Simon Sinek recalls a date where he dominated with jokes and energy, but his date said he was "too much" and didn't want to see him again. Charismatic people often can't tell if they're genuinely enjoying moments or just performing fun. Real connection needs space for the other person to contribute, not just consume your energy.
I have a friend who is dating, and I said, how's it going? And she said, you know, I can't tell on a date if I'm having fun or if I'm fun. And I realized that's a really interesting thing that some extroverts have this, or I would say ambiverts leaning extrovert, where they are so socially adept and so fun. A lot of leaders have this that are very charismatic. They have trouble knowing the difference between are they creating all that charisma in the room and they're kind of giving it, or are they actually having a good time and having connections?
I knew I was socially awkward. I was so afraid of not being fun and not being engaging, I would jack up with caffeine before I would go on dates. And I It was so fun, but that was the problem. I was the fun. That's right. She was laughing and I was laughing and it was fun. I was fun. And she said to me on the date, she goes, Simon, I had a blast, but I do not want to go out with you again. I went, what? She goes, too much. You're great, you're fun, but too much. Objectively, I was fun, but I was the only one being fun because I didn't leave any space for anybody else to be fun.
