Vanessa Van Edwards breaks down how to show warmth and competence even when you don't feel it yet. For warmth, ask real questions, build rapport intentionally, express gratitude tied to shared goals, and acknowledge others' strengths. For competence, research thoroughly, prepare, develop skills, and practice.
How do you fake warmth if you don't feel it? I don't want you to fake warmth if you don't feel it, but warmth doesn't have to come from likability. You don't necessarily have to like someone. There are many other ways to show authentic warmth. First, asking a really good question. You might uncover curiosity even if you don't like the person or don't know the person. Curiosity is a facet of warmth. Second, your intention is to seek warmth. So even that you're asking me this question is wonderful because it means you've identified there's a gap in rapport. I need to now seek more rapport with this person, having a warm intention to build rapport, to seek out something truly you can like about them, that showcases as warmth. Professional gratitude. Let's say you don't know them, you don't like them very much. If their skills are essential for your goal and you have shared goals, this is the next one, you can show professional gratitude. Thank you so much for your help with this project. Thank you so much for joining on this project. Professional gratitude over shared goals, warmth. And lastly, is there anything you can appreciate about their strengths? Maybe they're radically different than yours, but is that helping your team? Is that helping your mission? Appreciating those strengths is warmth. Competence. So how do we get competence? We knowledge build. We do more research. We prepare. We skill build. We practice more. If you don't feel competent going into a client meeting, do more preparation. Make sure your skills are solid. If you don't feel ready before a presentation, you can knowledge build or skill build or practice for that presentation.
