Vanessa Van EdwardsScience of People, Science Of People · Behavioral Researcher, Founder, Author, Harvard Instructor

Honesty Makes You Instantly Likable I @RyanHawk

7 May 2026 · 1 min

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In this segment, Vanessa Van Edwards explains her approach to meeting new people by being forthright about her intentions, which she defines as authenticity. She shares a personal anecdote from the Beyond Labels event, where she introduced herself as a "recovering awkward person" and offered conversation starters for other awkward individuals. Vanessa describes how expressing warmth—through vulnerability and truth‑telling—combined with competence—being directive—creates an authentic, effective interaction. She positions these concepts as tools to reduce social anxiety and facilitate meaningful conversations, especially for those who feel awkward in social settings.

Chapters

do you like meeting new people at events where maybe they don't know you? Now I have begun to like them because I am being really forthright with my intention. That's my definition of authenticity, is like you show up and you're like, here's my intention, I'm going to say it. So I'll give you an example. I was invited to this program, they're called Beyond Labels. There's a lot of big names. And so I get there and introduce ourselves. Here are the introductions before me: I'm curing cancer, I developed an AI technology that will save the planet. Coming to me and I'm just like, my name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I'm a recovering awkward person. I write books about communication for really aren't awkward people. If you're an awkward person and you would like a conversational break, come chat with me. I have great conversation starters at the ready. My nerves immediately went away. You know, warmth and competence is interesting because warmth is also vulnerability. Warmth is sharing truth, is being vulnerable, and competence is being directive. I was able to create what I think is an authentic, warm, and competent instruction, which is a little bit of vulnerability. And if you are an awkward person, come and talk to me. I have conversation starters that are going to help us.