Vanessa Van Edwards describes how meeting her husband at 20 shifted her from self-criticism and social awkwardness to self-acceptance. He stayed patient through her avoidant attachment style, pointed out her over-questioning without leaving, and helped her interpret social situations until she could see herself more kindly.
What specific thing happened in your life that you made the conversion from not liking yourself to liking yourself?
Probably meeting my husband. I met my husband at age 20, and I was peak awkward when he met me, and he just never left. In attachment theory, I'm like avoidant dismissive. I learned very young to just avoid and be independent. When I was awkward or I did something wrong, and he would give me all kinds of feedback— my awkwardness comes out as over-questioning, my awkwardness comes out as trying to overcompensate— and he would literally say to me, like, a version of too much. And he didn't leave though. He would give me the feedback and then be like, well, gonna try again next time. Or I would leave a party and be like, I think everyone's angry at me, and he'd be I don't think they're angry, but I think she's angry at you, and here's why. He never left, and then he was like, let's do this forever. I was like, really? I was really shocked when he just wanted to stay with me, and that really surprised me because he saw me through all my early business years, all my socially awkward years. You know, I met him in college. That wasn't a moment
