Vanessa Van Edwards shows how "I don't do that" kills a date's momentum. Instead, share what you actually love and stay open. Small warmth matters more than playing it cool.
When someone asks you a question and you shut it down by saying, "I don't do that, I don't like that, I don't want that," this is called dream killing in conversation. What's your favorite spot to go to around here then?
To be honest, I don't go out very much.
A better way to answer that would be, "You know what, I do love to be in my jam jams at home on the couch watching Netflix, but for the right occasion, I can get out and party sometimes." That would have been a better way to answer that question because it's a little bit playful and it's not totally dream killing his charisma. And watch this, she's gonna act like she's not interested at all, but she's actually very attracted to him. Tell him something you love.
What do I love? What I love to do? Work out, be outside, be active.
Yeah, these are waters.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I was like, I don't know what this is. Always, always do a cheers. It immediately warmed her up. She was very, very stiff in this. She was so stiff, I said, tell him what you love, because I was trying to get her to show any kind of warmth or excitement at all because she was so stiff. And then she still— she was like, what do I love? I work out.
I just can't believe that she actually liked him because everything about her is giving I can't wait to leave.
This is why we're having a baby crisis. Is because we are afraid to show that we like someone. She was physically attracted to him and into him. You would never know it. And so I think that this is a crisis because we think we're being obvious. We are not being obvious.
