Vanessa Van Edwards says watch for body signals like eye widening, leaning back, or blocking when you ask questions. If someone shows fear or discomfort, pause and offer a do-over by sharing a story or rephrasing slower. Most people miss the point of asking questions because they ignore what the body is actually saying.
If you've asked a very well-intentioned, authentic question and you see fear, so the whites of their eyes flicker at you, they immediately lean back, and maybe they do a blocking behavior, or they begin to self-soothe, something about your question just made them uncomfortable. So if you read their cues and you're like, oh whoa, I just saw a little cluster of fear, discomfort, a little blocking, you can take the ball back and be like, oh, you know, for example, here's my story, or, you know, gosh, that was too much too fast, let's try again. You can actually get a do-over. Yeah, and you can respect someone enough to say, I want to connect with you so much that I want to do it at your pace. I have the intention to get to know you. I have the intention to be curious. I want to do it at a pace that you're comfortable with. That, I think, is real connection. And we forget that last reading piece. And that's why you have people who say, you know, I tried asking the 5 questions and they didn't work with my— and I'm like, what did their face do? What did their body do? What was going on for them? Interaction is two-way. You can only learn so many things one way.
