Vanessa Van Edwards explains how ambivalence—mixed feelings about someone—drains your social battery more than outright dislike. Notice after time together: do you feel energized or depleted and doubting them? Friendships built on convenience rather than genuine desire leave you feeling like a worse version of yourself.
I think ambivalence is actually the killer of connection. Ambivalence is like, do I really want to go out to dinner with them? You see them on the calendar and you're like, ah, should I cancel? When they cancel on you, you're like, yes! And those are actually the most draining, and it's really hard to get it together for them because we have friendships, relationships out of convenience, out of context. Those don't always serve us. In fact, sometimes they can drain us faster, and they actually make us feel like the worst version of ourselves because we're like, I'm trying so hard. And the test is, if you leave more energized, that's your person. If you leave drained and like, do they really like me? Or was that a neg? Or is she really happy for me? I didn't— got a sense that something was off. That is likely an ambivalent relationship, and it is taking from you.
