? I'm— I don't feel I'm courageous enough to have my own podcast. I don't. I never have had one. My team is like, why don't you have a podcast? I'm like, I'm literally too scared. So I very much appreciate your question because I think I'm happy to talk about this, which is I try to set myself up to only be in situations where I feel I can gather courage. I can do it here, right? Like I can do it with you. You know, we had pre-submitted questions and I'm like loving it. I am very nervous for the live questions that are coming in like 10 minutes. Like, I know it's a little bit nervous because I want to answer perfectly. I want to answer helpful for you. And so that's why even going on people's podcasts makes me very nervous because I never can predict what they're going to ask me. So I think that courage comes from competence. You know, I try to pick areas where I know I love the topic, I can own it. I also think courage comes from curiosity. I sometimes like going on podcasts or doing things where I'm learning something. So I don't think you have to have courage everywhere. I think it's actually a finite resource and you should spend it where it's best used. But I appreciate it.

A lot of people are wanting a podcast, V. No, I don't. We'll try our best, guys. Okay. Next question. I have been following your work for some time now. Big fan. I'm someone who feels like they consistently run into what I call one-way friendships, where I feel I'm putting a lot more effort into the friendship only to receive that same effort back, if not equally, but less. I understand the answer may be as simple as that person isn't worth expanding my energy, but I'm curious if there is another take on it. Do you have any material online or perhaps in your coming book conversation.

Um, my grandma, 92 years old, she's no longer with us, but my grandma told me, it took me 90 years to meet my husband, your grandfather, and one best friend. And I always remembered that because I think that we tend to focus on like quantity, like I don't have enough. And when she told me that, that it took her that long to find just these two, like her husband and her best friend. I think it reminded me that there's a lot of people who won't be your people, you know? And so I think that maybe these people are not your people. And like, better to know faster. Like sometimes I think it's almost easier to know, wow, like this is like a one-way friendship. Like, I'm not feeling it. Like, great. Like, learn it and then move on to find your person. I think I have made the mistake, like, very personally, and that's what my grandma gave me, this advice of trying too hard for too long with someone who just maybe isn't my person. Like, maybe there's a better friend for them. And so I would say, like, um, wait. It's worth waiting to find your, your person. And it might only be one. It might be one best friend. If we're built in this life to find one best friend, I think that's worth it. Yeah.

I think we need a book of all Gram and Grampy's wisdoms and nuggets because they're just always so good. They're so good.

The wisdom. I hope as I get older, I'll get more and more wisdom, more courage, more wisdom.

Pivoting back into a little bit of business. What trends do you think are coming for 2027 and beyond?

