Vanessa Van Edwards argues charisma comes from genuine interest, not extroversion. Ask questions that trigger dopamine in the brain, like what excites someone instead of what they do. People remember conversations that feel good, and that's what makes you stand out.
Charisma is not about being extroverted. Charisma is about being interested. To be interesting, you be interested. Research has found that when we produce dopamine in conversation, it actually makes you more memorable. Dopamine, it's the chemical of motivation. It's the chemical of pleasure and excitement. And when you're asked about things that make you feel excited, you actually produce dopamine and you create what are called mental markers. Dr. Medina calls them mental Post-it notes. That you're with someone and they ask you a dopamine-worthy question, your brain goes, ooh, this person makes me feel good. I'm gonna remember them. So how do we produce dopamine? You literally use dopamine triggering words. Do not ask, "What do you do?" anymore. "What do you do?" is really asking, "What are you worth?" If we're going to get rid of it, what are we going to replace it with? Are things that someone defines themselves by that get them excited. That's a very, very simple swap, but it allows someone to say, "Am I working on anything exciting?" And they can answer with work or they can answer with pleasure. All we're doing is we're trying to sub out autopilot questions for dopamine-producing questions.
