Vanessa Van Edwards breaks dating conversations into three levels: Level 1 asks basic facts, Level 2 explores goals and desires, Level 3 digs into values and formative experiences. She gives specific questions for each stage to move from surface talk to real connection.
Here is your big goal for a second date. You want to go from level one to level two. When people are connecting with others, they pass through three levels of connection. The first level is called general traits. This is knowing what someone does, where they're from, the basics about them. Most first dates are all of those questions. If you know what motivates them to get up in the morning, why they get out of bed, that's a goal or desire. So these are the kind of questions you want to ask on a second date. What's your big goal for this year? What excites you most in your life right now? Are you learning anything right now? Do you have a bucket list? What's on it? Now, if you want a third date, you want to try to hint at level three. Level three is called self narrative. This is the story someone tells themselves about themselves. It's how someone makes sense of their story, journey and personality. If you want to get to level three now, don't go too fast. You can ask questions like this. What's something most people don't know about you? Who's your role model? How do you feel most misunderstood? How can I better understand you? Is there an area of your life that you wish you had more support? What forces shaped your personality? Who made you who you are? Are you closer with your mom or dad? These questions are going to get to someone's internal story and is the key to unlocking true connection.