Okay, so I loved this. This is one of our pre-submitted questions, and I was like, I actually like deep diving on trends. I love it. So I thought I would share the trends that I think are coming, and I actually have some visuals for us because why not? It's so fun. So first trend is we're seeing this massive technological change with age of AI. I think that we're going to see that communication, advanced communicators are the ones who are able to have, uh, career insurance. That basically soft skill is the single best investment we can make. And we know this because it's the one thing that AI cannot replicate. AI cannot replicate the human-to-human connection of being with someone and feeling like your best self. We know that communication does all these incredible things. It changes everything. When we have good friendships, deep conversation, it makes us healthier. It improves our immune function. It makes us happier. It makes us more productive. I think at work we are going to be gravitating towards the people who give us energy. You know, I was with Marty, actually, we were in Houston and I was in a not great mood. Had a long flight, it was a hard day. And I was like, I was like in a really bad mood. But Marty was in a really good mood. And I walked into the airport, we met at baggage claim, and I caught her mood. I completely caught her mood. And I was like, I feel so much better. I think we're gonna be looking for those people, those people who are positively contagious. I also think we have been in a world for extroverts. We have been in a world optimized for extroverts. For a long time. I think that's going to begin to change. I think that we're going to move towards a world that is optimized for ambiverts. And thank goodness, you know, even like just professionally speaking, like, for example, if I'm in a city, I try to do as many things in that city as I possibly can. So like, for example, if I go into LA, I have multiple friends in LA, I have multiple podcasts I can do in LA, and there's media I could do in LA. And what's really hard is my extroverted peers will literally be booked from 7 AM media interviews all the way to 11 PM. Friends, interviews, podcasts. I cannot do that. Like, I literally do not have enough social battery to do that. So I have to pick and choose. That has hurt my career, actually, like not being able to pack my day with all those things because I haven't been able to do as much as my extroverted peers. Thank goodness we're now, I think, able to do a lot more virtually. We're able to— I'm able to recharge more. We also have more of an understanding that we all have limited social batteries. And so I'm hoping that we're going to actually move more towards that, which makes me very excited. Trend number 2, I think homeschooling is going to be on the rise. I think we are going to have more and more unique school setups, and that's going to have all kinds of ripple effects throughout our economy, throughout our culture. I think as we see people who are going to take schooling into their own hands, who are going to create very unique curriculums where kids are going to be learning in all kinds of different ways. I think it's going to create some really interesting creative thinkers. I think we're going to have more entrepreneurship. I think we're going to have a different landscape where kids are home all day as opposed to being at school all day. So I think this is going to have all kinds of interesting ripple effects. Trend number 3, um, as our economies around the world is changing so much, I think we're going to see, uh, the rise of more like wealth maxing, where people are— instead of just thinking about one salary, they're thinking about moonlighting. So they have their day job from 9 to 5, and then they have their, you know, moonlighting, their second job or their side hustle or their alternate career, their dream job, from 5 PM to 10 PM. I think we're going to see a lot more of like this acceptance of people trying all these career pivots. And I'm pretty excited about that. I love pivoters. I think we're going to see that more and more. I just love these. I— we often think that we have to make our career decisions in our early 20s, but the average person changes careers at 39. The average age of new entrepreneurs is 42. The average first-time millionaire is 49. So I just think that we're going to have more and more very interesting acceptance of pivots and changes in entrepreneurship. And I can't wait and I love it. And Am I saying this is a trend because I hope it's going to be true? Yes, I am. The last trend that I think we're going to see a lot of is return to in real life, IRL. As we spend more and more time on social media, I think we're going to be craving in-person interactions. So you're going to see, seeing more people doing like raw-dogging where they go off all social media for a week and they just try to get their attention span back. I've already seen this with myself where my brain is so used to skimming and scanning that going into a deep, really slow book is like, I have to like reorient my brain. So I think we're going to start working on getting our attention back by getting off social media, social media detoxes. We're going to see more non-smartphones. We're going to see more of a, um, a search for handcrafted items of all kinds. And that's going to be, um, the search. Yeah, that was my— that's my Those are my trends ideas.

I love them. I love them. I totally agree. The whole— I think the pendulum is shifting where those of us that know pre-technology, we're definitely craving a lot of what you talked about. So I agree. Next question. Oh, this is fun. What is the craziest goal you have?

I think this is pretty crazy. I, I think so. Um, it's really audacious at least, which is I don't understand why we don't teach soft skills in every school, at the start of every job, when anyone becomes a manager for the first time. I don't understand why we don't have soft skills curriculum in place. So the reason why I created my People Coach program, the reason why I decided I needed to create a curriculum that is shareable by others, not just me, is I want to have a People Coach in every company. I want to have a People Coach in every school. I want to have a People Coach in every city. I want to make it so that learning soft skills is a very easy curriculum to grab and you can get it in your industry or in your niche. So I want to be everywhere. You know, I know we only have 30 certified coaches so far, but I'm like, yes, like small and mighty. I wanted to start small to make sure that we were like really creating this amazing program. We are looking for 25 more for our cohort too. So we're starting small, but I have already seeing the first 30 coaches using the curriculum in their companies with their clients in their incredible niches. We have all different kinds of coaches in their own niches, and that has been one of the proudest professional accomplishments of my career is taking a curriculum and seeing other people teach it. It's like, that's the dream. That's the dream. We're going to have a positive army of Vanessa's aggressively helping their own, their own, their own.

This is also another favorite of mine because I love a good morning routine. What is your morning routine, Vanessa Van Edwards?

