Authentic compliments boost how warm and competent both people seem, but we give fewer than we should because we fear awkwardness. The trick: be specific, skip the obvious stuff, and compliment what someone actually values.
I wanted to share a little piece of science on a way that you could. A very easy way you could have a little bit of connection science. I love a good warm and competent chart. So, you know, warmth and competence is the foundation for most of our behavior. There is so much research now building on the warmth and competence model, which in the research is called the stereotype content model, if you're looking for the fancy version. So this is a chart on compliments. The expected. So the expressor of the. Of the compliment versus the recipient of the compliment ratings of how warm and competent the compliments were perceived to be. That is a tongue twister. So basically what this says, if you want me to summarize, the chart is giving compliments increase the warmth and competence of both the expressors and recipients. I was really surprised by this because we've all heard giving compliments, but I always thought it really benefited the receiver. Giving authentically good compliments increases your warmth and competence as well as the receiver's warmth and competence. Yet in a series of surveys, people report giving fewer compliments than they should give. Meaning. They think a compliment, an authentic compliment, but they're afraid to give it. And this is all comes down to this. The paper argues that we are not complimenting each other at nearly the optimal level because we're afraid of it being awkward. You know what the easiest way to get meaning is? Authentic compliments. Being kind. Doing random acts of complimenting it helps your warmth and competence as well as their warmth and competence. So a challenge that I have for you is, can you give some very small authentic compliments? It is the fastest way to have meaning. And of course, the research shows it often goes far better than we expect for both you and the receiver. It is not as awkward as you think. Do not compliment something obvious. For example, don't compliment the tall guy on his height. If someone is complimented on the same thing over and over again, they don't even hear it. And I see this all the time. I do not have a podcast, but I go on a lot of podcasts and I have noticed that when I'm with a podcaster and someone compliments their great podcast, they don't even hear it. So the more specific you can be, the better. You also could try to compliment what they value. So if you're going to compliment someone, can you compliment them on what they value or what they've tried hard at?
Do you want even more tips on communicating with confidence? One of the fastest ways to achieve
more success and more respect is to
level up your people skills. If you if you want to master communication and increase your charisma, check out PeopleSchool. This program comes with 12 in depth video modules designed to radically change your interactions, communication and confidence. You'll start applying each principle to your life immediately. I'll share my social blueprints, conversation frameworks and fascinating science based insights. Everything you need to finally understand the unwritten rules of behavior, ask questions and get personal answers and feedback after every module. Do join me for our live monthly workshops where I deliver exclusive new teaching only to peopleschool students. I'll show you exactly what to do to be more influential and impactful in every conversation and situation. Thousands of students have joined PeopleSchool and achieved their goals. Here's what just a few of our students shared about their experiences in peopleschool. I got the promotion I was looking for. Thanks to the PeopleSchool team for helping me along the way. What a ride. I have to say that I wish I was in People School way earlier in life.
Wow.
So much to absorb and can't wait to do it again and again since People School. I have never had such engaging and fun interviews in my life. Last Friday I accepted a senior position with an increase in my total package of $100,000. People School has provided me with an exceptional amount of value and knowledge. I feel that there is so much to offer from this program. I'll be going through the lessons again. Thank you Vanessa. One of my biggest regrets is I wish I had enrolled in People School years before now. The best part is People School never expires. We constantly add new bonus modules based on student requests. Want to raise or raise your rates? Check out our how to Get a Raise formula. Need new friends in a new city? Check out our how to Find you'd People bonus. There are more than 35 hours of material waiting for you in PeopleSchool. If you want to level up your career, your relationships and your conversations, I would love for you to consider peopleschool. I read every single one of your comments and can't wait to meet you in our next live workshop. Thanks so much for watching until the end. I'll see you in our next video.
