How To Ask A First Question That Hooks Anyone
In this instructional video, Vanessa Van Edwards explains why many people unintentionally begin conversations with negative remarks—a pattern she calls the “accidentally negative trap.” She argues that starting with a negative comment puts the brain into an autopilot mode that is hard to break, makes the speaker less memorable, and steers the dialogue toward undesirable topics. To avoid this, she recommends framing the first question around something positive or exciting. By asking for a “spark,” the listener is prompted to think of good experiences, which disengages social scripts, creates a memorable interaction, and sets a constructive tone for the rest of the conversation. Vanessa provides a curated list of casual, positive first‑question examples such as “What’s new and exciting?” and “Anything exciting happen since I last saw you?” and emphasizes keeping the tone light while focusing on the good.