Okay, I'm going to do a good day and a bad day. I always think it's funny when people ask me this. So on a good day, I'm up at 5:45, and that usually— that does happen. Good days are happening more and more. So on a good day, I'm up at 5:45. Usually I sauna. I usually do a lymphatic, 10-minute lymphatic drainage routine. I try to jump in the morning. I know that's real weird. If I can, I'll do red light or get sun on my face. And then I try to get a big thing of water in and at least 5,000 steps in. And then my girls wake up at 7 a.m. on the dot and then it's cuddles, school lunches, breakfast, and the school drop-off.

So that is—

that's a good morning. On a bad morning, it's just 7 a.m. with my girls. And just cuddles and breakfast and school lunches and school drop-off.

Yeah, even that bad morning is a good morning. Cuddles. Yeah, morning. When do you know when you're in the top 1% with Charisma?

Okay, so I actually want to— I know there's a couple of questions coming up on Charisma and also the certification programs. I thought I would do them all together and then I want to take live questions, if that's okay. Okay, so this is really important because I think people who are struggling with communication and charisma— this was me for a long time— um, what you're going to see is overthinking, um, a constant mistrust of themselves and how other people are seeing them, and overwhelm. Like, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do next. People who are in the top 1% of communicators, they are in control. And actually, control is one— I actually considered even titling a book Control, maybe TBD, we'll see— which is when I am studying highly charismatic people, they're in control of their first impression. They're typically in control of conversation, not that they're driving the conversation, but they feel that they are being their best self and they never feel put off guard or out of control, or they're gonna have an awkward silence. They feel like they are, um, they're in a seat in conversation that feels good to them. Um, and also they're taken seriously. People, um, seek them out for their ideas. They respect them. They feel they have great influence. And so I think that that's where I saw, and this is one of the reasons why I created the certification program, and I know we have a lot of questions on it, so I'll try to give the quickest overview I can, which is I'm looking for two types of people. One, you're in your organization, you're an intrapreneur, you wanna bring communication coaching into your role. So maybe as a manager you want to do communication coaching, you want to do lunch and learns for your company, you want to be the certified coach inside your company. And I am going after all the major companies trying to get a People Coach into each company so that you have your own trainer that knows your own lexicon and your own language. Oftentimes I'm brought into a company and I don't know the culture, I don't know the system, I don't know the language. So I want every company to have their own. The second type of person is an entrepreneur. So you're already teaching this on your own. You might even be, you know, side hustling or pivoting. You're a life coach, a a social worker, a faith leader, and you want to be sharing this curriculum with your toolset you're already teaching. You're adding communication coaching into your toolset. And the last one is Pivoters, right? Like, like there's a— we have a third group of folks who are somewhere in between. They're not really sure what their next step is, but they know they want to serve. Um, the other question that we get about the program is, is it application only? Yes. The reason for this is because we're looking for a very certain type of person. Um, one is that you want to use communication skills for good. That you are wanting to be of service to others. It is hard work being a communication coach. You are deeply listening. You are hoping to serve someone else's goals and someone else's mission. And also the work is very detailed. There's a lot of memorization in the program. It's a very detailed curriculum. Many, many, many pages of science and research that I want to integrate with you. And also I'm working with you to try to get you to the place where you can have transformation with your students. Students. So it is 8 live sessions with me and then our facilitator's workbook and our student workbooks. So you do the facilitator's guidebook. You also take our proprietary assessment called the People Skills Index, which helps you assess your own people skills, which then you will administer to your students and your clients. And then we go through our 8 live calls. You take a midterm. Hey, we take a midterm. I told you it's real research-based. We take a midterm and then we have our final and we're like carrying you all the way through. You have slides and workbooks and you can go teach. Hopefully that's all the questions. Did I miss any on the program? No, I think you nailed it. Okay. And then I'm ready to take live questions for everyone who's been submitting. Thank you for those of you who've been submitting. I, I've been glancing down, but they're flying by.

They are so many good questions. Um, let me— I'm just gonna pick a couple that stood out to me.

Yes, go for it.

How do we practice signaling competence and warmth in conversation?

