Vanessa Van EdwardsScience of People, Science Of People · Behavioral Researcher, Founder, Author, Harvard Instructor

One of the Best Questions to Truly Know Someone

11 Apr 2026 · 1 min

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In this segment, Vanessa Van Edwards promotes the icebreaker question “What book, TV, or movie character is most like you?” as a powerful tool for uncovering hidden facets of people you think you know. She recounts an anecdote about a long‑time friend, a mother of three, who surprisingly identified with Katniss Everdeen, a character known for fighting for survival. This unexpected answer revealed the friend’s daily sense of perseverance, leading to a deeper, more meaningful conversation. Vanessa emphasizes that such questions can surface unknown personal dimensions, fostering stronger connections.

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It's such a good question and people don't even realize it. What book, TV, or movie character is most like you? The reason why I love this question is I had a longtime friend of many, many years who I thought I knew really well. She is a mom of 3, a beautiful homemaker. She's funny and smart. I thought she's gonna pick a fun TV mom. So I asked her this question. She said, oh, Katniss Everdeen. I was like, what? The character who like fights for her life? She's like, yeah, I feel like every day I'm surviving. And it opened up this whole new aspect that I didn't know about her. So the key with these questions is they will begin to uncover things you didn't know about the people in your life. We had the best conversation we've ever had. I got to know her so much deeper because she answered it in such a different way than what I had thought.