Okay, so, um, I did not realize there was a blueprint for social signaling. When we think about how we interact with others, we are constantly sending out social signals. We're doing it through our voice, our words, our body language, and we are trying to send two main groups of signals. Warmth. You can trust me. I'm open. I'm likable. I'm friendly, but also competence. Take me seriously. I'm efficient and capable. So the goal is that you're sending both of those signals at the same time. When I tried to categorize this, I categorized about 97 signals that you can choose from. And here's how I like to think about this. I want you to pick the signals that feel most natural to you. I never want you to socially signal anything that feels inauthentic. The metaphor I like to use is like with clothing, you know, likely you have a closet full of clothes that fit you. But some clothes you like better than others. Some clothes are more comfortable than others. It's the same thing with cues. So I want you to go through the signals and think, okay, what are the warmth signals that I like? Warmth signals, uh, head tilting, nodding, uh, leaning, competent signals, steeples, gestures, power, voice, competent words. And I want you to begin to pick your flavor or your recipe of warmth, and competence, just like you would put together an outfit, right, based on your social goals. Sometimes you're going to walk into a meeting and want to be super competent. Other times you're going to want to walk into a party or a club and you want to be super warm. So I want you to be picking these signals just like you pick an outfit.

I—

my, my hope is that the more we talk about this and social signaling, is we talk about it like we talk about fashion, in that we're picking an outfit, um, just like we're picking our social signals, that we're able to pick things that fit well for us that feel really comfortable.

Yeah. Okay. I love this question because Vanessa, you and I have been discussing this a lot regarding keynotes and organizations and corporate clients. Have you done any studies on different generations? Example, is the communication mastery in People School as successful with boomers versus Gen Z, uh, as well as other personality types?

Yes, it's actually so interesting. So we have all ages in People School and it's so interesting. What skills are very different for different generations. So for example, our, our boomers who attend People School tend to be very focused on intentional communication. They've had an instinct of how to communicate their whole life and they've had success with certain things, but they don't know the language or the lexicon to be able to say, ah, that's why I was doing that on a video call. And because they are less digitally native, they are focused much more on translating their innate presence and skills on video, over email, in chat. That's more of a muscle that they're trying to practice. It's the flip with a lot of our Gen Z students. So a lot of our Gen Z students, they are exceptionally charismatic when it comes to chat and DMing, video calls, voice notes. However, the in-person piece, specifically the presenting piece, so not just like the one-to-one, but a lot of our Gen Z students, I have noticed, and by the way, when you come into People School, Typically, you tell me your goal that you're working on for People School, and I kind of give you some feedback on it, and then you— we track you through that goal through all 12 skills. Um, typically, but not always, they are for the first time being put in high-stakes communication situations, negotiations like salary negotiations. They're presenting for some of the first time. They're being put in management roles for the first time. So they're trying to make sure that they know how to do the one-to-one. They, they, they, they have their own flavor of charisma, but how do they dial up the competence for high mistakes? How do they make sure they're having the best presence when they're on stage, when they're leading a meeting? Leading a meeting is a, is a big one. That's a very unique social skill. Leading a meeting is a different social skill than bonding with colleagues. These are totally different social skills. Leading a meeting or even leading a video call meeting is a very different social skill than interviewing. And so we're often working on very specific micro skills that are the most relevant for the first time. But it's, it's really cool to see the goals come through.

Yeah, I love that. And I think this is a good dovetail question. If you are leading a meeting, what do you do to calm yourself when you're going to give an in-person presentation to a group of 50+ people?

I like intention. So, and, and by the way, someone asked, do you have to complete People School before becoming a People Coach?

Nope.

We actually don't have any prerequisites for either. So you can do People School without prerequisites. And you can do People Coach, that prereq. So thanks for that. I think that was— was it Kristen?

Yeah. Cool.

So to get yourself calm, I think the side door into calm, the side door into confidence is planning. Now I'm a planner, so this is maybe how my brain works. My anxiety before a meeting or a presentation is not knowing, not knowing what to do with my hands. Not knowing what to do with my face, not knowing what to say, not knowing what my opening question would be. So my whole pitch is let's have a plan. Let's think through what exactly do you want to do in your first impression? Like the moment you hop on video, the moment you walk in a room, the moment you walk on stage, what are you saying in your opening before you even open up that lead, that meeting? What are you doing with your body? Like what signals are you sending with your face, your gestures, your posture? What is your very first question? Um, this isn't the case for every meeting, but in a lot of meetings there's that kind of first few minutes of banter. What are you asking? What is your first question? So I like to have a plan. First impressions, first question, opening lines, and then you have your content, whatever it is that you're leading. But by the time you've nailed that, that confidence leads into your preparedness, your competence. So I like a plan. I'm all about social plans.

You and I both. And so this question is a little different than a group. What advice would you give to people who often feel like they're on the edge of a social group rather than part of it?

Mm, that is painful stuff. Oh, that is such a hard one. First of all, I'm sorry, like, be— there's two really socially painful things, I think. And actually, I know we got another pre-submitted question on this, so maybe I speak to it also, which is you're in a new place and you don't know everyone, but they kind of know each other. Like, I just moved to a new city, um, and it's really hard to make new friends. And that can come up where you feel like you're on the edge of a group. So, uh, you are absolutely right that that is literally painful. I think that, you know, there's some classic research that shows we feel social pain in the same part of our brain that we feel physical pain. Like, if I were to, you know, the cut my arm, the same part of my brain that registers that pain would be the same as being excluded. So I just want to like honor that for you, that that is really challenging. The second thing is this is a strategy. This is what I would do and this is what I have been doing now that I'm new to a town and trying to make friends myself is find the person in the group that you feel the most natural kinship with. With, like, as you've been talking in the group, is there someone in the group who you just feel like the conversation is the easiest? You have the most in common. You tend to gravitate towards them when you see them. I want you to sort of develop and pull out that relationship. One-to-one relationships are so much easier than dyads or triads, so they're so much easier than group relationships. Group relationships and mechanics are their own beast, right? Like, they're exponentially harder. So all I want you to do, forget about the group. Focus on that one person. That one person, I want you to try to go out with them in different contexts in a short period of time. Going on a hike, going out to brunch, going to the beach, going, um, to a museum, going to an art show, seeing a movie, come over for Netflix and hang. Do you want to cook dinner together? I want you to begin to deep develop that relationship with that one because that is the way that I think we can get into a group. And by the way, even if that doesn't work, work, you still have a great relationship with the one. So I think that focusing on the single is actually much easier than focusing on the entire group.

For sure. We're seeing so much excitement and interest on your People Coach program, Vanessa. Yeah. So this question I think will help a lot of folks. Yes. How do I incorporate your work as a therapist when I am working with clients? I believe that came from Amanda.

Okay, Amanda. So this is like my favorite question. I, my goal, like my big crazy goal is to try to allow you to fit into your practice. So here's how I've seen it done so far is you are working with your clients in a very specific way. Some clients need, or some patients, however you, um, as therapists, however you work with them, some clients need a certain type of communication coaching. Let's say for example, they need assertiveness coaching. Like you've noticed in your work with them that they are getting pushed on their boundaries. They have trouble saying no, they're not respected at work. That is a very specific learnable social skill, assertiveness. So giving them a tool in your practice of saying, hey, I wanna teach you literally the science of assertiveness training. This assertiveness skill, and I'm gonna teach you this skill, and there's a very specific science, there's very, very specific blueprint to that aspect of our People Framework, is you teach that skill and you can literally do it in a 30-minute session or even less. You have them activate it and then you say, okay, You can use this at work. You can use this with friends. You can use this with that partner that's pushing you. That way you're giving them this social skill. They're ready for the change. I think so many of our current People Coaches have students who are ready for change. They just need to give them skills to activate. With that assertiveness, they're able to make tremendous change in their work because then they're able to activate it in all the areas that you're working on in therapy with them. So that's my hope is that we have a people framework and there are, uh, different aspects of the framework that you're pulling out the skills that your client would need in that specific situation that's going to help them most with whatever transformation they have to have. That's my dream. Hmm. That's my dream. I love it.

And if folks want to learn more, how do they sign up for your newsletter?

Oh, my newsletter. Yes.

Okay.

So go to scienceofpeople.com. You'll see right up top, you can put in your name and email. So the way that my newsletter works is every Monday I send out one social skill, social hack, and a conversation starter. The conversation starter could be used at work in your team meetings. It could be used over family dinner. It could be used on a date. It could be used over text with friends. And so I pick a little conversation starter every week and then one sort of social skill. Like, for example, on Monday, at the very end of the month, I do my favorites. So I do all my favorite things from June. So it's not quite a social hack on Monday, but the last Monday of the month, I send out my favorites for the month. And then I think my next newsletter, I'm talking about being underestimated. And then I write out ahead of my newsletters. I think I have one coming up on talking to VIPs. Mm. I love talking to VIPs. So how do you talk to VIPs? So I always pick a social skill that I think is most helpful. So, yes, I'd love for you to join me.

Amazing. I am just looking at the time, so I think we, we have so many amazing questions. I think a lot of interest in the new book, Vanessa.

Yeah. Okay, you want to talk a little about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So by the way, um, the amount of case studies that I have in this book is, is hilarious. So my goal when I'm writing a book, um, and by the way, I know we had some pre-submitted questions on book writing, so I'll try to maybe answer those on my social media. I love writing books. There's a whole art and science to it. I have a theory that I have to delight and surprise you with very unique examples and case studies. So in Conversation, literally, I have a forgotten conversation between Martin Luther King and Lyndon B. Johnson. Like this conversation, as far as I found it in like a book and a book and a book and a book, this conversation is incredible. And so I have like analyzed and broke down how that high stakes conversation works. Martin Luther King Jr., Lyndon B. Johnson, historical example. But also in the very next chapter, I have a case study from Love Island with why a conversation on Love Island led to marriage. It's my favorite Love Island couple. And then the next chapter, I have something on, um, Jane Fonda telling Chelsea Handler that she's mad at her. So I am trying to take real conversations from real life history, case studies, politics, um, to delight and surprise you that hopefully will give you a new way to look at conversation. Also, I'm going to give a 9-question challenge. Now, it's a little bit early, my book isn't out yet, but I would love for you to check it out. I'm going to give you 9 questions to ask the most important people in your life. 3 levels: level 1, level 2, level 3. 3 questions per level. My challenge for you is to do these 9 questions with your important people or family dinner, on a date. It is transformative. They are 9 questions to fall in love, 9 questions to level up your relationships. And so my hope is when the book comes out is everyone is asking and answering these 9 questions. And I literally can't wait. Cannot wait.

So much fun. October 6th can't come quick enough.

I know.

Do you listen to fictional audiobooks? And if so, who is your favorite narrator?

Yes. Okay. So I love fiction. So usually I'm listening to a fiction book or a memoir and I'm reading a nonfiction book. So I constantly have both kind of parts of my brain activated. I love Elin Hildebrand. I don't know if you know that fiction writer, and she has a wonderful narrator. I looked it up. Her narrator is— did I have it in my notes?

I think Erin Bennett.

Yeah, Erin Bennett. So Elin Hildebrand, by the way, I was a huge fan of Elin Hildebrand. I read her books all the time. And then I think she followed me on Instagram, and I reached out to her and I was like, I'm a fangirl. I love your book so much. Please send me more copies. And she's like a lovely human. So that's one of those. Ones where I reached out and just loved her. Um, and then her, her narrator is Erin Bennett, and I just love her books. So that's a good beach read.

Amazing. I love a good—

oh my goodness, I can't believe we're already at the top of the hour. I'm so sorry if I did not get to your question, but if you asked a question, thank you so much for even taking an interest, for having any interest in what I would have to say. Um, I will try to take questions and turn them into content. So if you submitted a question, um, those are great ways that I make videos.

I—

when I'm making a video, I'm guessing at what you want. So this is— if you submitted we will take a little note on our team and we'll put them up so that I can try to answer your questions over the next few weeks in my content calendar, in my newsletter. And I'm just so grateful for you. I'm so grateful for the follows and the likes. I feel like I accidentally stumbled into a dream career. That's truly what it feels like. And so the fact that you're here with me and willing to try to learn communication with me and alongside me, I'm very grateful for. So if you'd like another AMA, let me know. I'm always happy to answer more questions, and hopefully I'll see you on all the socials.